Constant struggle

[Bruyas]

how often does everyone struggle with hopeless, depression ane suicidal feelings coming back. Everyday its an ordeal for me but for everyone in this forum, does it come back on a daily basis or does it come monthly basis or is it for ever gone from your life?

 

[Hieronymus]

Hang in there buddy !

I know the feeling...
I'm on medication though, and it works.
When i'm depressed now it is for a reason.

 

[Press On]

how often does everyone struggle with hopeless, depression ane suicidal feelings coming back. Everyday its an ordeal for me but for everyone in this forum, does it come back on a daily basis or does it come monthly basis or is it for ever gone from your life?

Different for everyone. We all get the blues from time to time; it's normal. But medical guidelines state that if it lasts more that 2 weeks to seek medical intervention.

For some it's a rough patch in their lives caused by a traumatic event. It may come in and out of their lives for a number of weeks, months or even years.

Some outgrow it; most do not. I have learned over the years to see it coming and recognize it for what it is.

For many it is a chemical imbalance in the brain....a medical condition. There are often psychological elements that need to be addressed by a medical professional as well.

Post partum depression is sometimes experienced by women after childbirth.

Read Scripture and pray often but I know this can be very difficult to want to do. God understands, but it only hurts us if we resist His comfort and guidance.

For me there is no schedule. I can be fine for days with no depression or I am able to use the weapons of spiritual warfare to successfully fight off attacks.

Often just a single small negative event or a series of them in a row can trigger depression.

I endured a debilitating attack of depression yesterday. Feel much better today.

 

[Winter]

It varies. Circumstances are my triggers and they dictate the frequency. Right now I can tell you its daily.

 

[Tempura]

Used to be daily. Pestering, oppressive and suffocating feelings. Now it's very rare. I might have some struggles, but it's nowhere near torment anymore. I think what I have now is pretty normal, some melancholia here and there but that's it.

 

[orangeness365]

I've been thinking about suicide everyday now for like 4 years. It only passed while I was in an outpatient program, and only while I was in it and a little while afterwards. I thought after the outpatient program I was done with it, but I was wrong. The only thing that really helped was trying to not be so hard on myself for my past, but I just can't let my past go, I guess. I don't have any attempts yet though. I keep trying to study really hard because I feel like if I end up in a place where I can't support myself financially, I'll feel like too much of a burden and just end it. I don't know. I heard someone compare it to a twisted crutch. I guess that is kind of true for me too. Whenever have resurfacing painful memories, or stress, or any trigger at all, I just think about how I'm going to end it. It's sad, because there aren't a lot of reasons for me to be suicidal, but I'm just so depressed and worried and feel so much self hatred all the time that I just want an out. I'm on three antidepressants, but I kind of wonder if they even work. I mean, I still cry fairly often, but I guess not everyday like I used to in middle school and high school. My psychologist was telling me that I should tell my dad, since I think about it chronically. I think about it all of the time, but I don't tell my family that I feel that way all that often. I've been praying for God to kill me before I kill myself, because I don't want to hurt my family, but I just don't want to be here anymore.

 

[Jeshu]

how often does everyone struggle with hopeless, depression ane suicidal feelings coming back. Everyday its an ordeal for me but for everyone in this forum, does it come back on a daily basis or does it come monthly basis or is it for ever gone from your life?

I struggled with constant depression for many years and also with suicidal ideas/ plans, once for 18 months straight. It was adhering to God's loving truth that got me away from the powers of evil.

For example in 1 Corinthians 13:13 it is written that these three remain - love, faith and hope - is that also true in your life? Or do loveless and hopeless feelings rob you of your faith in a loving and good God? To agree with hopelessness is to deny the truth of God's Word - just analyzing what hopelessness does within your heart will convict you of this truth. So yes it is about denying untruthfulness to control your heart and mind, hopelessness, despair and fear being real big culprits, as well as speculation and extra biblical words, who twist God's truth and tell your depressed heart and mind constant lies about God, yourself and your neighbour. Denying those lies life in you will do away with them in the end and set you free from their power.

For example I battled with suicide for years - it was very difficult to deny myself the right to die and wait on God to bring me my good life back. It is about trusting Gd's loving truth more than your loveless heart.

Reading God's word about the matter settled it for me

1 John 3:11-15
For this is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another. Do not be like Cain, who belonged to the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own actions were evil and his brother’s were righteous. Do not be surprised, my brothers and sisters, if the world hates you. We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love each other. Anyone who does not love remains in death. Anyone who hates a brother or sister is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life residing in him.

I hope it will be like that for you as well in the long run. For obedience to God's loving truth will destroy all those powerful depressive thoughts and desires that are contrary to God's word living within you in the end, even if depression as an illness hangs around, like it is for me because I've got a depressive illness.

Be of good courage.

