Controlling / judgemental Christian freinds...

[Aviela]

I've decided to start this thread so that I may hear from others experiences and how they have managed to deal with this issue.

Firstly, I live a good Christian life, and know that all of us can make judgements at times. Yet there are others who have strong behavior patterns regarding controlling / judgemental behavior and for various reasons, I encounter a lot of people who are like this. I don't think they themselves may even realize the extent to which they behave in this manner. However, I also find that some feel this sort of behavior is justified. When I think of the people I meet who behave in this manner, the ones that most concern me are my friends / people from church. There are many outside of church who behave in this manner but the ones within church seem to bother me the most. I guess in part because I wish a better, healthier, happier church could be achieved in general for all Christians. I wish we could treat each other in healthier emotional way. I err in judgement when I find myself judging this behavior in others and generalizing church goers regarding this issue. I know I see this behavior plenty outside of church but it hurts the most when I encounter it from Christians. I find myself needing to limit my time with many people and from church because of this. However, even though this helps me stay emotionally well in certain areas, it has lead to feeling isolated from church in general. I have a very strong relationship with God; I just wish I had a stronger relationship with the church.

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

This is common to people everywhere around the world.
Struggles internally, thinking on the basis of man's ideas and men's doctrines that we lead a good Christian life, or that that is even possible.
And thinking that others are judgmental and controlling. (which may be true) .
Freedom is in Christ Jesus, as we surrender to Him, believing His Word.
As God Permits.

 

[eleos1954]

I've decided to start this thread so that I may hear from others experiences and how they have managed to deal with this issue.

Firstly, I live a good Christian life, and know that all of us can make judgements at times. Yet there are others who have strong behavior patterns regarding controlling / judgemental behavior and for various reasons, I encounter a lot of people who are like this. I don't think they themselves may even realize the extent to which they behave in this manner. However, I also find that some feel this sort of behavior is justified. When I think of the people I meet who behave in this manner, the ones that most concern me are my friends / people from church. There are many outside of church who behave in this manner but the ones within church seem to bother me the most. I guess in part because I wish a better, healthier, happier church could be achieved in general for all Christians. I wish we could treat each other in healthier emotional way. I err in judgement when I find myself judging this behavior in others and generalizing church goers regarding this issue. I know I see this behavior plenty outside of church but it hurts the most when I encounter it from Christians. I find myself needing to limit my time with many people and from church because of this. However, even though this helps me stay emotionally well in certain areas, it has lead to feeling isolated from church in general. I have a very strong relationship with God; I just wish I had a stronger relationship with the church.

The problem with people is we are all sinners. ;o) The world including the churches are full of sinners. Some seem to forget that is the case. I walk with the Lord and stumble here and there and He knows that. So everybody else ... I ignore their comments and continue in my relationship with the Lord.

If they are really bold, sometimes I'll just ask them ... Are you a sinner? They have to respond yes .... then I'll just say ... well ... all righty then ;o) and then go on to a different topic.

God Bless.

 

[Aviela]

The problem with people is we are all sinners. ;o) The world including the churches are full of sinners. Some seem to forget that is the case. I walk with the Lord and stumble here and there and He knows that. So everybody else ... I ignore their comments and continue in my relationship with the Lord.

If they are really bold, sometimes I'll just ask them ... Are you a sinner? They have to respond yes .... then I'll just say ... well ... all righty then ;o) and then go on to a different topic.

God Bless.

Thank you for sharing how you have dealt with this issue. You've made a very good point. I will also try to reflect the person's behavior back to them. If they ask me an impertinent question, I'll repeat the same question back and it has made some realize just how impertinent their question really was and how it feels. I, find that some people with controlling personalities will, however, use any assertiveness, no matter how gentle it's given, as further ammunition. I have no control over their behavior but I would like to be able to prevent these problems more so I felt more comfortable going to church more or just being around more people in general. thanks

 

[Aviela]

This is common to people everywhere around the world.
Struggles internally, thinking on the basis of man's ideas and men's doctrines that we lead a good Christian life, or that that is even possible.
And thinking that others are judgmental and controlling. (which may be true) .
Freedom is in Christ Jesus, as we surrender to Him, believing His Word.
As God Permits.

In reference to your signature... yes people living with integrity, even among Christians, does seem to be very very rare.

 

[John Bowen]

The judgmental accusatory state of mind is very strong in the world .The key is for people to see the basic humanity in others instead of seeing the divisions . ' All things were made by him and without him was not " anything " made that was made " John 1:3 we all came out of God's being we all are created from the same substance . The only real divisions are in people's minds .'Judge not not least ye judge " Matt :7 " The least you have done unto my brothers and sisters you have done unto me " Jesus gave us the teachings to follow its just that people aren't be taught them enough until they internalize them . If people knew better they could do better .

 

[Aviela]

The judgmental accusatory state of mind is very strong in the world .The key is for people to see the basic humanity in others instead of seeing the divisions . ' All things were made by him and without him was not " anything " made that was made " John 1:3 we all came out of God's being we all are created from the same substance . The only real divisions are in people's minds .'Judge not not least ye judge " Matt :7 " The least you have done unto my brothers and sisters you have done unto me " Jesus gave us the teachings to follow its just that people aren't be taught them enough until they internalize them . If people knew better they could do better .

EXACTLY! ...and many more scriptures. Sadly, in my opinion, church doesn’t seem to focus on deeper understandings / guidance regarding healthier emotions or relationships. I think it’s too easy to basically say believe in God and trust in Him etc., rather than teaching us ‘how’ to live a better life. It reminds me of my work...when working with kids I find the most effective way of helping them is too teach / show them how to tie their shows rather than just saying,”tie your shoes”.

 

[Aviela]

This issue always reminds me of the scripture Ephesians 3:14-21

14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.