Christians Marry Young

[BranwenUerchLlyr]

If today I met the man I was going to marry, I'd want to tie the knot tomorrow. Chalk that up to being 18 and stupid (a very logical explanation), but I just can't see many benefits in delaying marriage.

By putting it off, I'm making the wait for sex longer and harder. If I have to wait, I'd rather not date until I'm ready to marry, so I can spend that waiting time as a single woman without (or at least far less) temptation. Many people get into relationships, get engaged and then spend far too long in that state, trying to decide if they're ready to commit or not. I don't want to be engaged longer than 6 (+/- a few) months before getting married, because I'd rather not burn with passion while lacking a legal outlet for it (1 Cor. 7:9).

 

[InTheFlame]

If today I met the man I was going to marry, I'd want to tie the knot tomorrow. Chalk that up to being 18 and stupid (a very logical explanation), but I just can't see many benefits in delaying marriage.

How about:

• Ensuring that you'll both be mature enough to cope with the culture clash involved (every family has a different culture, which is often very annoying up close!)
• Communication skills (being able to sort out problems without aggressiveness, passivity, anger, defensiveness, etc. Oh, and actually understanding what the other person is trying to say, as opposed to what they're saying)
• Making sure that childhood problems (eg. abuse, low self-esteem, anger mismanagement, lying) are healed of before they majorly impact another person (that sort of stuff can cause huge hurt in a marriage)

...etc?

 

[seamonster]

Most Christians I know want to wait to get married until their mid-late 20s. We got married when I was 18 and he was 22. I would have gotten married younger, but my parents wouldn't sign the papers . I didn't see any reason to wait any longer, we're both out of high school and have some college under our belts, we're financially secure, we're best friends, we communicate well, and we're very, very happy.

 

[sf49erfan]

I was 24 and she 22.

One thing I believe is that God placed her in my life at that time, because I would have been a lousy post-college single guy. If I didn't find someone in college, where there were lots of women my age, I wasn't likely going to be in a situation where there would be a lot of women, my age, to chose from. Plus, I'm not into the bar scene at all.

God took care of my need for companionship. He knew what was best for me.

 

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

How about:

• Ensuring that you'll both be mature enough to cope with the culture clash involved (every family has a different culture, which is often very annoying up close!

• Oh how true this is! I always thought his family was the greatest until we got married......

 

[eringilmour]

You see I think that on my part I see people all around me getting married, having babies and such the like, even on these boards I have noticed alot of people not even into their late 20ties are married.

There is no reason for why I am not married, just that God has not brought some one my way.

I leart a very hard lesson a while ago about comoaring yourself to others, don't do it, it leads to misery.
I mean I could get all angry at God about not being married never mind being married I cant even get a dog to sniff at me these days (that was a joke by the way). But God blesses people in different ways and gives you what you need when you need it.

That is why some people are marred young and some others aren't.

Now the real reason why christains marry young is simple - once you know that you have met the one and it has been confirmed in your heart you should just get married it prevents things that shouldn't happen outside marrage happening, I mean being a christian doesn't mean that you have no sexual desire, that is a natural thing.

I hope you can understand what I am getting at.

Oh and if any of you guys are single and looking ....welll.....

 

[lynn04]

I think that maturity is more important than age.

I also think it's up to each couple and God to decide when is the right time to marry. Every situation is going to be different.

 

[oliveplants]

I may not be able to say this right, but I'm thinking...

Christians (should) have a deeper sense of the commitment aspect of marriage. Therefore, when you meet "the one" it is just as logical to work out differences together (after marriage) than to do so beforehand, with the idea in the back of your mind that if things don't work out then you can break up.
Because when you are married, as a Chrisitan, divorce isn't (shouldn't be) the option that it is to non-Christians. SO you know you are 'stuck' with this person, and you have all the incentive in the world to make things work.
But as a dater (and to most people, even as an engaged couple), it would be a lot harder to work through the tough issues, knowing in the back of your mind it can be called off at any minute.
Therefore, we know we love and respect each other, God called us together, our families approve; let's seal the contract and get down to the dirty work.

I know my brian approaches problems differently than a lot of people, so this might not make any sense to you, but it does to me.

Also, not trying to start another divorce thread; just saying as a rule.

 

[AutumnDreamer]

I was married when I was 21 - wife was 19. Why "so young"? Well, we had already been dating for 3 years...and...when you find "the one" why wait?

I can not believe I am about to say this, but I agree with Gutter rat.

I don't believe in "dating" in fact I don't believe in looking for a spouse. I believe God knows when each person is ready to get married, and He knows who we will marry. I feel we should trust him enough to bring that person to us, and once He does we have our whole lives to get to know each other. I got married at 18 after being with my husband for 3 years.

 

[AutumnDreamer]

6. Some young christians have had positive christian marriage models around them all their lives, and have grown up with minimal 'issues' to work out and heal from.

7. Pressure from other christians ("So, when are you two getting married?")

8. Lack of teaching from the church in what to look for in a life partner.

I totally agree with this list! and think it is comepletely acurate!

 

[Cright]

I was 27 he was 31.

I have fewer friends that got married between 18-22 than did between 25-30

I see no trends.