Raptured

I thought I been a good person all my life
yet I was also stuck with cold loveless strife
for much in me had little faith in God's grace
as my loveless ways had kept me from His Face.

In my bad life I was untrue and insincere
weak and hopelessly overcome by my fear
I didn't believe God would love me as well
always believing what the inner liars tell.

Oh these massive hailstones pounding me
considering how bad I had turned out to be
fire and brimstone following my inner despair
for of loving truth I hadn't taken any care.

Where is your God my tormentors jeered
the bottomless pit opening as they sneered
my good life stolen from me as I fell down
my godlessness now with misery me to drown!

Unbearable was the agony as I met sinners fate
flames of torment untrue and loveless sin berate
self hate upping the temperature so very high
gnashing of teeth and wailing my constant cry

And so I languish in torment pondering my fate
still wondering how come I had been to late
doubting unbelief and unforgiven sin my misery
As I watched myself turn completely ungodly.

My Hell was an Endless Torturous Night.
that comes to all with bad life inside
where one's untrue and loveless deeds
now constant fire and brimstone reaps.

After seven years The Truth came down to me
for only God's Grace could reach into my misery
and so my bad life the goats in charge could keep
As Jesus came and collected me in all my sheep.

Awakened to the truth I arose from the dead
God's breath of loving truth entering me instead
a fast army arose as Ezekiel prophesied to my soul
His blinding light directing me to my new goal.

And so I flew up to meet Him in the wink of an eye
Heart piercing wails from the rule of the lie
raging Hell poured down on where I had been
Father' holy wrath burning evil so very mean.

Jesus beaming smile betrayed no harm
will for wrong simply died in His loving charm
and so He also baptised me with holy fire
His loving truth tending my every hearts desire.

144,000 holy ones Jesus brought from above
rebuilding my heart in His Kingdom of love
teaching me The Way to do things right
forever denying evil wrong ruling me inside.

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

how often does everyone struggle with hopeless, depression ane suicidal feelings coming back. Everyday its an ordeal for me but for everyone in this forum, does it come back on a daily basis or does it come monthly basis or is it for ever gone from your life?

Spurgeon and Moody had lessons that helped a lot of people. Not everyone, but many (like David Wilderson with gang members and drug addicts helped tens of thousands; the lessons of Spurgeon and Moody helped many thousands over many decades.)
It's hard to nail down sometimes, because so much false information is out there. Everywhere.
But pay attention when / if/ you find anyone telling the truth. (you will know, and be able to test what they say, always - if you can't test it and verify its true, it's not true).
Mainly like others have said,
sometimes all we have to hang on to is God and His Word. Course, He is more than enough! By grace in Jesus.

 

[Jeshu]

It varies. Circumstances are my triggers and they dictate the frequency. Right now I can tell you its daily.

 

[Bruyas]

Orange, I am in the same boat as you, and I feel if I can't ssupport myself financially, I think I put an end to myself eventually as well. let's try to encourage each other on this phone to keep going. It is extremely hard when Suicidal Thoughts keep coming back to your mind and hopefully we can support each other. just know that you are not alone in this struggle and there are others out there with the same problems that you do have.

 

[orangeness365]

Orange, I am in the same boat as you, and I feel if I can't ssupport myself financially, I think I put an end to myself eventually as well. let's try to encourage each other on this phone to keep going. It is extremely hard when Suicidal Thoughts keep coming back to your mind and hopefully we can support each other. just know that you are not alone in this struggle and there are others out there with the same problems that you do have.

I'm sorry you're in the same boat. Yeah, maybe we can encourage each other. You're not alone in this struggle either. I was talking to my brother last night, and he and my psychologist were both telling me that I need to forgive myself and others. I was explaining to my brother that I try to just forget everything that I felt hurt from in the past, but he was saying that I have to forgive, which is different than just forgetting. For the past year or so I've mostly been getting flashbacks about where I've hurt people. I have trouble remembering what they were though after the flashback is over. I've been feeling so dead on the inside for years now, and it's part of why I think I've been so miserable, which fuels the suicidal ideation. My brother was saying that in order to be forgiven by God I have to accept forgiveness from God, and forgive others, or else I won't be forgiven. Last night I prayed for God's forgiveness for myself and for my ability to forgive others. Afterwards I felt something in my heart. I don't know what it was, but it felt good. I actually felt something instead of that dead feeling and dread which has dominated how I've felt for years now. I think the feeling was love towards God from hoping that I was forgiven by Him. I think the feeling subsided by morning, but while I was having that feeling I had flashbacks of times when I felt love and happiness as a child towards others. Memories that I had completely forgotten about. I haven't had happy flashbacks in a really long time. I'm hoping somehow this will fix all of my suicidal ideation, but only time will tell. I'm afraid I would still want to end it if I felt like a burden on my family though. I tell myself that my family would be sad if I was gone, but then when I'm really suicidal I just tell myself that they would get over it.

