Confused and upset

[SparkyMel]

OK... where do I begin?
I'm 15... I've always been brought up to believe that being gay was wrong.
At the age of 12 I got a crush on a girl in my choir. I loved everything about her, but was confused by my feelings. I repressed them and dismissed any thoughts that I might be gay.
I got crushes on girls more and more often, and i realised that i must be bisexual when I was 13. I know it's a young age but I just knew. It's not a phase. I couldn't come to terms with the morality of it. I started getting self esteem problems and couldnt express my anger or find a release for the feelings I bottled up. I started to self harm. I did it for about 2 years but I havent done it for 2 months.
Now I'm battling with the gay issue, and the sex issue. I have overwhelming feelings for another girl, who is straight. I may even be in love with her. You may laugh if you will, saying that I'm 15, I can't be in love properly. Well maybe. But she's overwhelming my life. I've never had feelings this strong. Every time I look at her I think thoughts that I've been brought up not to think. I think about her sexually as well. It's not just her personality. But I know that sex and sexuality is God given... does that mean it's wrong to restrain my feelings and bottle them up to the point of despair? Surely God doesn't want me to be unhappy?

I don't know
In summary: lust, homosexuality, self harm
Need advice.
Please.

Thank you
xxxx

 

[Johnnz]

You have some real issues to face. Honesty with yourself will be essential.

I am happy to help you explore some issues you should consider. You will need to PM me if you want to take up this offer.

Bless you

John
NZ

 

[StAnselm]

Hi Mel! It's great that you already feel comfortable enough on CF to post this.

But I know that sex and sexuality is God given... does that mean it's wrong to restrain my feelings and bottle them up to the point of despair?

Yes and no. Sexuality is God-given, and sexual desire is not wrong in itself. But God made (heterosexual) marriage to be the only lawful context in which one may have sex. Since you are single, it is wrong for you to have lustful thoughts about either guys or girls.

Now, homsexuality is a consequence of our rebellion against God, and the Bible clearly prohibits it. That means if you are a Christian and have inclinations in this area you may have to spend your whole life struggling with it. Weclome to the life of discipleship!

In some ways this is no different to a single heterosexual person dealing with sexual desire, but not being able to express that as they would like. If you're bisexual, then maybe you will want to get married someday - but your husband would have to understand the issue.

So while we need not keep our feelings bottled up, there are appropriate ways of expressing them. Posting here is appropriate. Telling this girl that you love her would not be appropriate.

 

[apologia25]

OK... where do I begin?
I'm 15... I've always been brought up to believe that being gay was wrong.
At the age of 12 I got a crush on a girl in my choir. I loved everything about her, but was confused by my feelings. I repressed them and dismissed any thoughts that I might be gay.
I got crushes on girls more and more often, and i realised that i must be bisexual when I was 13. I know it's a young age but I just knew. It's not a phase. I couldn't come to terms with the morality of it. I started getting self esteem problems and couldnt express my anger or find a release for the feelings I bottled up. I started to self harm. I did it for about 2 years but I havent done it for 2 months.
Now I'm battling with the gay issue, and the sex issue. I have overwhelming feelings for another girl, who is straight. I may even be in love with her. You may laugh if you will, saying that I'm 15, I can't be in love properly. Well maybe. But she's overwhelming my life. I've never had feelings this strong. Every time I look at her I think thoughts that I've been brought up not to think. I think about her sexually as well. It's not just her personality. But I know that sex and sexuality is God given... does that mean it's wrong to restrain my feelings and bottle them up to the point of despair? Surely God doesn't want me to be unhappy?

I don't know
In summary: lust, homosexuality, self harm
Need advice.
Please.

Thank you
xxxx

Brother,
In life there are so muc craziness. I much like you came from such a background. I had always knew by my attractions that something was wrong. The world tells us that it is not a choice, But God gives new life and makes new creations out of all of us. The good thing is your young and if you begin battling with those thoughts now you may enjoy a somewhat struggleles future. Young love is a cool thing bro and I am sure your capable. On the other hand 15 is a year of hormones, emotional ups and downs. if you want to date her that is great but you need to give those sexual feelings up. Paul told timothy to look on each lady as a sister. You need to pray that God gives you strength to do that. Sex out of marriage is cheap, shortlived, full of regret and shame. I don't know if your even planning on that, but bro in the longterm it's gonna cause damage. If you need to PM me then please do. I want to encourage you to fix your eyes on Jesus. My best friend in high school got a girl pregnant when he was 15 years. Somehow the baby miscarried, reminds me of David and Bathsheba and the son that died becauuse of sin. That mistake could have cost him his future. Be so careful as the decisions you make now will impact your entire life.


