Confusion

[a fallen leaf]

Hi guys,

Some time ago I wrote how I lost feelings for my boyfriend - my perception of him just changed all of a sudden.
Yes, I know love is a decision. Yes, I know true love never dies.
I'm being very unhappy, it's been going on for 2 months and I don't know what to do, however much I'd like to go on.
I figured out that I am the only reason why this happened. For the past year, he's become my whole world, I neglected my studies, my other friends, and would do anything to spend time just with him. And I think the result of that is that all of a sudden I lost my interest in him - I killed what was so promising!
I have to go abroad for 3 years but can't let the relationship go. The memories of the great times we had together torment me. And when I'm with him, it seems there's nothing more to discover and I don't feel attracted to him. He texts me and I feel bad about texting back because I'm too aware of how I feel. Sometimes I feel like putting my head on his shoulder and after a while I feel bad for doing this.
Before this happened, I dreamt about marrying him, and spending the rest of my life with him.
I'm very confused. What should I do? We thought about taking a break for some time. What do you think about this? Any other advice? Can you regain what was lost?

 

[Luther073082]

Note: I'm going to be very straight forward with you and I'm not going to be diplomatic. If that insults you I'm sorry.

I'm in an LDR right now. But the end is in sight because we are going to be married in April and live together. If my fiancee was going oversea's for 3 years and I couldn't go with her I would end the relationship.

If you want to keep the relationship, I would try to find a way to not go overseas. Why is it that you need to go overseas for 3 full years? Whats the necessity? I think you need to look at this as its either him or your big long trip abroad. You really can't have both because its wildly unfair to him.

Its a guess but I don't think you HAVE to go abroad. I think you want to go abroad, and either going abroad is more important to you or he is. If going abroad is more important to you then have nothing more then a crush on him and you do not love him. And if that is true then morally you need to break up with him now.

And if you absolutly HAVE to go abroad. What are the chances that he would be able to visit you during those 3 years?

 

[unkern]

First comes priority, the Lord must come first at all times.

You have only been together for 2 months, this is not that long. The purpose of even being together is that one day you might get married, don't waste your time on another woman's future husband when you could be pursuing yours.

As you said Love is not an emotion or feeling it is an action, true love however can only be expressed by the Lord.

Also very very very few couples survive a 3 year break, even very few marriages survive that.

 

[Luther073082]

Oh I just noticed you said you where not attracted to him and that you still arn't sure of your feelings.

Hon I think you are afraid of being single or something. You need to let this go. You are not doing him any favors by wasting his time when you arn't that interested in him.

 

[sanderse]

I agree. This relationship has not been going on for very long and you already have lost your butter flies... just let it go. I firmly believe that if you are stuggling with this realtionship this much, there are some other things you need to take care of first. This is not the time for this relationship. Take some time to devleop yourself. Go abroad. You will learn more about who you want to be and that is what you need to do before trying to have a LDR

 

[mustang333]

If I'm not mistaken you said in your last thread you have been with him for two years? Anyways, I agree that going abroad for three years is going to make your relationship with him really hard, so you might have to choose one or the other. Maybe taking a break from the relationship would help you figure stuff out. To answer the question "can you regain what was lost?", I think God can bring back what has been lost, but it's up to you to pray to God for what your heart wants and then have faith that God will lead you where he thinks is best.

 

[epiclesis]

It sounds like the infatuation period ended and you may have realized you aren't in love with him.

Don't drag it out any longer than it needs to.

 

[captainslow]

Have to agree with epiclesis. Does he know how you feel? Think maybe you feel to bad to leave him....just a nudge.

 

[a fallen leaf]

We were together for a year before that happened and things were great.
He's willing to take a break for a few months and see if that changes anything.
I need to go abroad because i'm on an international course. But it wouldn't necessarily be too far away.

Do you guys think it could work out? Not asking your opinion on a LDR but whether you think that lost feelings can return after a break?
I still find him attractive, it's just something on the emotional level that's missing - i don't laugh at his jokes anymore and don't feel any jealousy when he talks to other girls - yes, we can communicate well about problems, but there is just a general marasm and disenchantment when talking about everyday stuff. Also, this year it was ongoing him and studies, didn't spend much time with other people and I feel a bit like I become more like him in many things I do.

 

[Luther073082]

Wait a minute in the first post you said "I don't feel attracted to him" and now you say "I still find him attractive." Which one is it hon?

I don't know about his jokes but I think its good you arn't jealous about him talking to other girls. If thats all he is doing its ridiculous to get jealous about it. Nearly half the world's population fits into the female population, you can't expect him to get by without ever talking to another woman.

 

[FantasyFlower]

taking a break might help and not not like a week break or 2 maybe a month or 2.....thats not that long really/ you can also ask god for guidence....see what he puts on your heart and go from there.