Conviction or Ocd?

[ThePrincess97]

Hello everyone!

I have a history of ocd /really bad scrupulosity and because of that have felt much condemnation. Especially for pre-conversion sins. Some of them should be "corrected" /require restitution. Because of ocd, I attempted to do that, but for all the wrong reasons (fear mostly). It was horrible...
For the past 2 or 3 years God has taught me to trust him and love him. Ocd has become less and less evident ever since.
Around 2 days ago I felt the urge to correct one of those sins now. But in comparison to the feelings of condemnation, I feel at peace. I was not sure and prayed to God for clarity and to lead me since he did not give us the spirit of fear and confusion, but of a sound mind. All the queasy feelings disappeared and I am all calm now. It's more of a gentle push this time. Without fear and with the intention to bring glory to God, follow his will and because doing so would be to love my neighbor as myself. No fear involved at all. BTW, the sin I am talking about was a lie. So, restitution would be to tell the person involved what I did and tell the truth instead.
I know that feelings and emotions can deceive us and are not always the best guide. But since this is so much different from the condemnation and it would be a biblical thing to do, I am positive it's the gentle conviction of the holy spirit.
But I would like ask for advice since I am still prone to ocd I guess.
What do you think about this? Could this be real conviction or does this sound like ocd to you?
I will pray some more about it too.
I'd really appreciate your input!
God bless and have a great day!

 

[angelsaroundme]

OCD is associated with low serotonin. That means the individual with OCD doesn't have enough of the happiness chemical in their brain. It is common for people to think, "If I feel terrible it must be because I'm a bad person." They then they obsess over past sins, sometimes from several years ago. Doing this may feel productive in the moment. Ultimately though, it causes them to continue feeling bad. Fixating on the past is a form of rumination and it is a compulsion.

Confessing can also be a compulsion. Martin Luther would confess his sins for hours, which were often intrusive thoughts he couldn't control. His fellow priest would be ready to leave. Martin would have another intrusive thought and stop them to begin confessing again. Whether it's rumination or confession, compulsions provide temporary relief that makes your OCD worse long-term. That is because compulsions reinforce the obsession. In order to decrease the obsession, you have to stop doing compulsions.

I think what would help is to focus on being a new person in Christ. Living in the present, not the past, and appreciating the good things in this world that God has made.

 

[ThePrincess97]

OCD is associated with low serotonin. That means the individual with OCD doesn't have enough of the happiness chemical in their brain. It is common for people to think, "If I feel terrible it must be because I'm a bad person." They then they obsess over past sins, sometimes from several years ago. Doing this may feel productive in the moment. Ultimately though, it causes them to continue feeling bad. Fixating on the past is a form of rumination and it is a compulsion.

Confessing can also be a compulsion. Martin Luther would confess his sins for hours, which were often intrusive thoughts he couldn't control. His fellow priest would be ready to leave. Martin would have another intrusive thought and stop them to begin confessing again. Whether it's rumination or confession, compulsions provide temporary relief that makes your OCD worse long-term. That is because compulsions reinforce the obsession. In order to decrease the obsession, you have to stop doing compulsions.

I think what would help is to focus on being a new person in Christ. Living in the present, not the past, and appreciating the good things in this world that God has made.

Thank you so much for your explanation and insight, I really appreciate it!

 

[Mari17]

Hello everyone!

I have a history of ocd /really bad scrupulosity and because of that have felt much condemnation. Especially for pre-conversion sins. Some of them should be "corrected" /require restitution. Because of ocd, I attempted to do that, but for all the wrong reasons (fear mostly). It was horrible...
For the past 2 or 3 years God has taught me to trust him and love him. Ocd has become less and less evident ever since.
Around 2 days ago I felt the urge to correct one of those sins now. But in comparison to the feelings of condemnation, I feel at peace. I was not sure and prayed to God for clarity and to lead me since he did not give us the spirit of fear and confusion, but of a sound mind. All the queasy feelings disappeared and I am all calm now. It's more of a gentle push this time. Without fear and with the intention to bring glory to God, follow his will and because doing so would be to love my neighbor as myself. No fear involved at all. BTW, the sin I am talking about was a lie. So, restitution would be to tell the person involved what I did and tell the truth instead.
I know that feelings and emotions can deceive us and are not always the best guide. But since this is so much different from the condemnation and it would be a biblical thing to do, I am positive it's the gentle conviction of the holy spirit.
But I would like ask for advice since I am still prone to ocd I guess.
What do you think about this? Could this be real conviction or does this sound like ocd to you?
I will pray some more about it too.
I'd really appreciate your input!
God bless and have a great day!

This is a good question! Have you decided on a course of action yet? I know how you feel, since I have struggled with OCD and specifically scrupulosity for years. You are right (and I am also trying to learn this!), feelings are not the best guide and we cannot necessarily assume that a feeling means something from God. It does sound like you sense a positive (not obsessive) conviction to make this lie right, so I think it's worth considering and praying about. One thing I might suggest is thinking about it a bit logically/objectively. Is making this lie right something that would benefit the person that you lied to (or at least not be harmful to them)? Is it something that would be a genuinely good thing to do, or are you only doing it to make YOU feel better? I think I am learning that although we have feelings and should listen to what they're telling us, we do not have to be controlled by them; we have the choice to assess the situation and our feelings using our minds, and to choose our actions based on that assessment. (I hope this makes sense!) May God give you wisdom, and continue to teach you and grow you in your journey through OCD!

 

[ThePrincess97]

This is a good question! Have you decided on a course of action yet? I know how you feel, since I have struggled with OCD and specifically scrupulosity for years. You are right (and I am also trying to learn this!), feelings are not the best guide and we cannot necessarily assume that a feeling means something from God. It does sound like you sense a positive (not obsessive) conviction to make this lie right, so I think it's worth considering and praying about. One thing I might suggest is thinking about it a bit logically/objectively. Is making this lie right something that would benefit the person that you lied to (or at least not be harmful to them)? Is it something that would be a genuinely good thing to do, or are you only doing it to make YOU feel better? I think I am learning that although we have feelings and should listen to what they're telling us, we do not have to be controlled by them; we have the choice to assess the situation and our feelings using our minds, and to choose our actions based on that assessment. (I hope this makes sense!) May God give you wisdom, and continue to teach you and grow you in your journey through OCD!

Thank you so much for your reply it's very thoughtful. I have done anything about it except pray. I asked God for wisdom and although I feel that making the lie right would be a good thing (it would not harm that person as far as I can tell), but I don't feel pressured at all. After praying for a few days about it I think God might have let me experience that so that I may know the difference when the time has come. I didn't really know that conviction can feel gentle. It was a difference like day and night. I had to refrain from making the lie right earlier because, as you said, I would have done it to make myself feel better and not the other person.
I think I am on the right path now but it might not be the right time yet, but I am more alert now and will listen to the gentle conviction and nkt that horrible oppressive feeling. But... I have to admit, I have never felt more calm about it than ever since I have experienced that "gentle conviction." No more fear this time.
Once again, thank you so much for your thoughtful reply!
Have a great day and God bless