• Starting today August 7th, 2024, in order to post in the Married Couples, Courting Couples, or Singles forums, you will not be allowed to post if you have your Marital status designated as private. Announcements will be made in the respective forums as well but please note that if yours is currently listed as Private, you will need to submit a ticket in the Support Area to have yours changed.

  • CF has always been a site that welcomes people from different backgrounds and beliefs to participate in discussion and even debate. That is the nature of its ministry. In view of recent events emotions are running very high. We need to remind people of some basic principles in debating on this site. We need to be civil when we express differences in opinion. No personal attacks. Avoid you, your statements. Don't characterize an entire political party with comparisons to Fascism or Communism or other extreme movements that committed atrocities. CF is not the place for broad brush or blanket statements about groups and political parties. Put the broad brushes and blankets away when you come to CF, better yet, put them in the incinerator. Debate had no place for them. We need to remember that people that commit acts of violence represent themselves or a small extreme faction.
  • We hope the site problems here are now solved, however, if you still have any issues, please start a ticket in Contact Us

Constructive Criticism thread

kevlite2020

rawr means I love you in dinosaur!
Sep 11, 2008
10,782
2,265
41
Florida
Visit site
✟43,200.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
So a lot of times we have threads on here talking about why we think we are single, or what is going on in our own lives that may be holding us back. And it's great to self-evaluate. But it also helps to get outside perspectives some times. So let's talk about why other people are single, so we can get some perspective outside ourselves.

Now I know this is a dangerous thread to make, so please follow these guidelines:

Don't give constructive criticism to anybody who does not ask for it.

Don't criticize just to criticize. Constructive criticism is focused on improving, bettering, building up, not tearing down or making someone feel lesser about themselves.

Feel free to ask questions of the person. Also remember that this is the internet, we are not going to be completely aware of the person or situation, so when we give advice and feedback, we are doing so with whatever knowledge we have of the person. So don't take offense if somebody assumes something incorrectly or misreads something because of a lack of personal knowledge of you.

And just remember, the point of this thread is to get some fresh perspective on why you are single or what you could do to improve yourself and build on the kind of person you already are. Don't abuse this thread to be rude to somebody, always keep the goal as helping people to grow and improve.

That being said, you guys are more than welcome to take a shot at me.
 
  • Like
Reactions: BRISH

BRISH

Loved
Jun 16, 2009
4,080
964
✟30,775.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Private
I love the idea, Kevin. It should go well if rules are applied. This will be an opportunity to say what you need or want to say about some something/someone either on here or furthering it in PM if need be. As well as have something brought to light that one might not be aware of, and then hopefully resolved.


Having said that. Put me on the list. I'm game.
 
Upvote 0

kevlite2020

rawr means I love you in dinosaur!
Sep 11, 2008
10,782
2,265
41
Florida
Visit site
✟43,200.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
I love the idea, Kevin. It should go well if rules are applied. This will be an opportunity to say what you need or want to say about some something/someone either on here or furthering it in PM if need be. As well as have something brought to light that one might not be aware of, and then hopefully resolved.


Having said that. Put me on the list. I'm game.

I've always had trouble pegging you. The thing I like about you most is that you seem to have a very goofy, childishly innocent, fun side. And you also have a mature, spiritually disciplined side. I think you balance that well and that's what makes you really unique and special.

If there was something that I worry about with you, is that maybe you aren't assertive enough about your own wants and needs. You really go out of your way for people. You put yourself out to make sure those around you are happy and that their needs are being met. Don't be afraid to worry about your own needs and your own happiness as well. Maybe you could use to be more vocal about what you want, and more assertive in trying to accomplish the things you desire.
 
Upvote 0

Oddish

May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD.
Jun 20, 2009
9,152
1,692
✟46,510.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
This thread makes out that being single is the worst thing ever and that those who are single are doing something wrong....

Sometimes it is the case that God does not plan for that person to be in a relationship yet, or may be the case that someone wants to focus on other priorities.

I don't think that this thread will go down well even though I know it is well intentioned. Good luck with it.

I know what constructive criticism someone would give me to be honest.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Niels
Upvote 0

KingCrimson250

IS A HOMEBOY
Apr 10, 2009
1,799
210
✟33,395.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Private
This thread makes out that being single is the worst thing ever and that those who are single are doing something wrong....

Sometimes it is the case that God does not plan for that person to be in a relationship yet, or may be the case that someone wants to focus on other priorities.

I don't think that this thread will go down well even though I know it is well intentioned. Good luck with it.

I know what constructive criticism someone would give me to be honest.

I didn't get the impression that it was necessarily about being single. That's certainly not why I joined it. It might end up with that focus, but I see it more as an opportunity for general constructive criticism. Which is super important.
 
