Christian single that prefers staying single?

[S.O.J.I.A.]

the broken marriage burned her out...she's done.

seems she wants attention still though.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

the broken marriage burned her out...she's done.

seems she wants attention still though.

Yeah, and airing out her dirty laundry (ex-boyfriend/husband problems) on a Facebook page where everyone can see it is just something that demonstrates this.

She said she's purposely avoiding dating all these years to avoid sexual temptation and she has trust issues since her ex cheated on her. So...yeah, I agree with you W.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I think you have successfully turned what was an ant hill into a freaking mountain. Could it be that you simply misinterpreted her reaction to your nosy questions? What may have seemed 'defensive' to you could merely have been this woman becoming alarmed that you were interested in her and were about to ask her out and she simply spoke in haste, making it perhaps overly clear that she has no intention (for the time being at least) of dating anyone in the church singles group.

Again, the PRIMARY PURPOSE of a church group for singles is NOT for dating. The group is a ministry, a fellowship, a gathering of unmarried (not necessarily unattached) men and women to interact and study/discuss God's Word for the purpose of growing together in Him.

If you are attending your church's singles group for the sole purpose of finding yourself a woman, then you are the one who needs to re-evaluate why you're a part of this specific group, not the woman your OP is about. ...Look, it's great if you ended up finding someone from this group, but again, you haven't joined a singles dating group, you've joined a Christian ministry of fellowship for unmarried brothers and sisters in Christ. Do yourself a favor and treat it as such.

Here on CF, our Singles Only area is adamantly declared for fellowship only, not dating. I've been a member of CF for 12 years and I can tell you that there have been a handful of members in Singles who hit it off, met outside of CF, and married. Where this is great, it is not the norm, and certainly not the purpose of CF Singles.

Bottom line: I think you need to get your priorities straight. Are you specifically attending your church's singles group for the one and only purpose of finding a woman to date/marry or are you there for the ministry and fellowship? If you're there for the first, then I suggest, with respect, that you find a different group to join; a young adults Bible study for example. That way there is no confusion on what the purpose of the group is for.

Yes, I am there for fellowship...a lot of my friends have married off or found someone, and the "band" has split up. Leaving me to fend for myself, and find social connections. I'm also there to find someone.

But, you're saying I can only pick one, I can't say "both"?

But I cannot help that your post has left me me a bit fearful to ask someone out ....eventually. Why not, right?

It's as if I'm being shamed for it. Of course, men are always seen as predatory these days, so...that's just the nature of the beast.

In fact, I've seen some of these ladies from the group on other dating sites, so you can figure out from there that they are looking. I recall one woman being rather tall, so she wanted a 6 foot tall guy. She did stop going to the group some time ago, so maybe she found someone.

Perhaps are you saying I'm better off on Christian Mingle than real life human interaction?

I've been a member of CF for 12 years and I can tell you that there have been a handful of members in Singles who hit it off, met outside of CF, and married. Where this is great, it is not the norm, and certainly not the purpose of CF Singles.

Sounds like it wouldn't be the norm, I wouldn't consider a message board a platform where I'd have any desire to meet, date, and marry someone. Thought never occurred to me.

Anyways, I just probably have to find someone that's in alignment with my goals considering that some people use the group for other en devours. Like, I know not to ask her out, and now I guess she's advertising to all the men in the group 'Don't ask me out!" on the FB page.

To be honest, I think some of these members have social circles outside of this one that's on the secular side.

I dunno, maybe it's because I have to drive an hour to this event that makes my expectations different. I've noticed a lot of people tend to this particular function out of obligation, but no real desire to socialize or form new friendships outside of that.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

There's also this singles group at a church in a larger city that used Meetup.com as a platform to get their events out there. The ministry itself fizzled out, but the Meetup platform is still up.

You'll see just onesies two-sies sign up these days for events, but it's funny how you'll get a SLEW of people from all around the city attending a major holiday picnic. The more people come, the more people that will see that and desire to also attend. It's like they come out of the word work on that day. Like the running of the salmon. lol

They all don't go to the same church, they come from all over the city, diff. denoms. Perhaps that format is better because there's no real obligation to attend and perhaps the revolving door of singles tend to be a preferred way to get to know someone.

Why keep returning to the same people if something doesn't work out, there's no awkward moments.

 

[Rajni]

Just wanted to add, too, that what reinforces my appreciation for being single is some of the things I see over in the Married forums, often involving men lamenting that they don't get enough sex from their wives.

And then they air these issues on a public forum, something that wasn't as much of a concern back when I was married. With the internet being what it is now, people can whine about their partners publicly, leaving me even less inclined to enter into another relationship. Not worth the trouble, imo. No confidentiality there.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Just wanted to add, too, that what reinforces my appreciation for being single is some of the things I see over in the Married forums, often involving men lamenting that they don't get enough sex from their wives.

And then they air these issues on a public forum, something that wasn't as much of a concern back when I was married. With the internet being what it is now, people can whine about their partners publicly, leaving me even less inclined to enter into another relationship. Not worth the trouble, imo. No confidentiality there.

Wow...that's sad. I got to check that forum out.

Figured Christian women would feel some kind of martial obligation to please their men sexually. Funny, you save yourself until marriage...then your lucky if you can get sex from your wife once a month or your b-day.

This has driven men who hear situations like this from their married friends to stay unmarried and seek either a foreign, submissive bride or just have a girlfriend and "test drive" the relationship for sexual compatibility, prior to marriage.

I once met this Christian woman, divorced, mid-40s, said she'll never have sex before marriage, I was on a date with her...and she was quite the bossy type, really seemed demanding/pushy. I thought, "Yeah, I can tell with her if I married her, I'd be lucky get action once a month, if I'm lucky...she seemed rather icy).

Imagine being celibate as a man the your whole life, then you wind up with that? No thanks.