Compatibility

[Sketcher]

What does it mean to be compatible with someone, to make that relationship work long-term? Obviously, there are important things like shared values, and for us Christians, both people having been born again and pursuing Christ. But beyond that, what makes a man and a woman compatible enough to be a good couple?

 

[sundewgrower]

Once all the warm and fuzzies wear off there is how the two personalities really interact. That's what really counts for a long term relationship.

 

[Gnarwhal]

What does it mean to be compatible with someone, to make that relationship work long-term? Obviously, there are important things like shared values, and for us Christians, both people having been born again and pursuing Christ. But beyond that, what makes a man and a woman compatible enough to be a good couple?

An understanding of each others humor, similar taste in things like food, activities, leisure time, life goals, political views, social views. Compatible by definition means "to be able to exist or occur together without conflict", so I think those are some crucial things aside from what you already mentioned that are pretty important to make sure line up in order for their to be harmony and long-term viability in a relationship.

For example, if your idea of unwinding after a long week is pizza, beer and House of Cards on Netflix, and your significant others idea is dressing up to go out to dinner and dancing, that's going to create tension. Sure you can throw each other a bone now and then, but you can only compromise so far before one of you feels like you're always the one giving up what you want. Even on little things like this, it's makes a difference to be with someone who lines up with you like that.

 

[redblue22]

What does it mean to have compatibility?
Compatibility makes you a good couple. Anything else needed?
Compatibility means no conflict.
What is a good couple? Works long term. And that means?
Why must warm fuzzies wear off?
No conflict means agreement. humor, food, goals, politics,

Which values need to be shared?
Born again means you both share?
Pursuing Christ means?

So all you have to do is agree on everything.
So make a list of all that you are and look for someone identical.

People change
Bad things happen

Now you have differences. (irreconcilable is popular)
No longer compatible, and so in conflict.
Divorce
Restart with someone else.

 

[blackribbon]

People change
Bad things happen

.

I don't think "people change" so much as the persona they want to present to the world changes.

 

[miss-a]

I've been looking at this very thing lately. I can't say I've come to any concrete conclusions. But here's a thing I've noticed. We always talk about having things in common being important and they are. But these days I'm beginning to see, I think, that it's not just "things" that need to be common to both, but a passion.

For example, I have friends who have been married a long time. Their relationship was just kind of okay, until they both took up an interest in health and fitness and it became a passion. Suddenly they were working out together, learning together, cooking together, and cooking seperately surprising the other with a super tasty healthful meal. They were actually relating in their relationship.

So that's my current theory, keeping in mind that a relationship with Jesus is the foundational passion. And then this other passion is built upon or built into it. I'm going to test it out, and I'll let you know. Unless of course, it works so well that I find myself married and can no longer post here!

 

[redblue22]

I think some passions might be stronger than others. For example, our passion for being quick to forgive might be stronger than our equal passion in collecting legos.

 

[euripetelynn]

What does it take to make a relationship work long-term? Love. Not necessarily romantic love, but the kind of intense, unconditional love that Jesus demonstrated. If we were perfect, I think any two people could make a relationship work.

That said, obviously we're not perfect and can't expect ourselves to be. What I look for in a person is a dedication to becoming a better person, as well as perseverance and commitment. If I like a guy and am convinced that he will put just as much (if not more) effort into making a relationship work as I will, other things like personality and interests become a whole let less important.

Of course, similar interests and personality make things a lot easier. But easier isn't necessarily better. I know with my best friend, it's our similarities that help us connect, but it's our differences that help us grow. I suspect if I married someone very similar to me, we'd have few conflicts in our relationship. If I married someone very different, we'd probably clash a lot more, but if we worked through it, we'd probably grow as a result. So I guess a balance between similarities and differences is good.

In general, I think our society emphasizes things like compatibility a little too much. No relationship is perfect and I highly doubt there's "the one" who is ultimately meant for me. If we stopped focusing so much on whether or not a person is a good fit for us (within reason) and just genuinely loved and cared for them, I suspect our relationships would be a lot more successful.

 

[CCHIPSS]

I think it is fair to say that everyone have around 10 dealbreakers. These can be hobbies and interests. Or political and religious views. Certain looks and type of guy/girl they want. etc.

It is ok for a partner to "break" maybe 1-2 of these dealbreakers of their spouse. But once it becomes 3-4 or more, it gets very hard to continue. That's when the couple can be called incompatible.

That said I have seen couple argue over things that are not really one of these 10 dealbreakers. However these hurts the relationship never the less. Were they worth it?

 

[K9_Trainer]

The older I get, the more I tend to agree with @euripetelynn

Doesn't matter how "compatible" you are, in the sense that you share common interests or have similar tastes/preferences....If you cannot love and respect each other and fulfill each other emotionally, then the relationship is dead. You can have different interests, different preferences. You can have conflict and disagreements. But you have to be able to be there for each other. You have to support each other in hobbies, happiness, sadness, personal growth, changes, independence. You have to make yourself emotionally available to each other and vulnerable.

Having stuff in common is a huge plus. But even if you don't, at least be open to becoming involved in their world.

 

[Deidre32]

Now that I'm engaged, I'd say when you just 'flow' effortlessly. Not that you can't or won't ever have disagreements, for you will, but it means that overall, your worldviews seem to be on the same page, and you just 'get' each other. It's beyond chemistry, it's when there is a true connection, and things just seem to flow in a very natural way.

 

[redblue22]

I do hope you aren't playing the "I'm engaged so I know more than you" card.

 

[MehGuy]

Empathy alignment.

 

[redblue22]

@MehGuy have you ever actually engaged in such a relationship you desire? come on, yes or no.

And the rest of you? Are you presenting actual life lived times? Or is it more fantasy and what you hope for?

 

[MehGuy]

@MehGuy have you ever actually engaged in such a relationship you desire? come on, yes or no.

Short flings, lol.

 

[redblue22]

lol, come on, short flings with girls your size who happen to ice skate? really? let's hear about one transforming short fling of bdsm that really pushed you . . .

 

[MehGuy]

I ain't into the hard edged stuff. Lol.

Really in that scene I'm a weirdo among weirdos.

 

[redblue22]

oh, come on. no one in the bdsm scene? I'm mean, I've been in the sx shop to see what they have. ok, I'm a customer. but really, spill it. there have got to be many girls into you.

 

[MehGuy]

Are you currently intoxicated? Lol.

 

[redblue22]

I'm going to predict that if you meet a girl who is into it softcore, you will be quite happy.