Confused

[PearlyLew]

Confusion is obviously not from God.

I have posted about my current relationship.

Short version:long distance, met online, he wasn't ready, came back, met in person, dating. He got a new job; became busy and distant. I nagged. Haven't talked to him since Wednesday (I reached out today, no answer).

I have had dreams with him. The 2nd dream is what is going on now (him being quiet and distant) God warned me. This whole situation is troubling because I'm am I love. I have asked and prayed to God if he is with someone else, to let me know so I can walk away. Also, if he's not the one....so I can just let it go. It feels like a full on war in my heart and head.

God spoke to me yesterday through someone who knows nothing of what I'm going through. That God was waiting for me to make a decision. To fight. To let go of everything.

I might be completely stupid or am stubborn. I am still confused. Decision for what? Of me staying or moving on? Of trusting God? Fight for my relationship, or fight for my peace?

I have prayed for my future husband since I was 16-17. At 29, the desire for that one person has made me a bit impatient. I made a promise to God that I would remain a virgin until I was married. It's been very hard, a few close calls, but still am. I see my siblings with their s.o and kids....I want that. I thought with this man I'd finally have that.

In this process I've grown closer to God. I'm just so confused and lonely.

I'm sorry if I sound like a broken record, I'm just running low on faith. Any words of wisdom, encouragement, advice....well helps a lot.

 

[Galatea]

I will pray that he will talk to you and tell you what he feels.

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

I have prayed for my future husband since I was 16-17. At 29, the desire for that one person has made me a bit impatient.

From this I gather your sole focus in life has been to get a husband, an ideal one, the right one for you. Sorry I haven't read your other posts. Just my impression that maybe you are too preoccupied with this particular goal. Would you say you are hard to please in finding a partner? Need a lot of boxes ticked? Kind hearted and similar values were the main criteria for me. I got married at 34 by the way. Time hasn't run out just yet.
But your fidelity to your relationship with God impresses me. I have a feeling you will be rewarded for that one day.

 

[Elliewaves]

I hope that you both get a good time to talk to one another. Communication is so so so important in the health and maintenance of relationships. Personally, I would not want to be with a man that can't tell me how he feels about me or who thinks it's a chore to talk to me. What you want in life is normal and natural and okay to want. But, you also deserve to be in a relationship where you don't feel lonely and where your partner is eager or excited to talk to you, at least in the beginning stages. Pray and ask God for a time to talk with your guy. Your relationship is still young yet; I pray that if this is the one God has for you that your relationship and ease of communication will deepen and strengthen.

 

[PearlyLew]

I will pray that he will talk to you and tell you what he feels.

Thank you!

 

[PearlyLew]

From this I gather your sole focus in life has been to get a husband, an ideal one, the right one for you. Sorry I haven't read your other posts. Just my impression that maybe you are too preoccupied with this particular goal. Would you say you are hard to please in finding a partner? Need a lot of boxes ticked? Kind hearted and similar values were the main criteria for me. I got married at 34 by the way. Time hasn't run out just yet.
But your fidelity to your relationship with God impresses me. I have a feeling you will be rewarded for that one day.

When I was younger it was, I'll admit. I do focus on it a lot at times. Last two years I put my career first. Now, and injury at work gave me more time to think. I wasn't looking to fall in love. Just happened. I'm not picky....I'm looking for someone who is loyal, has a good relationship with God, matches my effort. I seem to attract non believers though. I know I'm still young, just seeing family and friends getting engaged or having kids has me wondering if God forgot about me. Hearing the "in God's timing" is hard to process. I know well enough about the word of God to know he hasn't forgotten about me, but I'm hurting right now. Thank you! I made that promise when I was young. I'm proud I've kept that promise.

