Church Singles Groups

[Dynamis777]

Is anyone here a part of a singles group/ministry at a local or nearby church?

If so what has your experience been? Good? Bad? In between?

The reason I am asking is that earlier this week I did some research about singles groups of various churches within the community in which I live. I was surprised that I almost came up 'empty handed' in that most church websites did not even so much as mention a singles ministry.

The few that did failed to go into much detail beyond 'send an e-mail to such a such an individual for further details about our singles ministry'. I believe there was one church that mentioned a singles group that meets at church on an early weekday evening. Unfortunately, that does not quite fit my schedule.

I did, however, come across one 'mega church' that has a singles groups that gets together each Sunday morning at 9:00 AM. I am thinking about attending this Sunday but am uncertain what to expect. For example, I have no idea about what the leadership is like or what type of people I will be encountering.

I like to think it would be a positive environment in that I will be sharing two things with the people I will be meeting: a shared single status but also the same faith. But also keep in mind I am somewhat of a loner and lack the strongest social skills. I am also not the most attractive guy. So all things added up I am uncertain if I am going to be accepted within this group.

So for those that are currently part of (or previously been) part of a church singles group what suggestions do you have? Right now I am getting butterflies in my stomach at the thought of showing up this Sunday, but I also need to get out and meet people. Please note that my motives are not to 'date' anyone or form a relationship but rather meet people and make new friends.

 

[dayhiker]

My church has a singles group, but its really 30 and under. So its almost more of what used to be college and career singles group. I don't know of any singles groups that are geared toward mature singles.

I like that your thinking of checking out this group in a new church. I find almost ever group will accept a new person if they hang around for a while. I was very shy when I was young and so I would watch a new group of people that I would visit. If I wanted to get to be a part of that group, I'd just keep going and hanging out till someone realized that this guy is here often and would start talking to me. I learned to get past all those things as I got older. So now I can talk to most people the 1st time I visit a group. Yet it can still take some time to get into a group. But again, I find if I hang around I'll get accepted into the group. Its almost like an initiation.

Even if I didn't find that group was for me, I'd hang around long enough to know something about that group as a learning experience.
Let us know how it goes.

 

[quietpraiyze]

Is anyone here a part of a singles group/ministry at a local or nearby church?

If so what has your experience been? Good? Bad? In between?

The reason I am asking is that earlier this week I did some research about singles groups of various churches within the community in which I live. I was surprised that I almost came up 'empty handed' in that most church websites did not even so much as mention a singles ministry.

The few that did failed to go into much detail beyond 'send an e-mail to such a such an individual for further details about our singles ministry'. I believe there was one church that mentioned a singles group that meets at church on an early weekday evening. Unfortunately, that does not quite fit my schedule.

I did, however, come across one 'mega church' that has a singles groups that gets together each Sunday morning at 9:00 AM. I am thinking about attending this Sunday but am uncertain what to expect. For example, I have no idea about what the leadership is like or what type of people I will be encountering.

I like to think it would be a positive environment in that I will be sharing two things with the people I will be meeting: a shared single status but also the same faith. But also keep in mind I am somewhat of a loner and lack the strongest social skills. I am also not the most attractive guy. So all things added up I am uncertain if I am going to be accepted within this group.

So for those that are currently part of (or previously been) part of a church singles group what suggestions do you have? Right now I am getting butterflies in my stomach at the thought of showing up this Sunday, but I also need to get out and meet people. Please note that my motives are not to 'date' anyone or form a relationship but rather meet people and make new friends.

Years ago I used to put together Single's Ministry Seminars that were like an all day event with speakers, lunch, etc. I opened it up to the Body of Christ. They went very well. People actually showed up and God really blessed them. Some had really been so discouraged and depressed. I just wanted single people to know they weren't forgotten and to encourage them. God always showed up in a big way. I'm glad I obeyed the Holy Spirit in putting those gatherings together.

I think your venturing out sounds great. One thing that I can think of that may work in your favor is that you're a man. What I noticed was that there were always more women than men at my Seminars. So I think a man would be a welcomed sight. From your music post, you come across as very youthful; a youthful energy. I think that's a good thing. One thing I am concerned about is if you have to join this church to participate? I would ask about that and try and find out more about their doctrinal beliefs. Other than that I would just enjoy meeting other single saints. Come back and let us know how it goes.

 

[Goodbook]

No church ive been to has them, but I think you more likely to meet other singles in evening worship times than mornings.

 

[Servant68]

I've never seen a singles group at a church that was targeted towards anyone but those in their twenties.

I believe the majority of churches view those who are divorced and or single and over 30 as pariahs. I know I've visited at least half a dozen churches over the past year in a 20-mile radius and as a single man in my 40's and divorced, I am the odd man out at every church group.

