Communication

[FaithPrevails]

I agree with chaz and Wolf. If the OP's councilor was not intending to place blame on men for bad communication, then he shouldn't have said that bad communication is the man's fault. Plain and simple.

It doesn't say that men are to blame for bad communication, though. It says if communication is a major issue. I see it differently than that equating to bad communication.

 

[Conservativation]

I didnt see any blame here either FP, I didnt detect one women here blaming men.

We are responding to the counselor, because she asked we comment about the counselor.

 

[FaithPrevails]

I didnt see any blame here either FP, I didnt detect one women here blaming men.

We are responding to the counselor, because she asked we comment about the counselor.

Thanks for the clarification. It seemed aimed at the OP herself.

 

[dallasapple]

Same thing Cons..generalization..grouping men into a catergory as to HOW they ALL communicate..then saying in a marriage communications problems are almost always the mans fault..

I dont beleive men are "hardwired" to communicate one way..and women another..its hog wash..any differences are LEARNED ..and its possible one is a better way and the other could cause issues in relationships(personal intimate relationships)..I dont know..I would think that NOT expanding or using many details in a COMPLEX long term relationship as far as communicating wouldnt be optimal.

Also I dont buy the 'women are talkers men are doers" either..again if their is an imbalance in that arena between the two sexes..its learned.

Dallas

 

[Conservativation]

Its irrelevant if its learned or not.....I dont care. Its been the case then, SINCE it was learned, centuries ago.....so, lets set out to just unlearn things that have been around for generations. ME and most men, every man I know, almost every book ever written on communication says it, and saying "its learned" doesn't refute the difference, I don't get that anyway, saying "that difference doesn't exist, its learned"....well uh, doesn't saying its learned SAY it exists regardless WHY it exists? This is actually a perfect example of a male female difference in communication. To say "that doesn't exist, its learned" would make less than zero sense to a man, it actually makes no sense at all, much in the same way talking about aunt Betty doesn't mean anything when talking about mega themes....and these general communication differences are RIGHT HERE on the page for all to see.......while denying them.

So, these LEARNED differences (if you say so) lets work with them, they are OK, and the suggestion that "the other could cause issues in relationships" is flawed. Because its based on the idea that a relationship is based on the other way of communicating, which, learned or whatever, just happens to be the female way. Thats just flat wrong.

What you suggest here is to UNLEARN the mans way (which was learned) for the good of the relationship. Bunk. No relationship will work without some melange of these no matter who exhibits which type.

If you wish, call them A and B, not man and woman....I don't care which is which. Saying that relationships rely on more emotional type communication to the avoidance of the more clinical type is just plain wrong, One or the other alone is disaster. Right now the answer is all, lets turn A into B....thats stupid, even if it is learned

 

[chaz345]

I didnt see any blame here either FP, I didnt detect one women here blaming men.

We are responding to the counselor, because she asked we comment about the counselor.

Exactly and I and Wolf did specifically say that at one point. To clarify, the statement made in the original post, by someone other than the original poster blames men. Not the original poster.

 

[chaz345]

Its irrelevant if its learned or not.....I dont care. Its been the case then, SINCE it was learned, centuries ago.....so, lets set out to just unlearn things that have been around for generations. ME and most men, every man I know, almost every book ever written on communication says it, and saying "its learned" doesn't refute the difference, I don't get that anyway, saying "that difference doesn't exist, its learned"....well uh, doesn't saying its learned SAY it exists regardless WHY it exists? This is actually a perfect example of a male female difference in communication. To say "that doesn't exist, its learned" would make less than zero sense to a man, it actually makes no sense at all, much in the same way talking about aunt Betty doesn't mean anything when talking about mega themes....and these general communication differences are RIGHT HERE on the page for all to see.......while denying them.

So, these LEARNED differences (if you say so) lets work with them, they are OK, and the suggestion that "the other could cause issues in relationships" is flawed. Because its based on the idea that a relationship is based on the other way of communicating, which, learned or whatever, just happens to be the female way. Thats just flat wrong.

What you suggest here is to UNLEARN the mans way (which was learned) for the good of the relationship. Bunk. No relationship will work without some melange of these no matter who exhibits which type.

If you wish, call them A and B, not man and woman....I don't care which is which. Saying that relationships rely on more emotional type communication to the avoidance of the more clinical type is just plain wrong, One or the other alone is disaster. Right now the answer is all, lets turn A into B....thats stupid, even if it is learned

Not only that but, given the observable physical differences in brain structure between men and women, and the observable differences in brain function that brain scans show, it's utterly and completely silly to suggest that all differences are learned. Saying so is as non-sensical as saying the bottom of the ocean is dry. Obvious facts show otherwise.