Hi, I'm wondering quite simply how compatible in certain areas should you be, ie how much should your interests mesh. Let me be specific for myself, I am dating a great christian girl, I love her to bits, but sometimes i wonder if we need more in common even though we talk all the time, I won't go into any more detail, unless you wish to clarify something, but I'm just asking kind of in general, even maybe if your married or long time relationship, and obviously everybody is different in some ways, but how much needs to be in common? hmmm.. I keep wanting to write more, but I'll leave it at that for now. lol
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Compatability?
- Thread starter TJMan2050
- Start date
interesting, if you don't mind me asking, how much of your convo time or whatever was spent talking about stuff related to computers?
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lol, well yeah on the overthinking thing yes I most likely am, I've been told that before, the only reason I started to post here was because I was looking for other people who have dated before's opinion, and I agree, even with my best friend, there is hardly any one thing that I can say is our thing that's in common, we just do stuff together and we talk about whatever, I guess what is bugging me is because I'm in university, I don't get much time to enjoy other things, so I end up talking about school and not about lots of things that I like to do, like reading (big reader) or whatever, even though I like school, doing only school really kinda sucks.
I'm in engineering, so yeah course load is extreme! meh, but you are right, I do love her for lots of reasons, so I often overthink things, so I hope I can get out of the habit, it annoys myself, though I still do it, lol what can you do eh? Well, thanks for talking, sadly I'm going back to studying.
It is interesting that you met over a game, I didn't know people got that in contact with online games huh... cool, k thanks.
I'm in engineering, so yeah course load is extreme! meh, but you are right, I do love her for lots of reasons, so I often overthink things, so I hope I can get out of the habit, it annoys myself, though I still do it, lol what can you do eh? Well, thanks for talking, sadly I'm going back to studying.
It is interesting that you met over a game, I didn't know people got that in contact with online games huh... cool, k thanks.
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I think having core values in common - the religious and moral convictions that really influence the decisions you make - is the most important. I also recommend having similar views on family life and politics. (Or, at least, being very, very tolerant and open-minded on such things.) Otherwise, make sure you have few things that you enjoying doing together and talking about so your dates aren't real dull, but don't obsess about being "compatible."
Studies show that opposite personalities are often good matches. I am very outgoing, talkative and social, while my husband is more reserved and solitary. I'm silly. He's philosophical. I like horse racing. He likes Nascar. He likes coffee. I prefer tea. I could go on...
We are highly entertained by our differences and have learned to live amicably with the necessary compromises. Yes, it means that I go to most parties alone, but it turns out I'm social enough for the both of us. And Nascar isn't so bad when you learn to nap through the middle three hours of the race, waking up only for crash replays and the checkered flag.
Studies show that opposite personalities are often good matches. I am very outgoing, talkative and social, while my husband is more reserved and solitary. I'm silly. He's philosophical. I like horse racing. He likes Nascar. He likes coffee. I prefer tea. I could go on...
We are highly entertained by our differences and have learned to live amicably with the necessary compromises. Yes, it means that I go to most parties alone, but it turns out I'm social enough for the both of us. And Nascar isn't so bad when you learn to nap through the middle three hours of the race, waking up only for crash replays and the checkered flag.
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I
InTheFlame
Guest
I was about to say something similar to GraceFaith, but in a different way... so I'll say it anyway, and maybe it'll help (and maybe you'll just say, 'yeah someone already said that!' ).
Work out what's important to you, work out what's important to her, and make sure those things are compatible or can be modified without compromising each person's values.
First is probably your faith. What aspects of your faith? eg. are you willing to change the way you do group worship to fit in with your girlfriend's church? Is tithing important to you? Do you feel called to full-time ministry in the future? etc.
Another thing might be a particular activity/hobby that you feel is important... eg. surfing or involvement with a local charity. Is your gf supportive or complaining?
There's a lot more and those are only examples, but I hope they help you out. THe idea is to focus on the important stuff. Having the same favourite colour, sports preferences and hobbies isn't generally necessary... but it might be if your fondest dream is to own a house painted inside and out in your favourite colour, or if you want a hobby of yours to eventually take you around the world... make sense?
