Communication between men and women (2)

[shinbits]

The death panels thing sint a communication issue, its a political intentional misrepresentation, usually from both sides, exaggerations etc.
The politics just are not IMO a good example. They are not even talking TO each other when they say that stuff...they are ostensibly talking TO us....the people out heeeyah

To me, youve changed the subject now.
Now I can agree, in general as emotion comes in more, communication gets harder, regardless who is involved

I didnt see that as your OP (its your OP, Im not telling you what you said Im telling you what I thought you said)

I thought you said, there is not real gender based communication issue, men and women communicate fine, until they get married and lots of feelings are then involved. It SEEMED you were suggesting that , well, the only thing that gets in the way of men and women communicating is if there are feelings involved

Thats different than what you said here above

Well, the women here seem to understand that this isn't what I'm saying, but one of the men do.

Gender differences can sometimes factor in to communication problems just as often as they can not factor at all. It's much more an issue of emotion. I'm pretty sure that gay couples argue just as much as heterosexual couples.

I do believe, that gender can factor into why couples disagree; but not so much with inability to understand each other.

 

[Conservativation]

IMO, men and women communicate different because they process differently. In a personal relationship, that is more tangibly noticable because of the deeper feelings.

EXACTLY.

Thats all Im saying.

It can manifest in what is emphasized even.

here is an example

My mother has to use a service that medicare provides sometimes to take her to the Dr. I was on the phone with her and she was telling me about that. I was remarking what a nice useful service that was....my meaning was purely about the utilitarian aspect

She answered yes it is nice because that driver and I shared so much in common and he went to school in such and such place and has 5 grandkids and on and on.

Now...technically we didn't really communicate. We both said something to the other, we "agreed", but the thing we were agreeing on was totally not the same thing. So, I failed to communicate to her that I was pleased with and commenting on the utility of the service, or if that did get through, then it makes no sense to say "I agree" then offer what she offered as the reason she agreed, because what she said had zero to do with what I said.

And thats processing info...and how we are DIFFERENT

 

[JanniGirl]

I think that some would like to limit this discussion "close relationships" and leave out "emotional content" . . . . both play a factor in communicating, regardless of who you are communicating with. I think that is what Shinbits is getting at . . . . add emotional topics with a deep relationship and you will have the tendency for greater conflict. Both don't have to be present in order to have conflict, it just heightens it, regardless of gender.

 

[Conservativation]

Well, the women here seem to understand that this isn't what I'm saying, but one of the men do.

Gender differences can sometimes factor in to communication problems just as often as they can not factor at all. It's much more an issue of emotion. I'm pretty sure that gay couples argue just as much as heterosexual couples.

That what isn't what you are saying....I gave 2 choices. I cant tell which it is.
And, I dont see any evidence that the women are necessarily following you in terms of the OP....they may be....I take your word for it....Im saying that for me, reading along, Im just seeing things kinda going where things go, with not so much bracketed rhyme or reason. Thats just me...but since its about communicating I raise that

 

[mkgal1]

It doesn't have to be (and normally ISN'T) that you have a close relationship with the person you are communicating with.....it is simply the emotions that are involved...IMO...that make it difficult.

For instance.....say you were grossly overcharged for something, and didn't realize until you got your credit card bill. If the representative you are speaking with (regardless of gender) doesn't seem willing to work with you, and instead has an attitude of "I can't really help you....you shouldn't have signed the agreement to charge you that amount--that was YOUR fault"...I would be willing to promise, you would be having difficulty in understanding one another from that point on due to the emotions involved....not the "relationship" you have with that person.

 

[chaz345]

Well, the women here seem to understand that this isn't what I'm saying, but one of the men do.

Gender differences can sometimes factor in to communication problems just as often as they can not factor at all. It's much more an issue of emotion. I'm pretty sure that gay couples argue just as much as heterosexual couples.

I do believe, that gender can factor into why couples disagree; but not so much with inability to understand each other.

Ok so you see the women understanding and the men not. Maybe that's because your point is talking about emotions. And like it or not women do tend to process and store things emotionally. NOT saying that's bad or inferior to how men do it, it's just different, and that difference is what causes or increases many communication difficulties. All the time around here an issue or problem will be raised and if a man gives straightforward step by step advice he gets accused of not caring about the feelings involved and if a woman gives a feelings and emotion filled response she gets accused of not offering anything practical to do to solve the problem. In both cases there is a lack of understanding created by a gender based difference in how men and women communicate.

 

[shinbits]

That what isn't what you are saying....I gave 2 choices. I cant tell which it is.
And, I dont see any evidence that the women are necessarily following you in terms of the OP....they may be....I take your word for it....Im saying that for me, reading along, Im just seeing things kinda going where things go, with not so much bracketed rhyme or reason. Thats just me...but since its about communicating I raise that

I'm not trying to be clever when I say this, but how you worded your post, I'm not sure what you're trying to get at. Yet I feel I've understood everything the women here have said, and I feel like they've understood me.

But I see you were happy someone agreed that men and women communicate differently; I believe that two. But communicating differently isn't the same not being able to understand each other. Each man processes things differently as well. McScribe understood my post, even if he disagreed. You didn't understand my post. Two men processed the same thing differently.

