Consuming thoughts of love

[looksgood]

Ok...I don't know where to start here. I hope you will read it all and discuss this. Because I have never considered these things till now. And I would like your thoughts.

Ok first I should say if u never expireianced this before this will be a MUST read thread before you do. It seems I have found out that when you feel so strongly for someone your thoughts become focused on them. This can seem horrible because it CAN get to the point that you think of them more than God. All your thoughts will revolve around them. To me this was a horrifing thing. I mean I am not supposed to be like that am I?

Well...I was talking to a friend who is married. I told him about how my thoughts would be to wraped up in someone. And he told me something I never thought of. This is a quote (I hope you don't mind friend).

I was never taught anything about love like this in church. For years the idea of loving her and loving God seemed like a form of betrayal to Him. I now understand something though. Loving "her" and God can and sometimes will be one in the same. To speak in Christianese, when you are loving others (even if it is "her" [as my friends call their wife-to-be]) you bring honor to Him.
John 13:34
A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. ~Jesus

This consept was totaly knew to me. That we could be so consumed with love for our mates and yet STILL be in love with God at the same time. That it IS NOT betrayal to think of our mate when we "should" be thinking only of God. In reality I think maybe he was right. We show our love to God by loving our mates so much. Love as I have loved...indeed we are to love our wives (or husbands) as God loves us. And do you think He is ever not thinking of us? "Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me." God is always thinking of us. Yet yes He also considers other things. But He stops all things just to hear and be with us.

These things have caused me to study out this matter. To find out how to controle the thoughts of consuming love or if they can and should be controled at all. This thread is for that purpose. I will share my thoughts and the scriptures I have come across thus far. I am still learning in this but I hope you will consider these things with an open mind and not preconsived ideas. Let us search out this matter together.

Most all of this is coming from 1 Corinthians 7
any thing not there I will say where it is from.

28 But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.

The nevertheless part has been the cause of some debate. What is this "trouble in the flesh"? Many consider this to be a sexual trouble for some reason I do not know. But lets face it, sex was made for married people. And the only way it would be trouble is if the 2 remained unmarried. So we should know this trouble is not that.

32 But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:

I am wondering here...why say WITHOUT carefullness? He didn't say be carefull...he said be without care.

33 But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.
34 There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.

Is it possable that this may be the trouble? That the trouble is we are focused on each other and not rather ONLY on God? The mind is a part of the body. And it becomes focused on pleaseing the mate. Is this evil? I do not believe it is.

35 And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.

Paul speaks so highly about being single. And THIS is his reason. WITHOUT distraction to serve God. To be with someone WILL distract you. I believe your thoughts WILL be on them A LOT. It may even be "too much". But I do not believe you can love someone too much. Not when God comands we love one another as deeply as He loves us.

So we have before us 2 options:

38 So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better.

Do we seek to ONLY think of God and please Him with no distractions? Or do we seek to please our mate even if it means being distracted from God? It would seem God is not condenming those who are so in love that they think of each other so much that at times they are distracted from Him. But on the contrary He says they do well to be married.

Even to a point...He said

5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

Here is another one that seems to only refer to sexual activity. And rightly so that it should be thought of in such a way because it fits into context. But what of the heart? What if a wife gave her body to her husband, but wasn't thinking of him at all. Not saying she is thinking of someone else but I mean if she gave him her body and the rest of the time didnt think of him or care about him...wouldn't that be defrauding him? She is witholding her love and her thoughts of him. She becomes distant and cold.

I see this verse as more than sexual defrauding. It is also (I believe) a defrauding of the heart. Except fasting and prayer...it seems to me that it is talking about separation to think only of God. Even then it is only with consent that the mate should be separated. But they are to come together again.

I don't know much...but here is my final thought.
7 For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.
8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I.
9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

Do you have a gift for being single? Do you not really want to love someone in such a strong way? I got news for you lol, God has chosen to give people gifts. You may have a gift to be single and consencrated for God. But do you have a longing to love someone? You may have the gift of love for another. God gives us our proper gifts. It is good to have the gift of singleness to serve God with no distraction. But to those who have a desire to love...it is good to find a wife or husband.