 

[Humble me Lord]

I gave in to that feeling of "wanting" to be married at 23 because my sister and friends were all married. Total disaster and ended up being 9 years of hell. I was far from God at the time and I really paid for it in the long run, I think God used these circumstances to strengthen me and draw me into a relationship with Him. After I got serious about my relationship with Him, I met my soulmate, and I was 33. Even that didn't go great at first until I learned to put my love of God before the love of my wife and children.
Your situation is different, you are close to God, and I really admire that! I know it must be difficult, but if you put your relationship and love of God before everything and everyone else, it puts everything into perspective.
Praying for you
God Bless

 

[paul1149]

I would first approach it by going to God with total willingness. If He wants you to back off, you would be willing. If He wants you to believe for it, you would be willing. Put it in His hands, and ask Him to show you anything that is amiss in your perceptions or motivations.
Give the process time, for the dust to settle and the light to break through. Recall the scriptures on patience and endurance. This is not passivity, it is active waiting on the Lord. Be led forth with peace.
After a while you should feel a leading one way or the other. Begin to pray that leading, asking Holy Spirit to confirm and correct.
Take it a step at a time. The most important thing is to avoid costly mistakes. Stay close to the Lord. Be faithful here in the foothills, until He shows you which mountain to possess.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

If you come off like your time running out...Guys pick up on things...
so slow your roll girl, don't chase him, don't call/don't text etc.

Focus on the Lord(chase Him) and be about His business(pursue)....
pray to the Lord(call Him)...read your Bible(text).

 

[PearlyLew]

I hope that you both get a good time to talk to one another. Communication is so so so important in the health and maintenance of relationships. Personally, I would not want to be with a man that can't tell me how he feels about me or who thinks it's a chore to talk to me. What you want in life is normal and natural and okay to want. But, you also deserve to be in a relationship where you don't feel lonely and where your partner is eager or excited to talk to you, at least in the beginning stages. Pray and ask God for a time to talk with your guy. Your relationship is still young yet; I pray that if this is the one God has for you that your relationship and ease of communication will deepen and strengthen.

Thank you! I dislike it when people make it seem like it's not natural for me to want a significant other. I don't want to either. It's a bit complicated....since he doesn't communicate exactly what he's going through. I am praying, so much. I just want to know what God wants. Either for me to move on or fight for it.

 

[PearlyLew]

I gave in to that feeling of "wanting" to be married at 23 because my sister and friends were all married. Total disaster and ended up being 9 years of hell. I was far from God at the time and I really paid for it in the long run, I think God used these circumstances to strengthen me and draw me into a relationship with Him. After I got serious about my relationship with Him, I met my soulmate, and I was 33. Even that didn't go great at first until I learned to put my love of God before the love of my wife and children.
Your situation is different, you are close to God, and I really admire that! I know it must be difficult, but if you put your relationship and love of God before everything and everyone else, it puts everything into perspective.
Praying for you
God Bless

Im so sorry you had to go through that! I think everyone battles with putting God first. Working on it. Thank you for your prayers.

 

[PearlyLew]

I would first approach it by going to God with total willingness. If He wants you to back off, you would be willing. If He wants you to believe for it, you would be willing. Put it in His hands, and ask Him to show you anything that is amiss in your perceptions or motivations.
Give the process time, for the dust to settle and the light to break through. Recall the scriptures on patience and endurance. This is not passivity, it is active waiting on the Lord. Be led forth with peace.
After a while you should feel a leading one way or the other. Begin to pray that leading, asking Holy Spirit to confirm and correct.
Take it a step at a time. The most important thing is to avoid costly mistakes. Stay close to the Lord. Be faithful here in the foothills, until He shows you which mountain to possess.

Your advice is amazing! It's hard to wait, when I haven't heard from him in 5 days (today) I told God that I was done trying to fix this with my strength. That if it is his will for him to come back that he will touch him and make it happen, if not that either way he reaches out to me and be what God has already destined for us both. I'm praying for his guidance and confirmation. Thank you!

 

[PearlyLew]

If you come off like your time running out...Guys pick up on things...
so slow your roll girl, don't chase him, don't call/don't text etc.

Focus on the Lord(chase Him) and be about His business(pursue)....
pray to the Lord(call Him)...read your Bible(text).

