confused!!

[lovewillhappen]

hi all, feeling so confused, hope someone can relate and give advice?
im confused about just about everything, hah, do i believe in God?do i believe in Jesus? do i love God?or do i rather want to live in darkness and pain?(obviously this sounds crazy, who wants to do this, but theres just these thoughts that say this is actually my destiny- to not accept Gods love,and that infact ill listen to the enemy and do evil, but im trying to accept His love)
i try to read the Word,, i try praying & worshipping. and God is good, He does give me promises of deliverance, i just wish i could see my way out. my biggest fear is giving up on God because this is so frustrating. to me, the whole point of trying to be a Christian is so that i can live in fellowship with God and His love, but this rashing thoughts are completely keeping me from living in His fullness, infact i feel like the worst Christian. so selfish in my struggle, so completly not like Christ in how i live, i just want to love Him, myself and others again.........and believe!its like the one hour i believe fully and the next i dont know whats going on...come onnnn.....i want hope & life again. i want to walk with God without questioning whether i really want to walk with Him or if its an illusion, heh i realise how mad that sounds but this really goes on in my mind. i think ill have to go see a Christian psychiatrist. thanks for the support through this forum, its a huge blessing.

 

[Tonyy2]

I know how you feel. Actually i kinda feel like that now. Just stick to God. Psalm 25:2 OCD is the enemy!!

 

[canamer]

It's just the OCD talking. Remember this, nobody can force you to give up on God and neither can you accidentally give up on God. You've made your decision. God himself in his Word has said that nobody can snatch you out of his hand. You are safe.

Your OCD will play all kinds of tricks with your feelings. But, feelings don't really matter that much. Feelings are not a good indicator of reality. Feelings come and go. They're all over the place with OCD present.

With God there is just facts. And if you have accepted Jesus as your Savior than the fact is that you're saved. You may doubt it from time to time. You may not feel like you're saved. But, facts are facts.

God knows that you're struggling with your OCD and your OCD thoughts don't offend or surprise him. They are what they are - just thoughts. Let them come and then go and ask God for the strength that you need to deal with your OCD - every-day. Remind yourself often of what is true because the truth is all that matters.

 

[SoldierOfSoul]

It sounds like you are very much in a spiritual struggle right now. What you need to do sister is learn the magnitude of your final decision. You need to realize what "Truth" really is, Jesus said that if you found this "Truth" you could and would be free:

"And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." (John 8:32)

What is truth? Or better yet, what is the ultimate reality for our life and world? Many people do not know how to answer this question, I personally did not know how to for a long time. Jesus taught that He was this Truth incarnate and that without Him everything was a lie and that apart from Him you could never find the core or source of all that is. Jesus is God, this is the truth that is the basic starting point for a soul in search of meaning, reality and truth in their life. Back to this is a moment.

Are we (us and the universe) the product of random chance or was the universe created for a specific purpose by a all-knowing Being? Is life nothing more than a random happening in a universe with no specific goal or future? Did consciousness, true love, morality, intelligence, art, beauty and many other marvelous things just transplant themselves into our psyche without any kind of Guiding Force? Can reason and logic themselves be nothing more than a unguided evolutionary paradigm with no origin or guiding element?

To me after experiencing the love and forgiveness of God and after much study in alleviating my doubts, I can answer these rhetorical questions with a resounding "NO". God (Father, Son and Holy Spirit) is the Creator and Originator of all things. I have come to see that from how I experience reality and from what I see in the world as well as in the word of God. Our sad reality is exactly how God describes our predicament in the bible. I see, for instance: evil in the world, how do I know there is evil in the world? I mean if God does not exist why would I have this innate reasoning in my mind (heart) and a conclusive ideal of what is good and evil? If we are honest with ourselves and truly face this predicament (evil) head-on there is no denying that we are in essence: a fallen creation.

This moral conscience we have is proof of a God who is good (holy) but it is also proof that something is very wrong with us as a creation. The evil in the world is horrible and the evil we recognize in ourselves is what is most scary. This world, more than anything else, is truly in need of a Saviour. In face of reality, we see that man as a whole is above all things: evil. Before coming to Christ you must recognize this fact before God, God has told us these things in His word as well as in our common experience and we are without excuse:

"For since the creation of the world God's invisible attributes-his eternal power and divine nature-have been understood and observed by what he made, so that people are without excuse." (Romans 1:20)

God loves us so much though that He could not leave us in this state condemned to depravity and a future of wrath and judgement (though morally as a righteous Judge, He could have done so and remained Just). God the Father sent His only Son (God the Son) born of a virgin down to earth to redeem man from His sinful ways and just curse. Jesus was not just a man that lived 2000 years ago and died a meaningless death on a cross. He was and is the True and Eternal God who has existed for eternity and will continue to exist forever. Not only is this true, but this God, who is our Creator and Judge died in the place of sinful man and shed His blood so that He could purify and redeem a fallen Creation. This is Ultimate Truth and reality and I believe this over all other knowledge. Even when my reason goes against the knowledge of God I rather disbelieve my own reason then turn on the truth of God and His Word.

Jesus said:

"I am the Alpha and the Omega," says the Lord God, "who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty." (Revelation 1:8)

"And now, Father, glorify me in your presence with the glory I had with you before the world began." (John 17:5)

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." (John 1:1)

"He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood, and his name is the Word of God." (Revelations 19:13)

Jesus is the Ultimate Reality of every human life and He was and continues to be the source of all life and salvation for every soul that believes. I pray God will reveal this to you and the holy love that He has always had for you and that this love will destroy all doubt once and for all. Amen and God bless you sister! SoS

 

[lovewillhappen]

thanks for replies, im gonna keep holding on and gonna keep trusting that God will give me break through!i just wish it was easier to believe, wheres the faith switch? i guess im slowly learning its more about a decision and then sticking to it than anything else.....its just hectic cause the doubt thoughts come cooonstantly!

 

[canamer]

wheres the faith switch?

Faith is choosing to believe in something that you can't see (yet). Emphasis on the 'choosing' part. Anyone can choose to have faith. It's rarely easy and our world is so full of noise and so-called experts who would say faith means nothing. But, if you stick with the truth (God's truth) and choose to listen to your heart rather than your head you'll be just fine.

You should read the lyrics to a good Michael W Smith song - Move In Me. If you can download the song and listen to it you'll like it that much better!

 

[lovewillhappen]

Thanks Canamer. thats exactly what God has been showing me aswell chooose!and choose again!!cause then and only then can we begin to see Him working in us, without faith, i aint going nowhere, without that choice i aint going nowhere forward.

I am only human
Struggling to find
Confidence in all that I believe
You are only holy
You are love defined
And you have said to ask and I'll recieve

So I have come to pray
That you will come and fill
The hunger here inside me to grow
Stronger in the faith
There's a longing and a need
To have you ever closer
Come fill me

Cause when you move in me
It's like a symphony
The timeless melody
That soothes my soul
Though silent I can tell
That you're alive and well
Cause I can feel you move
In me

What they try to tell me
Is that your love is falseWhat they try to tell me
Is that Your is false
And faith is just a way
I choose to feel
And that there was no meaning
To You upon the cross
And I should reach for something that is real
And when those words are said
The questions in me start
And I don't have any answers
Until I stop thinking with my head
And start listening to my heart
And there I find my assurance
I tell them

Thanks for the song suggestion, its beautiful