And I do not think at the moment that consuming thoughts...to the point even of distraction from God...is nesecarily a bad thing. I am still learning on this and studying it. But would like your thoughts on it?

 

[mina]

I think it's ok to love others, especially a special someone, and think about them a lot. Just as long as you aren't making an idol of them or worshiping them. If you love someone it's normal that you think about them.

 

[looksgood]

I think it's ok to love others, especially a special someone, and think about them a lot. Just as long as you aren't making an idol of them or worshiping them. If you love someone it's normal that you think about them.

Indeed...the problem is...what makes them into an idol? What I mean is that this strong of a thing can sweep you up in it. And you can come to depend on the person. I dont think it is wrong to depend or want to depend on a mate. But when do they become an idol?

 

[mina]

I think we make people idols when we allow them to control our happiness. We make people idols when we depend on them and the situation and that only to fulfil our happiness. Because another person won't fulfil you, that only comes from God. We make people idols when we become so focused on that other person that we shut out all others, and can't see past that relationship to help others, be there for others, be a friend to others. does that make sense?

or we become so wrapped up and "obsessed" with that person that you forget about or don't make time for God and honoring Him. The right person will want to further your relationship with the Lord, not hinder it.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

This is an interesting post and an issue that I have kind of been dealing with. I like a man who lives on the other side of the country. He's only an acquaintence but there are so many qualities about him that I like that sometimes I think about him and long for him to have romantic feelings for me (not to be confused with lust, mind you). I have been frustrated because sometimes I feel like I'm not being straight up with God by thinking of this guy when I should probably be thinking of God. This guy has said such nice things and we have so many things in common that it's almost spooky. When I've had 'crushes' on other guys I've gone through similar thought processes. I think about the guy a lot for awhile then the feelings kind of fizzle out and boom! I'm totally back on the God wagon again. It sometimes makes me think that having feelings for someone is a taboo thing for me. On one hand I love being single because of the freedom and not worrying about 'answering to someone' or not worrying about someone getting mad because I work late or because the house may be a mess, or (insert issue here). On the other hand, whenever I have these silly crushes on someone, it makes me long to not be single and that sometimes makes me think that there is a possibility that someday I won't be. I feel that these thoughts lead me into dangerous territory (i.e., letdown). I sometimes wonder why God lets us get these feelings for someone, especially when it's obvious nothing will ever become of the situation. (although I still have hope for the current one at the moment. lol!) Is He giving us a glimpse of what true love will feel like if or when we find it? Is it a test of our wills? Is it Satan messing with our heads?

I'm not sure if I've made any sense here or not but I thought I'd try to give some perspective on your questions.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

to the OP, that was very well written. Thank you. I think I'm at the same spot of trying to understand that concept as well though you have surely done much more indepth study scripturally relating to such.

and to HoosierCanuck

I sometimes wonder why God lets us get these feelings for someone, especially when it's obvious nothing will ever become of the situation. (although I still have hope for the current one at the moment. lol!) Is He giving us a glimpse of what true love will feel like if or when we find it? Is it a test of our wills? Is it Satan messing with our heads?

heheh. ... I have wondered the same thing time and time again. When you figure out the answer let me know right away ok?

 

[jesus_is_my_life]

This is an awesome topic looksgood I'm going through something very similar! I now KNOW for a fact that the Lord has given me the gift of loving someone else...that's so cute how you put it I mean, I tried to give up the idea that it would ever happen, but I'm for sure that this is His will for me. It's a STRONG desire in my heart....and I was wondering the same thing! Because I do find myself thinking about him a lot and praying for him a lot. But this I now realize is the will of God for me!

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. ~Jesus

I totally agree that this ties into this whole subject...we should love each other and when you love someone you're gonna think about them and how to please them

For me, an idol would be anything or anyone that takes the place of God in your life...anything you are putting before him. It could t.v., food, music, a person, etc...ya know? So, if you are giving God first place and including Him in everything you do than there should be no reason that we should feel guilty or condemned for thinking of someone else in that way...of course we have to be careful that it's real LOVE and not real LUST. But that's how I see it! Nicely said looksgood...I agree with ya totally!

