I'd prefer advice from guys (or girls) who actually understand this type of thinking. Any thoughts are welcome, but I'd rather not have to read stuff that barely looks at the surface of it and automatically assumes the worst, just because "in any other guy", it'd mean such and such. Basically, if anyone can kinda clarify or maybe chime in as to being the same way...that'd be great. And please do not berate me or call me insecure (which I already know I am), because I am trying to understand. If it's possible, I'm willing to tough it out.
Right now, I'm in a "relationship" with a guy and I'm having a hard time describing what we're actually are.
Personally, I think normal "couples" would be bf/gf. Or would at least know that they aren't open to dating other people and they say that. But in this case, we're not, and I'm not even sure if I'm "allowed" to call us a couple.
He doesn't like titles. He finds them unnecessary, so even me requesting him to clarify "what we are" has him telling me that titles do nothing for the people, and that not having one doesn't mean that the feelings or affection is less real. Apparently to him, marriage is like a business contract...and he doesn't like that title either because of what he thinks it means.
So then onto the topic of love. He says he loves all his friends. He, I guess has "strong feelings" for all of them...which is something I've never gotten him to really explain in a way I understand.
He does say he cares for me the most. He just also stated he has never experienced "romantic love". What his definition of that is...I do not know.
Well then he says he doesn't want to commit "at this point in his life", but I'm again confused what he means. He says that he won't just go out with someone else without telling me, but I'm not sure if that means he won't dual-date or "I give you my word I won't". Maybe that's a minor detail but then again, I don't know.
But he says that he doesn't know what the future holds in terms of his job, so can't commit. I told him that my view about commitment wasn't about job or his future, but about our relationship and his dedication to me...but I don't think he gets it. I feel like we're speaking 2 different languages.
So then I'm afraid of commitment myself, which leaves me wanting to detract all affection. Which of course, he has his own little view about that. He thinks that "if you feel it, you should do it". Seems rather selfish to me. I just don't trust that way of living. I think that if you feel anything about anyone, sometimes they DO need to be monitored, depending on the situation. It's like if you're having a "low moment" with your gf and one day you have strong feelings for another, you don't just go with how you feel and move on.
Since I really don't understand HIS WAY of lack of commitment and the lack of titles, I don't want his affection either. I'm fearing that I can't trust him to the end, and that him just showing affection just because he wants is just going to make it more difficult for me. But he says he has "feelings" for me and needs to be able to show that affection.
Which BTW, we have been pretty physical up to this point, minus actual sex. To me any physical affection is special...to him that's normal if you have strong feelings of affection.
I know that titles aren't completely necessary, but I feel that they at least provide some sort of guidelines.
I can't completely let go of him right now because I am in a new city...shy...and he's the only person I have. So I do see him almost every day. Plus I do sincerely love him. But I feel like I'm beating against a wall and I can't grasp his way of understanding. I told him that his lack of commitment makes me feel like I'm good just not good enough...but he says it's not like that. But then what is it? If he thinks that titles are cheap...then what?
Right now, I'm in a "relationship" with a guy and I'm having a hard time describing what we're actually are.
Personally, I think normal "couples" would be bf/gf. Or would at least know that they aren't open to dating other people and they say that. But in this case, we're not, and I'm not even sure if I'm "allowed" to call us a couple.
He doesn't like titles. He finds them unnecessary, so even me requesting him to clarify "what we are" has him telling me that titles do nothing for the people, and that not having one doesn't mean that the feelings or affection is less real. Apparently to him, marriage is like a business contract...and he doesn't like that title either because of what he thinks it means.
So then onto the topic of love. He says he loves all his friends. He, I guess has "strong feelings" for all of them...which is something I've never gotten him to really explain in a way I understand.
He does say he cares for me the most. He just also stated he has never experienced "romantic love". What his definition of that is...I do not know.
Well then he says he doesn't want to commit "at this point in his life", but I'm again confused what he means. He says that he won't just go out with someone else without telling me, but I'm not sure if that means he won't dual-date or "I give you my word I won't". Maybe that's a minor detail but then again, I don't know.
But he says that he doesn't know what the future holds in terms of his job, so can't commit. I told him that my view about commitment wasn't about job or his future, but about our relationship and his dedication to me...but I don't think he gets it. I feel like we're speaking 2 different languages.
So then I'm afraid of commitment myself, which leaves me wanting to detract all affection. Which of course, he has his own little view about that. He thinks that "if you feel it, you should do it". Seems rather selfish to me. I just don't trust that way of living. I think that if you feel anything about anyone, sometimes they DO need to be monitored, depending on the situation. It's like if you're having a "low moment" with your gf and one day you have strong feelings for another, you don't just go with how you feel and move on.
Since I really don't understand HIS WAY of lack of commitment and the lack of titles, I don't want his affection either. I'm fearing that I can't trust him to the end, and that him just showing affection just because he wants is just going to make it more difficult for me. But he says he has "feelings" for me and needs to be able to show that affection.
Which BTW, we have been pretty physical up to this point, minus actual sex. To me any physical affection is special...to him that's normal if you have strong feelings of affection.
I know that titles aren't completely necessary, but I feel that they at least provide some sort of guidelines.
I can't completely let go of him right now because I am in a new city...shy...and he's the only person I have. So I do see him almost every day. Plus I do sincerely love him. But I feel like I'm beating against a wall and I can't grasp his way of understanding. I told him that his lack of commitment makes me feel like I'm good just not good enough...but he says it's not like that. But then what is it? If he thinks that titles are cheap...then what?