Your bro
Apologia25

 

[Escipión]

i didn't read you were a girl at first, so i was saying to myself: a guy struggling with homosexuality who has fallen deeply in love with a girl and can't get her out of his mind? something doesn't make sense here

i understand you, do you know why? Because i also have overwhelming feelings towards a girl, sexual thoughts about her, and all that kind of stuff... and it's definitely something i cannot avoid or a decision i've made. It's that way, simply.

so i only have to try to get a more or less abstract view of the issue and imagine i had long hair and some other things i'm not gonna mention here, to realize how difficult it must be for you to repress such super-ultra-strong feelings, which are pure chemistry, don't forget that...

From a christian point of view, having a gay lifestyle is a sinful thing, period. BUt i will not be the one to tell you to live a hell of a life without a first kiss -which i haven't had yet even though im straight- or a person with whom to share your home and your body, ever.

it's just so difficult to deny oneself... but i'm afraid that would be the christian thing to do. Sorry if i'm too realistic.

By the way, i really hope things in your life come to a good end and you find the way to be happy with yourself. it may sound a bit corny, but i'm with you, so if you wanna talk to me or just relieve yourself from all the stress, [EDIT PM or email the member from their profile -- email address deleted as per CF rules. We don't want to censor it as much as to keep spammers from farming CF for email addresses.]

 

[SparkyMel]

It's great that you already feel comfortable enough on CF to post this.

Yeah, it's a great community... and i thought that maybe I could get some advice and share some with others

Yes and no. Sexuality is God-given, and sexual desire is not wrong in itself. But God made (heterosexual) marriage to be the only lawful context in which one may have sex. Since you are single, it is wrong for you to have lustful thoughts about either guys or girls.

Why is it wrong though...? Because I get that marriage is the only place for sex, but why is thinking about it wrong?

So while we need not keep our feelings bottled up, there are appropriate ways of expressing them. Posting here is appropriate. Telling this girl that you love her would not be appropriate.

No no, I wasnt planning on telling her... I'll try to remind myself of the fact that there are appropriate ways of expressing stuff...

Thanks guys for all of this
You have no idea of how much I appreciate it.

 

[apologia25]

oops from reading the other I know maybe have confused this whole forum forgive me as I wasn't very observant

 

[StAnselm]

Yeah, I was thinking about PMing you apologia25.

Why is it wrong though...? Because I get that marriage is the only place for sex, but why is thinking about it wrong?

It depends on the way in which we think about it, of course. But remember what Jesus says on the subject:

You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

(Matthew 5:27-28)

 

[backagain]

Sparky,

I know what you are going through and I will keep you in my prayers.

In short, it isn't a gay issue, but a sexual issue period. I am a very healthy and energetic person,

but I always seem to want to wait until marriage, but as I search for a wonderful, honest, caring, christian, woman, I

have noticed that it also has hindered my self esteem, brought about despair, a lack of coinfidence in myself as a male, etc.... and I am, we will say, 30+ something.

Even so, I am morally going to try to take the moral high road for as long as it is possible.

Again, just know that you are not the only one "STRUGGLING" with normal, sexual issues, there are millions of us out here.

Just keep praying about the struggles you are experiencing and hope, in time, God will come to ease your burdens, if that is his plan for you.

God Bless you.

 

[SparkyMel]

You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

But isn't that if you're attatched? Or is that at any time...

 

[StAnselm]

Yes, the word "adultery" is primarily concerned with those who are married, while in the New Testament "sexual immorality" (or "fornication") is used to describe sexual misconduct outside marriage:

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.

(Ephesians 5:3-4)

 

[JeremiahJ]

Sparky, it's a principle that can be applied not just to committing adultery, but to every aspect of sin. What you do in your thought life is directly related to what is going on in your heart, and your heart is what God cares most about. He judges the thoughts and actions of the heart, not necessarily just what you do. To think pleasurably about homosexuality, which God says is unnatural and death-bringing, is a sin. It's not wrong to have those thoughts thrown at you, certainly... but do you entertain them, or do you fight against them because you want to experience the life and love of Jesus Christ instead of settling for something that's only going to be a detriment?

This issue seems like a tough one. I'm not going to claim that I understand what you're going through. I can only give a few tidbits of advice that I know from personal experience and from observing the lives of others. Keep in mind that feelings mean nothing. Feelings can be good things, and they can be bad things, but in and of themselves do not make something right or wrong or fated or anything of the sort. They're chemical releases into the brain and body, and they can be wonderful (or terrible) chemical releases, but they are merely a function of the beautiful body that God has created. The advice here is to not go thinking that because you feel something to be right, or destined, or good in your situation, it does not make it so. Understand that God's way is a way of life. Yes, you indeed must deny yourself, but God asks us to give up those things that result in death so that He can give us more things that bring us closer to life as it was meant to be. Selfishly desire the joy, peace, love, and wholeness that comes from knowing, loving, and following God. Refrain from bottling up emotions... rather, continually, with open arms, tell God that you are His... His child, His follower, His beloved. And you want Him to have all of you, including your feelings and your sexual orientation, because you are most secure and most alive when you are His.

