Christian Relationships

[mannmann]

If you date a person and like them for looks and personality....I think thats lust.

If you date a person, and you get married and when you near death and you're still holding hands...I think thats love!

errr.... looks and personality are rather important... If you date and marry someone you dont like the look of or their personality is annoying, its a bit doomed isn't it? why are you going to date someone if you dont get on?? - dating someone soley because they are christian is totally not love..

 

[Icystwolf]

errr.... looks and personality are rather important... If you date and marry someone you dont like the look of or their personality is annoying, its a bit doomed isn't it? why are you going to date someone if you dont get on?? - dating someone soley because they are christian is totally not love..

1. If that person was a person you knew, you would know they're not right for you. And you don't need to date either just to know that. If you don't get on with that person...someone else would.

Why would you make an assumption that I'm telling you to choose hideous creatures when I'm not.

A person can be ugly yet have the best character for another person to get along. If thats so...good on them.

2.

dating someone soley because they are christian is totally not love..

I never said that, I said that Christians must date Christians. Christians arn't just cloned personalities....

Forexample, I could have an interest in musical instruments but I could never learn one...yet a girl who does play an instrument, would indeedly interest me. Both can be Christians...can't they?

So this brings to the point, that looks and personality play extremely little role, and it's that is your core criteria for choosing a partner....then it's lust!

There is more to a person you have to consider, and must be given greater weight in the selection Criteria. However Christianity still remains as the first Go/No Go decision. If a girl is not a Christian...No Go...No questions, No excuses for me!

 

[AntiCow]

Any couple that gets married needs to have the most important things in common, particularly worldviews in common. Peoples religion is ultimately what they will use to make important decisions; it is what they use to view the world. If your partner does not understand how you view the world, and vice versa, how will you ever be able to make a decision about anything?

The Bible tells us not to be unequally yoked, and there is no greater yoke than marriage. Think about the people you know. I have heard or read about many horror stories of incompatible people marrying each other. Marriage can either be heaven or hell. Why risk marrying someone who does not agree with you on even the most basic issues?

For the same reason, marrying someone from another culture or socio economic background or maturity level is also risky.

 

[shout2thelord]

I dont think marrying someone from a different culture is risky cos especialy if u live in the UK u only have to go from from one county to another (maybe an hour apart) and you have a whole different accent, culture and economic background. And were one in christ.

The most important thing for me would be that my future husband would be strong in Christ and passionate about God and that he would have a strong character.
After all character is what will last not looks.

 

[Icystwolf]

I dont think marrying someone from a different culture is risky cos especialy if u live in the UK u only have to go from from one county to another (maybe an hour apart) and you have a whole different accent, culture and economic background. And were one in christ.

I think you have a point there.
But Culture does come into some issue.

I myself can be friends with heaps of singaporians, but I seriously cannot date a singaporian...sorry girls...
Their culture is good and clean...nothing too wrong about that....

But it's more to do with their accents, which I find it hard to tolerate. Again, this is just me....

I have a lot of singaporian friends, and good friends, but I have trouble communicating with them because my head gets (like medically )dizzy when I talk with them. But if the Singaporian starts to lower their sampling rate of talking...then my head is ok....otherwise....zheeish

So culture does play some roles in my decision, but not a major role.

The most important thing for me would be that my future husband would be strong in Christ and passionate about God and that he would have a strong character.
After all character is what will last not looks.

LOL...those renovation shows give me the creeps, a person's lives transform after their bedroom or their nose get's renovated....

 

[lullalullaby]

But it's more to do with their accents, which I find it hard to tolerate. Again, this is just me....

I have a lot of singaporian friends, and good friends, but I have trouble communicating with them because my head gets (like medically )dizzy when I talk with them. But if the Singaporian starts to lower their sampling rate of talking...then my head is ok....otherwise....zheeish

haha I know a few people who have told me that too... singlish right? why is it lah who said lah how can lah is it lah? aiyah!

I have a few friends from s'pore too. But they don't all talk like that tho. some do, and some don't, I wonder why that is.

 

[Icystwolf]

haha I know a few people who have told me that too... singlish right? why is it lah who said lah how can lah is it lah? aiyah!

No...thats Hongkies...they say things like,
How are you ar...

I don't know wor...

Actually I was born in HK, and also thanks for reminding me, despite being of Hong Kong chinese, I can't go out with a Hongkie...unless they've been raised in Australia and cultured in Australia or elsewhere.

