I have no one else to talk to about this, so this is a good of place as any.
If you have a great memory and by chance read some of my pasts posts about being with an abusive person, then I am sure I know what your thoughts may be.
While on Second Life some months back, just a random conversation started by someone noticing my avatar was not moving but animated running. Then the person asked about my titler. So, random chit chats started from there. Well, we just had random chats in SL for a few weeks after. This persona, female in Dubai, and I were chatting about work and she was telling me of some stresses from it and I said how much I understand, and she was going through a transaction at work and was ready to quit and really worried. So, I did what some people may consider stupid, told her we can keep in touch on IM outside of SL (like Skype, etc). We use IMO right now. So, from that day she was appreciated and we did and anytime she was stressed, she contacted me on IMO and we chatted briefly so she can get through her issues at work (downsizing, moving personnel, those types of stresses which I fully been through). Well she got through it and I thought that be it and we go back to just chatting on SL (because, why would a girl want to keep talking to me anyway, right)?
Well, apparently we ended up chatting every day. Every day since. Three months now. At this point we have gotten a bit close in feelings of liking one another, talking about some personal issues, etc. As we are becoming close friends. We talked on voice a few times, but my connections here slow (2M download) so now always good (and IMO is not as good as Skype, but the EAU blocks Skype) and she also lives with roomies so she gets less privacy. We not done video calls at all. But we exchange pictures (yea, I had to succumb to selfies, bleh). Just fun stuff (nothing “sexy”). We have gotten into personal conversations and I explained to her some things in my life. So, we have gotten close as close as three months of constant chatting gets you to someone far away. We even flirt.
Well, comes be it that even with the things I have mentioned to her (having kids from first marriage, abused from second, struggling with money and needing a new place to live and fast, still not divorced [$$$$$$$$$] to my abusive spouse who has vanished from this state last year, and all that life stuff), she feels very close to me. In fact, she even feels she is in love with me. I can not repeat the same of course and I am not going to tell her how she should or not feel. I just happen to be a guy she is talking to that has stuck by her (online) and is truthful to her and sincere (I am). We even talk about “what ifs” like if we were together, how I would hold her, what we eat, what we do with the kids, how we would spend weekends, etc. We especially talk about simple, romantic things like cuddling. We do not talk about sexual stuff. She is not like that (she never has been and is waiting for marriage) and I do not disrespect her by bringing it up.
We say good night and morning to one another like a couple would long distance. Basically, we act like a couple, but she knows we are not. We even send kisses and hugs to one another now.
Now, here is the thing, and I have told her all this before so it is no surprise so what I say here, I told her…. I do not know what to do about us.
If she were closer, yes, I want to see how dating would go, for sure. She seems to be a professional, compassionate female who respects my situation and seems very understanding. She is very open about her feelings and does not pressure me in anything or makes me feel guilty in anyway. However, she is in Dubai and I already did the whole long distance thing. It will take a lot of time and money just to even meet. It will be years to save that, and I still need the money for something else in a few years time. I have one dream: taking my kids to Italy in the next few years. I barely can afford lunch for myself right now, but that is one of my goals. Saving to make another trip solo, and such, is going to derail Italy if I can even make that happen.
She is from the Philippines. The recent spouse here who was abusive, is also Filipino. The kids would probably not take kindly to that. As a matter of fact, even if I wanted to pursue this, all my family will see is I got into another long distance relationship with another Filipino. They may think she is a gold digger. Well, my previous mate knew I had no money but wanted to be with me (just, I should have stopped when I saw the verbal abusiveness years prior but now I know better). This current girl, same age as I by the way, has more money than me and she could even try a trip here sooner than I can. Since she is established in Dubai and her company for 8-10 years, she can “possibly” get a tourist visa for a week or so. So, she not into this for money, so let us move that from any thoughts.