The Bible says in Philippians 2:4 "And look not every man on his own things, but also on things of others." This takes us away from our self-centerdness...which I believe is another reason God calls us into marriage Some need it more than others, like me, lol!!!

 

[Lia]

For me, an idol would be anything or anyone that takes the place of God in your life...anything you are putting before him. It could t.v., food, music, a person, etc...ya know?

I concur! I have struggled this myself. Not only a person can take my focus away from God, but also prioritizing different things above God...like money, fame, family, time, and even loving yourself too much..would be considered a form of idolatry as well. And it is very dangerous, IMO.

Our God is a jealous God. He demands our undivided attention as He is giving us an undivided attention. He can't take his mind off us and love us to the point of death. Here's another reference from Psalm 8:3-4 - When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?

I think thinking and loving someone/a spouse in a strong way is not wrong, but we suppose to put God first in our thoughts. Jesus said this in Luke 14:26 - "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters--yes, even his own life--he cannot be my disciple."
So much we ought to love Him above everything that it would even feel like we hate and abandon our love for spouse and family. Very serious issue, if you ask me!

 

[songz777]

Hello, yep ive been there and got the tee shirt, someone started to email me whom i liked and i got addicted almost and took my focus off God. Since then ive promised the Lord that when He brings us together (my future spouse) that I will not let thoughts of her overcome thoughts of my Jesus, because Ive learnt that no one can make me happier than He can. Bless u john

 

[looksgood]

I'm not sure if I've made any sense here or not but I thought I'd try to give some perspective on your questions.

You made perfect sence. Like I said I am just now learning these things.

Ok, here is the BIG issue. I hear people talking about making another person an idol. I agree that is NOT good. So I wanted to let you know that before anyone jumps on my back here and beats me with a fish lol.

But ya know...thats one of the things I am confused on. It is said an idol is anything that distracts you from God. Ok if that is true we need to take ALL of life and burn it down. I mean come on lol. Lets be TOTALY honest and take off the "perfect christian" masks and admit some things.

I am not totaly sure God expects us to NOT be distracted by our love for someone. The reason I say that I posted on in those scriptures. That was the whole meaning of wanting us single. Because then there is no distraction. BUT is it Gods will for all to be single so we can serve Him with no distraction? No it is not.

I think maybe makeing someone an idol would be when we REJECT God to serve them. In other words if we had a mate and we KNOWINGLY AND WILLINGLY left God because THEY didn't want us to be with Him. What what is it when you love the person as your own soul? I mean does that make them an idol? Does it make someone an idol when we think of them so much? Yes I believe it will distract us, even in church I have seen it. Look around at times and you will see couples with their arms around each other looking at each other.

I am thinking of it in this way at the moment. If I am wrong I will certainly change my view. But think of this:
You are the son of your father and you love him very much. One day you meet a wonderfull girl and you fall in love. You love her with your own life and would be willing to give it for her. You spend all your time with her.

Does that make your dad angry with you because you are spending more time with her than him? Or does it make him proud that you love her so much and treat her so well? He knows you still love him. Even though now when you talk to him it is normaly about her lol. But he is still father and always will be.

I think it is like that with God. Yes we spend MUCH time with her and it may SEEM like we are not making Him happy cause we seek to please her rather than God (Don't bash me...this is EXACTLY what scripture said would happen anyway). But is it really making her an idol over God? Does it mean He is not our father anymore because we love her so much? Or did He say in scripture that we WOULD be like this and that it is the way it should be?

It doesn't mean He is not our God. I don't believe it means He is not first in our lives either. Because you must follow His word. God has given instruction on even relationships. The reason we love is because of the command. We follow God in it.

This is just what I am thinking right now. Still learning so go easy on me.

Oh and I say our wife and not husband cause I am a guy lol. It works both ways though ladies.

 

[JPPT1974]

Love is never having to say that you are sorry!! - Love Story Ali McGraw

 

[mina]

Well it's ok to spend time with someone you love, but not if it's hindering your relationship with God. The right person will want to encourage you to be closer to God together, and will not drive you from Him. It's not abandoning time with God to be with that person, it's sharing in time with God with that person. does that make sense?