Competition

[FlaviusAetius]

I can't do anything involving competition with other people because I'm a born loser; the whole point of my existence is to lose to other people. It doesn't matter what the competition is I'll lose the majority of times and win only a few times mostly out of luck of somehow finding someone worse than me at life. I compete only when it's required and I can't enjoy online games because I win 1/10th of the time if I'm lucky. What's worse is winning isn't even all that rewarding anymore, when I lose it reminds me what a failure and waste of life I am. When I win or do good all it gives me is a moment to feel good about myself that quickly goes away, meanwhile losing leaves me depressed for hours.

What's worse is this leaves me with 22 years of pathetic human interaction. I feel so alone but sometimes that's better than feeling like a loser and having to put on a mask of good sportsmanship as if losing in some simple game doesn't remind me that I have no skills and should just die.

 

[FlaviusAetius]

It's been a long time since I ever felt I'll go to Heaven. I truly believe it I were to die right now I'd go straight to Hell. So this testing ground is so far just a Hell on Earth to prepare me for the Hell down below for eternity.

 

[J0SHUA]

Do you remember me Flavius? I'm still concerned for you. Have you seen a therapist? You should message me so we can discuss it without filling up this thread.

 

[drjean]

I read in your profile that you believe in theistic evolution... and I am wondering if you believe that God started the whole ball rolling but really has no contact and guidance for the human being?

That could be depressing to me...

...for I believe that God created us as the Bible says and that He loves us... so much that part of His Spirit took on flesh in the from of Jesus the Christ... who died and resurrected so that we may have life---and life "more abundantly."

Depression surely doesn't allow us to enjoy life...if it allows us to enjoy anything.

I don't believe it's all evolving on it's own, or even with God's watchful eye...but that the Holy Spirit within the believer gives us strength and power and the warmth of His love to have a life worth living.

Depression can be caused by all sorts of issues, even purely physical ones. However, stinkin' thinkin' is what feeds it.

What does the Bible say about your condition?
What have you done to change how you're feeling?

Please read the good, positive verses of God's power and love... you are worthy of His love and can do whatever it is He wishes you to do.


As for the competition... hehehe I used to always win at certain games...mind/board games especially...etc. But then the fun left because I always won, and no one wanted to play again and again...so I began to let people win... sometimes directly, sometimes just by not playing at the top of my game (allowing winning not to be the end goal). I had just as much fun, in fact more at times in seeing others beam with their victory. Try it.

 

[FlaviusAetius]

I read in your profile that you believe in theistic evolution... and I am wondering if you believe that God started the whole ball rolling but really has no contact and guidance for the human being?

Yes, there is too much that points to us having come from ape-like animals to believe God literally made us from clay and blew wind to give us life. I also do think God is almost completely silent to humanity. He's best compared to a father who abandons his child, only after abandoning him the father expects his children to still love him and follow his rules.

Depression can be caused by all sorts of issues, even purely physical ones. However, stinkin' thinkin' is what feeds it.

What does the Bible say about your condition?
What have you done to change how you're feeling?

Please read the good, positive verses of God's power and love... you are worthy of His love and can do whatever it is He wishes you to do.

I don't know it's been 9 years since I read the Bible, I have no ambition to read it or know God anymore. I feel like he's this dead beat father like I mentioned above, I'm just filled with anger at this world we're put in and God himself.

As for the competition... hehehe I used to always win at certain games...mind/board games especially...etc. But then the fun left because I always won, and no one wanted to play again and again...so I began to let people win... sometimes directly, sometimes just by not playing at the top of my game (allowing winning not to be the end goal). I had just as much fun, in fact more at times in seeing others beam with their victory. Try it.

That's just living a lie, like I already said I lose already at everything when I'm actually trying to win. Losing on purpose will be just lying to myself "Oh I let that guy win, I don't really care." Some of us aren't born winners, there are slaves and masters and apparently God wanted me to be a slave.