Complete utter confusion.

[AustinS]

Hello! Thank you if you actually are taking the time to read this. lol.

Anyways, here in my young life (18) I honestly feel like I've been place in box. I feel as if my own voice has been shut out from the rest of the world. I seem to get increasingly mad at what I claim is stupidity and, often, I feel as if I have no place to speak. let me explain.

So I landed a new job about 2 weeks ago. At first it was rolling smoothly and there was really no rough patches. However, as time moved along I soon began to feel a strong disconnect between my coworkers. Now most of my coworkers are in college as well, so they go along with today's kind-a-culture. Which includes but not limited too, dirty jokes, name calling, rudeness, ect. IM SO SICK OF IT. I refuse to go along with the same vibe, as I know that's not what God would want me to do. But, dang, that's conflicting since it's going to be difficult making friends. What do I do? I already feel like a loner/ loser because I simply refuse to play along like that. I've been praying to Jesus for new friends and a voice. ESPECIALLY a voice.

So to sum it up. I feel like I am crazy. I try to be nice but it only seems to backfire on me. I wish someone would just come up to me and explain to me what is wrong with my personality. (not that I could fix it on my own, but at least I could pray about it!)
I hope someone can agree with me on this one, It's not easy growing up as christian today. and sometimes I wish the world would end already (lol Im being serious)
God bless - Austin

 

[dgiharris]

I was former military and there is definitely a crassness to the culture. However, in our unit we had two super Christians-- One was female the other was male.

Both of them were very nice and sincere people, non-judgmental but at the same time they didn't condone inappropriate things. If things started to get too crass they just opted out and they did it in a way that wasn't a big deal.

Over time, we as a group learned to integrate them and they became part of the group. In effect, they became our conscience and the "good" part of our group. When they were around, we'd learn to tone down our behavior, limit our swearing, etc and in effect they kinda sorta became the lovable social conscience grandma and grandpa of our group if that makes any sense.

Now, being military the situation was a bit different, as a unit we were compelled to integrate well since one day our lives would depend on each other. So that probably made it easier for them to integrate and be accepted. In your case, that might not be possible.

But what I will say is that as a group we came to love and respect them and their beliefs and accept them. So looking back the question I have that is applicable here is "How did we come to accept them?"

Both of them were very nice, sincerely nice. They weren't passive-aggressive with their niceness or Christianity. They didn't do double entendres or back handed moral slights letting us know that they think they were better than us or anything judgmental. This is important because fundamental, everyone thinks of themselves as a good person. So, it is hard to think of yourself as a good person and then hate someone who is sincerely nice and who you know is a good person. Both the girl and the guy were undeniably good. IN fact, I remember one time my unit was out in a storm and there was some lightning strikes in the area. Our instructor asked the group, "Okay, what do you do during lightning strikes?" And I answered, "I get close to Ann and Joe because there is no way god would ever strike them." and everyone laughed.

Back to your problem. My advice is to be yourself and be sincere and nonjudgmental and everything will work itself out. You will figure out a way to integrate into the group in a way that doesn't compromise your morals or values. Eventually the group will figure out a way to adjust to you as well. Maybe you won't be the best of friends, but at least you will be able to get along.

Good luck

 

[dgiharris]

...Now most of my coworkers are in college as well, so they go along with today's kind-a-culture. Which includes but not limited too, dirty jokes, name calling, rudeness, ect. IM SO SICK OF IT. I refuse to go along with the same vibe, as I know that's not what God would want me to do. But, dang, that's conflicting since it's going to be difficult making friends....

I was thinking about perhaps some more concrete advice and I will give you a personality quirk that has almost always without fail made me the lovable guy in every single social group I've ever encounter.

It is part of the culture (especially guys) to put each other down, especially the name calling. However, I've found that when you do the exact opposite of that, and elevate someone in a humorous manner, you get the same effect. Everyone laughs, but the person you are talking about doesn't get offended and in fact likes the fact you just elevated him. It's good for the ego.

