Constructive Criticism thread

[Thunder Peel]

I honestly shudder to think of some things people might have to say to/about me, but I'm curious.

It's been a while since I've talked to you but I've noticed a couple of things that I think may be holding you back. Granted, they're nothing terrible but rather more like subconscious decisions that you might not realize you've made. Does that make sense?

1.) You seem awfully hard on yourself, both in terms of your looks and personality. I've never seen anything wrong with either and I'm willing to bet that most others here feel the same way. You're a lovely woman inside and out so there shouldn't even be a doubt in your mind as to whether you're good enough.

2.) You seem to have an unhealthy view of men. Granted, we've brought it on ourselves and we can be jerks. I won't lie about that. However, not every guy is only after sex or good looks or money. There are men out there who want a balanced and honest relationship. Yes, they're hard to find sometimes but we DO exist and you have to open your mind, as well as your heart, to that concept and believe it.

Basically, just remember: you're amazing and decent guys still exist.

 

[GeoffryMcDonald]

I just saw this and figured I would click. This is my first of, what I hope to be many, days on this forum and it warms my heart to see the genuine concern and caring that you guys all seem to have for each other. It's good to see that, for it has become a rarity, even in the church. I hope to get to know you guys and gals better in the future. You seem like a really awesome bunch.
P.S. If anyone wants to get to know me, feel free to shoot me a pm. In fact, I would like that very much.

Anyways. Sorry for hijacking this thread, just had to say something about it.

 

[Qyöt27]

Okay everybody, shoot. I'm not afraid.

Most of what I could point out about anybody else has kind of already been said.

 

[Gym]

The only person so far to post I feel like I know well enough to comment on is Leo.. so here I go

Sometimes .. you're too blunt. Bluntness is great in the fact it's honesty, but it can be devastating to emotions of others when used incorrectly.
-I think sometimes you're worried about finding someone and that maybe your standards need to be changed ro somehting to that effect. Don't settle-that's all I have to say.
And finally, quit being so hard on your self image wise.

If anyone feels they know me well enough to make constructive criticisms, consider this me saying go ahead.
I'd also like to say it seems so far all the psots I've read have been positive in nature, keep it up guys!(admittingly I didn't read the whole thread yet)

 

[Ceta_cea]

The title of this thread kind of jumped righ into my sight, so here I am. I am pretty new to this forum so its highly likely that I didn't post enough to show my personality. But I am actually very open to constructive critism online and offline.

S if you have something you want to tell me, just go for it.

On the other hand I honestly want to tell you, that I don't know anyone here good enough to say something about you. I might do it with time, if I come across something.

Be blessed

Ceta (Ramona)

 

[Marycita]

As long as those who don't hate me do this (or maybe those are the best ones to give you constructive criticism? )..I'm game....though I wouldn't complain if ya pm-ed it to me instead



mostly I just have a sick curiosity as to what some of you would say especially (Austin and byHisWay - though you give me bits here and there )

 

[Stravinsk]

.

 

[Tink]

Thank you, Austin and White Dove. You've both given me things to think about.

 

[Tink]

Also, Strav, I would be interested to hear what you have to say if you can PM it to me.

 

[BRISH]

As long as those who don't hate me do this (or maybe those are the best ones to give you constructive criticism? )..I'm game....though I wouldn't complain if ya pm-ed it to me instead



mostly I just have a sick curiosity as to what some of you would say especially (Austin and byHisWay - though you give me bits here and there )

Girl, I'm every day blunt-honest. I couldn't tell you anything I haven't already told you. To be honest, you're one of the purest souls I know. If I've only given you bits here and there it's because that's all I see. The conviction you experience within seconds is amazing. You might stumble but instantly you're corrected without anyone's help. It rarely gets past a thought. People look at conviction and feel guilty. The only reason we're able to feel it is when you keep yourself under God's authority with obedience and have a true love for Him. So, in no way is being guided with conviction a bad thing. There's just not much to say to you on this aspect.

 

[Thunder Peel]

As long as those who don't hate me do this (or maybe those are the best ones to give you constructive criticism? )..I'm game....though I wouldn't complain if ya pm-ed it to me instead



mostly I just have a sick curiosity as to what some of you would say especially (Austin and byHisWay - though you give me bits here and there )

People hate you? I HIGHLY doubt that.

