Christians living together before marriage... but separate rooms/bathrooms?

[TheyCallMeDave]

Hi all, I would love other's opinions on this

My fiancé and I are both 24 years old and are recently engaged (we have been together for 6 years). We have also recently bought a house, and were planning on having tenants live there until we were married and we would move in together. However, our current tenants and left and the rental market in our area is so low at the moment that rental payments from tenants will NOT cover our mortgage repayments, plus we are BOTH paying rent at our current houses. So unless we want to jeopardise our financial security, it makes sense that we both move into the house now so that we are only paying mortgage repayments and don't have to pay mortgage repayments AND rent.

The problem is that we are not married, yet we will be living together. We have decided that we will have separate bedrooms and bathrooms in the house until we are married. We cannot move the wedding forward because a lot of our family live overseas and travel arrangements cannot be changed. We are both committed to God and our faith and are both comfortable with this decision and know that we will be able to control ourselves. I have also consulted the Bible and found scriptures about marriage, and my interpretation is that there is nothing about living together, only about sinning by having sexual relations. If we are living together but NOT tempted by sex, is there a problem? Here is the scripture I found that I thought might relate to my circumstance:

Proverbs 14:12 – “There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.”

Ecclesiastes 3:1,5 – “There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven … a time to embrace and a time to refrain.”

1 Corinthians 6:18 – “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.”

1 Corinthians 7:8-9 – “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”

Galatians 6:7-8 – “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.”

1 Thessalonians 4:3-6 – “It is God’s will that you should … avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him.”

Hebrews 13:4 – “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”

I honestly do not believe that my fiancé and I will be lead into temptation, as we have spent lots of time together in the 6 years that we have known each other and holidayed many times, we have always gone to bed separately and never been lead astray from our beliefs. I feel this is the time to "embrace" the situation and go with what I think is right - which is moving into the house.

I still find myself being judged for this decision, though. What do you think?

Opposite sex unwed Christians living together (without having sex) has the indicator of evil...and the Bible tells us to stay away from that. It gives CHristianity a black eye and ruins a persons testimony ; further, God says to 'leave ones parents and cling to your Spouse' in the context of living together.

Watered-down Shackin' Up is not Godly behaviour and its setting Oneself up for a fall , sexually ., in time.

 

[susyan]

If it still bothers you, perhaps that is the Holy Spirit trying to advise you not to go ahead and live together before you marry (the reason: your decision to live together may cause other young people to stumble, and possibly open the door to rumors circulating about you both living as a couple during the wedding, thus spoiling the purity of the day).

Is it possible for you to live in the house with another friend/tenant for the time being? and your fiance stay at his friend's place?

Another solution - you can sell the house and ask God to bless you with another house after you marry. He is so good and can provide just like that, but it is a step of faith and see how He leads.

Just my two cents.

 

[Alive_Again]

We are supposed to avoid the appearance of evil. If another thinks you're living immorally by living together, then this should be wrong. Ask God what He wants you to do. If you're willing to do it no matter what, you should receive guidance.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Flat out truth is living together before marriage is wrong. It doesn't matter if you have separate bedrooms really. If you are both in that house alone, separate bedrooms won't stop urges from happening.

I told everyone that I would not have sex if I had my ex-fiance stay here for weeks at a time. Mind you I live at home with both parents still (disabled). And despite all the promises not to have sex and faith we wouldn't.... we still had sex anyways! I'm not saying you will have sex, but realize sexual temptation is more powerful then most humans can stand. Its only a matter of time before you end up having sex.

And it may start out being something as innocent as watching tv together or making supper...etc. Still its your decision. But I will tell you theres not a day that goes by that I don't look back and say "Why did I think I could handle not having sex? Now my gift of virginity is lost!".

If all else fails ask the age old question of what would Jesus do? Would he live with a unmarried woman, that he presumably would want to marry? The answer in my mind is no. Also my feeling is Jesus was tempted, then we pretty much have no chance at all of fighting temptations. At least not when it comes to sexual ones.

