Clearing Some Confusion About Closure

[mamalonglegs]

Hello Everyone:

I used the word "closure" in a reply earlier and the mod's had trouble understanding what I meant by the word. I figure that most all of those who view the reply did too. I am writing this thread to thoroughly explain what I mean by closure in the S.I. sense.

The idea is to find out what emotions or feelings in certain situations that an individual S.I. person is having in the present that are no longer appropriate in the present. However, they do occur and lead the individual to actions that are not healthy.

I will use myself as an example. This was once true of me. It isn't too personal so I don't mind sharing it.

I use to get very angry and blame myself when a piece of machinery would break down. I would stay angry and stew in it becoming even rageful at myself and blame myself for the problem even though it was mechanical in nature and I could not have caused it. Eventually, I would have to do something to unload the emotions or feeling that were overwhelming and uncomfortable and I thought the situation warranted punishment and that is exactly the route I would take.

Learning where the root of the anger and blame for something that is truthfully beyond my control came from is the first step in beginning to find closure for that particular situation.

I learned to answer 4 questions to help me through this journey of which by the way should no be done alone. It is difficult and scary at times because of how serious that root situation(s) may have been. A professional and S.I. trained counselor of some kind would be very helpful to go through this with.
Questions to answer:

1. What happened? My father always punished me when I was a child and something went wrong with any of the farm machinery, even if it was a bad spark plug. He would be livid and I was in for it.
2. How did it make me feel? I felt ashamed, worthless, afraid, disappointed with myself. angry that I broke the machine and made my father mad at me.
3. How did it affect my life? I was taught that if something that I was using broke then it was always my fault even if it was something that I had no power over. It was just something mechanical like a bad spark plug, or a clogged gas filter. It made me feel all those same feelings and emotions of question 2 even as an adult. My father was not around to punish me and bring relief to the feelings and emotions so I took his place and punished myself until I felt relieved.
4. What do I want now? I wish to realize that I do not have power over things like spark plugs, filters, alternaters, belts, batteries, and so on...... This way I can know that it is not my fault. My father was wrong with his anger and punishment toward me. I need to remember that today and forever in the future. I want myself to know that things break and that is not my fault and it is okay and I am okay. I do not need to get angry with myself or blame myself from this day forward. I can treat myself when a machine breaks with the dignity of a human being that God loves beyond imagination and hold on to that knowledge. No one else is allowed to be like my father over a mechanical problem either because I now know better.

I put closure on that problem through realizing where the emotion and or feelings came from and that they were not rational. I had other choices that were more truthful and healthy for me in order to live a better life.

I know that example was rather simplistic. I wanted to make the process very clear. I understand because I have through a lot that I will no mention in this forum. I know most of you have to. The process works the same it is a who lot more frightening to face and it takes courage and people to support you through it along with a professional to guide you.

This may not be for everyone because we are all different and have various paths to a more healthy life. It was one of the best things I ever did in my recovery process. I am still working through some things even now. It's tough though. It works for me and that's my choice. Do what you must and share with others. I might even benefit from your path as well.

One more thing. You might learn from the feelings and emotins to help bring a healthier life but the memories will never go away and that is a good thing.

The fact that you are here and in this forum talking and encouraging and challenging, and praying for one another says that you survived and you are a strong person inside. There is a part of you that comes from that past which is important because it validates who you are and what shaped you to become the kind and loving you are. Don't try to deny that you are loving or you wouldn't supporting one another in this forum. Those memories are an anchor to the a depth of love and understanding that most people will never know.

It is a treasure in disguise. People who are caught up in this world of S.I. can truly relate to the sufferings of Christ on our behalf.

God bless you all with a better life each day.

mamalonglegs