Concerning the presence of men in churches

[JEBofChristTheLord]

It seems that about once a year or so, I am faced with this question: Why is it that today there is a relatively small population of men, in comparison to women, in so many churches? Recently this was rubbed into my nose doubly hard, as I was given a newsletter from a mission organization in Russia, which asked the same question, and in several different ways! As a result of this question coming up over and over for quite a few years, I have asked the Lord quite a few times to deliver an answer which admitted of practical use towards trend-reversal. I have never had, heard, nor read any answers which appeared to me to be very good, until today. Perhaps God has sent one.

The idea is closely related to a reasonably well-understood distinction between the psychology of the genders. A very successful counselor has written that women in general have possibly their greatest need to know themselves loved, whereas men in general have possibly their greatest need to know themselves respected. Much marriage and general counseling has been done with this in mind, with excellent results when all participants are willing.

Anyway, the idea prompting this writing is this: Perhaps it is that a great many churches today are very good at helping people to know that they are loved, and helping people to learn how to love...while at the same time being rather not very good at helping people to learn how to give others good reason to respect us, and also not very good at giving respect to others when it is due.

I think this jives rather extremely well with today's reality inside a great many churches. I think there is quite a lot of pulpit-talk and Sunday-school lessons on loving and being loved (by God and by each other), and almost no pulpit-talk and Sunday-school lesson on how to give others reason to respect us, and on how to give respect when it is due.

And when there is pulpit-talk and Sunday-school lesson on how to give others reason to respect us, the reasons are very often those of the world, the cares of the world, and friendship with the world: which is to say, the things the Christ has spoken against, the things of which political radio (so-called "Christian" or not) is full. In short, I suggest that men are being fed less than women with what they need of the Bread of Life, because of these things within churches today: what the church gives them is nothing more than a rehash of the world's words, which is not holy motivation for Sunday morning.

I think that this trend will be and is being reversed, in churches which carefully and effectively and strongly encourage men to learn, according to Christ and not the world, how to give others good reason to respect us, and how to give respect to others when it is due.

What do you think?

 

[vanilla8]

Here too, there seems to be more women in churches than men

I think there might be a contradiction between teaching how to give people good reason respect you and Jesus teaching on turning the other cheek and if someone takes your tunic, give them your coat too.

One of the core teachings in our church, is 'relinquishing your rights', where you come to acknowledge that everything is made by, sustained by and belongs to God, therefore you are blessed by the things that he has given you, but should be willing to give them up if required.

Well, that's just off the top of my head, but please feel free to disagree!
Vanilla8

 

[5stringJeff]

Maybe I'm missing it... in my church, there seems to be a good ratio of men to women.

 

[BrBob]

Maybe I'm missing it... in my church, there seems to be a good ratio of men to women.

At ours too, Jeff. I think men are leaving some of the denominational churches at alarming rates as feminism, homosexuality and other 'isms' are allowed into the churches. Why would any man want to hang around a place where it is preached that he should be more 'feminine'? Read "Wild At Heart" by John Eldredge, good book.

Men want to be leaders, we want to compete, conquor, accomplish, fight and win! We've been told (in churches) for years that we should be more gentle, fair minded, less competitive, etc., ad nauseum. Where did this stuff come from? Jesus? He was a thriving businessman who lead an international ministry who had enough gumption to physically throw the money changers out of the temple because He believed they were wrong. He stood up for his beliefs and was man/God enough to die for them, and then... He was raised up from the dead!

Now THAT is a man!!!!

 

[wayoutsidethebox]

I have struggled with this sad reality for years. I talk to men that are not Christians and those that are but have walked away "the church" and there is a common theme: problems with the leadership.
I realize that each man has his own internal issues and problems to deal with, each church and its leadership has its own problems to deal with but a lot of the men I've talked to just can't get behind/under inaccurate, hesitant leadership.
Men, in general, value strong, decisive leadership. Pastors and ministers that are too soft spoken, too careful with their words and make an overt effort not to offend are usually viewed as weak and ineffective.
Not to make myself important but I have severe problems working with/for pastors/ministers that either can not or will not make decisions or call things for what they realy are.
If sin is sin: call it sin. If wrong, wrong. Draw a line in the sand, square your shoulders and be prepared to deal with what may happen whether it be good or bad.

Did Jesus waiver and stutter? Did He speak with an intimidated voice? Like BrBob said "...THAT is a man!!!!!"

 

[anointedtruth]

Hey All! I have found a strong population of men in the churches that I have attended. I think a key part of this it that the church had groups and activities that centered around the men as well. The church had youth groups, women's ministry and etc. However, just like everyone else men want to be involved in church functions as well. The activities included weekend trips , football get togethers, and more. In addition, there was usually a Men's Bible Study group that focused on how men are supposed to be the spiritual leaders in their family and still respect their wives. The group also allowed men of all ages to get together and learn things from each other.

