Completely Crazy

[irenemcg]

I used to have very strong faith in god when I was young, I am only 16 but I am going through a strange phase. My heart has been hardened too much, my own brother died and I was practically joyful simply because I found it interesting, I watched a lot of pornography and death videos for a long time to ammuse myself, I've been very drawn to being evil and causing terror to people, I act as a criminal, and I have been very quick to anger, and holding immense grudges over nothing... I don't feel that it is an evil spirit over me, I believe I am just being carnal... I pray quite often for god to soften my heart, lately I have been very distressed that I don't feel love for him, also my mind has been plauged with thoughts that question the very basics of space and time, I have fancied the notion that god is really evil and we are just entertainment for him, and I grieve over it... I have to urge to read the bible yet I grieve when I don't. I want to badly but when the time comes I have no will. I also seems to be suffering apathy, contempt, anger, and laziness simply in general, nothing anybody says consoles me so I need one of two things... eith someone sent by god to help my with unnaturally calming advice, or many prayers. I feel mine aren't heard, rightfully so, I have strayed so far. Please help.

Cry out to God for He hears every prayer, you can never be so far away that He doesn't hear, He loves you.

If you can entertain the thought that God is evil Jim you have never known Him. You may have believed that He exists, you may have gone to church, your parents may be Christians, but none of that makes you a Christian.

The Lord Jesus wants you to come to know Him, have a real personal relationship with Him, and to follow Him.

This brings forth a heart change for when you enter into a relationship with Jesus, a real relatiionship with Him He places His Spirit within you - the Holy Spirit who helps you to change and become more like Jesus as you submit yourself to the Lord Jesus christ. God is a loving Father who cries out to you " Come home my child, come Home to me."

You are hurting right now, and it seems you don't like yourself but anything and everything you have done the Lord will forgive if you ask Him to forgive you. Jesus died that you might have life in all it's fulness, that you might come to know Him, really know Him as Saviour and Lord, and that is not mental assent believing in God and Jesus. It's so much more. Tell the Lord you want to know Him and have a real life changing experience. Thank Him for dying for you. He loves you and He wants to heal your hurts, remove confusion and set you free from that hardened heart, He will set you free of all those things you are carrying guilt about, just ask Him.