Clinginess

[deepgreen11]

Here is a interesting thought. I've only known of a few abused women, but it seems that they think they get more clingy when they are being abused. I had a friend of mine tell me that if you want to keep a women, treat her like crap, and it's like a challenge to them. Naturally, this is especially true with women with poor self esteem.

actually, part of domestic abuse is emotional and psychological, and part of it often includes the abuser making him or herself the most important person in the other's life by insisting on getting all of the time and attention. this often goes hand in hand with alienation from friends, family, activities, and other aspects of life. I hope your friend doesn't actually use his rule. This type of abuse can be a causative factor or a confirming force of low self-esteem. Often, the one being abused will be guilt-tripped for doing anything that keeps him or her away from the abuser. It's such a shame.

 

[Trashionista]

It's bad. Whether we're romantically involved or just friends. Get a hobby, already.

[Not to the people/OP in this thread. But rather... people who cling on to me.]

 

[timbo81]

ya as people have stated.

to me clinginess is an unhealthy dependance on your spouse because you subconsciously don't trust them so you need to know where they are at all times.

I wouldn't confuse it with physical closeness. As in a couple who always hold hands or something when they go out as clinginess.

 

[Windmill]

Clinginess = Bad unless the couple likes it that way.

 

[puffca]

Or, good unless the couple hates it that way.

 

[Apollo Celestio]

It would be nice to be that needed..but I couldn't handle it. I would get stressed out quickly if I couldn't just go on a walk without questioning. It indicates a lack of trust too.

 

[Windmill]

I think it is usually bad rather than good.

The clinginess talked about in the Bible when it was talking about in genesis the two becoming one flesh through sex and through living together had nothing to do with this. The man wasn't clingy to his wife back then, and she certainly wasn't clingy to them. Do you think the hundreds of wives David had were all clingy?

 

[Apollo Celestio]

I imagined it differed in many cultures, as with how infants are brought up today and how it once was.

 

[Windmill]

Probably, but I don't think one can use that Genesis quote to justify clinginess. Everything needs to be kept in balance.

 

[Apollo Celestio]

Wise words, oh young one.

 

[Windmill]

Young one?

 

[puffca]

I think it is usually bad rather than good.

The clinginess talked about in the Bible when it was talking about in genesis the two becoming one flesh through sex and through living together had nothing to do with this. The man wasn't clingy to his wife back then, and she certainly wasn't clingy to them. Do you think the hundreds of wives David had were all clingy?

Flesh of my flesh bone of my bones...the man's words, not clingy back then?

 

[Windmill]

I'm sorry... I'm confused, what are you saying exactly?

In terms of Adam and Eve, they probably would have been clingy, considering they only had each other But nothing seems to indicate the relationships of the OT encouraged clinginess. Indeed, the husband was far from clingy, again polygamy was accepted and the norm, and they didn't even just have wives but the concubines. And so I doubt that the wife was clingy either.

I can't honestly find any biblical justification for clinginess, and I can't see how that Genesis quote had anything to do with it. If you get clinginess from that, you're reading way too much into it.

 

[puffca]

Since you were saying "back then", I backed it to the very beginning.

I never thought David was a good example speaking of husband-wife relationship.

 

[MeghanMG]

I think there's a difference in what is described in the bible and what you consider clingy. I think that up until modern day, men and woman had clear and seperate roles. These days, people want to do their own thing and being clingy would be constantly having to be by someone's side..always needing to know where they're at...etc. There is a certain lack of trust that initiates that irrational need to always need to keep tabs. People need space. There's a line you cross to become clingy..becoming one as man and wife doesn't exactly cross that line unless you take the actions to cross it.

 

[puffca]

And, Adam and Eve were the only people through whom we can see how the life was like, before the sin entered the world.

 

[Apollo Celestio]

Young one?

 

[Windmill]

I am 18. I am very grown up.

 

[Tamara224]

Agreed with Soccerdad.

The general accepted definition of clinginess is someone who is completly obcessed over their partner and unable to be seperate from the person for any period of time.

I get that. I understand that is the "generally accepted definition". The purpose of this thread is to challenge our "generally accepted" ways of thinking.

What about the person who clings to another person, not out of an obsessive need to be attached at the hip, or a lack of trust, but because everything is funner, sweeter, more meaningful and better when that other person is there? I know couples who do everything together because they take so much joy in one another.

People say things like "you have to have your own life still" - and to that I disagree. If I want to maintain my "own separate" life I'll stay single. The point of marriage is to start a new combined life with someone else, isn't it? Now, I'm not saying I think a couple ought to spend every single second with one another or that it's wrong to go out with the boys or the girls or whatever.

But I wonder if this insistence that people remain their own separate identities so staunchly may be part of the reason for divorce in our society. Maybe we, as a society, are too individualistic. Maybe we've lost the art of cleaving.

 

[white dove]

What about the person who clings to another person, not out of an obsessive need to be attached at the hip, or a lack of trust, but because everything is funner, sweeter, more meaningful and better when that other person is there? I know couples who do everything together because they take so much joy in one another.

This takes me back to the poster who said that, perhaps if one person has an issue with the other person being too clingy that maybe the problem is that the 2 are not meant for each other. I have to wonder if my past relationships felt the way that they did because I, in fact, needed that space to breathe and to have interests that didn't always include them... or that, maybe it was just the wrong man, period.

Hmm.. thanks for making me think about it again, Tamara! *strangle*

People say things like "you have to have your own life still" - and to that I disagree. If I want to maintain my "own separate" life I'll stay single. The point of marriage is to start a new combined life with someone else, isn't it? Now, I'm not saying I think a couple ought to spend every single second with one another or that it's wrong to go out with the boys or the girls or whatever.

I, for one, don't agree with that, either. I think 2 people should have their own separate lives prior to beginning one together. But, as you join together in a marriage, your lives are jointly shared. Time is shared together. You still have your own interests that you may entertain separately, but sometimes you share them together. There are times when couples must come together to compromise and share in things the other enjoys for the sake of the other person.. and other times, they must separate to enjoy their interests separately (like, if one is a painter and the other person does scrapbooking). I think that's healthy.

But I wonder if this insistence that people remain their own separate identities so staunchly may be part of the reason for divorce in our society. Maybe we, as a society, are too individualistic. Maybe we've lost the art of cleaving.

Hmm.. well, anyone who's been in a long relationship knows that in time, 2 people sort of become like one person. You start to finish each other's thoughts, you know what to expect... you start looking alike, apparently.


I think there may be something to be said for self-absorption in our society and how it can rear its ugly head within relationships.