Compared with your siblings:(

[Janetlove]

Has anyone else here been openly compared with your siblings by your parents? I'm not the jealous or envious type, so I'm so happy when my little brother accomplishes his goals. But it bothers when my mom says stuff like "You aren't like your brother, he's more determined then you!" or "Your brother is accomplishing his dreams, what about you?". Then what really upsets me, is when I'm out to the store with my mom and we run into someone we know, I now know I have to stand there for 20 minutes while my mom describes to this person how my little brother is doing this and that lighting the world on fire. And then she points to me she's just doing working. I start to feel like a failure. It's really starting to hurt my feelings. Also I praying to God that it doesn't start to cause problems between me, my brother, and mom.

 

[Obzocky]

I get compared to my sister quite a bit, mostly in terms of physical appearance, negatively. So I kind of appreciate the whole comparison thing, how old it gets and how it can make you feel. It can be hard to understand that they only point out the differences out of love, sometimes they hope it will motivate you to push yourself but too often it just results in focusing on negatives instead of embracing positives. Have you told your mother how you feel about the comparisons?

 

[Stravinsk]

Has anyone else here been openly compared with your siblings by your parents? I'm not the jealous or envious type, so I'm so happy when my little brother accomplishes his goals. But it bothers when my mom says stuff like "You aren't like your brother, he's more determined then you!" or "Your brother is accomplishing his dreams, what about you?". Then what really upsets me, is when I'm out to the store with my mom and we run into someone we know, I now know I have to stand there for 20 minutes while my mom describes to this person how my little brother is doing this and that lighting the world on fire. And then she points to me she's just doing working. I start to feel like a failure. It's really starting to hurt my feelings. Also I praying to God that it doesn't start to cause problems between me, my brother, and mom.

Yes, I've been compared to my brother. A little. Mostly I've been likened to my grandfather (now deceased) by my mother who had an intense dislike of him. I don't think parents realise the impact their words can have on their children.

I'm not around my folks enough for them to make this comparison nowadays - but I know now what I didn't then is that I would ask them politely to stop - I am an individual, thank you - my choices and how I act and think make me the type of person that I am.

Parental comparisons can be a subtle form of discouragement and hurtful to your self image, so it's important not to let it effect you too much. You might try telling your mom what she is doing is hurting you and to please stop.

 

[Marycita]

As the youngest of eight...it's unavoidable..

I've been trying to live up to my siblings for as long as I can remember...even when it seems I do, it's never good enough...

and Stravinsk is right - definitely can be discouraging and hurtful

Sorry you are having a tough time with it! Praying for you

 

[Thunder Peel]

My sister is much smarter and more talented than I am, so naturally she's kind of the star of our family. That's okay though because at least when relatives come to visit they want to see her instead of me, leaving me free to pursue my own interests without anyone caring. Being the less-successful one does have a few advantages if you know where to look.

 

[white dove]

Has anyone else here been openly compared with your siblings by your parents?

Never. We've been fortunate enough that our parents see us as individuals -- with different goals, passions and skills. If I had more than one child, I would be the same way.


But, I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds very hurtful. Can you talk to your parents about it; at the very least, your mom? In the case where your mom is explaining/bragging(?) about your brother in front of others, can you either walk away or interject and make a bold statement about what you're doing in your life when the other person refers to you? I'm trying to think of how I'd react and I can honestly say I would do either of those. But, I think confronting your parents first is really important. They need to know how they come across and that their words and insinuations are hurtful to you.

 

[trentlogain2]

Thankfully, God isn't a respector of persons.

 

[ProAntiRevolution]

When you have a a twin it's kind of hard not to get compared. Of which I come out on the negative end of most comparisons. However, I've been told point blank by my brother he wishes he could trade lives with me. Which makes it a little hard to get offended by it.

 

[PeculiarTreasure]

It just seriously hurts me that some parents do this to their kids. It's totally uncalled for.

My family has never really compared to me to my sister but I compare myself to her.

She's always been the smarter, more organized, skinnier one. And yeah, it makes me feel bad at times.

 

[Aino]

"You've always been bad at maths unlike your brother!"
"Your brother is so much cleaner than you!"
"Your brother didn't need so many driving lessons!"
"Your brother manages to do so much more than you in the same time!"

Yeah, it's familiar to me.

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

I used to get that when I was growing up. Even as a young adult. Now, I don't so much but I think that's just because I don't talk to my mom much anymore. Plus, I have learned to let it go.

It still is frustrating though and I know it is irksome. It can also wreck havoc to a person to always compare themselves to others. I have that issue sometimes and continue to work on my identity in Christ and to realize that I just need to be in His footprints.

 

[Quoth]

It happened more when my sister was living at home (or at least I noticed it more), but she's always been the prized gem in my family. It has always been made clear to me (especially by my father) that I was not, am not, and never will be good enough for him.

 

[Keri]

Thankfully no, I've never been compared to my sister or brother. It might be that my sister has a different father, my youngest brother has a different father and my other brother and I are totally different.

I think that if I had all full siblings (same parents) that were closer in age it might have happened but being in a mixed family, and years apart, we've always appreciated each other's uniqueness.

 

[leothelioness]

I've never been openly compared to my siblings, but my sister is extremely attractive (as in former swimsuit model attractive) and I always got the, "you're beautiful, too, just in a different way," routine. In my mind, though, that was just a really nice way of saying, "you're not as pretty as your sister."

 

[ulu]

I've never been compared by my parents to my sister.
Have heard numerous times, though, about all the money and success some of their friends' kids have which sucks.

 

[HeartOfTheRighteous]

Seeing how I'm an only child, I don't have any siblings to be compared with. But my mother has no problem comparing me to her brother's and sister's kids. Like telling me how my cousin is a senior ready to graduate with her bachelors degree and I've switched my major three times. Ahhhh ...... It's so frustrating!

 

[Quoth]

I have one friend who has no expectations of anyone that he meets, even after he has known them many years. He admits openly that every person will fail every other person, and the only one who doesn't fail us is God. He shows love (a true love, not society's "warm fuzzy" junk) to everyone, and it is the most overwhelming love I've ever seen from a human being. He said that is how he avoids condemning others with the comparison game; simply love, and do not expect that the person will fail or impress you.

I wish more people (myself included) could have that revelation.

 

[Apollo Celestio]

Not really, no. I was the "star" for awhile, but that's not saying much. We're all pretty much failures. xD

 

[Amber.ly]

I have 5 siblings. My older brothers are brilliant and accomplished, my sister has a rocking body and my two younger brothers are creative and popular types.

I am none of those things and I couldn't be prouder of them all! I am and can do things they can't. It's the beauty of being an original and my own person. Sure, my parents can compare at times (especially since I'm the only single one lol) but honestly, favortism is nebulous thing. They like this about one child and something else about a different kid.

I'm really sorry you're parents are treating you in a way that makes you feel less worthwhile than your sibling but I can't stress enough that their favortism issues should not effect your relationship with your sibling!!!! Remember, it's their problem, not your's and your sibling more than likely didn't have anything to with encouraging this crap.

Sorry about the tangent

 

[smacky ramone]

I don't get that, because I'm the awesome one. And if my folks did do something like that, I would make sure the got into one of those "60 Minutes" nursing homes when they got older.