I used to have very strong faith in god when I was young, I am only 16 but I am going through a strange phase. My heart has been hardened too much, my own brother died and I was practically joyful simply because I found it interesting, I watched a lot of pornography and death videos for a long time to ammuse myself, I've been very drawn to being evil and causing terror to people, I act as a criminal, and I have been very quick to anger, and holding immense grudges over nothing... I don't feel that it is an evil spirit over me, I believe I am just being carnal... I pray quite often for god to soften my heart, lately I have been very distressed that I don't feel love for him, also my mind has been plauged with thoughts that question the very basics of space and time, I have fancied the notion that god is really evil and we are just entertainment for him, and I grieve over it... I have to urge to read the bible yet I grieve when I don't. I want to badly but when the time comes I have no will. I also seems to be suffering apathy, contempt, anger, and laziness simply in general, nothing anybody says consoles me so I need one of two things... eith someone sent by god to help my with unnaturally calming advice, or many prayers. I feel mine aren't heard, rightfully so, I have strayed so far. Please help.
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Completely Crazy
- Thread starter Jimbrady57
- Start date
Have you considered counseling? I think it will help you and since you request prayers, I will pray for you 
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That must have been so hard to lose your brother. It takes a long, long time for life to seem semi-normal again.
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LilLamb219- I have an appointment to see a counciler but I am pessimistic, thank you for your prayers.
heron-
It actually wasn't hard to lose him at all, because I was so apathetic.
heron-
It actually wasn't hard to lose him at all, because I was so apathetic.
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Hi Jim,
There are things that we have all done in our lives that draw us away from God. Of course, satan is the one who entices us in these paths and we sometimes follow. But there is hope.
You have a heart that is calling out to God. God knows this and wants you to draw near to him. This is the point where you must also draw to him. Start small. Start by asking him to give you the power to get and stay close to him. And definitely pick up that Bible and read it. Not reading it is exactly what the enemy of our souls wants you to do. But God is greater than that, and once you begin to put your will on his side even a little bit he will give you the power to continue and press forward.
Even if it is five verses each day - start to read. For the Word of God alone is like a two edged sword and a quickening force that can break strongholds in your life and move you forward in your walk with Him.
Don't give up, because God has not given up on you (no matter how you may feel). He hears your prayers loud and clear and will answer you.
I'll be praying for you to persevere as you seek God out.
There are things that we have all done in our lives that draw us away from God. Of course, satan is the one who entices us in these paths and we sometimes follow. But there is hope.
You have a heart that is calling out to God. God knows this and wants you to draw near to him. This is the point where you must also draw to him. Start small. Start by asking him to give you the power to get and stay close to him. And definitely pick up that Bible and read it. Not reading it is exactly what the enemy of our souls wants you to do. But God is greater than that, and once you begin to put your will on his side even a little bit he will give you the power to continue and press forward.
Even if it is five verses each day - start to read. For the Word of God alone is like a two edged sword and a quickening force that can break strongholds in your life and move you forward in your walk with Him.
Don't give up, because God has not given up on you (no matter how you may feel). He hears your prayers loud and clear and will answer you.
I'll be praying for you to persevere as you seek God out.
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Honestly, death can be interesting. It's painful for a lot of people at different levels, but it causes everyone to shift their thinking. And that in itself is a phenomenon worth noticing.
I would not say this if I hadn't lost a lot of people close to me. Sometimes shock puts us into a different state. But there are millions of people who are abused, who would be relieved if their oppressor was out of their lives.
It is not proper to think this, and most people don't say it out loud. But a lot of people think this, and people face all different levels of oppression.
And then it is awkward to have so many strangers swarm with attention and imposed expectations surrounding a funeral. It is tempting to just shut that all out. Or snap back that people have no right to tell you how you feel. (Like you can do right now, lol.)
But I don't think you're a horrible person if you don't feel what other people want you to feel.
Where you should consider drawing the line, is keeping yourself from sabotaging your own possibilities. If you do destructive things to others, then you have to live with yourself, years later remembering what you did to them.
Keep your future open.