I didn't, if anything he did at first. He brought up dating, kids, marriage, the "I love you". When he stopped I did panic and nagged more than I should (which didn't help the situation. So, I didn't rush or push....until my mistake. I only reached out once (Saturday) no reply, and I won't again, unless he does and God tells me to reply. Thank you!

 

[St_Worm2]

Focus on the Lord(chase Him)..............

Agreed .. e.g. Psalm 37:4/cf Matthew 6:33; Proverbs 3:5-6; Isaiah 40:31; Jeremiah 29:11.

@PearlyLew, you have to be very careful to understand what Psalm 37:4 is saying, of course (and perhaps more importantly, what it's "not" saying ), or you'll turn the Lord into a Cosmic "Sugar-Daddy" (IOW, v4, which is a commandment with a promise, never tells us to "delight the Lord" to get the things we want from Him ).

Continuing to pray for you!

BTW, I remember wondering if I would EVER find someone to marry, and I remember how tough all the waiting and wondering was. For what it's worth, I got married at 32 years old and my wife was 29. That was a first marriage for both of us, and we're still happily married today PTL, nearly 29 years later

Yours and His,
David

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will
give you the desires of your heart"
Psalm 37:4​

 

[paul1149]

Your advice is amazing! It's hard to wait, when I haven't heard from him in 5 days (today) I told God that I was done trying to fix this with my strength.

Thank you. I like your outlook. Remember that God's ways are very often not straightforward to our natural thinking. Jesus let Lazarus die rather than going to him immediately. He had a much greater blessing in store for the family he loved (Jn 11). Joseph, David and so many others have had to contend with waiting and even adversity. Wise saints use the time as good stewards, preparing for the promotion that is coming.

If we build something without God's blessing, we will have to maintain it as well, and that is a dismal, hopeless enterprise. Better to wait on the Lord and let Him be an active participant. Then He will help guard it as well once it's built. (see ps 127)

Blessings!

 

[gennypearl]

Talk it out first with your boyfriend and don't assume a lot of things. We girls tend to interpret things wrongly. Communication is vital in a long distance relationship. I am going 31 years old in a couple of weeks and I also have a desire to get married. I also found a Godly guy online, thru this website actually but he died just this March. If God will allow me to be married, so be it, if not, so be it. Let's enjoy life while waiting!

 

[PearlyLew]

Talk it out first with your boyfriend and don't assume a lot of things. We girls tend to interpret things wrongly. Communication is vital in a long distance relationship. I am going 31 years old in a couple of weeks and I also have a desire to get married. I also found a Godly guy online, thru this website actually but he died just this March. If God will allow me to be married, so be it, if not, so be it. Let's enjoy life while waiting!

I tried to. I contacted him Saturday, haven't heard anything from him since last Wednesday. I'm so sorry for your loss

 

[gennypearl]

I tried to. I contacted him Saturday, haven't heard anything from him since last Wednesday. I'm so sorry for your loss

thanks. it has been hard for me actually. anyway, i will be praying for you. God bless!

 

[PearlyLew]

thanks. it has been hard for me actually. anyway, i will be praying for you. God bless!

I can't imagine! I'll be praying for you.

And I feel all sad/mad because I haven't heard anything from my guy :/ nothing compared to what you're going through.

 

[Traveling teacher]

Make sure in this process you have one or two close christian friends you can rebound off of......1-2 older christian man or woman to pray for you....
I have 1-2 close brothers I rebound off of for decisions....I know they pray and they dont always give me the exact answer from God but through the process I useually get wisdom from ?God....
I supose what I am saying is you have to be connected and under authority.....
and hear from people who pray for you on a daily basis...
God will speak to you in the process...
make sure to be in a good church and have 1-2 pray for you in this process..

Also seek the Lord and write down a list of Christian committments you want in a husband.....Like 1 -5??? in order from greatest to least important......

Dont compromise on the first 2-3... give grace on the last ones.....