 

[Bruyas]

Hopefully, this will have good long term effects for you Orange. When you mention accepting forgiveness from God and forgiving others, that is something I have not even thought of. I do hold some anger for others, and maybe its best to let go of that anger towards them and forgive them and see how that changes my thought process. Thank you Orange for your words of wisdom.

 

[orangeness365]

Hopefully, this will have good long term effects for you Orange. When you mention accepting forgiveness from God and forgiving others, that is something I have not even thought of. I do hold some anger for others, and maybe its best to let go of that anger towards them and forgive them and see how that changes my thought process. Thank you Orange for your words of wisdom.

They're not really words of me as much as words of wisdom from my brother, but I hope it helps you too. Yeah, I hope it will have good long term effects too.

 

[dysert]

how often does everyone struggle with hopeless, depression ane suicidal feelings coming back. Everyday its an ordeal for me but for everyone in this forum, does it come back on a daily basis or does it come monthly basis or is it for ever gone from your life?

Back when I was bad and trying cocktail after cocktail, it was a *continuous* battle. I was crying almost all the time, ruminating over hurtful thoughts, trying to self medicate, etc. My mom used to tell me "Take one day at a time", but she didn't realize that for me it was continuous -- one minute at a time.

Fast forward several years, and after hundreds of hours of therapy and lots of failed medical cocktails I finally found one that could put a stop to my ruminations and turn my feelings off. Now, I'm still on the drugs and will be for the rest of my life, but it's better than what I had gone through for those early times.

Keep fighting it. Keep trying different meds until you land on the right combination. It's *very* hard, but for almost everyone you'll get to the solution if you don't give up.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

Yes, I have generalized anxiety so anything can trigger it.. Then I feel being so far behind my peers makes me feel this way too and seeing my friends continue to go up while I sink in my struggles..it adds to the depression...

I thoroughly hate my life.

 

[FireDragon76]

I highly recommend working with a therapist. Medication can only do so much.

I live with mild depression but I've learned to live with it over the years. I do not rely on medication routinely, but I would take it if my depression were severe enough to need it.

Definitely make a habit out of prayer and singing hymns. Psalms can be especially helpful here- this may surprise you, but the psalms of lamentation or imprecatory psalms (angry) are good for these types of feelings. Look for things to be thankful for.

And be sure you get enough vitamin D. Over half of Americans are deficient in this vitamin, and it is necessary for mental health. If you spend a lot of time indoors you are especially at risk.

Also, if you go to a church that has harsh religious teachings and doesn't encourage forgiveness, grace, and mercy then you are going to struggle a lot with depression, since judgementalism and condemnation is very damaging to your mental health. It may be that you are carrying around a heavy spiritual and mental burden and don't even realize it.

 

[W2L]

I struggle with difficult feelings almost daily, and sometimes multiple times each day. This is complicated and im not sure there is a "one size fits all" answer to my own situation. Perhaps i need medication, but even in that i would still struggle because i have a burden that will forever be with me. I try to find things that make me happy because i dont think its good to be miserable all the time. I have a hobby aand it brings me a lot of happiness. I watch TV too, and sometimes that can take my mind off of things, but TV is not always the best for our minds, so the hobby is much better. Hobbies are useful to me because even when im not involved with it directly, im still thinking about it, studying it more, trying to learn the craft itself. This takes my mind off of negative things. Im not free from those negative things, but at least i find a refuge from them most of the time. Other times i find myself overwhelmed by it, and i may even cry a little, and thats when i cry out to God. I think that this is good for me. GOd is merciful and his mercies are new every morning, say the scriptures. When im like that i feel a sense of liberation, although in the past i did not. ONe day at a time.

 

[W2L]

I highly recommend working with a therapist. Medication can only do so much.

I live with mild depression but I've learned to live with it over the years. I do not rely on medication routinely, but I would take it if my depression were severe enough to need it.

Definitely make a habit out of prayer and singing hymns. Psalms can be especially helpful here- this may surprise you, but the psalms of lamentation or imprecatory psalms (angry) are good for these types of feelings. Look for things to be thankful for.

And be sure you get enough vitamin D. Over half of Americans are deficient in this vitamin, and it is necessary for mental health. If you spend a lot of time indoors you are especially at risk.

Also, if you go to a church that has harsh religious teachings and doesn't encourage forgiveness, grace, and mercy then you are going to struggle a lot with depression, since judgementalism and condemnation is very damaging to your mental health. It may be that you are carrying around a heavy spiritual and mental burden and don't even realize it.

Maybe we should start a "sing along" thread. People can post spiritual songs and we can encourage each other to sing along. Maybe this is a stupid idea, i dont know, but one day i thought about asking people to sing along with me. I felt like i needed that.