Churches focus on the young, hoping that they will become married, stay married, and then build families. Not saying that's a bad thing as that was my goal and aspiration my entire adult life up until three years ago. But when something goes wrong and those ideal church families disintegrate, the church doesn't know how to serve those broken members.

Elderly and infirm? The church has an army of meal preparers and volunteers. Young and single? There are a plethora of church groups to join. Young family with kids? No problem! Parents of teens? We have a support group that meets every Wednesday.

Divorced. single, and hurting? Awkward silence...

 

[Goodbook]

Start one yourself then.

Be the change.

All i know is divorced christians seem to have more needs than even widows, elderly, children and unmarried singles combined and more spiritual issues to work through.

Break it down into what things you need help and support with and then others might know how to be of help.

 

[RobertMerton]

In the adult ministry I used to go to, they would put people into small groups by age. The adult ministry was from 18-30+, though if you got married you were expected to go to a different service (held earlier on Sunday).

We also has interchurch camps where people would come from all around the country. Most of those attending were single, and they'd put them in groups also by age.

 

[Run to Jesus]

I kind of envy you being able to go to a Church singles group. I wish I was tagging along. Mine is a small Church and we do not have a singles group. There are more couples and even more children.

 

[Goodbook]

I'd like to go on a church camp that's not just for children.

 

[Citanul]

I'd like to go on a church camp that's not just for children.

My church hasn't done so for a few years now, but in the past they've held family camps. I have no problem with the idea, but there's very little incentive for someone who wouldn't be there as part of a family unit to actually go on the camp.

 

[dayhiker]

One church I attended in the past had a family camp once. I really enjoyed it and was surprised that it wasn't planned again. The church I attend now hasn't done anything like that in the 8 years that I've been going to it. Its a big church for the Boston area. They might have 800 people attend if they did. So they would need a big camp.

 

[floridasun]

It never hurts to check out the church and the singles group. My past experiences with singles group have been mostly positive. It is good to hear that you want to meet new people and make new friends. My suggestion is to go to the singles group at least a few weeks (maybe 8 weeks). I believe by that time, you will have a good idea on what the people are like and the leadership. Take time to talk to the "leaders" of that singles group and the teacher; and attend their social events. Wishing you well !!

 

[Goodbook]

Thats cool that you going and asking around, maybe the bigger churches have them.
I haven't really done that myself, but I would imagine that churches that are around universities with a large student population would have singles groups.

I'm kinda done with uni though so I haven't really investigated.
At a funny stage of my life, these mid thirties. But its the best time to be single cos all the coupled up ppl are so stressed out and burned out by the time they are in their mid thirties. They then head straight into mid-life crisis in their forties.

 

[blackribbon]

I actually enjoyed my thirties and being married. It is when the babies were coming and we love discovering life with them. As a person, it is when I started to really know who I was and stop worrying about what everyone else thought. I can see how that would make it fun to be single...but not all marriages so stressed out that they are leading to mid-life crisis. Maybe the reality of the first cancer diagnosis also anchored us to the value of life though.

My church has a singles group for older singles but the one time I had time to go visit, it was mostly women...very broken women who seemed desperate to find a guy and for some reason, the Bible study portion was led by a married guy???...maybe no single person had volunteered??? IDK but I couldn't come the next couple times and decided that I didn't get enough out of it to make it worth trying to come sporadically.

 

[Dynamis777]

So I finally got up the courage to attend the Sunday morning singles group at a local ‘mega’ church. This place puts the ‘mega’ in the ‘mega’ church in no uncertain terms, consisting of a HUGE sprawling campus with multiple buildings and parking lot the size of which you would normally associate with a shopping mall.

The first thing I saw was the football field out front (with complementary goal posts separated by 100 yards). What does a church need with a football field? Does the church in question have a football team? Perhaps a local high school use it for practice? Regardless, I cannot imagine the costs that are involved to maintain the field, particularly in light of the scorching summers we have here in the Phoenix area. Personally, I cannot help but think it would be money much better spent elsewhere, but that is a story for another day…

I am a punctual person and made my way to the appropriate room at the appropriate building at the appropriate time (punctual at 9:00 AM). I expected things to get started at this time: bible study, message from the leadership, etc. But it did not work that way in that I took a seat in what amounts a small room with four good sized desks arranged in a symmetrical square and proceeded to wait and wait and wait for things to get started.