I have a few friends from s'pore too. But they don't all talk like that tho. some do, and some don't, I wonder why that is.

Oh pls don't go there....singaporian accents is like the soliders who marched on the bridge and created a harmonic which caused it collapse...it's causing my brain to implode

 

[Wolflily]

A bit off-topic, guys?

 

[Icystwolf]

Ok...

So lets establish an Article of Christian Faith for CF;
Don't date unless you have the intent of marrying that person

 

[warriorprincessdaughter]

When I get married I want that person to be my best friend. We will be intimate. Why would I want to be intimate friends with somebody who does not believe in my best friend who also happens to be the creator of the universe?
God means everything to me, and the first thing I would look for in a husband is his passion for God.

 

[Icystwolf]

When I get married I want that person to be my best friend. We will be intimate. Why would I want to be intimate friends with somebody who does not believe in my best friend who also happens to be the creator of the universe?
God means everything to me, and the first thing I would look for in a husband is his passion for God.

Then I guess, your choice of a Husband, is "Christ First"...right?

Thats excellent that you can love God that way....

It's much better, and you know that God is with you and your future husband all the way through your marriage till death do us(the two of you) part.....

 

[mannmann]

If you consider that the most important thing in a relationship is for the other person to be a christian, than thats cool, but... It does not solve ANY of the problems that are raised here against doing so.

Example:
Two people, both Anglican (SAME denomination even) one goes to a lively modern church and the other goes to a high traditional church is STILL going to cause problems with attitudes to Christianity... The whole issue is still based on compromise and understanding, whichis in ANY relationship.

Whilst reading up on the subject, did you know that Yasser Arafat is married to a christian??? - interesting..

 

[Icystwolf]

If you consider that the most important thing in a relationship is for the other person to be a christian, than thats cool, but... It does not solve ANY of the problems that are raised here against doing so.

And hence you've undermined the power of God.

Being a Christian isn't about just calling yourself a Christian and believing in just the existance of God. It's about devotion and relationship with God.

Mannmann, you have it so wrong...and I feel sorry for you, that you have to think this way.

You have stated that Jesus is powerless to solve any problems....and you believe that having a right relationship with God won't solve anything, nor with Jesus' death on the cross that died for all sins.

But then again...considering what church you go to, I ought not to be too angry about that.....

Example:
Two people, both Anglican (SAME denomination even) one goes to a lively modern church and the other goes to a high traditional church is STILL going to cause problems with attitudes to Christianity... The whole issue is still based on compromise and understanding, whichis in ANY relationship.

You see, thats where you're wrong. When they have arguments, it won't be the same as an argument against a non-Christian. Infact it's so different that is seperated by a wide gap.

If say I dated an Anglican that was part of the High traditional church, the only arguments I would have would be whether her church has taught the right goods...whether wearing gold plated garments represents anything.

Unlike a non-Christian, I would have to be arguing the existance of God, the substance of love....

It's all totally different...

But one thing to note is, that, when two Christians argue, they will still recieve salvation, because salvation is through faith in Christ Jesus. Everything else like garments, or cups...etc.....yeh...there maybe some arguments...but hey....

Whilst reading up on the subject, did you know that Yasser Arafat is married to a christian??? - interesting..

No I did not know, but if his wife was a Christian, why would she support Arafat's terrorist campaign.

I saw evidence of the Palenstine Authority teaching Children the Shida, or Martyr......

That is the worse Child abuse in History in my opinion!

 

[Talie]

i think there's much more to the issues than just if someone is "christian" or not. I think someone who's not around the same spiritual maturity level as you is gonna cause problems in a relationship

 

[Talie]

Ummm...I disagree that Everything is permissible. I don't believe insulting the Holy Spirit is at all permissible....don't you recon?

he was just quoting straight from the bible 1 corinthians 10:23

 

[Icystwolf]

he was just quoting straight from the bible 1 corinthians 10:23[/font]

Hmm...what a hammer I must admit.

In my translation(ESV), it says

"All things are lawful, but not all things are helpful"

And the NIV translates it as what you had.

So I assumed that it was to do with the law rather than a general on the whole sense.

Thats cool.....I must hath got the context wrong.


Apologies all...I made a mistake!!!

 

[mannmann]

late reply, but been away...

Being a Christian isn't about just calling yourself a Christian and believing in just the existance of God. It's about devotion and relationship with God.

Totally agree....

