Christian single that prefers staying single?

[ThisIsMe123]

I had been attending this singles Christian group, and had been getting to know this one woman there. There's a Facebook group, and she was sharing her trials and tribulations of her past marriage, which she claims have been long behind here these days.

I had asked her how long she's been single, and that she's been single for 8 years, and that she likes being single and had only joined the group to help herself heal and also help others that had been through her situation.

Which coincidentally, I have met quite a few people in the group with past ex-spouse/divorce issues that they've been dealing with. Guess I cannot relate, because I've never been married.

I'm not sure if she is going on the defensive, in case I may try to ask her out...one of these days...but starting off a conversation with that is kind of... jarring? It's like she's putting that out there, "just in case you get any eligible bachelors TRY to ask her out."

I mean, I didn't want to try to question her decision, with, "Really, 7 years...and you STILL enjoy it? You really being true to yourself on that?"

But, I bit my tongue. lol

I guess it's easy for a woman to say this, but I didn't want to come back with, 'Well, I dislike being single and I'm marriage-minded and looking for a life-long partner."

But, isn't there just something contradictory to what she said, how can you be a Christian single and PREFER staying that way, esp. in a group where there are legitimately single men that may possibly ask you out?

Like I said, I've never been married...so perhaps it would be impossible for me to say, "I enjoy being single! Yay!"

Part of me is just not buying it. Can a person really "enjoy" being single for that long, (8 years), and still prefer to stay out of dating/courtship?

I dunno, I just found this very odd of her admitting this.

 

[kittysbecute]

Can a person really "enjoy" being single for that long, (8 years), and still prefer to stay out of dating/courtship?

Yep

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Yep

Explain please.

 

[kittysbecute]

Explain please.

There are people who enjoy being single. There are people who want to remain single.
Sometimes it's for a time. Sometimes much longer.
Just because there are people around willing to ask someone out doesn't mean they can't still enjoy and prefer being single.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

There are people who enjoy being single. There are people who want to remain single.
Sometimes it's for a time. Sometimes much longer.
Just because there are people around willing to ask someone out doesn't mean they can't still enjoy and prefer being single.

Well, I really don't see the point in joining a singles-focused group if you're not wanting to date. Aren't there other ministries for that kind of thing like divorce recovery or something similar?

This group does have its prayer group, but it does schedule fun events like going out to eat right after that...or even a movie night out, or what-not. They get out and socialize.

I dunno, I just can't fathom joining a singles group and then deliberately go against the grain...esp. in the first few sentences in a conversation.

That's like a customer walking into a car salesroom and when a salesperson comes out to greet them, the customer exclaims, "I'm not here to buy anything!!"

 

[Rajni]

I had been attending this singles Christian group, and had been getting to know this one woman there. There's a Facebook group, and she was sharing her trials and tribulations of her past marriage, which she claims have been long behind here these days.

I had asked her how long she's been single, and that she's been single for 8 years, and that she likes being single and had only joined the group to help herself heal and also help others that had been through her situation.

Which coincidentally, I have met quite a few people in the group with past ex-spouse/divorce issues that they've been dealing with. Guess I cannot relate, because I've never been married.

I'm not sure if she is going on the defensive, in case I may try to ask her out...one of these days...but starting off a conversation with that is kind of... jarring? It's like she's putting that out there, "just in case you get any eligible bachelors TRY to ask her out."

I mean, I didn't want to try to question her decision, with, "Really, 7 years...and you STILL enjoy it? You really being true to yourself on that?"

But, I bit my tongue. lol

I guess it's easy for a woman to say this, but I didn't want to come back with, 'Well, I dislike being single and I'm marriage-minded and looking for a life-long partner."

But, isn't there just something contradictory to what she said, how can you be a Christian single and PREFER staying that way, esp. in a group where there are legitimately single men that may possibly ask you out?

Like I said, I've never been married...so perhaps it would be impossible for me to say, "I enjoy being single! Yay!"