In that case I will send a PM your way (although I don't really have much to say so there's probably nothing too exciting about it).

Anybody else want to lay it on me? To quote Lupin III: "Doesn't anyone want to wipe this smile off my face?"

 

[Thunder Peel]

Having said that. Put me on the list. I'm game.

You know what I think makes you so amazing? Your wisdom. Not only is it wisdom gained from scripture but also from life experience. You're not afraid to relate something that occurred in your life to what someone else is going through and offer it as encouragement and sound advice. That honesty and willingness to put yourself out there is AMAZING, even though you may not be able to see it. Believe me when I say that there are certain messages and PMs that you have sent me that I've saved simply because what was in them was so precious and deep that I didn't dare lose them.

I only wish you would share those things more often. It's great that you prefer to talk to people one-on-one but there are moments when your words would benefit everyone here as well. I'm not suggesting that you pour out any and everything about your life all the time but you have some wonderful testimonies that are too incredible and life-changing to be left behind closed doors.

You have so much to offer and it's worth remembering that more people could benefit from it. I certainly know I have.

 

[kevlite2020]

I wouldn't call it "taking a shot" because that implies I would be saying something negative or hurtful, neither of which I would do.

What's so awesome about you Kevin is the true and natural joy you take in the Lord and in serving Him. You have an energy and a passion that rubs off on people and gets them excited. You're a motivator, although I feel like maybe the problem is that don't realize it. I'm not sure you realize just how big of an impact you have on people and the ability you have to be a source of encouragement and help to those around you.

You're a solid guy Kev and watching God continually working in you is super exciting. I hope you'll continue to share that with the rest of us.

Thanks so much for replying Austin, and sorry it's taken me so long to get back to this... You are right, if I'm motivating people, I don't really realize it. I guess that's pretty much what I want, to have an impact on people, encourage them, motivate them. But when I think of what I do for people, it all just seems so small. I wish there was more I could do for people but I can't get my head out of my own butt to focus on other people more.

 

[kevlite2020]

I like this....do it to me. But don't do the obvious things (aka what's underlying is more important than what is there).

Sean, I say this at risk of not knowing you all that well... So if I'm off, I'm sorry. But I want to at least give it a shot.

I have a feeling that you take things in life a little too seriously sometimes. You seem like an outgoing, fun guy. I am betting that in your day to day life, you don't have a problem meeting people, and that you wouldn't have any problem with talking to a woman or even asking one out. But I feel like you are sitting there waiting for the prototype girl of your dreams.

If that's true, it seems like just too serious of a view. You don't have to settle, per se, but would it hurt to date or at least get to know more women, even if they don't seem completely your type at first? It might be worth it to broaden your horizon, because you might be surprised be people. A girl that seems okay but not great may turn out to be amazing for you.

 

[kevlite2020]

Can this be done without going for the jugular?

I'm game. Bring it.

Strav... as much as we have argued in the past on here, I really have the feeling that you and I are a lot alike. Whenever you post (except when you talk about diet ) there are always elements I feel that are somewhat true to me too. Even if I don't always agree with your logic, or your conclusion, a lot of times I feel and understand the emotion behind those posts.

So I guess all I really want to say to you is, don't do something you don't want to do. You're a smart guy and you know what you want. I just want to encourage you not to settle for less than what you want. I have a feeling you would be mad at yourself if you did. And I don't mean that just with women, I mean that in life. You are capable of a lot, so don't short change yourself!

 

[kevlite2020]

You're going to have to settle one day or make it big time.

I know why I am single, and I'm not sure there is anything I can do about that.. but if you have helping words, I will not turn them away.

I just have one thing I thought about when thinking about you. I know you are very in tune to intelligence and psychological type reasoning. Those things are important, they are interesting and they certainly have some share of the truth of how people are and what people want.

I just want to remind you, which I don't know if you even need this reminder, but emotional instincts are important too. We are at heart emotion driven creatures, and no matter how great your understanding is on people from those previously mentioned traits, some people will react certain ways in certain situations due completely to their emotions. So when you look at all the other stuff, don't forget to give a thought to that too. Not every reaction will have any type of logic behind it... Sometimes people just react on their feelings, and not how they would like to react by their reason.

 

[kevlite2020]

So, my problem is how to apply what you suggest. I don't know when to assert. I don't know really how. My entire life has been about "just take it and shut up and do it gratefully" and that is normal for me. I actually take pride in that. ~tears~. I don't know how to find a happy medium between self laid rug and hateful.