Mannmann, you have it so wrong...and I feel sorry for you, that you have to think this way.

No need to feel sorry... I'm quite happy....

But then again...considering what church you go to, I ought not to be too angry about that.....

Lets not start a slagging Hillsong thread... I go to many churches, Hillsong is just one of them - I like to hear all angles. + Hillsong has really good music.

Unlike a non-Christian, I would have to be arguing the existance of God, the substance of love....

Yawn, this is what I've been saying all along - just because the person you are dating/wanting to marry does not belive does not mean that you will have to argue your cause all of the time! - The non-christian can easily accept the fact that you belive.... In fact if that person is trying to 'lure and trick' you away from your religion (I dont see this as a particularly christian problem), then you should not be with him/her in the first place!

I'm still intreged by the 'only date someone you intend on marrying' approach - isn't dating the process of realising that you would like to be with that person for the rest of your life?

Regarding the thing of marrying a non-christian in a christian marrage - no church seems to have an issue with non-christians marrying non-christains in a church. The majority of people who get married in a church do so because they want nice pictures. - Whilst I dont agree with it, it appears to be one of those 'permissable' things....

Also I write this from personal experience - I've dated 2 'christians' and currently dating an ex-christian...

christian 1 - decided to 2 time me and run off with another bloke.
christian 2 - was so obsesed by going to the same church all weekend every weekend, that having any time together in a weekend was impossible - even when I went to the same church. Hence the relationship simply fizzled out as it was totally one sided.
ex-christian 1 - Sorted. She totally understands where I come from in christianity and has no issues with me going to church and my beliefs. She does not belive for her own reasons, I belive for mine - She understands many of the issues and discusses them openly, frankly and (more important) is educated about christianity. There is no 'luring and trickery' from her part. From my part, of course I would like her to come back to God, but it has to be done under her own steam, not by me forcing the issue. With Gods help it will work... I dont see how I can be hurting my relationship with God when I'm sooo happy in life.

 

[Icystwolf]

late reply, but been away...


No need to feel sorry... I'm quite happy....


Lets not start a slagging Hillsong thread... I go to many churches, Hillsong is just one of them - I like to hear all angles. + Hillsong has really good music.


Yawn, this is what I've been saying all along - just because the person you are dating/wanting to marry does not belive does not mean that you will have to argue your cause all of the time! - The non-christian can easily accept the fact that you belive.... In fact if that person is trying to 'lure and trick' you away from your religion (I dont see this as a particularly christian problem), then you should not be with him/her in the first place!

I'm still intreged by the 'only date someone you intend on marrying' approach - isn't dating the process of realising that you would like to be with that person for the rest of your life?

Regarding the thing of marrying a non-christian in a christian marrage - no church seems to have an issue with non-christians marrying non-christains in a church. The majority of people who get married in a church do so because they want nice pictures. - Whilst I dont agree with it, it appears to be one of those 'permissable' things....

No church seems to have an issue with that?

Dude wake up....

Also I write this from personal experience - I've dated 2 'christians' and currently dating an ex-christian...

christian 1 - decided to 2 time me and run off with another bloke.
christian 2 - was so obsesed by going to the same church all weekend every weekend, that having any time together in a weekend was impossible - even when I went to the same church. Hence the relationship simply fizzled out as it was totally one sided.
ex-christian 1 - Sorted. She totally understands where I come from in christianity and has no issues with me going to church and my beliefs. She does not belive for her own reasons, I belive for mine - She understands many of the issues and discusses them openly, frankly and (more important) is educated about christianity. There is no 'luring and trickery' from her part. From my part, of course I would like her to come back to God, but it has to be done under her own steam, not by me forcing the issue. With Gods help it will work... I dont see how I can be hurting my relationship with God when I'm sooo happy in life.

My Personal Experience: NONE!

Why?
There are people who know me that suspect one thing about me...which is kinda true.
But essentially, if I don't ask, then I don't get a date.

But on your last point, it's seems clear that you've stripped away God's authority in your life, and placed him as an image to represent you happines in life.

Again, you have no addressed the issue of marriage and how it's symbolic of Jesus Returning and marrying the church.

You've ignorantly made you point which I've said makes no relevance at all to this issue. Because basically, it's not about you and the partner, it's about you, the partner and more importantly "God".

So, doing this you still continue to elaborate on an issue which does not piece together with the direction of this issue. Rather, the only thing it does piece together is your opinion that was made and rejected several posts ago.