(Or just read Boundaries in Dating)
).Work out what's important to you, work out what's important to her, and make sure those things are compatible or can be modified without compromising each person's values.
First is probably your faith. What aspects of your faith? eg. are you willing to change the way you do group worship to fit in with your girlfriend's church? Is tithing important to you? Do you feel called to full-time ministry in the future? etc.
Another thing might be a particular activity/hobby that you feel is important... eg. surfing or involvement with a local charity. Is your gf supportive or complaining?
There's a lot more and those are only examples, but I hope they help you out. THe idea is to focus on the important stuff. Having the same favourite colour, sports preferences and hobbies isn't generally necessary... but it might be if your fondest dream is to own a house painted inside and out in your favourite colour, or if you want a hobby of yours to eventually take you around the world... make sense?
(Or just read Boundaries in Dating)
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Thanks, yeah I get the picture no obsessing about the compatability, actually in terms of all the things you mentioned, from what I know so far, I think we are really compatible, so yeah probably just me overthinking, but its always good to get advice, but yeah. I think I'm set for now about that. This is an interesting forum place, lots of interesting convos and such occur here. Anyways...
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good points! my FH and I are common in values and beliefs about relationships and family life. we both strive for more of the Lord, which truly brings us together. But honestly, we are SO different from each other. But that makes him interesting to me. I would get so bored if We had everything in common. Mind you, I'd love it if he shared my tastes in music, but I'm learning about new styles and bands all the time that he loves and that's eye-opening.
Lots of things can be like this (like Blue Impulse said). You start to grow like each other... and then the bond becomes closer
now if only he'd listen to my music......
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traingosorry
I'm what Willis was talkin' bout.
Well something attracted you to her and that has kept you going this far... like Blue Impulse said - pretty soon the things you have in common are those things you share.
And in my opinion, you need to have some differences in order to make things interesting, but common interests to keep you both happy.
And in my opinion, you need to have some differences in order to make things interesting, but common interests to keep you both happy.
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yeah, I agree with what you both said, I guess since its my first relationship, I don't totally know how everything goes, so yeah, hopefully all goes well, but you never know what God has in store! And God is always the first priority for me..., that's how it should be as far as I'm concerned.
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FaithfulServant
The Lord directs my steps
I don't think you necessarily have to have a lot of things in common in order to have compatibility. Some things are important, like understanding the other persons sense of humor and possiblity having one similar to it, but differences are often what keep a relationship interesting.
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MagicStar723
Well-Known Member
If you both love God, you have PLENTY in common!
Like Blue Impulse said, as you grow together you will develop things in common.
Like Blue Impulse said, as you grow together you will develop things in common.
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It depends on what kinds of things you have in common.TJMan2050 said:
If you like to get out of the house and run a LOT and shes a homebody and doesnt like to do that at all, its trouble.
No amount of either of you trying is going to change something like that as far as Im concerned.
But if its stuff like she likes to read and you dont, or little things that doesnt really affect the time you spend together, then it wont make a big difference.
if it were up to me Id insist on a minimum of 2 years courtship before marriage would be an option.
that gives you time to see if you can deal with most of the things about each other.
My gf and I have tons in common, but even if we didnt, wed be really great together.
She doesnt like to run much and niether do I.
That has killed some previous relationships with me.
Money concerns are another thing.
If one of you is a saver and the other is a habitual spender, that will almost definetly lead to big troubles.
But you liking to fish and her not really caring for it isnt going to do much damage at all as long as you put her right after God.
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Thanks for the added insight about the me liking to read and she doesn't etc. I totally agree on the 2 years thing, but in relation to your post there YahwehLove, courtship is intention to marry or just serious dating... anyways, but yeah I am a lot more positive about things, and I am seeing the light so to speak, this discussion has helped me a lot, see I got similar things from my friends, but when others see the same things they do, and I don't know you guys that well sometimes it gives the extra oomph that you need. So thanks a lot to everybody, but I still love discussing the related, hopefully it can bless others too!
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