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sbbqb7n16
Veteran - Blue Bible Dude
hey Jim, welcome to the forums 
This is what I would suggest for getting started reading the Bible: Consider it a new skill that you need to practice. (Same advice goes for prayer)
Just for a moment, imagine that you were instead learning a new language. A new language is a new skill. No one expects to just be able to speak Danish after one day, do they? No, that'd be unreasonable. It takes time, learning, practice, and real life situations to become fluent. So you start small, reward progress, and over time you gradually get better.
This would apply for you too. I think that when you start looking at reading the Bible, you just feel overwhelmed, am I right? If so, that means you are expecting too much too soon. You don't have to read the whole Bible today. And you don't have to read the perfect passage today. Something is better than nothing. Start small!
Make this your goal: Read 1 verse today. That's not too much to ask, is it?
Which one? Just start with some random book - chapter 1 verse 1. And that's it for today Once you've read your 1 verse, if you want to keep reading - then keep on reading. If not, then go celebrate by doing something you enjoy. You deserve it, because you've finally taken the first step towards getting your life where you want it. Tomorrow - read 1 verse again (just start where you left off) Repeat until book is done. Start on new book. etc.
Put into practice the things you learn.
Don't worry about how long it takes you to finish a book, and don't say "it's too small - I should really be reading more", because then you're just falling into the trap that you need to do too much and you'll feel overwhelmed again and you won't do anything.
And at some point in time, you be like "ugghhh I don't feel like reading, I just want to go hang out with my friends" - just tell yourself, "okay yeah, that'll be awesome! first let's just read 1 verse, and then let's go"
Small gradually increasing steps. Over time you'll work up to reading a couple verses or a chapter a day, or whatever you feel is appropriate. Reward yourself for progress along the way.
The easiest way to implement this is to do your reading for the day before you do what you normally would do, eating, watching TV, etc. because those activities are reinforcements and you're going to do them anyways. That's why many people read their Bible 1st thing in the morning.
Pay attention to the process, and the goal will happen.
Self-Directed Behavior, David Watson
Most of these ideas come from this psychology book Amazon.com: Self-Directed Behavior (9780495093244): David L. Watson, Roland G. Tharp: Books
This is what I would suggest for getting started reading the Bible: Consider it a new skill that you need to practice. (Same advice goes for prayer)
Just for a moment, imagine that you were instead learning a new language. A new language is a new skill. No one expects to just be able to speak Danish after one day, do they? No, that'd be unreasonable. It takes time, learning, practice, and real life situations to become fluent. So you start small, reward progress, and over time you gradually get better.
This would apply for you too. I think that when you start looking at reading the Bible, you just feel overwhelmed, am I right? If so, that means you are expecting too much too soon. You don't have to read the whole Bible today. And you don't have to read the perfect passage today. Something is better than nothing. Start small!
Make this your goal: Read 1 verse today. That's not too much to ask, is it?
Which one? Just start with some random book - chapter 1 verse 1. And that's it for today
Once you've read your 1 verse, if you want to keep reading - then keep on reading. If not, then go celebrate by doing something you enjoy. You deserve it, because you've finally taken the first step towards getting your life where you want it. Tomorrow - read 1 verse again (just start where you left off) Repeat until book is done. Start on new book. etc.Put into practice the things you learn.
Don't worry about how long it takes you to finish a book, and don't say "it's too small - I should really be reading more", because then you're just falling into the trap that you need to do too much and you'll feel overwhelmed again and you won't do anything.
And at some point in time, you be like "ugghhh I don't feel like reading, I just want to go hang out with my friends" - just tell yourself, "okay yeah, that'll be awesome! first let's just read 1 verse, and then let's go"
Small gradually increasing steps. Over time you'll work up to reading a couple verses or a chapter a day, or whatever you feel is appropriate. Reward yourself for progress along the way.
The easiest way to implement this is to do your reading for the day before you do what you normally would do, eating, watching TV, etc. because those activities are reinforcements and you're going to do them anyways. That's why many people read their Bible 1st thing in the morning.
Pay attention to the process, and the goal will happen.
Self-Directed Behavior, David Watson
Most of these ideas come from this psychology book Amazon.com: Self-Directed Behavior (9780495093244): David L. Watson, Roland G. Tharp: Books
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Actually, there is an evil spirit running your life. The good news is that freedom is yours for the asking, but you're going to have to make the decision that you really want to be free and that you're willing to quit obeying that spirit.