I pray the best for you.

 

[bassdrum1]

OK... where do I begin?
I'm 15... I've always been brought up to believe that being gay was wrong.
At the age of 12 I got a crush on a girl in my choir. I loved everything about her, but was confused by my feelings. I repressed them and dismissed any thoughts that I might be gay.
I got crushes on girls more and more often, and i realised that i must be bisexual when I was 13. I know it's a young age but I just knew. It's not a phase. I couldn't come to terms with the morality of it. I started getting self esteem problems and couldnt express my anger or find a release for the feelings I bottled up. I started to self harm. I did it for about 2 years but I havent done it for 2 months.
Now I'm battling with the gay issue, and the sex issue. I have overwhelming feelings for another girl, who is straight. I may even be in love with her. You may laugh if you will, saying that I'm 15, I can't be in love properly. Well maybe. But she's overwhelming my life. I've never had feelings this strong. Every time I look at her I think thoughts that I've been brought up not to think. I think about her sexually as well. It's not just her personality. But I know that sex and sexuality is God given... does that mean it's wrong to restrain my feelings and bottle them up to the point of despair? Surely God doesn't want me to be unhappy?

I don't know
In summary: lust, homosexuality, self harm
Need advice.
Please.

Thank you
xxxx

hey. if u want advice. i mean a true story of exactly what u r going through and all.pm me. lets just say i know exactly where u r coming from.

 

[Marie D]

OK... where do I begin?
I'm 15... I've always been brought up to believe that being gay was wrong.
At the age of 12 I got a crush on a girl in my choir. I loved everything about her, but was confused by my feelings. I repressed them and dismissed any thoughts that I might be gay.
I got crushes on girls more and more often, and i realised that i must be bisexual when I was 13. I know it's a young age but I just knew. It's not a phase. I couldn't come to terms with the morality of it. I started getting self esteem problems and couldnt express my anger or find a release for the feelings I bottled up. I started to self harm. I did it for about 2 years but I havent done it for 2 months.
Now I'm battling with the gay issue, and the sex issue. I have overwhelming feelings for another girl, who is straight. I may even be in love with her. You may laugh if you will, saying that I'm 15, I can't be in love properly. Well maybe. But she's overwhelming my life. I've never had feelings this strong. Every time I look at her I think thoughts that I've been brought up not to think. I think about her sexually as well. It's not just her personality. But I know that sex and sexuality is God given... does that mean it's wrong to restrain my feelings and bottle them up to the point of despair? Surely God doesn't want me to be unhappy?

I don't know
In summary: lust, homosexuality, self harm
Need advice.
Please.

Thank you
xxxx

Hi Mel,

The first thing I'd like to say is that I'm praying for you as I can tell you're tormented by this and your self harm shows you are in turmoil and are hating yourself.
Second, Christianity does teach us that lust is a sin and you are clearly lusting after some people at present, which is the same sin whether they're the same sex as you or not. Perhaps with prayer you can find the strength not to think impure thoughts.
Third, God doesn't hate you for sinning, and you shouldn't hate yourself either. I'm not gay but I do sometimes feel lust for my fiance. Thankfully I've never acted on that lust, be it doing wrong with him or alone. The Devil tempts us; through the love of God we resist temptation, and that's what you need to do now.
Fourth, the Bible is clear on homosexuality. It is wrong. While straight people can give in to their physical desires by getting married, there's no place for gay people to act out their desires within Christianity, so you will need to be stronger than the rest of us to overcome those urges.
Finally, it's good to love your friends, as they were created by God in his own image and he loves them absoutely, giving his son for their salvation. Be friends with them, care for them, rejoice in their happiness. If as you say they're straight then this includes being happy for them if they find boyfriends or marry.
I know it's difficult but with the power of prayer I'm sure you will succeed!

With love


Marie

 

[kingzjewel]

seems that every teenager i have ever met has dealt with this thing at one point or another. it's a shame that you all have to go through this. i went through it. it's always the same age, the same problem. the thing is that we all have to make sure that we read the Bible and what it truly says is right behavior. we are not to give in to our lusts, no matter what they may be. we are to be given fully to the business of holiness. yeah it's a lot to take in, but it's what we have decided to do. that decision precedes all other problems or decisions in our lives. We just have to learn how to deal with the thorns in our sides and live our lives as fully as we can while being in obedience to what God wants. if you need to you can pm me... God bless you. I am praying.

 

[SparkyMel]

Agh more stuff has gone wrong...

I was talking to someone about this over msn, and discussing what people in my situation could do. And I was talking about this girl... And then my mum went through my files and found the conversation.
She hasnt mentioned it, and i'm not sure if I can bring it up with her because I don't feel that close to her about issues like this.
I dont know what to do. She must know but she hasnt said anything. Maybe it's because I'm in the middle of my GCSEs...?
It's such a mess...

 

[StAnselm]

Agh more stuff has gone wrong...

Oh dear.