Upvote 0

Amber.ly

Predictably eccentric and honestly hypocritical
Mar 1, 2010
6,591
1,799
Gone- PM if you need me
✟37,486.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
I support the ideal behind this thread :thumbsup:

But I will neither give criticism nor do I particularly want some.

The first because I can be too blunt and really don't know any of you enough to call you out on issues you may have.

The second because none of you know me well enough to analyze me effectively.

But I just want to say that I think y'all are very brave and I think this could be an awesome practice.
 
Upvote 0

Apollo Celestio

Deal with it.
Jul 11, 2007
20,734
1,429
38
Ohio
✟51,579.00
Gender
Male
Faith
Christian Seeker
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Green
I like this....do it to me. But don't do the obvious things (aka what's underlying is more important than what is there).

You're going to have to settle one day or make it big time.

I know why I am single, and I'm not sure there is anything I can do about that.. but if you have helping words, I will not turn them away.
 
Upvote 0

BRISH

Loved
Jun 16, 2009
4,080
964
✟30,775.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Private
Yes, it's very scary. I'm embracing it, but it doesn't mean I wasn't sick at my stomach when I jumped in. I feel though that this could be really beneficial for at least myself, and hopefully maybe even more than just myself.

For CF in general, I've felt that there are things or issues that people have against me. It's not gone unnoticed. I do wish though that things would simply be brought up to me. All I put out there is: have you yourself actually spent time with me to get to know me? Um....... So, I see this thread as a bit of answered prayer. I was too chicken to do it myself awhile back. I'm kind of tired of trying to guess or stay away. The most important thing is that .....I take it all as if I've done something wrong and I want to correct what I need to correct if am capable of correcting "it".....if there's to something to correct. I don't know. If I have done something to deserve certain treatment, then please tell me. Help me in the area you feel I'm failing in, not any other route. This a great opportunity. That's why I'm "here" in this thread because I really don't know where/who to go with it. Thank you.

I won't be offering anything either because I'm too leary of how I come across and this is a sesitive thread. If you want my opinion, I don't mind pitching in so let me know. Otherwise, I don't plan to. I think there are others here more gifted for that.





I've always had trouble pegging you. The thing I like about you most is that you seem to have a very goofy, childishly innocent, fun side. And you also have a mature, spiritually disciplined side. I think you balance that well and that's what makes you really unique and special.

If there was something that I worry about with you, is that maybe you aren't assertive enough about your own wants and needs. You really go out of your way for people. You put yourself out to make sure those around you are happy and that their needs are being met. Don't be afraid to worry about your own needs and your own happiness as well. Maybe you could use to be more vocal about what you want, and more assertive in trying to accomplish the things you desire.


I agree, and I figured this out a a few years ago. But you bringing this up had something come to mind. I think the issue that has come up with this problem is secondary and is due to having coped with it in the wrong way. Instead of changing up my actions, I've changed up the my blaming game. Before, I tortured myself taking everything on me. When I realized I didn't have to do that, it angered me. I started then (looking back and still even now) I haven't changed being unassertive, but I now blame others for not "reading my mind". It's this huge chip on my shoulder. I don't think I'm wrong in what I feel, but I can't expect others to know or understand if I don't open up.

Um.....I'm not a self imposed martyr. I do hold back though in fear of another person's reaction. It builds up and then I explode emotionally. It's "they should've known" in my mind sometimes. I have really high expectations of people because I expect a lot from myself. When in reality, I should've just said something in the beginning even if it does disconnect you from someone.

So, my problem is how to apply what you suggest. I don't know when to assert. I don't know really how. My entire life has been about "just take it and shut up and do it gratefully" and that is normal for me. I actually take pride in that. ~tears~. I don't know how to find a happy medium between self laid rug and hateful.


Thanks Kevin
 
Upvote 0

Niels

Woodshedding
Mar 6, 2005
17,472
4,800
North America
✟452,168.00
Country
United States
Gender
Male
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Private
Politics
US-Others
I don't know any of you well enough to do this, and even if I had an idea it wouldn't be my place to say. In my experience, people find love regardless of whether they seem ready for it or not. Compatibility is more important than following a script just so. It's quite possible to do everything "right" and remain single. It's also possible to make a mess of one's life and still find love. If you're single, chances are you simply haven't found a good enough match for you.
 
Upvote 0

Im_A

Legend
May 10, 2004
20,113
1,495
✟50,369.00
Faith
Humanist
Marital Status
In Relationship
I don't know any of you well enough to do this, and even if I had an idea it wouldn't be my place to say. In my experience, people find love regardless of whether they seem ready for it or not. Compatibility is more important than following a script just so. It's quite possible to do everything "right" and remain single. It's also possible to make a mess of one's life and still find love. If you're single, chances are you simply haven't found a good enough match for you.

:thumbsup:
[/thread]
 
Upvote 0