Church Humor
There is the story of a person who got up one Sunday
and announced to his congregation: "I have good news
and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money
to pay for our new building program. The bad news is,
it's still out there in your pockets."
------------------------------------------
While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to
an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage
obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to
the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign...
"Energy efficient vehicle. Runs on oats and grass -
Caution: Do not step in exhaust."
------------------------------------------
A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a
question, "Boys and girls, what do we know about God?"
A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the
kindergarten boy. "Really? How do you know?" the
teacher asked. "You know - Our Father, who does art in
Heaven... "
------------------------------------------
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with
gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant
worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him
in front of the service station. Finally, the
attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, "sorry about the
delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last
minute to get ready for a long trip." The minister
chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my
business."
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People want the front of the bus; back of the church
and center of attention.
------------------------------------------
Somebody once figured out that we have 35 million laws
trying to enforce 10 commandments.
------------------------------------------
"Somebody has well said that there are only two kinds
of people in the world - there are those who wake up
in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord. Then
there are those who wake up in the morning and say,
"Good Lord, it's morning."
------------------------------------------
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a
large city because he was short of time and couldn't
find a space with a meter. So he put a note under the
windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block
10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my
appointment. FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police
officer along with this note. "I've circled this block
for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket,
I'll lose my job. LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION."
------------------------------------------
A father was approached by his small son, who told him
proudly, "I know what the Bible means!" His father
smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what
the Bible means?" The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay," said his father. "So, Son, what does the Bible
mean?" "That's easy, Daddy. It stands for 'Basic
Information Before Leaving Earth.'"
There is the story of a person who got up one Sunday
and announced to his congregation: "I have good news
and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money
to pay for our new building program. The bad news is,
it's still out there in your pockets."
------------------------------------------
While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to
an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage
obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to
the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign...
"Energy efficient vehicle. Runs on oats and grass -
Caution: Do not step in exhaust."
------------------------------------------
A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a
question, "Boys and girls, what do we know about God?"
A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the
kindergarten boy. "Really? How do you know?" the
teacher asked. "You know - Our Father, who does art in
Heaven... "
------------------------------------------
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with
gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant
worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him
in front of the service station. Finally, the
attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, "sorry about the
delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last
minute to get ready for a long trip." The minister
chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my
business."
------------------------------------------
People want the front of the bus; back of the church
and center of attention.
------------------------------------------
Somebody once figured out that we have 35 million laws
trying to enforce 10 commandments.
------------------------------------------
"Somebody has well said that there are only two kinds
of people in the world - there are those who wake up
in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord. Then
there are those who wake up in the morning and say,
"Good Lord, it's morning."
------------------------------------------
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a
large city because he was short of time and couldn't
find a space with a meter. So he put a note under the
windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block
10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my
appointment. FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police
officer along with this note. "I've circled this block
for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket,
I'll lose my job. LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION."
------------------------------------------
A father was approached by his small son, who told him
proudly, "I know what the Bible means!" His father
smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what
the Bible means?" The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay," said his father. "So, Son, what does the Bible
mean?" "That's easy, Daddy. It stands for 'Basic
Information Before Leaving Earth.'"
