Co-dependancy in Relationships

[Jennifer615]

Hi Sascha, yes, it does feel good to get stuff off my chest. Recognising my condependency has given me a new view of my life. I just didn't realise how dysfunctional I was and how destructive all my relationships were.

Longing for Daddy - Monique Robinson. Although it's predominantly for girls who have had a physically or psychologically absent father, it helped me understand a lot about my co-dependant traits, and work on erradicating them.

That book would probably be good for me. My father was and is a really nice guy, but, as one of my Christian counsellors said, he was ineffective. He just didn't know how to relate to a girl. I am sure when my mum was pregnant he wanted a boy and was dissapointed when I was born. I am sure he was relieved when my brother was born 3 years later. My dad is also a athiest, and could never relate to my Christianity. He had an abusive Catholic upbringing, often being beaten by the nuns, so I can understand how he feels. Anyway, because I didn't have that connection with my father, I was desperately seeking male affection from relationships. One pastor said that if a father has a special relationship with his daughter, and says things like "You are my little princess, no man is good enough for you!!!", it may make the daughter roll her eyes, but she will end up having high standards when seeking a relationship. She will often not sleep around if her father installed those good morals into her.

 

[invisiblebabe]

Hmmm..... I find it interesting and mildly amusing that I fit many of the "co-dependency" traits. I only difference that I really see is that I don't judge my worth by someone else's opinion of me. I still always care about other people enough to take them into consideration when I speak and act, and to some extent I'll always be bolstered or bothered by someone else's problem. I think that the only relationship in which I would be view as co-dependent by society, would be my marriage. *laughs* Maybe I am addicted to my husband. It is a little hard not to be pretty attached and invested in someone that you are 'one flesh' with. lol

There's a definite difference between being a naturally caring and empathetic personality, than being codependent. Codependent people do not have a sense of identity apart from a relationship or friendship.... they are not whole in and of themselves.

It is also interesting how so many codependents come from dysfunctional homes... makes a lot of sense, though I serve as the exception in this case. I had codependency problems, but my family was never considered dysfunctional...