continue having sex?

[SpiffyChee]

Hey, I'm 18 and my girlfriend and I are planning on getting married in a year. We are in an extremely extremely strong relationship and have been for the past 2 years. We are both extremely strong evangelical christians.

last december, we had sex (both losing virginities). and we have had sex since then a number of times.

recently I've been trying to seek a closer relationship with God and every single time I sit down to do so. the fact that we are having sex tugs at my heart.

we both obviously like having sex and we are getting married.

I talked to her about it all and she said she doesnt want to do anything I am not comfortable with, but she kinda does want to have sex seldomly because of how close we feel.
I asked her if she could wait till we get married to have sex again and she said she doesnt know if she can wait that long.

So my question is. should we keep having sex? or stop everything?

 

[Blank123]

1 Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. 2 And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma.
3 But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints - eph 5:1-3

fornicate
verbhave sex without being married

i'm not sure anything else needs to be said here. You've got to decide whats more important to you - having sex with your girlfriend or living according to God's word. Its not an easy choice to make and i won't pretend it is but the important choices rarely are. how do you really want to live your life?

 

[xmoongirlx]

A long as you keep having SEX or any other sexual activity, your heart will feel troubled, because you know your going against yur beliefs.Now here's my question, WHY would you keep getting yourself into situations that trouble your heart & hurt your relationship with God, are you really putting GOD in first place when yu give in to sexual desire?

Think about it, and talk with your fiance, she'll understand.

And if she doesn't want t wait, then she's not worth your trouble!

Goo Luck

 

[cloudthief]

God says not to have sex before you get married. If you are questioning whether or not to follow the world or God, then I say you need to spend sometime away from this girl and find yourself and figure out where your convictions lie with YOUR God.

 

[emilina22]

i would say stop beacause 1: your uncomfortable and you feel you need to get closer to god and then 2: sex should be intended for marrige. i think that maybe some time apart to clear both your heads would be useful, to think about things, and intentions, and maybe to make things right with you and god, then you and your girlfriend.

 

[trubeliever89]

no sex bud. But i'd love to talk to you by message or online or something about it. I am also dating someone. We haven't had sex or anything, but I'd love to talk to you about it! msg me if you wanna talk about it!

 

[Weasel7711]

Hey, I'm 18 and my girlfriend and I are planning on getting married in a year. We are in an extremely extremely strong relationship and have been for the past 2 years. We are both extremely strong evangelical christians.

last december, we had sex (both losing virginities). and we have had sex since then a number of times.

recently I've been trying to seek a closer relationship with God and every single time I sit down to do so. the fact that we are having sex tugs at my heart.

we both obviously like having sex and we are getting married.

I talked to her about it all and she said she doesnt want to do anything I am not comfortable with, but she kinda does want to have sex seldomly because of how close we feel.
I asked her if she could wait till we get married to have sex again and she said she doesnt know if she can wait that long.

So my question is. should we keep having sex? or stop everything?

stop everything

 

[DanC922]

If she can't wait to have sex now, she probably can't wait if you're married and something prevents physical intimacy (anything from physical injury to emotional problems to job relocation). People don't magically change their attitudes towards sex when they get married. If you don't have a problem with sex outside of God's will while unmarried, you likely won't have a problem with it while you're married and temptation comes.

 

[christinagart]

It is hard to answer a question like this, considering alot of people that would tell you to stop have not or never will be in your situation. I know I felt the way you do, but when I did I talked to my mom about it and our pastor said in the old testament, some couples actually were called companions, basically a marriage without actually being united through ceremony, and if you are already planning on getting married I really don't know what kind of advice would fit best. I would say go with what your heart tells you. No one can make you do anything, especially your gf, and if she makes you feel uncomfortable, there needs to be somethings talked about, or a compromise. I hope I don't offend anyone by this, Im not saying have at it or anything, but Im not telling you what to do either. You have to do what you feel is best for your lifestyle and your relationship with God.

 

[unkalledfor]

I was in your same situation, and I decided to ignore my heart and God trying to tell me to stop... We were going to get married and all and it was like a fairy tale.. We had been dating for almost 4 yrs and I was planning to propose in a couple of months... Well, long story short she broke up with me and got with some other guy after a week...

I really think that God allowed this to happen, and us to grow apart because of our sexual sins. Also, you're only 18, probably just beginning College. Take my advice and slow down. She needs to understand that, or you will have to take a break from her. If she truly loves you she will understand. Think about it, if she can't understand and compromise with something like this, then how will she deal with bigger problems when you're married.

Just watch yourself man, this looks like a big giant trap to me..

 

[ossoofoo]

Perhaps, the only reason you feel bad is because of the way you were raised to think that sexual acts are bad. Even now in this forum, people are telling you it's bad and to stop and that it is a sin. When, really, it's a natural part of life.
My opinion is, if you feel uncomfortable talk to your partner and tell her what troubles you. If you feel comfortable with your relationship, the only thing that's stopping you is the guilt that people have forced upon you all these years of your life.

 

[DanC922]

Perhaps, the only reason you feel bad is because of the way you were raised to think that sexual acts are bad. Even now in this forum, people are telling you it's bad and to stop and that it is a sin. When, really, it's a natural part of life.
My opinion is, if you feel uncomfortable talk to your partner and tell her what troubles you. If you feel comfortable with your relationship, the only thing that's stopping you is the guilt that people have forced upon you all these years of your life.