A half hour passed while more and more people filtered in but not the leadership. I did see free donuts at one of the desks along with a big pot of coffee (did not help myself to either in that I am attempting to lose weight and do not like coffee). Interestingly, I also saw a couple sitting in the corner playing, of all things, Battleship. Battleship? At a singles event? I don’t’ get it, but more on this later…

Now, I am a bit socially challenged (to put it lightly) and do not always feel comfortable in group settings or being in a room full of strangers- so it would have been helpful if someone said hi or bothered to introduce themselves, but nobody did. As the minutes passed, I started to feel more and more awkward and out of place as if I did not belong. My thought is that the matter relates to a lack of organization on the part of the leadership: if I happened to be in charge of any church group (it does not have to be singles related) and a newcomer shows up for the first time, either I am going to great the person or assign someone as a greater if I am not present. It always leaves a bad impression when newcomers to a church group end up being ignored.

Finally, at 9:35 the guy in charge of the group arrives and gets things started. Again, this reflects a lack of organization on the part of the leadership: If the church singles web page states the start time is 9:00 then by all means start things at 9:00 sharp!

The leader of the singles group proceeds to spend the next ten minutes or so shooting the breeze and making announcements, including a singles event on one of the subsequent Friday evenings in which everyone would get together and play games (this must be where the Battleship thing got its start). I do not know about you, but usually I am exhausted on Friday evening from working all week, and more than likely am going to have little in the way of enthusiasm for playing Candyland, Battling Tops and Rock Em Sock Em Robots with a bunch of single middle-aged strangers…

Besides, I have spent the better part of my adult life playing various war games, strategic board games and collectible card games, none of which I am certain any of the attendees at any potential church singles ‘gaming’ event are going to be able to relate to.

FINALLY, the singles group leader gets things started and delivers an AWESOME message based around James 1:22-25. Essentially, the focus was on not just hearing the Word but doing what it says. More specifically, living to please God, while understanding there are different levels of maturity: there are certain areas in which we might be mature but others in which we are not.

Again, it was an ANOINTED message that I needed to hear because it confirmed some of the things I have both gone through in the past and am currently going through. I could really sense the Holy Spirit moving in the group. The problem, however, is that I had to leave around 10:00 (I did not expect the singles event to last more than an hour- noting I have a busy schedule and had other things to do). So I had to get up in the middle of his message and leave (as quietly as possible).

I do have mixed feelings in that I did not expect to be preached at. Nothing against preaching, but I was actually expecting a round table type Bible study/discussion in which each person in the room would be able to offer input. I have been a Christian for close to 40 years and wanted to get the input of not just one person (leading the group) but rather multiple people- I feel this is the best way to learn. In terms of preaching, I could show up to any of the hundreds of churches in the Phoenix area and listen to a message, but when it comes to small group settings I am more interested in open discussion and study instead.

All things added up, more than likely will not be returning in light of the Pros and Cons:

Pros:

*Free refreshments (coffee and all you can eat donuts)
*Anointed and inspirational message

Cons:

*The leadership could have been more organized
*Unfriendly and stand offish environment

 

[quietpraiyze]

So I finally got up the courage to attend the Sunday morning singles group at a local ‘mega’ church. This place puts the ‘mega’ in the ‘mega’ church in no uncertain terms, consisting of a HUGE sprawling campus with multiple buildings and parking lot the size of which you would normally associate with a shopping mall.

The first thing I saw was the football field out front (with complementary goal posts separated by 100 yards). What does a church need with a football field? Does the church in question have a football team? Perhaps a local high school use it for practice? Regardless, I cannot imagine the costs that are involved to maintain the field, particularly in light of the scorching summers we have here in the Phoenix area. Personally, I cannot help but think it would be money much better spent elsewhere, but that is a story for another day…

I am a punctual person and made my way to the appropriate room at the appropriate building at the appropriate time (punctual at 9:00 AM). I expected things to get started at this time: bible study, message from the leadership, etc. But it did not work that way in that I took a seat in what amounts a small room with four good sized desks arranged in a symmetrical square and proceeded to wait and wait and wait for things to get started.

A half hour passed while more and more people filtered in but not the leadership. I did see free donuts at one of the desks along with a big pot of coffee (did not help myself to either in that I am attempting to lose weight and do not like coffee). Interestingly, I also saw a couple sitting in the corner playing, of all things, Battleship. Battleship? At a singles event? I don’t’ get it, but more on this later…

Now, I am a bit socially challenged (to put it lightly) and do not always feel comfortable in group settings or being in a room full of strangers- so it would have been helpful if someone said hi or bothered to introduce themselves, but nobody did. As the minutes passed, I started to feel more and more awkward and out of place as if I did not belong. My thought is that the matter relates to a lack of organization on the part of the leadership: if I happened to be in charge of any church group (it does not have to be singles related) and a newcomer shows up for the first time, either I am going to great the person or assign someone as a greater if I am not present. It always leaves a bad impression when newcomers to a church group end up being ignored.

