confused and lost

[joekim]

hi I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this, but I hope someone can help and pray for me.

My girlfriend and I have been dating since highschool and we love each other very much. Unfortunately we went to different colleges in different cities in September, but we promised each other that we would love each other and that our faith in God would keep us together.

I recently went to visit her at her school, and I guess she was suprised to see me, but we decided to go grab a bite to eat. When she was in the bathroom getting ready, I sorta started looking around her room. I know I should have respected her privacy, but I'm not sure why I did it.

But In her drawer I found a box of condoms. When I asks her about it, she hesitated a bit and then said that they were just giving them out at school. And then she got upset because i was looking through her things. I didn't want to make matters worse so I didn't say anyhing else, and we went for dinner.

But the prblem is that I don't think they give a whole box of condoms at school, and also the box was half empty. I also noticed some short skirts and provocative clothes in her closet too.

guess I am just scared and confused about the whole situation and I don't know what to do . I have been praying abot it but so far I don't have ananswer. I was wondering if someone can help me with advce or pray for me.

Thank you. In god
joe kim

 

[peanutbutter12]

Sounds like a tuff situation. The school obviously wouldn't give her a half empty box of condoms, but that doesn't mean she didn't get it from a friend or something and stored them away, but my question would be then, why is she keeping them? Also with the clothing, it certainly would make one suspicious, especially if you yourself have never seen them before or her wearing them.

It's a lot to deal with, but the simple fact is that you can remain suspicious about it and watch your relationship deteriorate because of a lack of trust, you can choose to let it go and trust her in belief that she is doing the right things and making the right choices, or you can choose to get out of the relationship. Each choice comes with it's challenges, but you need to ask what is going to be best for you.

Long distance relationships are hard enough as it is. Suspicion adds a decaying effect that will drive you crazy. You just need to decide whether or not you can trust her or whether or not you SHOULD trust her. Especially with what you already know.

I think you need to have a long talk and make sure of some things and get others strait. If something is going on there, she needs to be honest with you and tell you despite if it will hurt you or not. Trust is the key factor in any relationship.

Good luck

 

[joekim]

Hello,

Thank your for replying TerraSin

I guess i just don't know what to say to her in regards to this. I dont want to start accusing her of something she may not be doing, without knowing there isn't a reasonable explanation for these things.

I just find it hard to believe that a strong christian like herself would do something like that, especially since she is the one who led me to Christ in the first place.

Could there be a innocent explanation for an open box of condoms and short skirts? I don't know, I just pray that there is a way to know for sure.

 

[deke123]

you dont have to worry about that. the lord is taking or has already taken care of that for you. you and your gf are to be together to help not to not help. So help her by talking it out with her. She will listen. Ok you will be ok. amEN

 

[ClausJohn]

First of all: Looking into her drawers and closet: Shame on you!

But half a box of condoms....? That's just not a good sign at all, and if i were you i'd have talked to her immediately about it, in length. Her answer is hardly believable, from what i read.

You should first think about what you want to say, and possible outcomes. Do you want to stay with her no matter if she cheated on you? Or is it the definitive end for you? All in all - how much would you be able to forgive?
Then talk to her. You can tell her that you trust her (though it would be more convincing if you hadn't searched her room), but you just cannot ignore the condoms. And so on...

 

[joekim]

Hey,
I think i have good news after all,
She called me to say that she wanted to explain about the box of condoms. She said that they weren't hers; it was her roomate's. She was just hiding them in her drawer because her parents were coming to visit and she didn't want them to find it, and the clothes we her's too.
I guess i overreacted; I'm just glad that all this was just a case of me acting stupid.
Thank you for your help and prayers.
In Christ,
JChang.

 

[miss_klara]

...But she changed her story...?
First they were given out at school, then they were her room mate's...

 

[RevivedNurse]

i see what miss klara is saying, i just say truely pray about iit and be open to what God is telling you. When all my relationships have gone south, though it's only been twice, i pray hard about it and i realize God was telling me things and i just wasn't listening. There are just key signs and changes in the attitude. I don't understand why she wasnt' truthful from the start but i trust that God won't keep you in and unhealthy relationship

 

[joekim]

Do you guys think she is lying?

