This is not a threat to self-injure or a threat to suicide, and I will try to keep the neccessery description as mild as possible. Please do not censor me unless you really feel my post would harm others- I sure don't want that to be the case.
Hi. I'm a little different from your garden variety self injurer (if there is one.) I am diagnosed bipolar (sometimes I feel great, sometimes so depressed I can't get out of bed) and have attempted suicide a number of times in the past ten years by various means. I don't cut, but I have been diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder. MY ocd manifests itself in self-injury, however, my form of self-injury is self-asphyxiation or self-hanging. I am currenty being treated with anafranil and depakote as well as effexor for depression. The anafranil was a miracle drug for me, and took away almost all of my desire to self-harm for several years. However, I have been having a very difficult time recently. I saw my counselor today and she encouraged me to reach out to people when my obsessive thoughts become bad. However, few people understand that I often don't want to kill myself, I want hurt myself, and I don't know why. The desires come and go, they have nothing to do with what is going on in my life. One day I will feel fine and have no self harming thoughts, and the next I can't think of anything else. And nothing in my life has changed. I just have an obsession with this type of self-injury, with no interest at all in cutting or burning. I've been doing it (the si) since I was four or five years old. Often, as a child, I was convinced that if I did not do it, something terrible would happen, like my parents would die. (like I said, ocd) For years I practiced this type of self-injury until I was caught in the act by my mother, then I went for treatment. I truly believe God has been watching over me in that I've never died. I have been warned many times by my counselor how vital it is not to give in to the temptation, because I could pass out and die. Medicine helps with the obsessive thoughts somewhat, but like I said, its been really bad lately, though I am determined not to give in. If there is anyone who is out there who might be willing to correspond and give support, I already have a therapist but it would be nice to talk to someone who does not judge me. Thank you.
Greywolf
Hi. I'm a little different from your garden variety self injurer (if there is one.) I am diagnosed bipolar (sometimes I feel great, sometimes so depressed I can't get out of bed) and have attempted suicide a number of times in the past ten years by various means. I don't cut, but I have been diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder. MY ocd manifests itself in self-injury, however, my form of self-injury is self-asphyxiation or self-hanging. I am currenty being treated with anafranil and depakote as well as effexor for depression. The anafranil was a miracle drug for me, and took away almost all of my desire to self-harm for several years. However, I have been having a very difficult time recently. I saw my counselor today and she encouraged me to reach out to people when my obsessive thoughts become bad. However, few people understand that I often don't want to kill myself, I want hurt myself, and I don't know why. The desires come and go, they have nothing to do with what is going on in my life. One day I will feel fine and have no self harming thoughts, and the next I can't think of anything else. And nothing in my life has changed. I just have an obsession with this type of self-injury, with no interest at all in cutting or burning. I've been doing it (the si) since I was four or five years old. Often, as a child, I was convinced that if I did not do it, something terrible would happen, like my parents would die. (like I said, ocd) For years I practiced this type of self-injury until I was caught in the act by my mother, then I went for treatment. I truly believe God has been watching over me in that I've never died. I have been warned many times by my counselor how vital it is not to give in to the temptation, because I could pass out and die. Medicine helps with the obsessive thoughts somewhat, but like I said, its been really bad lately, though I am determined not to give in. If there is anyone who is out there who might be willing to correspond and give support, I already have a therapist but it would be nice to talk to someone who does not judge me. Thank you.
Greywolf
If you ever want to talk feel free to PM me. 