 

[Avniel]

Flat out truth is living together before marriage is wrong. It doesn't matter if you have separate bedrooms really. If you are both in that house alone, separate bedrooms won't stop urges from happening.

I told everyone that I would not have sex if I had my ex-fiance stay here for weeks at a time. Mind you I live at home with both parents still (disabled). And despite all the promises not to have sex and faith we wouldn't.... we still had sex anyways! I'm not saying you will have sex, but realize sexual temptation is more powerful then most humans can stand. Its only a matter of time before you end up having sex.

And it may start out being something as innocent as watching tv together or making supper...etc. Still its your decision. But I will tell you theres not a day that goes by that I don't look back and say "Why did I think I could handle not having sex? Now my gift of virginity is lost!".

If all else fails ask the age old question of what would Jesus do? Would he live with a unmarried woman, that he presumably would want to marry? The answer in my mind is no. Also my feeling is Jesus was tempted, then we pretty much have no chance at all of fighting temptations. At least not when it comes to sexual ones.

To answer your question he allowed a prostitute to wash his feet I think if she was homeless He wouldn't have a problem.


Your weakness is not my weakness my weakness is not yours. My wife and have stayed together before marriage because I was broke when we married she was a virgin. I think stating it's a sin is a bit much. I didn't have sex with my wife because she wasn't going for it and I respected her that much. The temption to have sex is a choice one makes hormones don't rule or control me I'm not an animal.

If my wife didn't help me I would have been selling drugs or robbing people that's reality. She did God's work by helping me and I can never repay her for that.

Now I'm not going to recommend it but I am going to say if y'all need it to survive respect the others body more then you respect your own. Respect the others walk with Christ as much as you respect your own.

 

[icoo]

I think the rule is simple, no sex before marraige.. you will either stick to that or you won't. But living together is not a sin.. unless you know deep down it is causing you or your fiance temptaion and you are doing it anyway.. then it's a sin. Remember that it might also make it easier to "compromise" and give in to "halfway" type things.. if that is the case you shouldn't live together before hand. Spend some money and rent a place for the time leading up to the wedding, as hard as that is.

If you don't have any of those issues though, I don't think it's a sin to live together, especially in separate rooms.

 

[vortigen84]

Hi all, I would love other's opinions on this

My fiancé and I are both 24 years old and are recently engaged (we have been together for 6 years). We have also recently bought a house, and were planning on having tenants live there until we were married and we would move in together. However, our current tenants and left and the rental market in our area is so low at the moment that rental payments from tenants will NOT cover our mortgage repayments, plus we are BOTH paying rent at our current houses. So unless we want to jeopardise our financial security, it makes sense that we both move into the house now so that we are only paying mortgage repayments and don't have to pay mortgage repayments AND rent.

The problem is that we are not married, yet we will be living together. We have decided that we will have separate bedrooms and bathrooms in the house until we are married. We cannot move the wedding forward because a lot of our family live overseas and travel arrangements cannot be changed. We are both committed to God and our faith and are both comfortable with this decision and know that we will be able to control ourselves. I have also consulted the Bible and found scriptures about marriage, and my interpretation is that there is nothing about living together, only about sinning by having sexual relations. If we are living together but NOT tempted by sex, is there a problem? Here is the scripture I found that I thought might relate to my circumstance:

Proverbs 14:12 – “There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.”

Ecclesiastes 3:1,5 – “There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven … a time to embrace and a time to refrain.”

1 Corinthians 6:18 – “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.”

1 Corinthians 7:8-9 – “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”

Galatians 6:7-8 – “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.”

1 Thessalonians 4:3-6 – “It is God’s will that you should … avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him.”

Hebrews 13:4 – “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”

I honestly do not believe that my fiancé and I will be lead into temptation, as we have spent lots of time together in the 6 years that we have known each other and holidayed many times, we have always gone to bed separately and never been lead astray from our beliefs. I feel this is the time to "embrace" the situation and go with what I think is right - which is moving into the house.