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Worcester Beacon
Veteran
I agtree with reading a verse or two each of the Bible assisted with a simple prayer, you will find that you will want to read more and your prayerswill get longer and deeper. This happens when you form a close relationship with God.
I would suggest that you stick to the New Testament for a while, the Old Testament can be pretty hard going for a beginner, also the New Testament has all the Good News as given by Jesus. I will prayer for your guidance.
I would suggest that you stick to the New Testament for a while, the Old Testament can be pretty hard going for a beginner, also the New Testament has all the Good News as given by Jesus. I will prayer for your guidance.
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A
ayeess
Guest
I'm so thankful that regardless of all your emotions, thoughts, and feelings...you turn to God and know that something is amiss, and wrong...that in itself is BIG...most people will try to solve their own problems or deny God..But he is real, he loves you, and I will pray for you.
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A number of things that people will tell you will help you to an extent, but if the advice that you receive does not include one, single pertinent item....it is doomed to eventual failure: Repentence.
Faith in God will bring you all of the sunny, meridian blessings and privileges of salvation, but repentence is the dawning of that day. Faith in God is the stuff that will move mountains before you and topple formidable obstacles as though they were mere play things before this God, but saving faith is also a gift from God that he bestows only upon the sincere. Do everything possible to turn from sin as best as you are currently able, then ask God to give you more strength to abandon further evil practices by his grace, which request you have now encouraged him to do by virtue of your repentence already begun.
Show this God the prayer, "I really need help, and I'm willing to prove it." and then live up to that maxim no matter what. There is a certain, crucial place in our search for God where He will certainly meet with a soul, and then take that priceless vessel onward to safer and happier ground, but it is a place where He will meet you halfway. The prodigal son in Luke chapter 15 was not only accepted of the Father, but had the "best robe" brought out to replace his presumably filthy garments, a ring (indicating sonship) placed upon his finger, new sandals slipped on his feet and the sacrificial calf slain for him, which offering no doubt represents the sacrifice of Christ the Messiah to atone for his sins and by doing so absolve him of all past guilt. However, before you "make merry" along with the redeeming Father and household servants just as they did, remember that all of this could have never taken place had he not first "came to himself" while in the hog pen, risen up and turned away from his awful plight, then made a bee line as straight as an arrow right back unto the bosom of the very Father whom he had so formerly disregarded and insulted, and all of that spells out the word "Repentence". Repentence didn't immediately bestow all of those coveted blessings for him, but it and it alone made it all possible.
Faith in God will bring you all of the sunny, meridian blessings and privileges of salvation, but repentence is the dawning of that day. Faith in God is the stuff that will move mountains before you and topple formidable obstacles as though they were mere play things before this God, but saving faith is also a gift from God that he bestows only upon the sincere. Do everything possible to turn from sin as best as you are currently able, then ask God to give you more strength to abandon further evil practices by his grace, which request you have now encouraged him to do by virtue of your repentence already begun.
Show this God the prayer, "I really need help, and I'm willing to prove it." and then live up to that maxim no matter what. There is a certain, crucial place in our search for God where He will certainly meet with a soul, and then take that priceless vessel onward to safer and happier ground, but it is a place where He will meet you halfway. The prodigal son in Luke chapter 15 was not only accepted of the Father, but had the "best robe" brought out to replace his presumably filthy garments, a ring (indicating sonship) placed upon his finger, new sandals slipped on his feet and the sacrificial calf slain for him, which offering no doubt represents the sacrifice of Christ the Messiah to atone for his sins and by doing so absolve him of all past guilt. However, before you "make merry" along with the redeeming Father and household servants just as they did, remember that all of this could have never taken place had he not first "came to himself" while in the hog pen, risen up and turned away from his awful plight, then made a bee line as straight as an arrow right back unto the bosom of the very Father whom he had so formerly disregarded and insulted, and all of that spells out the word "Repentence". Repentence didn't immediately bestow all of those coveted blessings for him, but it and it alone made it all possible.
