Confused

[castso]

I wonder if anyone can help me? I am very confused, I met a man and I prayed that God would not allow me to get involved with anyone except for the man that was meant to be my husband. I felt after a few weeks of prayer that i was meant to be with this man and we began dating, almost exactyl a year later this man broke up with me he told me he didn't understand what love was and there fore didn't know if he loved me. it has been 7 months we are best friends, he loves me and we are attracted to each other, our friends and families are confused about our relation ship as am i as when we are together he treates me as though we are together. I told him a couple of months ago that i no longer loved him and only cared for him as a friend how ever this was a lie and too this day i feel and believe we are meant to be together. I am still very deeply in love with this man, I read a book called God is a matchmaker, I can't remeber the authors name but they are quite well known, and in part part of the book He explains that he knew the woman was meant to be his wife in the deepest part of him where doubt couldn't reach, it was an eye opening revelation and made me realise that i was trying to make myself not love him when in truth that is exactly how i feel. I don't understand how a God who loves would allow this. but this is ot my dilemma I know that we don't always understand what God is doing but we just have to have faith and trust Him as difficult as that may be. I wrote a letter to this man telling him the truth that I still love him and have been lying to him, The bible says we shouldn't lie, Should I send this letter to him or should I continue to lie and keep my feelings to myself. I am so confused the thing is I get really peaceful when i am believeing we are meant to be to gether and really confused and "unpeaceful" when i try to force myself to think i am wrong we are not meant to be together and i have misinterperetted God and what I feel He has told me. A very difficult part of this is that this man genuinely treates me as though we are togetehr to the point that our friends my family and even his keep asking if we are back together,
Please help me someone I don't know what to do and this hurting my relationship with God cause I don't trust anythign i think or feel He is telling me or showing me and I don't understand why He would allow this kind of pain?

 

[lost-sheep]

I too am in the same boat as you. I wish I had an answer for you... I wish I had an answer for me. Maybe someone will come along and help us both.

 

[castso]

Thank you, I hope someone can help us both.

 

[LilLamb219]

You prayed to God asking to not get involved with anyone unless it were your future husband...but that's more like a demand from God that you expected Him to abide by.

Have another heart to heart talk with this friend of yours. If he tells you again he's not interested...he's NOT interested. Move on and find your future husband.

 

[castso]

Thank you for your input, I disagree it is not a demand from God it is asking for guidance, God does NOT want us in and out of relationships He has someone specific set aside for each of us. We have talked about it he always says he is not decided that we are not meant to be together but he is not sure we are either.
Anyway Thank you again.

 

[parsley]

That's an awful lot of mind games to juggle.

What I am seeing in your description, is a victim stance -- submission to an undefined authority. In sports, there are people who play offense and people who play defense. One group makes the risky moves, while the other responds to where the ball and other players are. You have positioned yourself to respond to what others are doing, instead of deciding what direction you will head, for yourself.

Do you see what I mean? You are asking God to control things that He has not told us He would control. Maybe this confusion is God trying to slowly teach you how to move into a different level of decision-making: asking Him for guidance, but also exercising wisdom in what you do.

When a person has any goal, they can research, train, investigate, ask other people, read instructions, pray, build up networks of contacts, and immerse themselves in the realms connected.

When people fall in love, they tend to throw all those tools away and just lean on how they feel about the partner.

You are so close to what could be a lifelong decision, and that's a scary place to be at.

The Bible speaks of wisdom. Leaning on God. Praying and fasting. Not partnering with people whose values conflict. Staying at peace in the midst of a storm.

There aren't many scriptural examples of people leaving decisions completely up to God -- not taking any action at all, avoiding research and good counsel. We work in partnership with God to negotiate what we hope for in life. And we work toward our goals, with God beside us.

In relationships of course the other person's opinions are half of the decision. But make sure that you are claiming an equal half in where this relationship is going. You wouldn't enjoy a lifetime of always waiting for someone else to make every decision in how you go through a week.

Find out what you will need for your future life, and step out in it. God will help you steer.

 

[Inkachu]

FWIW, I prayed that same prayer consistently "God, please don't let me get involved with anyone but my future husband". But you know what? In the end, WE make our choices, and I wound up in plenty of failed (thankfully short-term) relationships because I thought every one of them just miiiiiiiiiight be the right one. It wasn't until I changed my prayers and my attitude, and spent a lot of time just being on my own, and accepting a future as a single woman, that God finally moved and did bring my hubby into my life

It sounds like this relationship may be somewhat unhealthy, it's gone back and forth between romance and "friendship" with neither of you committing for the long haul. I don't know your ages, but if you're both say, over 21, I'd say this is a game that has just gone on too long. Someone needs to put an end to it so both of you can move on. If you're both really young, maybe there's still hope that some growing and maturity will help this relationship turn into something permanent, but it doesn't sound hopeful to me.

 

[Blessewe2]

You prayed to God asking to not get involved with anyone unless it were your future husband...but that's more like a demand from God that you expected Him to abide by.

Have another heart to heart talk with this friend of yours. If he tells you again he's not interested...he's NOT interested. Move on and find your future husband.

I agree that this may be telling God how to bring you your desires. He will show you in His own way, just trust in Him and it will all come together

 

[asiyreh]

You're most likely not going to fall off the edge of a cliff or anything overly drastic whatever you choice. God has made you a free agent, with free choices. He does require while you make choices, they conform to acceptable moral standards but he offers them to you freely.

Is this man you future forever husband, well that is yet undecided. God knows of course as he has all knowledge, but it's really down to you and the decisions you make every day, to love your husband forsaking all others but Christ; compromise, dedication, sacrifice, and a good healthy relationship.

Put God first as the head of your family. And as an old Catholic lady used to say to me - Those who pray together, stay together.

You can't constantly ponder the what-ifs, you must make choices and deal with the outcomes as they present.