Finally, at 9:35 the guy in charge of the group arrives and gets things started. Again, this reflects a lack of organization on the part of the leadership: If the church singles web page states the start time is 9:00 then by all means start things at 9:00 sharp!

The leader of the singles group proceeds to spend the next ten minutes or so shooting the breeze and making announcements, including a singles event on one of the subsequent Friday evenings in which everyone would get together and play games (this must be where the Battleship thing got its start). I do not know about you, but usually I am exhausted on Friday evening from working all week, and more than likely am going to have little in the way of enthusiasm for playing Candyland, Battling Tops and Rock Em Sock Em Robots with a bunch of single middle-aged strangers…

Besides, I have spent the better part of my adult life playing various war games, strategic board games and collectible card games, none of which I am certain any of the attendees at any potential church singles ‘gaming’ event are going to be able to relate to.

FINALLY, the singles group leader gets things started and delivers an AWESOME message based around James 1:22-25. Essentially, the focus was on not just hearing the Word but doing what it says. More specifically, living to please God, while understanding there are different levels of maturity: there are certain areas in which we might be mature but others in which we are not.

Again, it was an ANOINTED message that I needed to hear because it confirmed some of the things I have both gone through in the past and am currently going through. I could really sense the Holy Spirit moving in the group. The problem, however, is that I had to leave around 10:00 (I did not expect the singles event to last more than an hour- noting I have a busy schedule and had other things to do). So I had to get up in the middle of his message and leave (as quietly as possible).

I do have mixed feelings in that I did not expect to be preached at. Nothing against preaching, but I was actually expecting a round table type Bible study/discussion in which each person in the room would be able to offer input. I have been a Christian for close to 40 years and wanted to get the input of not just one person (leading the group) but rather multiple people- I feel this is the best way to learn. In terms of preaching, I could show up to any of the hundreds of churches in the Phoenix area and listen to a message, but when it comes to small group settings I am more interested in open discussion and study instead.

All things added up, more than likely will not be returning in light of the Pros and Cons:

Pros:

*Free refreshments (coffee and all you can eat donuts)
*Anointed and inspirational message

Cons:

*The leadership could have been more organized
*Unfriendly and stand offish environment

Thanks for coming back and sharing! Well at least you went. I thought about how they started late but maybe they changed the start time of the group and didn't update the website. Either way you now know and maybe you'll go back again at a later date when you have more time.

 

[blackribbon]

Thanks for coming back and sharing! Well at least you went. I thought about how they started late but maybe they changed the start time of the group and didn't update the website. Either way you now know and maybe you'll go back again at a later date when you have more time.

Or it could be that the first period is designated free "social time" and nobody told the webmaster to designate it as that. Orrr....since so few people came, it was already known that they would start late that week for some reason. You would have to visit a couple times to learn things like that. I do think it is sad that nobody greeted you and probably explained how their group works...but maybe that person was sick and didn't come that day. In most bigger churches I have attended, the service is never only an hour and the Sunday school classes go for the same length of time as the services....since there are usually multiple services and the Sunday school classes run at the same time as all the services.

I would expect a Sunday morning singles group to be more a Sunday school lesson with a message and then group discussion. I would expect a mid-week singles group to be more casual interaction with other Christians and so board games might be a good wholesome way to get strangers to interact. I think the challenge is coming up with social activities for single adults that are considered "Christian" enough to be associated with a church. They can't all be Bible studies....unless it is designated as just that, a Bible study.

That begs the question: What activities are good options for older church sponsored singles groups? I would think board game night might be a good one because people can arrive late (often job related) and it doesn't cost anything...and I could thoroughly enjoy time with people who I might not otherwise socialize with while playing a simple game. It also wouldn't matter if the group was heavily female like many of these groups tend to be.

 

[blackribbon]

Oh, if they had a football field, I would suspect that they probably also have a Christian school on their grounds and the football field is for the school.

 

[dayhiker]

I certainly wouldn't have a problem with a game night. But generally I personally don't have much interest in board games.
I was just trying to figure out what I would like for a get together senior singles at church and other than a pot luck
not much came to mind.

 

[blackribbon]

I certainly wouldn't have a problem with a game night. But generally I personally don't have much interest in board games.
I was just trying to figure out what I would like for a get together senior singles at church and other than a pot luck
not much came to mind.

Pot lucks don't attract me....I don't really want to eat food made in a kitchen where I have no idea what their hygiene standards are. I think that finding activities that older singles would like is a huge reason why older singles groups aren't successful. Even more so when people see them as "dating opportunities" and not really gathering of singles.