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Welcome to CF
I will be praying for your spiritual journey ~ light, conversion, and healing
I will be praying for your spiritual journey ~ light, conversion, and healing
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Have you considered counseling? I think it will help you and since you request prayers, I will pray for you
x2
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heymikey80
Quidquid Latine dictum sit, altum viditur
counseling is good; but it's counseling, not some kind of complete fix.
Sinclair Ferguson wrote a great book, "Deserted by God", that points to the Psalms. I'd recommend you try some Psalms -- I've lent out both my copies of this excellent book. When reading, think about what the writer is feeling. Then how the writer is grappling with that feeling. It's tough to see at first -- that's why the book recommendation, Ferguson's great at drawing that out.
I think often churches promote a "happy Xian all the day long" image. It's not the case. God's there in our pain and struggle.
Sinclair Ferguson wrote a great book, "Deserted by God", that points to the Psalms. I'd recommend you try some Psalms -- I've lent out both my copies of this excellent book. When reading, think about what the writer is feeling. Then how the writer is grappling with that feeling. It's tough to see at first -- that's why the book recommendation, Ferguson's great at drawing that out.
I think often churches promote a "happy Xian all the day long" image. It's not the case. God's there in our pain and struggle.
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I find that when I go through something difficult, I will sometimes justify more pampering than I'd allowed myself in normal times. The pampering doesn't really help, but is some sort of freedom from pressures.
My mind won't really know with what to do with breaking personal limits... one day it's a cookie, the next it's letting anger loose on someone, then next it's adding a vice I was never interested in before. There is not much reasoning to it.
But at some point I will realize that none of these extra allowances did anything for me -- the joy of a cookie is gone when it's gone. Less than a minute of feeling like I could have more than I had.
So there is inevitably a point where we have to put a stop on our own freedoms, and declare that satisfying ourselves doesn't really bring the advertised satisfaction. It's just stuff that comes and goes.
As you know, some of it causes more problems than it solves.
What might help, is to see where you are with feeling a need to get as much as what others have. Whether it's freedoms or pleasure or success, it could be just perceptions of what you don't have or can't do.
My mind won't really know with what to do with breaking personal limits... one day it's a cookie, the next it's letting anger loose on someone, then next it's adding a vice I was never interested in before. There is not much reasoning to it.
But at some point I will realize that none of these extra allowances did anything for me -- the joy of a cookie is gone when it's gone. Less than a minute of feeling like I could have more than I had.
So there is inevitably a point where we have to put a stop on our own freedoms, and declare that satisfying ourselves doesn't really bring the advertised satisfaction. It's just stuff that comes and goes.
As you know, some of it causes more problems than it solves.
What might help, is to see where you are with feeling a need to get as much as what others have. Whether it's freedoms or pleasure or success, it could be just perceptions of what you don't have or can't do.
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goldenknight
Poor Fellow Soldiers of Christ and of the Temple
Job 2: "Skin for skin!" Satan replied. "A man will give all he has for his own life. 5 But stretch out your hand and strike his flesh and bones, and he will surely curse you to your face."
Do you believe in the Lord or will you fall from grace ?
Read Job. Keep studying, never doubts.
Do you believe in the Lord or will you fall from grace ?
Read Job. Keep studying, never doubts.
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childofGod31
Regular Member
Maybe do a fast. I've heard that for a big move of God in someone's life sometimes fast helps.
Maybe it should be a fast of no entartainment for 40 days. Or not certan treats and no entertainment. Or something.
If you think of it as temporary, maybe you'll be able to do it.
And then, separate yourself from the world as much as you can, from the daily routine as much as you can and start to just think about God. He is everywhere. He does hear you. And He does love you. He knows that we are all sick with the decease of evil (some more than others) and He feels sorry about your bondage and He wants to help you. But you have to LET Him. In order to LET Him, you have to open an avenue for Him. For example, when you do something bad, you open an avenue for Satan to come and disturb you. When you focus on God, you open an avenue for God to come. It's like you are calling to God (with your spirit) when you are fasting, when you are focusing on Him. It's like your "home beacon" gets activated and is calling home. You are a spirit. And the spirit world is your home. God is the Spirit and is your Father. Your spirit is calling to the Father. And the Father hears your spirit. But your body is in the way, messing everything up. So FAST, to stop your body from interferring and open a line of communication to God.
