Ack, I just read my post and realized how scattered it sounded. So I shall try to sum it up.
When I was in and out of the hospital, my mom and dad finally quit even coming to see me, took the phone out and truly had no clue what was going on with me, even though I was under their care. I would go through withdrawals when I was released I'd had so much pain medication. A girl I met at my apartment complex was the one who helped me through my worst withdrawal episode, I lived on her couch for a week cause I couldn't care for myself. When I ended up back at my parent's house, I was so lost. I'd lost everything I had gained. My independence, apartment, job (I got fired while I was in the recovery room from surgery due to all my hospital stays), and was screwed up in the head from medication.
It hurt, truly hurt that I could lay in my bed crying out for my mother and have her not respond in any way. And when I needed a simple thing like going to see my Aunt Bonnie and Uncle Jim so I could try to get some direction in my life, and to be denied that, was like the ultimate in betrayal. All I wanted was to get my life back on the road, maybe go back to school. I knew my kids dad at that time, though nothing serious. Oh, geeze I'd forgotten this also. A guy I'd dated my first serious boyfriend in high school had just dumped me also, I'd found out that he'd been seeing other girls, he was older than me and was just flat out mean in his break up of me while I was in the hospital. I had a friend, John, who I think actually cared for me more than I truly realized he did, that for so many years later, I wished I had turned to, rather than running off with my ex's brother and girlfriend *we, the ex and I were not together when I "ran away"*. I was so angry that my parents, and mainly my mom, would not acknowledge that I needed any help, that I felt I had no option but to just leave. I'm out of high school, almost 19 years old, and had no idea what to do. So, I made the bad choice of possibilities, now that I look back on it and went with this couple to Illinois, where later, about 6 months later, I ended up getting together with my ex in Oklahoma. During the time in Illinois, I had contacted John to try and borrow some money as I didn't have any, I was looking for work and not having much luck and he said he would send me a ticket to come home and that was it, of course, in my state of mind then, I said no and turned my back on him. I've regretted it ever since, and so many times, I've wished I could find him and apologize for hurting him. I know now, that at that point, that was my savings point, I'dve had a different life if I had taken his offer.
But don't be disheartened at this for God does take what the enemy means for bad and makes something good of it. I learn after being gone a year, that my dad had hit the streets looking for me, in downtown Houston etc.....and I felt really bad about that. I never wanted to run from him, it was my mom. I contacted them about 3 months after being gone and let them know I was ok, but things were never the same. My Dad got over things but my mom never did. And I ended up losing all my aunts, uncles, grandmother everyone for the rest of my life because of things my mom said, alot of which were not true.
It was just last year when I reconciled (30 years later) with my grandmother and aunt (the one I had wanted to go to) and found out that they still loved me. My mom had told me that everyone blamed me for her illnesses and problems and didn't want contact with me. She lied to me. I lost my family for my whole adult life pretty much. When I had been with my ex for about a year I got pregnant with my first child, and we were not in a good living condition in East Texas. My Dad came and got me, we didn't realize I was pregnant yet and when he took me home, my mom would not allow me to even enter the house for months. I had to go to my sisters. She always held it over my head and blamed me for her post polio syndrome and neuropathy.
Anyway, the good thing of this story is...that even though I chose the wrong path that God had out there for me, He still blessed me with three wonderful children and now 2 grandchildren. That is all that I came out of that marriage with of 17 years, but it is enough. There is not one material thing from that marriage, alot of emotional damage, and I found my Lord and Savior during my marriage. So that is two things.
So God can work all things for His good.
I still have a hard time with my mom, but I'm working on it and God is leading me.
Men can reject us....and hurt us.....but we have one in heaven who sacrificed for us....His only son and will love us til the day we join Him.
Thank you Jesus.
Good night Ladies.
Sennaria
I will 
over this area. 