She fits most of my criteria (if you read that post) and I do like her a lot. Of course, she has to be far away, and again, it was just a random chance on a game all because she noticed my avi was running in one spot at a blues simulator. She was not looking for anything to have developed. Definitely not me. But here we are.
Finding a compatible girl here for coffee is near impossible. I asked one and she was married. I asked another, and she complained about me to my apartment complex for whatever reason (I do not talk to people well sometimes due to shyness). Yes, of course, I find one who is, again, far away.
I feel like I am leading her on, even though I am not. It is how I feel because I am uncertain what to do. Even if we tried and wanted to be together, no guarantee with the way this country is to get her over as a fiancée, and I can not love away from my kids.
I feel like we are making this grow daily, but in the end I think it will never happen.
Again, she knows all this, and I fear, I really do, I am going to break her heart in the end because I see more of the reality of things. I mean, she ends her nights saying “I love you.” I ache to hear someone say that, but she knows I can not return it right now. She really is someone who accepts me.
I also do not want to wait three to five years for a date with someone, as meeting someone local does not work so well for me. I have someone far away who would love to see where it could go, but the challenges and consequences I am thinking of prevent me from telling her we can try. She not pressuring me or anything and knows our challenges and she will accept whatever decision I make.
I just feel like I am wasting both our times by still talking to her because I can not just be friends with a female. Not in adult male form; I know these feelings. If I decide to purser, my children and family may persecute her from the similarities there are and not going to just take my word for it on someone they never met.
I pray about this, but I am honesty going to tell you I never hear God speaking to me. I know I am not good at praying, as I just talk briefly to him. I just do things and hope He intervenes if needed. Yet, so many bad things have happened from things I thought were good, logical moves. I never, ever know when He is telling me something, if ever.
So, this is what I have to get off my chest because my pastor not written to me back.
I am confused and broken and feeling like doing illogical maneuvers base don emotions, but the future of possible consequences prevent me.
I removed the abusive spouse to protect my children. How am I ever going to find a way to make another long distance relationship work with the one person I ended up meeting that actually gives me the time of day?
Thanks for listening.
If you have a great memory and by chance read some of my pasts posts about being with an abusive person, then I am sure I know what your thoughts may be.
While on Second Life some months back, just a random conversation started by someone noticing my avatar was not moving but animated running. Then the person asked about my titler. So, random chit chats started from there. Well, we just had random chats in SL for a few weeks after. This persona, female in Dubai, and I were chatting about work and she was telling me of some stresses from it and I said how much I understand, and she was going through a transaction at work and was ready to quit and really worried. So, I did what some people may consider stupid, told her we can keep in touch on IM outside of SL (like Skype, etc). We use IMO right now. So, from that day she was appreciated and we did and anytime she was stressed, she contacted me on IMO and we chatted briefly so she can get through her issues at work (downsizing, moving personnel, those types of stresses which I fully been through). Well she got through it and I thought that be it and we go back to just chatting on SL (because, why would a girl want to keep talking to me anyway, right)?
Well, apparently we ended up chatting every day. Every day since. Three months now. At this point we have gotten a bit close in feelings of liking one another, talking about some personal issues, etc. As we are becoming close friends. We talked on voice a few times, but my connections here slow (2M download) so now always good (and IMO is not as good as Skype, but the EAU blocks Skype) and she also lives with roomies so she gets less privacy. We not done video calls at all. But we exchange pictures (yea, I had to succumb to selfies, bleh). Just fun stuff (nothing “sexy”). We have gotten into personal conversations and I explained to her some things in my life. So, we have gotten close as close as three months of constant chatting gets you to someone far away. We even flirt.
Well, comes be it that even with the things I have mentioned to her (having kids from first marriage, abused from second, struggling with money and needing a new place to live and fast, still not divorced [$$$$$$$$$] to my abusive spouse who has vanished from this state last year, and all that life stuff), she feels very close to me. In fact, she even feels she is in love with me. I can not repeat the same of course and I am not going to tell her how she should or not feel. I just happen to be a guy she is talking to that has stuck by her (online) and is truthful to her and sincere (I am). We even talk about “what ifs” like if we were together, how I would hold her, what we eat, what we do with the kids, how we would spend weekends, etc. We especially talk about simple, romantic things like cuddling. We do not talk about sexual stuff. She is not like that (she never has been and is waiting for marriage) and I do not disrespect her by bringing it up.