In this, you will exercise your free will which says: God I WANT YOU to come. I think that mostly God doesn't violate people's free will until they give their will to Him. And that's why He seems so far away from people and uninvolved in their life. He doesn't violate it and they don't give it to Him. So separated they stay.
So try it. Think to God (talk to God the Father in your thoughts). You ARE His son. You are. But you are clothed into the sleasy sickness of evil and the Father is sympathetic. He knows the evil keeps the souls in bondage. That's why Jesus came: to set us free from the evil. But in order for Him to do that, we need to LET Him, we need to exercise our free will and show that we mean business. We need to show that we are ready for the Father to come and intervene and to start us to free from bondage.
Of course, the body would know that and would rebel. So it would require effort.
But I hope you try it.
Also, get the Bible and find some easier things in there (your most favorite things) and let it just BE in your mind. Just kind of soak in it. Just let it fill your mind. Don't think too much, just sort of relax and let your thoughts go deep by themselves (not sure how to express this). But let the words wash over you. The Word of God is a cleanser. It cleans us. So fast, clean yourself in the Word, and come before God. And in about 40 days, see what happens. Perhaps you will have a breakthrough.
It's a life or death situation. It reminds me of this song. It's a fight to death with our evil side. There is a statement: we have found the enemy, and the enemy is us. It's true. We need to stand up and face the enemy. It's a do or die situation.
Invincible, Pat Benatar (and also "Voice of truth" below)
YouTube - Pat Benatar - Invincible
This bloody road remains a mystery.
This sudden darkness fills the air.
What are we waiting for ?
Won't anybody help us ?
What are we waiting for ?
We can't afford to be innocent
Stand up and face the enemy.
It's a do or die situation - we will be invincible.
This shattered dream you cannot justify.
We're gonna scream until we're satisfied.
What are we running for ? We've got the right to be angry.
What are we running for when there's nowhere we can run to anymore ?
We can't afford to be innocent
Stand up and face the enemy.
It's a do or die situation - we will be invincible.
And with the power of conviction there is no sacrifice.
It's a do or die situation - we will be invincible.
Won't anybody help us ?
What are we running for when there's nowhere
Nowhere we can run to anymore ?
We can't afford to be innocent
Stand up and face the enemy.
It's a do or die situation - we will be invincible.
And with the power of conviction there is no sacrifice.
It's a do or die situation - we will be invincible.
We can't afford to be innocent
Stand up and face the enemy.
It's a do or die situation - we will be invincible.
We can't afford to be innocent
Stand up and face the enemy.
It's a do or die situation - we will be invincible.
YouTube - Voice Of Truth - Casting Crowns
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christophermiceli
Newbie
In fact you know everything about yourself, So i think you just need to speak it out, your thinking or your suffering, your family, friends would like to offer their help and love if you open your heart to them. It's easy, sometimes just a smile...
pray for you.
pray for you.
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christophermiceli
Newbie
Maybe this book - How to Choose to be Happy in such Unhappy World can do some help. just add ".com" to "choosehappyworld" and take a look. God bless you.
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ChildOfGod97
Regular Member
The Destroyer, the Devil, is evil, and "Prince of this World", but he is not God.
God is good.
If you continue in this evil, you will close off all doors of meaning for yourself. You will never be able to really connect with people or know what it feels like to be happy or alive. The mere carnal pleasures that come from the flesh are never satisfying, they are simply bodily functions.
Think about happiness. It is not easy to obtain, but if you can find a way to obtain it within yourself, it should be something that stays. It should not be something which requires a pill or needle or some sinful action to keep, because none of that is you. None of that stays with you. It is an addiction, a crutch, and always disappearing.
It is slavery to bodily desires.
It is possible to obtain, but not easily. One must want it. And they must thirst for it from God.
These sins you are engaging in may be a natural defensive reaction. Maybe you were unsettled by your brother's death, and did not want to feel bad about it. But, real emotions are a part of true joy. There is no top without a bottom, no end without a beginning.
And you may feel stereotyped by dark spirits whispering in your heart, saying "give up" in so many words or "you are damned", or "God hates you", and so on. But the point is never that we are good. The point is God is good and is love, and loves despite our evil. That He is Higher and Better then what we can ever imagine.
Up, is the direction to go. Not down.
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