Part of me is just not buying it. Can a person really "enjoy" being single for that long, (8 years), and still prefer to stay out of dating/courtship?

I dunno, I just found this very odd of her admitting this.

You bet!
We divorced in 2010, and I'm still very happy flying solo.

 

[Take Heart]

how can you be a Christian single and PREFER staying that way, esp. in a group where there are legitimately single men that may possibly ask you out?

Absolutely, a person can actually enjoy being single (for that long) and prefer to not date/court. I've been single for my entire 28 years of living. That's not to say that there haven't been times where I felt lonely or that I longed to have someone to share my life with with the end-goal being marriage..but it's definitely possible. I guess when you've been single for that long (8 years-in her case), then those desires take a bit of a ..'back seat' to what really matters most- Our loving Savior, Jesus Christ. I've personally learned to be content in being single. Sometimes there's that sense of loneliness but it's been so long for me that the feeling passes as quick as it comes. Just giving you a bit of insight from my own personal experience thus far. Perhaps she's content in her singleness and in Jesus and if the possibility arises that somewhere down the road, God wills for you to be together, then according to His will, may it happen. I think she's simply just saying that she's content in her singleness and has learned to enjoy this season in her life..doesn't mean though that she won't be open to a relationship.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Absolutely, a person can actually enjoy being single (for that long) and prefer to not date/court. I've been single for my entire 28 years of living. That's not to say that there haven't been times where I felt lonely or that I longed to have someone to share my life with with the end-goal being marriage..but it's definitely possible. I guess when you've been single for that long (8 years-in her case), then those desires take a bit of a ..'back seat' to what really matters most- Our loving Savior, Jesus Christ. I've personally learned to be content in being single. Sometimes there's that sense of loneliness but it's been so long for me that the feeling passes as quick as it comes. Just giving you a bit of insight from my own personal experience thus far. Perhaps she's content in her singleness and in Jesus and if the possibility arises that somewhere down the road, God wills for you to be together, then according to His will, may it happen. I think she's simply just saying that she's content in her singleness and has learned to enjoy this season in her life..doesn't mean though that she won't be open to a relationship.

Hm,

I have noticed a common theme among those that prefer to remain single. Mainly due to having been burned or jaded via terrible previous marriages. I am detecting this among a majority of women in my group.

2 that have already publicly voiced their current dramas with ex's that had cheated on them.

Another that got pregnant, but the boyfriend skipped town..

Case after case.

Me...I've never been down that road. Perhaps that's why I desire marriage. Also, I don't have many close friends or family members, guess that makes me too needy?

Apparently, I'm not aligned with many Christian singles, as they think otherwise. Maybe I should stick to Christian Mingle. lol

doesn't mean though that she won't be open to a relationship.

 

[leothelioness]

Yes, there are people who are happy being single. It's not a novel concept at all. I am one of those women who are completely content with being single and I plan on staying like that. Life is much simpler that way and I cannot fathom attaching my happiness to another person.

It seems to me, after reading all your posts, that you're more upset about the fact that there are no women that are available to go out with you. How dare a woman actually want to be single and not accept your advances.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Yes, there are people who are happy being single. It's not a novel concept at all. I am one of those women who are completely content with being single and I plan on staying like that. Life is much simpler that way and I cannot fathom attaching my happiness to another person.

It seems to me, after reading all your posts, that you're more upset about the fact that there are no women that are available to go out with you. How dare a woman actually want to be single and not accept your advances.

Are you attending singles Christian groups and their events?

 

[timewerx]

Part of me is just not buying it. Can a person really "enjoy" being single for that long, (8 years), and still prefer to stay out of dating/courtship?

I dunno, I just found this very odd of her admitting this.

Yup!!

I've never been married too.... I simply don't long for what other people have like marriage. "Don't covet what other people have....". It's one of the 10 commandments. It's also the #2 secret (I think) to finding happiness and contentment.