I still find myself being judged for this decision, though. What do you think?

NO!

 

[Forealzchola]

get hitched ( for sexual purity sake) and have your big wedding later.

 

[TheyCallMeDave]

get hitched ( for sexual purity sake) and have your big wedding later.

No. Dont get married just for sexual puritys sake ; make darn sure you are marrying the right person in an objective manner and dont get married 'just to make things right' because thats not a good enough reason to marry in and of itself. If you need some very objectivity in your decision to get married or not, then this best seller book is a must : Finding The Love of your Life, by Dr. Warren (psychologist) .

But, if you are a Christian, God would have you seperate from living together until you have made up your mind about marriage., and to now refrain from any sexual activity . If you dont, then you bind his hands in blessing your relationship because he cant bless immorality. Peace.

 

[vortigen84]

No. Dont get married just for sexual puritys sake ; make darn sure you are marrying the right person in an objective manner and dont get married 'just to make things right' because thats not a good enough reason to marry in and of itself.

She said it'd been six years already.

 

[Steve Petersen]

Hi all, I would love other's opinions on this

My fiancé and I are both 24 years old and are recently engaged (we have been together for 6 years). We have also recently bought a house, and were planning on having tenants live there until we were married and we would move in together. However, our current tenants and left and the rental market in our area is so low at the moment that rental payments from tenants will NOT cover our mortgage repayments, plus we are BOTH paying rent at our current houses. So unless we want to jeopardise our financial security, it makes sense that we both move into the house now so that we are only paying mortgage repayments and don't have to pay mortgage repayments AND rent.

The problem is that we are not married, yet we will be living together. We have decided that we will have separate bedrooms and bathrooms in the house until we are married. We cannot move the wedding forward because a lot of our family live overseas and travel arrangements cannot be changed. We are both committed to God and our faith and are both comfortable with this decision and know that we will be able to control ourselves. I have also consulted the Bible and found scriptures about marriage, and my interpretation is that there is nothing about living together, only about sinning by having sexual relations. If we are living together but NOT tempted by sex, is there a problem? Here is the scripture I found that I thought might relate to my circumstance:

Proverbs 14:12 – “There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.”

Ecclesiastes 3:1,5 – “There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven … a time to embrace and a time to refrain.”

1 Corinthians 6:18 – “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.”

1 Corinthians 7:8-9 – “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”

Galatians 6:7-8 – “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.”

1 Thessalonians 4:3-6 – “It is God’s will that you should … avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him.”

Hebrews 13:4 – “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”

I honestly do not believe that my fiancé and I will be lead into temptation, as we have spent lots of time together in the 6 years that we have known each other and holidayed many times, we have always gone to bed separately and never been lead astray from our beliefs. I feel this is the time to "embrace" the situation and go with what I think is right - which is moving into the house.

I still find myself being judged for this decision, though. What do you think?

Does public perception not matter to people anymore? What will the average Joe on the street believe about your arrangement? He will believe you are a couple in EVERY sense of the word.

 

[jminnesota]

I feel its ok to live together as long as you have your own bedroom and beds til your married i dont see anything wrong with it. i know friends that did that and they were cool with it and they waited to sleep together til they got married.

 

[Nette83]

I think there have been a lot of good advice given to you on this topic. I will tell you my story...my husband bought a house while we were dating and kept asking me to move in..."why should we both pay rent/mortgage, when we could live together and reduce money paid out?" Well, I refused to move in with him until we were married...so, as my lease ended, we went to the courthouse, got married and I moved in that weekend. So romantic right? I would have loved a big wedding, but got pregnant first.

I don't know if my story will help you at all...but it wasn't easy sticking to what I believed when he (my husband) presented such a good case.

 

[znr]

Does public perception not matter to people anymore? What will the average Joe on the street believe about your arrangement? He will believe you are a couple in EVERY sense of the word.

I have to agree. You made sense.