 

[LauraCristinaD]

Well i have never noticed that because i go to such a big church but now that i think of it the last time i was in my old church i heard some women talking and one said she was there to find a husband and the others said they were there for the same thing. i don't think that is the main reason it's just an observation.

 

[hischildiam]

I have struggled with this sad reality for years. I talk to men that are not Christians and those that are but have walked away "the church" and there is a common theme: problems with the leadership.
I realize that each man has his own internal issues and problems to deal with, each church and its leadership has its own problems to deal with but a lot of the men I've talked to just can't get behind/under inaccurate, hesitant leadership.
Men, in general, value strong, decisive leadership. Pastors and ministers that are too soft spoken, too careful with their words and make an overt effort not to offend are usually viewed as weak and ineffective.

I don't mean to be a man-basher at all BUT my experience has been that men who have left our church that I know of, have left because they have trouble sumbitting to authority. It is NOT that our leadership is wimpy, it is that they call a spade a spade and the men want to have their sin and fellowship too!

It's a very sad thing. Can't tell you how many families I know of that are in shambles because the men are addicted to all manner of evil and will NOT lay it down.

I'm all for the Wild at Heart stuff and agree how the feminization of the church is happening and shouldn't be but what is happening with all these men who are so prideful that they can't follow a leader to good places the Lord would have them be?

 

[wayoutsidethebox]

You've answered your question... pride.
If we, men, could get past ourselves and admit that we do not know and can not do everything by ourselves I believe we could get to those "good places the Lord would have [us] be".

It would take a concerted effort of the body of Christ to first, reach out to men both unsaved and those that have left the church. Second, the same effort and intensity has to be given to fostering an atmosphere of community, accountability, involvment and instruction to keep them.
One of the most important factors is something that the church can not do anything about: the heart of men being turned to God. But thats where the third step comes in to play. Those of us already in the Body have to pray for them to believe, confess and recieve Christ as savior and be saved.

 

[Jenster]

This is why PromiseKeepers took off so strongly - men know that there is an ideal to strive for, and it involves integrity. When churches teach character and emphasize accountability, they are more likely to attract and retain men (imho). Jesus' example on living a righteous life is a refreshing antidote to the poor example of the world.

I agree that some churches have problems with leadership. Christianity Today last year focused on the problem of churches not disciplining their members. It's been a problem in my church, causing members to leave and, I fear, evil to get a foothold.

 

[yod]

A very successful counselor has written that women in general have possibly their greatest need to know themselves loved, whereas men in general have possibly their greatest need to know themselves respected[/QUOTE]



Men need to "do". A church that expects men to take a position of responsibility will have lots of men.

Think about it. Men are the leaders in the community where they live, they are the leaders on their job, they are leaders in their home...but then some preacher expects them to be followers who sit down and listen, dole out some cash, and be quiet every week?

There is no fulfillment in that so they'd rather go fishing or watch the football game. It might be better for them to take a day off anyway.

 

[hugnluvable]

A very successful counselor has written that women in general have possibly their greatest need to know themselves loved, whereas men in general have possibly their greatest need to know themselves respected[/QUOTE]



Men need to "do". A church that expects men to take a position of responsibility will have lots of men.

Think about it. Men are the leaders in the community where they live, they are the leaders on their job, they are leaders in their home...but then some preacher expects them to be followers who sit down and listen, dole out some cash, and be quiet every week?

There is no fulfillment in that so they'd rather go fishing or watch the football game. It might be better for them to take a day off anyway.

I can see what you mean there, and agree. Men are do-ers. But so are quite a few women out there. And I dont think the women taking responsibility are pushing the men out either!

Basically a church that can fully utilise church member's spiritual gifts and passions has the potential to be really really effective! And then more and more people want to get involved because the spirit of God is moving so much in that group because the church is not dependant on their vicar/pastor alone!

Men (and women!) tend to not like to be dependant, yes - its hard not to depend on God I know, but they tend to like having responsibiliy and looking after and protecting their loved ones. PLEASE notice how I said TEND cus there may be some guys out there who dont! lol.

But anyway, give people who want/need/desire responsibilty in order to feel fulfilled responsibility! And hey presto! In the end, churches will so be focused on God it wont matter about male/female ratios - and there could be more men involved than you realise before you realise it!

hope I made some sense
Erica
xxx

 

[Im-revived]

I suppose a lot of men feel they can cope with issues on there own, They feel there soft if they go to church. Very similar to men don't show tears or feelings as easy as women, not meaning women are often soft as thats not true, men want to feel authoritive so it takes them longer to accept theres someone above them like God.

Im-revived