How much is it reasonable to compromise how you will live your life for a significant other relationship to work and how much is just plain incompatible in the long run and thus stupid to continue it?
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Compromise for a relationship
- Thread starter Daughter of Ararat
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wholigan11
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It depends what the compromise is. If it definitely has to do with your religion or your values or your beliefs, then get rid of him.
I was in a relationship with a guy once where it was practically his way or the highway. At first I went along with it but after a while I got tired of it and we broke up. (This was before I was saved).
If you two are different, then you're different. But if it gets to the point where you're changing all because of him (in bad ways) and he's not changing at all, then you don't need to be with him.
I was in a relationship with a guy once where it was practically his way or the highway. At first I went along with it but after a while I got tired of it and we broke up. (This was before I was saved).
If you two are different, then you're different. But if it gets to the point where you're changing all because of him (in bad ways) and he's not changing at all, then you don't need to be with him.
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Sarah2BH
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Your gut instinct (or the Holy Spirit) will tell you where to compromise and where not to. You know instinctively if your feelings of resistance toward a certain compromise is simply you being selfish or if it's you letting him control you.
Also, a sign of healthy compromise is that you both flat out talk about your disagreement, find out on which side you stand, and talk yourselves to a conclusion. If the compromising is usually done by one because the other simply demands it or refuses to budge, then it's a red flag.
Also, a sign of healthy compromise is that you both flat out talk about your disagreement, find out on which side you stand, and talk yourselves to a conclusion. If the compromising is usually done by one because the other simply demands it or refuses to budge, then it's a red flag.
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mina
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It really depends on what you are compromising .......
If it's important things that shake the being of who you are and what you believe, then I don't think any relationship is worth giving up of yourself.
I also agree with the previous poster that a sign of healthy compromise is communication and that compromise is arrived at together; it doesn't just consist of one person getting their way. If you are always the one compromising b/c they won't budge ever; then it's less about compromise and more about you being a doormat. And I don't think that's a healthy relationship. Relationships are give and take for each person.
If it's important things that shake the being of who you are and what you believe, then I don't think any relationship is worth giving up of yourself.
I also agree with the previous poster that a sign of healthy compromise is communication and that compromise is arrived at together; it doesn't just consist of one person getting their way. If you are always the one compromising b/c they won't budge ever; then it's less about compromise and more about you being a doormat. And I don't think that's a healthy relationship. Relationships are give and take for each person.
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What about working vs. homeschooling kids, or living a rural area or living in a slightly more urban area with cool ethnic activities? How would you decide what is reasonable?
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Sarah2BH
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These are things that need to be discussed before deciding whether to get married. See each others views and talk to a compromise. Again, if one or both is not willing to budge, even a little, then it's probably not the wisest to continue the relationship.
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mina
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^agreed. You really just have to talk it all out. If one person is not willing to budge on something very important to them; then the other person is going to have to compromise. If you both feel very strongly about differing opinions and both refuse to budge then it's better to find out now than when after you are married.
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Niels
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How important are they to the two of you, and how many of these little things do you disagree on? They can add up. Little disagreements can become difficult when there are lots of them or when there are more underlying differences.
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dayhiker
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Where to live wouldn't not likely be a problem for me. I have lived many places and could always enjoy.
In general if the compromise means you can't be the person you are, ie who God created you to be. Then I don't think its good. It will come back to bit you.
If the compromise, is just asking you to change the time you read your Bible say, then I think those can be accommodated.
In general if the compromise means you can't be the person you are, ie who God created you to be. Then I don't think its good. It will come back to bit you.
If the compromise, is just asking you to change the time you read your Bible say, then I think those can be accommodated.
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Mrs. Luther073082
Commit to the LORD whatever you do - Proverbs 16:3
That's really only something that you can answer because only you know how much you value those things vs. the person you would be compromising with.
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If Not For Grace
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Depends on who is to carry most of the load and which side of the issue I was on.
Homeschooling=Am I the one who is going to be responsible for it? If so and I did not want to be or feel qualified to be then I would just not do it.
If I wanted to do it and he was against it-then I would request to subsidize the education with extra "lessons" at home and close monitoring of the "public" academics and require his full backing of the schedule & it's requirements.
Where to live: Who is paying the mortgage or bearing the most financial burden. Does it hamper my ability to get to work or affect the school districts. Does either require living with/or near family/in-laws? If It's just a matter of "preference" or convenience I would probably give on that one.
If there are 2 issues as you describe- I might try to make a deal of give in on 1 of the 2 if you get "your way" on the other. EX: I will live in the country/city if I get to (or don't have to) homeschool.
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Beauty4Ashes
All that I need, is a song in my heart. . .
It can be healthy to have some give and take on both sides but its important you agree on most moral beliefs and values and one person shouldn't be doing all the compromising. Sometimes you just have to agree to figure out the best option when the time comes because circumstances can always change and something you consider ideal might not be neccessary, feasibile, or the best choice in the future. And because circumstances can and do change, what might work at one time may change to something else at another date. Just because you choose to live somewhere does not mean you will stay there forever nor does the choice of types of education have to start out and end the same way. Life is unpredictable.
The important thing is to marry someone who will stick by your side, who you can trust God together with, And who has the ability to be flexible and is willing to adapt to different situations and to be able to make the right decisions for that particular time and present circumstance. I think the most important thing is that you both trust each other, and your decisions opinions and values, so that you know the other person will work with you to make the best decisions possible when the time comes. if you don't trust the person that much, you shouldn't marry them. Either they are just wrong for you for you need to take more time how to get to know each other.
The important thing is to marry someone who will stick by your side, who you can trust God together with, And who has the ability to be flexible and is willing to adapt to different situations and to be able to make the right decisions for that particular time and present circumstance. I think the most important thing is that you both trust each other, and your decisions opinions and values, so that you know the other person will work with you to make the best decisions possible when the time comes. if you don't trust the person that much, you shouldn't marry them. Either they are just wrong for you for you need to take more time how to get to know each other.
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TexasRedneck
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I have learned that it is very important for both people to give 100% to the relationship.
I could not sit there and ask something of my wife that I could not expect of myself. Marriage and any relationship not just romantic, is about give and take. You must learn what is important and what is worth fighting over. I am not going to pretend that my wife and I have the perfect marriage, however she and I have both learned what we feel is important for ourselves and our family.
There have been many time when we have been in an argument then started just laughing because we can't stay mad at each other. There have been several times where we have stopped being mad at the other simply because we cannot remember why were mad in the first place.
You have to have a mutual respect in any relationship. You must know how to respect yourself before you can respect another human being.
I could not sit there and ask something of my wife that I could not expect of myself. Marriage and any relationship not just romantic, is about give and take. You must learn what is important and what is worth fighting over. I am not going to pretend that my wife and I have the perfect marriage, however she and I have both learned what we feel is important for ourselves and our family.
There have been many time when we have been in an argument then started just laughing because we can't stay mad at each other. There have been several times where we have stopped being mad at the other simply because we cannot remember why were mad in the first place.
You have to have a mutual respect in any relationship. You must know how to respect yourself before you can respect another human being.
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