What did Christ say?
If you hold on to your life you will lose it, but if you lose your life for my(Jesus') sake, you will gain it.

Why keep hold of your old life of pleasure and enjoyment? It's all about being happy isn't it?

 

[mannmann]

Basically my whole argument in this thread is that the issues you and others have raised are not specific christian issues. The issues of partners not understanding are the same where only one partner is passionate about something, be it God, Alla, Zeus or a sport.

To reply to you quotes...

Regarding Jesus marrying they church, I prefer to see the next line in conjunction..
'He will marry the church upon His return, and she will reign with Him over the nations' Marrage is being used here as an example of the life long commitment that Jesus has to the Church. The purpose if this verse is 1) to demonstrate Jesus's commitment to us and 2) How our commitment to Jesus should be.
You have taken the quote out of context. In human form, marrage is the declaration of love in front of that person and God. That you will be with that person, no matter what, until one of you dies.


'If you hold on to your life you will lose it, but if you lose your life for my(Jesus') sake, you will gain it.'
Great quote, but where is is relevant???? - 'Why keep hold of your old life of pleasure and enjoyment? It's all about being happy isn't it?'
'old - happy' life of dating and loving? - errr.... again you're putting quotes way out of context...

I guess alot of the arguments come down to can you love a person without affecting your love for god? - if you love god 100%, does the 'distraction' of loving a person take it to 99%? - IIRC Corinthians continous... The only true way to love and worship god is to be celabate and not be involved with anything other than the love and worship of God.
Also IRRC, this comes after... these are not the words of God, but my own thoughts......

God is our Father - My relationship with a non-christian has provided me with a much closer relationship with God than dating either of the 2 christians I dated before. A closer relationship with my Father is always a good thing, no matter how un'ideal' it is.

 

[Icystwolf]

Basically my whole argument in this thread is that the issues you and others have raised are not specific christian issues. The issues of partners not understanding are the same where only one partner is passionate about something, be it God, Alla, Zeus or a sport.

Wow...God created marriage...and hence it's not "Christian Issues"...Omgosh#1

To reply to you quotes...

Regarding Jesus marrying they church, I prefer to see the next line in conjunction..
'He will marry the church upon His return, and she will reign with Him over the nations' Marrage is being used here as an example of the life long commitment that Jesus has to the Church. The purpose if this verse is 1) to demonstrate Jesus's commitment to us and 2) How our commitment to Jesus should be.
You have taken the quote out of context. In human form, marrage is the declaration of love in front of that person and God. That you will be with that person, no matter what, until one of you dies.

OMGosh#2....so in your theory, it was not through Christ that creation came abouts, but rather our own conscience?

'If you hold on to your life you will lose it, but if you lose your life for my(Jesus') sake, you will gain it.'
Great quote, but where is is relevant???? - 'Why keep hold of your old life of pleasure and enjoyment? It's all about being happy isn't it?'
'old - happy' life of dating and loving? - errr.... again you're putting quotes way out of context...

out of context? I believe your words about being "happy" is the old life, based on your context of a relationship with a non-Christian, because you're not enjoying the fruits of God's spirit within the partner, rather you're enjoying her heart and what she offers...

I guess alot of the arguments come down to can you love a person without affecting your love for god? - if you love god 100%, does the 'distraction' of loving a person take it to 99%? - IIRC Corinthians continous... The only true way to love and worship god is to be celabate and not be involved with anything other than the love and worship of God.
Also IRRC, this comes after... these are not the words of God, but my own thoughts......

OMGosh#3
IIRC?

you will need to pull out Corinthians and get it to me segmentedly, in such a way that it would prove your case and where you're standing.

What you have said there is a set that is inclusive of all, not exclusive and restricted into a minor set, rather a complete set. If you can't follow the logic in Corinthians, then my suggestion is for you to read Theological books, then have a discussion on the logic. Otherwise you're theory above is way out of ratio even for a Liberal Christian.

God is our Father - My relationship with a non-christian has provided me with a much closer relationship with God than dating either of the 2 christians I dated before. A closer relationship with my Father is always a good thing, no matter how un'ideal' it is.

OMGosh#4
God has, in your opinion, no soverignity...

I should pray for you that you may understand the real truth, the truth that through Christ that Christ was obedient to death on the cross, and lost his life for all....


I wonder how on earth am I going to deal with these post modern ideas seeping into Christian thinking....and making it heretical