 

[RevivedNurse]

b/c if it was something so innocent why not just say those close are my friends and so are the condoms. Why lie and then wait 2 days to say something, she was untruthful about something that was (if she telling the truth about it being her friends) so no big deal. Her first answer seemed like a cover up to something more then it just being her friend's stuff. I am not saying she wasn't telling the truth but i know if it was me i was still have questions on why she just didn't say that from the get go, i am a girl i had roommate and yes stuff does end up mixed up but whenever my bf has found anything questionable and it was my roommates i simply tell him "oh that' s melissa's stuff" and we keep going about what we are doing. Trust in God if she is doing somehing she shouldn't God will let it be shown to you when he's ready.

 

[Blank123]

i agree it does sound fishy to me. If she was holding them for her friend she shouldn't have had a problem telling you the truth at the time, why should it take her her a couple of days to fess up to something so minor?

i won't say she was lying because i don't know her and just can't say that one way or the other, but i will say don't let your guard too easily. This would be a big red flag to me, so just watch out for other warning signs.

 

[RevivedNurse]

yes that's all i am saying not that she's lying just don't let your guard down, just remeber there's a difference between on guard and being defensive

 

[ImperialPhantom]

She is LY-ING. As soon as I saw that hesitation comment, I knew it. Then the defensiveness about looking through her stuff. Then, all of a sudden, it's not "hers" anymore, it's her roommate's. Uh, yeah dude, she's lying. Sorry I have to break it to you like that, but it's tough love. She's lying.

 

[RaeDev]

I agree with Phantom. Sorry but she did say two different things. She probably had to think a little while for the other excuse or else she would have told you when you were still there so you can look her in the eye. I hope your relationship works out only if thats what you want.

 

[joekim]

I don't know what to do anymore. If she is lying, does that mean that she is cheating then? Do you guys really think that the condoms are hers and that she is cheating? I mean, how is that possible, she is such a good girl with a strong heart in Christ, and she loves me, it is very hard for me to believe it.

But it is Valentine's day, and I told her I am going to come visit her, but she said that she has a lot of homework to do. But she said I should come on the weekend instead. Do you think something is going on?

Maybe I should suprise her or something. I dont know, I'm so confused. I just wish everything was the way it used to be.

Is there another explanation for all those things I found in her room?

 

[Blank123]

Is there another explanation for all those things I found in her room?

all i can say is it does sound extremely fishy to me that it took her 2 days to come up with an excuse that shifts the blame and guilt to someone else. if my boyfriend were acting like this i would have some very serious questions about him.

 

[RaeDev]

You should so give her a surprise visit sometime. Maybe you will get some closure. or maybe not. still worth a try

 

[chris414]

I don't know what to do anymore. If she is lying, does that mean that she is cheating then? Do you guys really think that the condoms are hers and that she is cheating? I mean, how is that possible, she is such a good girl with a strong heart in Christ, and she loves me, it is very hard for me to believe it.

But it is Valentine's day, and I told her I am going to come visit her, but she said that she has a lot of homework to do. But she said I should come on the weekend instead. Do you think something is going on?

Maybe I should suprise her or something. I dont know, I'm so confused. I just wish everything was the way it used to be.

Is there another explanation for all those things I found in her room?

sounds dodge... how'd the weekend visit go (if you went)?

 

[joekim]

The weekend was good, well, actually it was only a day because she had to study the next day, but we spent some time together, but, I dunno, something just seemed wierd. Hard to explain. Maybe I'm being paranoid or something

 

[CatharineWordsworth]

Hi joekim --
Here's my advice, and this is just delightfully paradoxical: don't take my advice. Please, do not base relationship decisions on online advice given to you in a forum!

Base it on advice given to you by people who know both you and the girl. You seem very upset and confused, and it's good to have someone to talk to, but this is all just electronic and very impersonal, no matter how it seems. No one posting answers really knows the situation.

I hope that you and the girl find tangible ways to trust each other in future, or that God gives you the grace to realize the relationship needs to end.