Contentment

[Stanfi]

Here is something that I was just thinking about yesterday. I believe that we need to be 100% complete as single people. We can not expect someone else to be our source for emotional and mental stability in our lives. If we are not happy as single people, do we think we will be happy because of someone? or just make them misearble?

Anyway, the time with this flares up with me is when I want to go out and do something. You know have fun!! My friends are all married and have families, so I usually end up going out by myself, and most of the time it's just not that much fun. Usually I just end up going where I want to go, see what I want to see, and then leave and go home. Never really taking the time to "stop and smell the roses". Anyone else relate to this?

 

[vibrant]

yeah.

well, the having-to-go-by-yourself part. it's not so much of a problem for the actual activity itself, but for the pre-preformance time, when everyone mingles with those they brought. i have no one. i either find someone to talk to, or just go and find my seat.

 

[Garcookie]

Mrstace, you're right, we shouldn't have our self esteem be dependant on the hope of one day boyfriend/girlfriend, marriage....etc etc. Also we shouldn't rely too heavily on friends to make us feel loved, even though friends are important.

 

[KeilCoppes]

Anyway, the time with this flares up with me is when I want to go out and do something. You know have fun!! My friends are all married and have families, so I usually end up going out by myself, and most of the time it's just not that much fun. Usually I just end up going where I want to go, see what I want to see, and then leave and go home. Never really taking the time to "stop and smell the roses". Anyone else relate to this?

I totally understand - I resemble that remark. Often it's a challenge to even get simple human contact on a 1-on-1 basis. Rose time is particularly challenging - as a basically sharing person, it's hard to share things with no-one when they are so much better shared.

-kc

 

[SmackYouTwice]

Meh, I'm pretty stuck to my best friend. LOL! She's got a boyfriend... I had one... but we broke up... what gets me is how alike I am to my best friend's boyfriend. Like my relationship with my bestfriend is very similar to the one she has with her boyfriend. I'm SO confused, lol.

Tara

 

[desi]

There seem to be lots of people around here having trouble meeting people. I have expertise in this area and am willing to help. I live in Omaha, Nebraska. Let me know if you are close and in need of my services. Keep in mind God uses all of us for his will and I am in a field where time isn't cheap. I can help you connect with others. PM me if you want help in this area. I encourage others good in this area to offer their services too.

 

[mina]

It's important to be happy by yourself and God alone, but to be by yourself all the time is discouraging and not what we were made for. We were made relational; to have relationships. And it hurts when you have to be all alone for everything. so I think it's ok to feel this way.

 

[harmmony]

hey

Here is something that I was just thinking about yesterday. I believe that we need to be 100% complete as single people. We can not expect someone else to be our source for emotional and mental stability in our lives. If we are not happy as single people, do we think we will be happy because of someone? or just make them misearble?

I couldn't agree with you more. I think that you have to be a basically contented single person before you can be a contented half of a couple. Usually if you aren't happy witth being yourself, by yourself then you are getting into your realtionship for the wrong reasons (don't want to be alone etc.) and I don't think that a relationship can possibly succeed on those terms.

MrStace, can your married friends not spare an occasional evening to go out with you, maybe you could arrange a boys dinner or something. My friends and I often have a girls dinner where they come out and leave their partners at home. I have to admit though that I am a bit of a loner and tend to do things alone, by choice, I think a movie alone is much better.

I think that you should pray for God to bring you some single Christian friends, or at least one. I will also put in a request to God for you, feeling alone is really difficult, I having been praying for a Christian friend for so long, it is something I really desire. I think we all have a need to just connect with someone else, I feel that need especially in the area of friendship.

 

[wvmtnkid]

I know the feeling as well. Though, most times I am fairly lucky. When my gal pals want a day away from their husbands to have some "girl time", who do they call? Me. I am the single chick with no responsibilities who can go shopping, have lunch, come over and help pick out wallpaper. Now, I am not complaining, because I love my friends, so I don't mind. I also go out to dinner with my friends and their husbands and families too. Sometimes, though, I don't like feeling like the third wheel. It would be nice if I had someone to go with me on these outings. And there are some things I go to, like business dinners and the such, that I would like to have someone with me. I get tired of being alone at those types of functions. "Single girl" seems to translate "fresh meat" at these gatherings. Plus I have a hard time striking up conversations on my own. If someone talks to me, I'm fine. If I have to be the one to start the conversation, it won't happen.

Another place that lonliness seems to hit the hardest is in church. I see families sitting together in church, husbands, wifes, children. I guess I feel left out there, more than anywhere.

 

[KeilCoppes]

It would be nice if I had someone to go with me on these outings. And there are some things I go to, like business dinners and the such, that I would like to have someone with me. I get tired of being alone at those types of functions.

I can much empathize there. I was recently at my company's Christmas outing, and spent the forty-five minutes or so alone at the table, and then was joined by two women wearing men's tuxedos, who went out later to have their picture taken. It would have been nice just to have someone to keep company... preferably not wearing a tuxedo. :^)

-kc


-----
"When someone new and single comes to church, there is a finite delay before family and friends try to set you up...
Similarly to the laws of physics, this is known as the 'setup time'.... "-kc

 

[jenptcfan]

I think we all struggle with this as a normal part of single life. I do agree that we need to be complete in our relationship with God instead of expecting a partner to make us complete.

Most of my friends have gotten married and moved on with their lives...and while I still love them to death, and I know they love me, we just aren't as close as we used to be. It makes me sad sometimes because I miss all the fun we used to have, but it's also made me really grateful that I ever had so many great friends in the first place.

Similarly, I think that the times without a relationship will make me more thankful when God provides me with the man he has set apart for me. I think I'll be less apt to take the little things for granted....like having someone to stop and smell the flowers with!

 

[MSLeader]

i can relate with these things too.. although i've never had a significant other for very long.. it doesn't mean, at times, i don't get lony or want to just get out & meet new people.. my friends have started coupling up & i'm feeling more & more distant from them.. i know that's part of life sometimes, but just hanging out with the same few people(all girls) can make me feel i'm in a rut..