Confused

[syrin]

Hi all !!
I'm a recent believer and I'm very lost. My husband grew up very religous (Presbyterian) and my father in law is an elder in there church. I wasn't brought up religous but always believed in Jesus. I was saved about 2 years ago and have never been happier. But...
My husband and I work very long hours and have a 2 year old son. We are not members of a church in our area. I feel guilty about this and wonder if I'm being "a bad Christian" because I don't go to church. When we visit my in laws (they live 10 hours away so we vacation there) we attend their church. Its wonderful and I wish we had the time to attend at home. I feel like my in laws will think less of me because i'm not a member. My husband, who was a member of that same church when he was young, acts like he feels very guilty. He acts like we shouldn't even pray before meals because we aren't living our lives according to what God says. I'm scared and very upset over this. Thanks

 

[BeLedbyHisSpirit]

Hi Syrin,

You have nothing to fear, Christ is in you, and with you, forever. I have posted a few messages that address your main concern. I advise you to read them now. Click here:

http://www.christianforums.com/t3106323-truth-regarding-christs-body-ie-church.html


and in this forum, also, I posted a message that should be valuable to you. Look for the post by my name:

http://www.christianforums.com/t3043894-how-did-you-choose-your-denomination.html&page=2

Feel free to ask me any questions you may have. I hope to give you the answer that the Holy Spirit would have you to hear.

Respectfully,

BeLedbyHisSpirit

 

[Dondi]

Your husband feels like he shouldn't say the blessing because you feel like your are not living your lives as God would have you? But starting the Christian life means doing things you aren't used to doing, like praying before meals. In fact, we need to get into the habit of praying. So anytime one prays, it's a good thing. We also need to read our Bibles, but maybe that's something you're not used to doing either.

Here is a common saying:

"Sow an act and you reap a habit. Sow a habit and you reap character. Sow character and you reap destiny."
- Charles Reade

The Bible shows this kind of progression in I Peter 2:5-8:

"And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge;
And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness;
And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity. For if these things be in you, and abound, they make you that ye shall neither be barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ."

You can see here a process, that you start with faith and add virtue, which is developing a good trait from habit. Then you add to virtue, knowledge, which speaks of knowing or realisation that the virtue you developed is benefitial. The add to knowledge, temperance, which is making that virtue a part of your character. Then add to temperance, patience, for it takes time for that character trait to cement. Then you add to patience, godliness, which is when that character trait becomes part of you, reflecting God's image. The add to godliness, brotherly love, which is using that trait to benefit others, though it may seem foreign to do so. Then add to brother love, charity, which is the highest form of love, in which you now are able to use that trait naturally toward others.

This is how one grows. If it is your conviction to go to church, then by all means go to church. Don't regard yourself as hypocrites in going to church just because you haven't gone in a long time. If that were the case then none of our churches will fill up. I wouldn't be going to church, either.

We all are hypocrites, for we are all sinners. But when we are saved, we are just beginning a journey of change. Paul said,

"Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus.
Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus." - Phil. 3:12-14

Hope this helps.

Love & peace,

Dondi

 

[DawnTillery]

Hi all !!
I'm a recent believer and I'm very lost. My husband grew up very religous (Presbyterian) and my father in law is an elder in there church. I wasn't brought up religous but always believed in Jesus. I was saved about 2 years ago and have never been happier. But...
My husband and I work very long hours and have a 2 year old son. We are not members of a church in our area. I feel guilty about this and wonder if I'm being "a bad Christian" because I don't go to church. When we visit my in laws (they live 10 hours away so we vacation there) we attend their church. Its wonderful and I wish we had the time to attend at home. I feel like my in laws will think less of me because i'm not a member. My husband, who was a member of that same church when he was young, acts like he feels very guilty. He acts like we shouldn't even pray before meals because we aren't living our lives according to what God says. I'm scared and very upset over this. Thanks

For one, I can not say you should or shouldn't be guilty about attending church.
I have some very wonderful Christians friends that worship at home. Remember what Jesus said: Matthew 18:20
For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.


I do know it says we should not forsake assembling together, because it does help us to stay strong, (other Christians to learn from and lean upon)

Sometimes I worry also what others think and really what is important - God -- He knows your heart.

I took about a three week break from attending church about a month ago because I was sick with a sinus infection that would not cure itself, come to find out it was allergies and because the doctor was treating me with antibotics instead of something to stop the allergy, I just was not getting better. When I went back to church (even though they knew I was sick) they acted like I had backslid, I was very upset at first, but then I remembered the words I just shared with you. God knows why I was out and God knows my heart.
I know how hard it is with a very hectic schedule, my husband and I have three children and both attend college full time and work.

 

[Robskiwarrior]

Yea as people have said - its not essential that you goto church but it is important - Jesus knows your situation and recognises the problems you have. Maybe you should pray that a situation arises where you can get into fellowship.

Like was said above "when 3 or more are gathered in my name, I will be with them"

Its like the whole "hot coal" illistration. Church is like a pile of hot coals, if you take one out of the fire then it goes cold on its own. The fellowship and worship in church keeps your fire going

So dont feel guilty - Jesus has not forgotten you and does not stand over you arms folded and shaking His head, its not like that!

 

[heymikey80]

Your husband probably doesn't know how to get out of the situation either and feels guilty as well. But no, neglect in one area doesn't mean you've failed at it all.

The guilt he's feeling is likely social guilt from trying to live up to his father's high expectations. But the Father in Heaven sees us all as having done wrong in everything we do, when measured against His standards.

