Clueless

[PeculiarTreasure]

As most of you know I've never dated. I've also not had many guy friends either.

So, I'm pretty clueless when it comes to guys.

There's a guy I sorta like. He's def. someone I would like to get to know better. It's actually a guy in RL for once.

My question is this. How does one get to know and perhaps become friends with someone without coming on too strong or being too forward.

I'm so clueless when it comes to stuff like this...

I try to talk to him but I'm old fashioned and I like the guy to come to me. I'm a pretty shy person so it's hard for me to start up convos with people.

 

[Socktastic]

Outside of just talking to them, finding mutual interests and actively making an effort to talk without rushing into "LETMELOVEYOU" before you've truly found your feet with each other I really don't have a clue.

Humans should come with guidebooks.

 

[PeculiarTreasure]

Guidebooks would be fantastic.

 

[BigMat]

I've never dated before either and am having difficulties in the same area right now as well. It doesn't help that I've had only a few and limited relationships and interactions with females in my life. Honestly, I haven't got a clue where to begin or what course of action to take. It doesn't make the situation any easier that things are complicated by a lot of outlying factors. All I can do is my best and if that ends up not being enough, then I guess I'll live and learn from the experience.

 

[K9_Trainer]

Well, I think you need to draw some distinctions between "friendship" and "dating" and "courting" and what your expectations are for each

It's understandable to want him to initiate a relationship or a courtship, and that's where your old fashioned-ness can come into play. But if you want to be friends while you get to know each other, then I think being old fashioned and waiting for him to take the initiative is a bit unfair and one-sided; it's just doesn't work with a friendship, which implies no expectations or strings, just enjoying each others company. You have to be a friend to have a friend, so don't be afraid to approach him to strike up that friendship.

 

[Edwards1984]

My question is this. How does one get to know and perhaps become friends with someone without coming on too strong or being too forward.

[...]

I try to talk to him but I'm old fashioned and I like the guy to come to me. I'm a pretty shy person so it's hard for me to start up convos with people.

I don't know what your social scene in relation to this guy is, but that could be of some assistance for you. If you have similar friends, just have all of you hang out together. That way, you'll get to know him better, see how he responds to different kinds of people, and you'll get to know him more without making the interaction too personal.

Talking to him in general is also helpful, and you can take advantage of situations where you have a chance just to open dialogue. Just don't go out of your way to talk to him every single chance you have, otherwise that will come across as strong - although it might also be good for him, in case he starts feeling the same way about you.

Perhaps the biggest advice I can give in that regard is not to rely on "hints." Guys do not get "hints." We're clueless to them. We're stupid. Sometimes we don't think "Oh! That was a hint!" until days later, sometimes someone has to say "Uh, dude? That was a hint," and sometimes we never figure it out.

 

[chuck77]

I try to talk to him but I'm old fashioned and I like the guy to come to me.

Find out what his favorite sandwich is, construct it, and strategically place it on your front porch on a breezy day.

Let us know when the wedding is.

 

[PeculiarTreasure]

I see him at church but that's it. There's really no other interaction time other than that. It's difficult.

 

[PeculiarTreasure]

Find out what his favorite sandwich is, construct it, and strategically place it on your front porch on a breezy day.

Let us know when the wedding is.

I'll get right on that.

 

[Edwards1984]

I see him at church but that's it. There's really no other interaction time other than that. It's difficult.

There's time before and after service. If you know someone who knows him, have him introduce you two. Or, go and talk to his family/friends who sit with him, and then you'll be able to strike up a conversation.

Church is about worship, but part of church is also fellowship. Fellowship, if done rightly and properly, can lead to courtship.

 

[PeculiarTreasure]

There's time before and after service. If you know someone who knows him, have him introduce you two. Or, go and talk to his family/friends who sit with him, and then you'll be able to strike up a conversation.

Church is about worship, but part of church is also fellowship. Fellowship, if done rightly and properly, can lead to courtship.

I actually tried this approach today...

He's in the worship band and the band pretty much all sits together. Well, my best friend happens to be the worship leader so I did end up sitting near him today.

We talked a tad after service.

 

[Edwards1984]

I actually tried this approach today...

He's in the worship band and the band pretty much all sits together. Well, my best friend happens to be the worship leader so I did end up sitting near him today.

We talked a tad after service.

Well good, keep it up. And if you know the worship leader, maybe you can have them invite you to practice or something.

 

[sjam]

im a father of 3 and i have specal needs sister . . . alot of ladies dont want too deal with those things . . . im good at making friends and i love to chatt . . . that why im still single . . . my thoughts is god hasnt sent the right one to me or havent met her yet . . . . .every thing happen in gods time not my . . .