 

[Zoomer]

I am being to agree with you. The young Christian couples I know are so in a hurry to married so they can have sex. I am sure that those couples love each other, but still comes across as the main motive is sex. I think that is a bad trend and extremely immature.

 

[AutumnDreamer]

I am being to agree with you. The young Christian couples I know are so in a hurry to married so they can have sex. I am sure that those couples love each other, but still comes across as the main motive is sex. I think that is a bad trend and extremely immature.

Not necessarily. Sex is a natural path that love leads to. A couple that knows God has brought them together, wants to be able to share that special bond that sex brings, they can only do that if they are married. So while to the world it may look like sex is the goal, but it is more about expressing that love to someone else then it is about what you can get form that person.

 

[gracefaith]

I am being to agree with you. The young Christian couples I know are so in a hurry to married so they can have sex. I am sure that those couples love each other, but still comes across as the main motive is sex. I think that is a bad trend and extremely immature.

LOL Y'know, I figure whenever a couple waits until marriage to have sex, they're probably pretty anxious to get on with it so they can finally make love. I think some of today's young people are just more willing to come out and admit they're antsy to do the deed and anxious to get married quickly to prevent from doing it too soon. But I'm sure it's a factor with every abstaining couple.

 

[lacedinlavender]

I am being to agree with you. The young Christian couples I know are so in a hurry to married so they can have sex. I am sure that those couples love each other, but still comes across as the main motive is sex. I think that is a bad trend and extremely immature.

As long as sex isn't the only reason a couple marries, I don't see anything necessarily wrong with being anxious. There are many, many more important reasons to get married than just being able to have sex, and I can't say that I know anyone whose main motive was sex. It's hard to maintain your purity when you've been together awhile (I know this, LOL; my boyfriend and I are coming up on three years together, and it just keeps getting more and more difficult), and the Bible says it's better to marry than to burn with passion.

IMO, the bad trend is Christian couples who have pre-marital sex and justify it by saying they're going to get married anyway. I know several couples who say this.

Anyway, my boyfriend and I hope to be married within the next year, and we'll both be nineteen. We've been together for three years next month, continuously feel God's blessing on our relationship, and know that we want to spend the rest of our lives together being able to serve the Lord as man and wife. I've very much looking forward to becoming a married woman!

Not necessarily. Sex is a natural path that love leads to. A couple that knows God has brought them together, wants to be able to share that special bond that sex brings, they can only do that if they are married. So while to the world it may look like sex is the goal, but it is more about expressing that love to someone else then it is about what you can get form that person.

I agree!

Jen

 

[jay_swift]

I guess I should have checked this sooner...

Anyway, I think alot of people marry too young. There's definately people who are right for eachother and don't need to wait. However, I think its silly to marry to keep from being promiscuous. If my wife ever told me that was a reason she married me I would be pretty shocked.

Also, the reason I said it typically takes a year for me to really learn about a person is because by that time you are over the "puppy love" portion of the relationship. I find I begin to have a more rational grip the love I have for the particular woman. I mean, I'll admit, in the begining part of all of my past relationships I have imagined marrying her. This doesn't mean she was right for me, I was just head over heels.

Finally, I'd like to mention I'm not trying to judge anyone's marriage. Its not my place to say you married for the wrong reason.

 

[gracefaith]

However, I think its silly to marry to keep from being promiscuous. If my wife ever told me that was a reason she married me I would be pretty shocked.

I agree that it's silly to marry just to keep from being promiscuous, but doesn't even Paul himself say, 'It is better to marry than to burn with passion'? Quite frankly, if someone wasn't excited to get married so he could make love to his intended, I would find that shocking.

I just don't get why bringing your love for someone to its physical fulfillment within the context God intended it is a bad reason (assuming it's not the only reason) to get married. A platonic (emotional, non-physical) love does not require marriage. Sexual love, according to law of God, does. If all I wanted out of my husband was a platonic love, I could have put off getting married for several more years - maybe indefinitely. However, we wanted a complete union and to experience the physical fulfillment of our love, so we married. Yes, common sense came to bear on when we decided to marry (self-restraint is a good discipline to learn) but it is silly suggest that there's something wrong with an abstaining couple who lists bringing their love to its physical fulfillment as one of their reasons for marrying. The way I figure it, that's part of the marriage's design.

Also, the reason I said it typically takes a year for me to really learn about a person is because by that time you are over the "puppy love" portion of the relationship. I find I begin to have a more rational grip the love I have for the particular woman. I mean, I'll admit, in the begining part of all of my past relationships I have imagined marrying her. This doesn't mean she was right for me, I was just head over heels.

"Puppy love" or infatuation does not happen in every relationship nor does it take the same amount of time for every person who does experience it to grow out of it. I think it really depends on your personality and how the relationship began.

While I have experienced infatuation (or puppy love), I was never infatuated with my husband. Love came slowly and quietly and with so little drama, I almost thought something was wrong. True love is not blind or heady. You don't just 'fall' into it. It doesn't feel dangerous or risky. It's grounded, dependable, and grows naturally. When you love truly, you already see the other person for all their faults and sins, but choose to be with them any way.

I agree, don't marry in a state of infatuation. But also, don't mistake infatuation for real love.

 

[Mrs. Enigma]

I married at 18, and my sis did at 18 also, I think.