I think John said it best:

If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth; but if we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar and His word is not in us. 1 John 1:6-10
​

 

[unknownchristian]

its bad to be religios, you should look for church in your area and pray to find a solution

 

[PastorStephanos]

What is the meaning of the word Church? it is the place where bretheren meet and worship GOD. The Lord Jesus said Everytime 2 or 3 meet in My name I shall be with them. Thats the Promiss of The Lord. So you adn your husband are two, you are a church.

I remmeber One of my friends Story "when I was a child and sometimes my father couldnt take us (the family) to church for a reason or two, he use to gather us in the living room My siste is a piano player, she use to play hymns, we use to sing hyms, than my father will read some passges from the Bible and give his devotion, then we split out. It was very nice gathering that even many of our neighbors use to attended.".

Now your husband is wrong about that part, But i would say that many christians forget about praying before meals. but also maybe he is praying in his heart without letting you know or maybe he is swiming his way out from faith. You would never know, the only thing you can do is PRAY. Prayers is the most powerfull tool on earth someone said. So do Pray and believe in what you are praying for. And The Lord promiss that we will get whatever we ask for in faith.

 

[heymikey80]

I keep coming back to this statement.

Could it be something in the family is happening that is getting in the way of his thinking he's "doing well" in Christ?

Y'see, there's a group of Presbyterians who lead lives by the Law. Me, I'm something of a transplant I guess. I hold a high view of the Law, but I'm not very good at following ot or restraining my own flaws. I believe honesty is better than covering for my own evils. But I guess I've run into so many Presbyterians who are trying mightily to cover for their evils. My mentors used to teach a joke poem about it: "Christianity is not, 'Don't swear, drink, smoke or chew, or go out with women who do.'" I guess it was to pull kids out of thinking Christianity was just behavior.

And yet ... may I say it respectfully? I know a significant number of Presbyterians for whom Christianity is this "maxim" (minim?) in their everyday lives. I know it's true of other denominations too, don't get me wrong. But your point about his being Presbyterian has led me to think long and hard about what could be going on here.

I would hope that the freedom of Christ would invade your family to shine a great light on the way of truth -- that while we're sinners, Christ did more for us than anyone ever would. "While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."

 

[Tavita]

I don't go to a church at the moment either, but we must remember that being a christian means we are the 'ecclesia', the called out ones. Going to an organisation called the church does not make us christian. We are christian because we have the Spirit of the resurrected Christ within us.

Why not suggest doing a study together with these verses and discuss what it means to be 'in Christ'....

(Rom 8:1 ASV) There is therefore now no condemnation to them that are in Christ Jesus.

(Rom 8:2 ASV) For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus made me free from the law of sin and of death.


I often marvel at the christians in the book of Acts. Whenever they were persecuted they fled to other towns and cities and preached the gospel there. They had no organisation called the church to attend and they still kept true to their Lord regardless. I've often heard the illustration too that if you take a coal out of the fire it will die. But we have the Spirit of God within, we are not left as orphans, we are not alone no matter where we are. To be without the rest of the ecclesia for a season does not mean you or your husband have backslid. To backslide means you turn your back on Him.


(1Jo 2:27 ASV) And as for you, the anointing which ye received of him abideth in you, and ye need not that any one teach you; but as his anointing teacheth you; concerning all things, and is true, and is no lie, and even as it taught you, ye abide in him.


Be encouraged, and be patient, you are not alone. In due time, if you pray and seek His will concerning you to attend a church, He will show you where to go. And encourage your husband to not accept condemnation over it, for condemnation comes from the enemy of our souls.

 

[angelfood]

I do not attend church regularly. I don't really feel "guilty" because I don't think that has anything to do with MY relationship with God. I believe it's what is in your heart and mind. What your spend your day thinking about. I believe church can be important, depending on your personality, if you want to gather with those of like mind. I don't think its required to be close to God. It doesn't make you a better Christian. Just more social. lol

 

[BeLedbyHisSpirit]

I don't go to a church at the moment either, but we must remember that being a christian means we are the 'ecclesia', the called out ones. Going to an organisation called the church does not make us christian. We are christian because we have the Spirit of the resurrected Christ within us.

Why not suggest doing a study together with these verses and discuss what it means to be 'in Christ'....

(Rom 8:1 ASV) There is therefore now no condemnation to them that are in Christ Jesus.

(Rom 8:2 ASV) For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus made me free from the law of sin and of death.


I often marvel at the christians in the book of Acts. Whenever they were persecuted they fled to other towns and cities and preached the gospel there. They had no organisation called the church to attend and they still kept true to their Lord regardless. I've often heard the illustration too that if you take a coal out of the fire it will die. But we have the Spirit of God within, we are not left as orphans, we are not alone no matter where we are. To be without the rest of the ecclesia for a season does not mean you or your husband have backslid. To backslide means you turn your back on Him.


(1Jo 2:27 ASV) And as for you, the anointing which ye received of him abideth in you, and ye need not that any one teach you; but as his anointing teacheth you; concerning all things, and is true, and is no lie, and even as it taught you, ye abide in him.


Be encouraged, and be patient, you are not alone. In due time, if you pray and seek His will concerning you to attend a church, He will show you where to go. And encourage your husband to not accept condemnation over it, for condemnation comes from the enemy of our souls.

I love these words! You can talk with me anyday, anytime! Speak it, sis!