Did you notice the forum you're on? It's CHRISTIANforums.com. Sex outside of marriage is a sin whether you like it or not.

 

[unkalledfor]

Perhaps, the only reason you feel bad is because of the way you were raised to think that sexual acts are bad. Even now in this forum, people are telling you it's bad and to stop and that it is a sin. When, really, it's a natural part of life.
My opinion is, if you feel uncomfortable talk to your partner and tell her what troubles you. If you feel comfortable with your relationship, the only thing that's stopping you is the guilt that people have forced upon you all these years of your life.

It's not a sin if you don't use the Bible and your conviction to live your life.. Sure, it's a natural to sin because we are naturally sinners.. but is it right? It all depends on who your authority is... yourself or God.. I personally choose God as my authority because He knows what he's doing... I mean, He created us..

 

[lovesbrightpink]

i am probably the only one thats going to say this but...having sex in my relationship did make us closer and now we have stopped because we want to wait until our wedding in 3 months. But thats 3 months...

we have tried to stop in the past and probably lasted about a month each time. Sucks but really your going to marry the girl, it may be hard for you now to understand but if you have sex now, and your going to marry her, it wont really matter in the end.

I dont see anything wrong with sex in a commited, engaged relationship. but its all up to how you feel, do what your heart tells you.

 

[RaeDev]

Our bodies are made for God. If you dont obey what he puts on your heart to do, maybe you will miss out on something else he has planned while you and your girl are trying to stay celibate. Dont think about it as a bad thing. Best wishes ♥

 

[barefeetonholyground]

What's more important, your relationship with God or the one with your girlfriend? If you say your girlfriend, you need to run away from getting married because your priorities are way out of whack and are going to get worse after you get married. Remember, you only have her in this life, what you do for your Savior now (including the many times you say no to sin) will be rewarded in the next one. No woman is worth your relationship with your Lord.

 

[GreenGiant]

II know I felt the way you do, but when I did I talked to my mom about it and our pastor said in the old testament, some couples actually were called companions, basically a marriage without actually being united through ceremony

Totaly agree with you there, i challenge anyone to find somewhere in the bible that actualy says "no sex BEFORE marriage" plenty of times it says no sex outside marriage (IE with someone who isn't your wife), but what actualy is a marriage anyway? the bible never defines it. When i think of marriage i remember the marriage of Issac and Rebekah in Genesis 24

63 And Isaac went out to meditate in the field in the evening; and he lifted his eyes and looked, and there, the camels were coming. 64 Then Rebekah lifted her eyes, and when she saw Isaac she dismounted from her camel; 65 for she had said to the servant, “Who is this man walking in the field to meet us?”
The servant said, “It is my master.” So she took a veil and covered herself.
66 And the servant told Isaac all the things that he had done. 67 Then Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent; and he took Rebekah and she became his wife, and he loved her. So Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.

I see this as saying that sex IS marriage, so if you have sex with someone thats making a commitment, i think the whole ceremony thing is pretty recent anyway tbh. Although feel free to challenge me because i realise this is controversial.

EDIT: just rememberd something else

1 Corinthians 6 verse 15

15Do you not know
that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the
members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! 16Do you
not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her
in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh."

This for me also says that sex is marriage because when in Genesis the bible talks about Adam and Eve marying it says they become 1 flesh which is what Paul is quoting.

 

[sconzey]

i challenge anyone to find somewhere in the bible that actualy says "no sex BEFORE marriage"

The girl knows her scripture.

From a more secular angle: Sex is an emotionally turbulent and terribly fun act that can bring incredible intimacy to a relationship. If that doesn't sound like what marriage *ought* to be like...

When you start looking at having sex with the gravity that you look at getting married, you'll find some interesting preconceptions about relationships blown away.

 

[charligirl]

i Sucks but really your going to marry the girl, it may be hard for you now to understand but if you have sex now, and your going to marry her, it wont really matter in the end.

I

I know many many people who would totally disagree with you and as you yourself are not yet married you can't really give this advice.

Sex before marriage in a christian engagement can cause many problems a few years down the line in the marriage itself - not initially, it usually takes a few years, but I have heard too many instances where it HAS caused sexual and emotional problems within the marriage.

At the end of the day you are wanting to have your cake and eat it - marriage is about intimacy and it is a great gift - sex is the sealing of the covenant of your marriage vows and every time you come together as a married couple it is akin to holy communion because you are remembering your marriage vows and the night you came together to seal them... it's not for unmarried couples.

 

[Blank123]

Totaly agree with you there, i challenge anyone to find somewhere in the bible that actualy says "no sex BEFORE marriage

WordNet - Cite This Source - Share This fornicate
verbhave sex without being married

Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. 2 And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma.
3 But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; - Eph 5:2-3

Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. 6 Because of these things the wrath of God is coming upon the sons of disobedience, 7 in which you yourselves once walked when you lived in them. - Col 3:5-7

fornication is fornication is fornication unless you've made that marriage covenant and have obeyed the laws of the land concerning marriage (Romans 13, 1 Peter 2:13-17) then any sex would be fornication which is expressly forbidden by God's people in Scripture.