Thanks Kevin

That's a problem that never has an easy answer. It's easy to tell someone what to do, but tell them how and when to do it and you're in a whole different ballpark. I will just say this.

I know that you are a bright young lady, and I know that you have a deeper-than-most understanding of you and the people around you. I don't think it's the fact that you don't know how to find that happy medium. I think it's more about consciously thinking about it. When you are in a situation where you could either be a rug to somebody, or you could start being all hateful, those are the moments where you have to consciously stop yourself and think.

If you can give yourself a little time in those situations, I have a feeling you can pick out right from wrong and figure out how to apply the right attitude to the situation. It's not necessarily knowing what to do and what to say, it's just about stopping yourself quick enough and long enough for you to allow your logic to guide you and not just your initial reaction.

 

[kevlite2020]

I'm in.

Preemptive admission: I like to argue and I tend not to be aware of other people's feelings in doing so. I'm sure that's part of the reason.

I'm going to tell you this, fully aware that you've heard it plenty on here... but I'm hoping that if it stays on repeat, it'll sink in one day. YOU ARE A LOT BETTER THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE.

If you were a self-confident man, I would match you up with just about any girl and be confident that you would work it out. You have such a uniqueness about you with your world views. You have a solid sense of humor. You are easy to talk to and a good, engaged listener (well in this case reader but I assume you are like that in your real life too).

And yes, you are not the most handsome man in the world. But is that what you want? You have such emotional depth, but you seem to get stuck on this one physical aspect. Well it's true, you aren't a perfect looking male model. And you should stop expecting to be. If you keep looking at women like they look at you like a piece of meat and they just walk away if they think you aren't tasty enough, you'll never develop that self-confidence that you should rightfully have.

You don't have to be a picture of perfection. What you have to be is comfortable in your own skin. If you stop analyzing women for how they look at you (which you seem to always come to a false conclusion that they find you repulsive immediately), and start just talking to women and enjoying yourself and being yourself, I think you will find that women will really open up to a guy like you, and not just in a platonic way. You just have to find a way to be comfortable enough with letting them get to know you for who you are.

 

[kevlite2020]

I thought about doing a thread like this, so I'm glad Kev did it.

I honestly shudder to think of some things people might have to say to/about me, but I'm curious.

Sarah, I've always thought you are extremely beautiful. And you have a great personality to go with it. You are strong, bold, funny... You have a lot of great qualities.

The hard part about dating... I mean the really hard part... is that it doesn't work unless you put yourself in a position to be vulnerable... to be hurt. And obviously you have to hope that the guy you are with will treat you well and not hurt you, but you still have to be willing to open up in that way.

It's scary, believe me I've been through it enough to know how badly it can hurt. And I know that it's hard to trust guys and trust their intentions. That's fair, Sarah. But there are plenty of people out there that put on a tough exterior and date from an arm's distance to avoid being hurt, and I don't want to see you end up like that. Because those people never really get hurt, but they never really experience love either. Maybe a little bit of companionship, but that's as far as it gets.

You deserve much much better than that. I truly hope you can find a guy worth giving your trust and your heart to.

 

[Stravinsk]

Strav... as much as we have argued in the past on here, I really have the feeling that you and I are a lot alike. Whenever you post (except when you talk about diet ) there are always elements I feel that are somewhat true to me too. Even if I don't always agree with your logic, or your conclusion, a lot of times I feel and understand the emotion behind those posts.

Gee, Kevin, I don't remember much of the arguing. It seems ages ago. Something about holidays or something. Oh well, thank you for your thoughts. I do remember when you were a mod I had a greater respect for you because you would and could articulate better than some others the heart of whatever issue was being addressed.

So I guess all I really want to say to you is, don't do something you don't want to do. You're a smart guy and you know what you want. I just want to encourage you not to settle for less than what you want. I have a feeling you would be mad at yourself if you did. And I don't mean that just with women, I mean that in life. You are capable of a lot, so don't short change yourself!

That's good general advice alot of people could use. Yep, I do short change myself sometimes - in life I mean - and it's something I try to recognize and nip in the bud when I see it. I think one of the tricks is to keep your vision clear and in front of you and learn from (but do not dwell on ) past mistakes. Anyways - thanks for your thoughts.