Of course, I still try to ask people out if I could.

 

[Elliewaves]

Single people don't have to go to a singles church group for the sole purpose of dating. Maybe they just want to make single friends of the same sex or it's where the church directs them to go for fellowship. If they meet someone there they are attracted to and want to date; then that's a good thing. If they wish to remain single and are happy that way; then that's a good thing too. Not everyone who comes to a singles church group wants to date or try dating everyone there or is looking for love, or some wish to remain single until they meet someone they are attracted to or is worth it for them.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Yup!!

I've never been married too.... I simply don't long for what other people have like marriage. "Don't covet what other people have....". It's one of the 10 commandments. It's also the #2 secret (I think) to finding happiness and contentment.

Of course, I still try to ask people out if I could.

Ones should not be faulted for desiring marriage and that especially has nothing to do with any of the commandments. It's "Thall not covet thy neighbors goods" ad the other "wife"

The desire for marriage, there is no connection there.

Not everyone who comes to a singles church group wants to date or try dating everyone there or is looking for love, or some wish to remain single until they meet someone they are attracted to or is worth it for them.

Therein lies the caveat. They just don't follow-up with, "I'm happy being single" but don't follow it up with, "Until some guy comes into the group and changes my mind."

 

[Elliewaves]

Well some don't want their mind to be changed. Perhaps they like the fellowship and meeting people of a similar life stage, but really just wish to remain single. No one has to date someone or be interested in marriage if they don't want to in order to attend single ministry church events or services. If you ask them out and they say no for whatever reason, then find someone that actually wants to date you and has similar goals.

Sometimes there is no other place in the church for a single person to fellowship or serve unless it's the singles ministry and they are directed there repeatedly.

 

[Rajni]

I think both being married and being single have their advantages.
I enjoyed being married when I was, though it was a challenge at times.
And if you're going to have an ex, mine is the cream of the crop. Our
split was very amicable. I can't say that I was "burned" in any way,
not even close, especially given some horror stories regarding marriage.

But now I'm at a place where I'm happy being single, and I think I'm
better off so. And I also think that others are better off not being
hitched to me!

Guys, I remain single for your protection.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

My issue was the fact she just threw it out there in a defensive fashion like that.

 

[Elliewaves]

Maybe she's still dealing with stuff, but in any case she's made it clear she doesn't want to be asked out. I guess you could try, or even ask her to personally explain why she feels that way, but in any case you should respect her wishes and if you want to date find someone who is willing to do so in a similar fashion as yourself.
She still gets to attend the singles group if she wishes; you don't get to dictate that for anyone.

 

[leothelioness]

Are you attending singles Christian groups and their events?

Even if I did (which I don't) it doesn't negate the point I made.

The issue is not why she is there. The issue is why you care so much.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Even if I did (which I don't) it doesn't negate the point I made.

The issue is not why she is there. The issue is why you care so much.

Well, are you even getting out and socializing? The point I'm getting is that your point isn't valid since you don't go out to these events. It makes sense that you're preferring to stay single, because you don't put yourself out there.

Anyways, it's moot because it was so odd that she would get on the defensive like that. "I'm just here to minister, not date!"

And I'm like 'Hey, I didn't say anything! lol"

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I think both being married and being single have their advantages.
I enjoyed being married when I was, though it was a challenge at times.
And if you're going to have an ex, mine is the cream of the crop. Our
split was very amicable. I can't say that I was "burned" in any way,
not even close, especially given some horror stories regarding marriage.

But now I'm at a place where I'm happy being single, and I think I'm
better off so. And I also think that others are better off not being
hitched to me!

Guys, I remain single for your protection.

Interesting...he was the "cream of the crop" but yet, you divorced anyway. Were you the one that wanted the divorce?

It's funny how even Christians can be so cavalier about just walking out of a holy institution due to just not wanting to be married anymore. What was your reason for divorcing?