See what I'm saying?

 

[Conservativation]

Correct.

In general 0) being "in agreement" may mean FEELING the same about something to one side, while the other side may mean literally laying identical facts side by side.

 

[Conservativation]

I'm not trying to be clever when I say this, but how you worded your post, I'm not sure what you're trying to get at. Yet I feel I've understood everything the women here have said, and I feel like they've understood me.

But I see you were happy someone agreed that men and women communicate differently; I believe that two. But communicating differently isn't the same not being able to understand each other. Each man processes things differently as well. McScribe understood my post, even if he disagreed. You didn't understand my post. Two men processed the same thing differently.

See what I'm saying?

I understood your OP too, It was the later posts that led me off.

 

[mkgal1]

Im calling communication knowing whats been said, not the act of sending sentences back and forth.
That you and I have a slip in communication is an anecdote, its one time one thing. Its not evidence of anything, unless you are prone to doing what gets in the way here so often, and bringing in ALWAYS type ideas. I wouldnt say men NEVER have communication problems or that a man and women ALWAYS have problems....if I said that then yes, our little thing there would matter.

Cons......if you start with that belief (that men have "slips" in communication....but, that it is different with women)..then maybe THAT is the reason things don't get resolved as easily...(maybe??). You discounted that "slip" even when it was so early in the thread....but, had it been me that began the thread....most likely, I would imagine you would have gone on much more about how IMPOSSIBLE it is for us to communicate (and consider that is due to gender).

You and Lily seem to have no trouble communicating......and there is a difference there....why do you feel that is?

 

[shinbits]

I understood your OP too, It was the later posts that led me off.

Ok. So you understand that I'm saying that while gender can sometimes factor in, that it's much more an issue of emotions. Right?

If so, do you agree or disagree?

 

[McScribe]

I think that gender can be a factor in communication difficulties (for various reasons) but that the stakes become higher when there is a serious relationship involved. When it's a romantic relationship and the people are of an age to have sexual feelings it can be even more complicatd. So if that's what you're saying then yes, I agree.

 

[chaz345]

I'm not trying to be clever when I say this, but how you worded your post, I'm not sure what you're trying to get at. Yet I feel I've understood everything the women here have said, and I feel like they've understood me.

But I see you were happy someone agreed that men and women communicate differently; I believe that two. But communicating differently isn't the same not being able to understand each other. Each man processes things differently as well. McScribe understood my post, even if he disagreed. You didn't understand my post. Two men processed the same thing differently.

See what I'm saying?

Communicating differently is not the same thing as not being able to understand each other, but the difference certainly makes it more likely that they won't. Not that it's impossible to overcome of course just that the differences need to be acknowledged and understood, on a specific person to person basis using generalities as a starting point, before real understanding of what the other person is saying can occur on a regular basis.

 

[Romanseight2005]

IMO, men and women communicate different because they process differently. In a personal relationship, that is more tangibly noticable because of the deeper feelings.

So are you saying that all or most women process similarly? I can show you point blank that they don't. Example: My coworker and I work well tigether, but couldn't process more differently.

 

[shinbits]

I think that gender can be a factor in communication difficulties (for various reasons) but that the stakes become higher when there is a serious relationship involved. When it's a romantic relationship and the people are of an age to have sexual feelings it can be even more complicatd. So if that's what you're saying then yes, I agree.

No, I'm saying that gender usually isn't the problem in communication, and that it's really a matter of type of relationship and stakes involved; but every now and then gender might play a role. Gender can be a large factor in why a romantically involved couple may disagree, but not usually why they can't communicate.

 

[shinbits]

Communicating differently is not the same thing as not being able to understand each other, but the difference certainly makes it more likely that they won't. Not that it's impossible to overcome of course just that the differences need to be acknowledged and understood, on a specific person to person basis using generalities as a starting point, before real understanding of what the other person is saying can occur on a regular basis.

I agree. It's just that, as another poster said, people focus more on gender being the issue rather than the feelings and stakes involved in the relationship, which isn't right to do.

 

[McScribe]

Really, much of what is being said based on the OP is pure conjecture and reasoning based on that conjecture.

 

[shinbits]

Really, much of what is being said based on the OP is pure conjecture and reasoning based on that conjecture.

So is any post on this forum that has to do with this topic. So why bring this up now? Because you disagree? Had you agreed with the OP, you wouldn't be saying that.

 

[chaz345]

So are you saying that all or most women process similarly? I can show you point blank that they don't. Example: My coworker and I work well tigether, but couldn't process more differently.

A single exception doesn't disprove the rule.

 

[mkgal1]

Really, much of what is being said based on the OP is pure conjecture and reasoning based on that conjecture.

McScribe....the question was posed to those that "fear or reject generalities", "why do you reject or fear generalities?". I have noticed that whenever it is mentioned that problems may NOT be because of gender, but maybe because of other reasons...you react.

Now, may I ask you, "why?" It seems to me that the truth is better than just clinging to something that has been repeated often that may NOT be true. The only way to get a "greater understanding" , that you continue to mention as being your desire, is to explore and question....conjecture.