Give you an example. There is a guy I know named Oscar, he is from Columbia and has a very nice exotic accent. Well, one day someone made fun of him in the sophomoric kinda way, everyone laughs including him. But then I turn it around and say, "You gotta be careful talking to Oscar, when you listen to him that accent does funny things to you, in fact, its impossible NOT to get seduced by his accent. One day I asked him where the store was, next thing I knew I woke up in bed with him. So be careful, it's impossible to resist that exotic Columbian accent. Just ask any one of his 8 wives.."

I find something nice about people and then I take it to an absurd positive extreme and do it in a way that makes them feel good and I get bonus points if I can embarrass them as well.

Also, self deprecating humor is always an oldie but a goodie. I'm a bit overweight and I was out with some friends. We go out to eat and the waitress tells me that my order comes with a choice of salad or French Fries. I point to my gut and say, "Does it look like I eat salad? If I ate a salad I'd probably die of anaphylactic shock. So yeah, I'll take the french fries."

So it is possible to develop a humorous type of personality by doing the opposite and taking it to an extreme. Where other people can be rude or obnoxious, you can be nice and the epitome of culture and politeness and figure out a way to do it while endearing yourself to those around you.

Another thing that really helped me develop my sense of humor was listening to comedians. Nowadays with youtube you can have a field day listening to comedians for free. After a while, your brain will figure out the patterns and your sense of humor will increase dramatically and you will learn how to utilize it during all types of social situations. In fact, I've prevented many fights with my sense of humor, it's amazing how humor can defuse a tense situation...

All of the above won't happen overnight, it will definitely take some trial and error and work, but if you are willing to put the work in, you can figure it all out.

Good luck

 

[AustinS]

I appreciate the speedy and well thought out reply. I also thank you for your service! assuming your from the states, My goal is to become an officer in the USAF through rotc.
I agree completely with your response, I realize it's going to take time to really adjust, but it doesn't mean that I give up now. I am going to focus on being more diplomatic and more sincere about things with my coworkers. Thank you!

 

[EazyMack]

Just keep being different. Don't let it get to you - it will always be this way. That's what makes us the "salt" and the "light," we have a distinct flavor and we stand out.

When I was 18, I found it much easier to connect with people older than me, because I wasn't able to relate to the obnoxiousness of people my own age. Once I got to my mid-late 20s, I got better at being able to be different while still being engaged, and since then I've been able to get along well with people my age and even younger, to the point of becoming friends. As a result of this growth over time, I now have good friends ranging in age between early 20s and mid-40s! lol (I'm 31 now.)

 

[grace.upon.grace]

Hello! Thank you if you actually are taking the time to read this. lol.

Anyways, here in my young life (18) I honestly feel like I've been place in box. I feel as if my own voice has been shut out from the rest of the world. I seem to get increasingly mad at what I claim is stupidity and, often, I feel as if I have no place to speak. let me explain.

So I landed a new job about 2 weeks ago. At first it was rolling smoothly and there was really no rough patches. However, as time moved along I soon began to feel a strong disconnect between my coworkers. Now most of my coworkers are in college as well, so they go along with today's kind-a-culture. Which includes but not limited too, dirty jokes, name calling, rudeness, ect. IM SO SICK OF IT. I refuse to go along with the same vibe, as I know that's not what God would want me to do. But, dang, that's conflicting since it's going to be difficult making friends. What do I do? I already feel like a loner/ loser because I simply refuse to play along like that. I've been praying to Jesus for new friends and a voice. ESPECIALLY a voice.

So to sum it up. I feel like I am crazy. I try to be nice but it only seems to backfire on me. I wish someone would just come up to me and explain to me what is wrong with my personality. (not that I could fix it on my own, but at least I could pray about it!)
I hope someone can agree with me on this one, It's not easy growing up as christian today. and sometimes I wish the world would end already (lol Im being serious)
God bless - Austin

You are completely right about it not being easy to be a christian these days, especially among young adults. The norm is to make crude jokes, to curse...constantly, and to just be crude in general. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your personality. You are doing what God calls us as Christians to do: to be different than the world, because we don't belong here on earth our home is in heaven. I feel the same way, praying that I might have like-minded christian friends. But maybe you were called at this point in your life to be in that environment to be a positive example. I went to a christian school and when went to a secular state college I was literally shocked by the amount of rudeness and crude behavior. It's so hard to fit in when they're behavior just is annoying/immature and doesn't go along with my beliefs...