Did I get the gist of what you are saying? You wanted to become a part of the Jewish people to feel a belonging somewhere?
No, I did not need a feeling of belonging since I have a strong family identity and friendships. I simply could not imagine trying to live my life as a non-Jew. I tried. It was not working. I could not do it without being miserable. I felt like there was something massive missing from my life, as if I was trying to turn off a part of myself. I could not relate to the world as a non-Jew any longer and realized that I needed to just go for it.
You believe that the Jews are still on earth today is because they follow rituals and traditions, but not the Mitzvot
That is incorrect. Many of the rituals and traditions of which I'm speaking
are mitzvot. [/quote]
If you break a mitzvah you don't feel guilt, but uncomfortable but think you could have done better
I feel guilt but I don't feel as though I am a bad person. I understand that what I did was not unethical in the grand scheme of life but it was inconsistent with living a Jewish life.
I'm cheating a little since I'm so tired and my head feels like it's going to explode. Here is something I wrote previously.
I enjoy the structure of ritual of Judaism. It makes me feel connected to the past and to the Jewish people. It gives meaning to life. Judaism for me is essentially a system of behavior and values
unique to the Jewish people. Guidelines for living a good, fulfilling life and keeping some semblance of cohesion with one another. I don't keep kosher because I think it makes God happy. I seriously don't think God cares and may not even be consciously aware that I'm doing it. I do it because that is what Jews do, It's Jewish Law, I'm
obligated and it does give positive meaning to my life. I don't avoid cooking on Shabbat because I think God would be angry with me if I did. Again, same reasons.
You could take God out of the equation, prove without a doubt that no gods exist and I would still think Judaism is awesome. I converted to be a part of the Jewish people and to make Judaism my religion. Not the other way around.
(edited to keep with the topic here)
Being a Jew, for me is very much about the Jewish people. I think it should be for everyone and especially for those who
choose it.
(edited to keep with the topic here)
If I sat around waiting to do things in love and faith I may never get anywhere. I have to do them when neither love or faith are present. And I guess this is what seems sad to other people. It doesn't feel sad to me. I'm not a spiritual person. I'm not longing for a deep, loving and faith for God. I'm lacking in that area and it doesn't bother me at all. I'm not cold. I'm actually overly emotional and can cry at anything (seriously, I've cried over billboards) but that passionate love for God and faith in him alludes me. I'm not going to sit around and wait for it. It may never come.