We say good night and morning to one another like a couple would long distance. Basically, we act like a couple, but she knows we are not. We even send kisses and hugs to one another now.
Now, here is the thing, and I have told her all this before so it is no surprise so what I say here, I told her…. I do not know what to do about us.
If she were closer, yes, I want to see how dating would go, for sure. She seems to be a professional, compassionate female who respects my situation and seems very understanding. She is very open about her feelings and does not pressure me in anything or makes me feel guilty in anyway. However, she is in Dubai and I already did the whole long distance thing. It will take a lot of time and money just to even meet. It will be years to save that, and I still need the money for something else in a few years time. I have one dream: taking my kids to Italy in the next few years. I barely can afford lunch for myself right now, but that is one of my goals. Saving to make another trip solo, and such, is going to derail Italy if I can even make that happen.
She is from the Philippines. The recent spouse here who was abusive, is also Filipino. The kids would probably not take kindly to that. As a matter of fact, even if I wanted to pursue this, all my family will see is I got into another long distance relationship with another Filipino. They may think she is a gold digger. Well, my previous mate knew I had no money but wanted to be with me (just, I should have stopped when I saw the verbal abusiveness years prior but now I know better). This current girl, same age as I by the way, has more money than me and she could even try a trip here sooner than I can. Since she is established in Dubai and her company for 8-10 years, she can “possibly” get a tourist visa for a week or so. So, she not into this for money, so let us move that from any thoughts.
She fits most of my criteria (if you read that post) and I do like her a lot. Of course, she has to be far away, and again, it was just a random chance on a game all because she noticed my avi was running in one spot at a blues simulator. She was not looking for anything to have developed. Definitely not me. But here we are.
Finding a compatible girl here for coffee is near impossible. I asked one and she was married. I asked another, and she complained about me to my apartment complex for whatever reason (I do not talk to people well sometimes due to shyness). Yes, of course, I find one who is, again, far away.
I feel like I am leading her on, even though I am not. It is how I feel because I am uncertain what to do. Even if we tried and wanted to be together, no guarantee with the way this country is to get her over as a fiancée, and I can not love away from my kids.
I feel like we are making this grow daily, but in the end I think it will never happen.
Again, she knows all this, and I fear, I really do, I am going to break her heart in the end because I see more of the reality of things. I mean, she ends her nights saying “I love you.” I ache to hear someone say that, but she knows I can not return it right now. She really is someone who accepts me.
I also do not want to wait three to five years for a date with someone, as meeting someone local does not work so well for me. I have someone far away who would love to see where it could go, but the challenges and consequences I am thinking of prevent me from telling her we can try. She not pressuring me or anything and knows our challenges and she will accept whatever decision I make.
I just feel like I am wasting both our times by still talking to her because I can not just be friends with a female. Not in adult male form; I know these feelings. If I decide to purser, my children and family may persecute her from the similarities there are and not going to just take my word for it on someone they never met.
I pray about this, but I am honesty going to tell you I never hear God speaking to me. I know I am not good at praying, as I just talk briefly to him. I just do things and hope He intervenes if needed. Yet, so many bad things have happened from things I thought were good, logical moves. I never, ever know when He is telling me something, if ever.
So, this is what I have to get off my chest because my pastor not written to me back.
I am confused and broken and feeling like doing illogical maneuvers base don emotions, but the future of possible consequences prevent me.
I removed the abusive spouse to protect my children. How am I ever going to find a way to make another long distance relationship work with the one person I ended up meeting that actually gives me the time of day?
Thanks for listening.
