Christian Relationships

[Rosa Mystica]

Na - I'm gonna disagree on this one...


This is not a specific christian problem, any time one of the couple has a specific interest this can/will happen-ALL relationships are about compromise, even christian/christian couples will have this issue from time to time!!


Again, not just a christian/christian relationship thing - It never helps any kid learning if both parents are not consistant about teachings. Plus, isn't it important that kids grow up knowing both views? - OK, different thread topic...


eh? Dont really get this... - He should know what you're like and that a $ or 2 is not going to hurt his bank account, and make you feel a shed loads better! - I'd say its cheaper than buying you flowers...


OK, this one I do get, but why are you with someone who puts you down on something that you are passionate about? - Again, this is not restricted to christian/christian relationships.

Basically. what I'm saying is that the issues raised here are ones of compromise and understanding that come up in any relationship - just with a christian slant to the situations.

ManN

You are absolutely correct. There's no denying the truth of this. Kinda discouraging, isn't it?

 

[mannmann]

You are absolutely correct. There's no denying the truth of this. Kinda discouraging, isn't it?

Discouraging? - why? - If you think this is bad, then why bother having a relationship? - Its just a little hard work for the joy of a sucessfull relationship...

ManN

 

[Wolflily]

Those types of challenges are going to be present in ANY relationship - but the difficulties will be exasperated by trying to walk on two different paths at the same time. God is the unifying factor in Christian marriages and everything falls, or should fall, under His direction and control. If only one person in the marriage hears and recognizes His voice and tries to obey and the other does not, they are going to hit a brick wall over and over again. Especially about the big issues, but also in the little ones. And usually it's the little things that erode a good marriage over time.

The world is hard enough to live in without having your safety base, your home, a constant source of discouragement and stress. Christians need Jesus to be the center of their home and it's hard as it is without adding a non-Christian partner, and/or parent. People may think while their in the rosy blush of a new romance that "all you need is love" and everything will work out fine, but that kind of love comes and goes and it's the firmer ground of faith you stand on that's going to get a marriage through the inevitable hard times. And there will be plenty of those.

Just food for thought!

 

[Icystwolf]

I personally think that if a Christian intently dates a non-Christian, then it's pretty much sinful. Why I think this way?

Everyone talks about being common with each other. Right? Thats why we have non-Christian and Christian friends.

But the issue of marriage is a symbolic representation of Jesus Marrying the Church.

If you date someone because you have a characteristic incommon, rather than both God fearing. Then essentially you're not fearing God at all. Your thinking, God in my life is not important therefore, I can date a non-Christian but hope that God will change him, and otherwise it's a good thing.

If you really fear God and Love God, why would you love someone else more than God?

But to address the issue of dating a non-Christian, and later becoming a Christian... it is by God's mercy that he allowed it to be so, that he forgave you and given you this person to become a Christian.

But let me say this one thing, HEAPS OF CHRISTIANS lose their faith after dating a non-Christian. Thats a fact in life...it's not muslim or buddhism conversion, it's DATING.

But don't use the stories of Christians coverting Non-Christians as a basis for you to date a Non-Christian. It's absurd....those are interesting yet unique cases, which I can thank God for...other than that...don't try it.

I personally would not date a Non-Christian, because God is my Love and so is Jesus. They are whom I love the most... if I were to go out with a non-Christian, then it's insulting them and Christs perfect reputation.

Dating a non-christian issue should be seperated with evangelism....

 

[mannmann]

The world is hard enough to live in without having your safety base, your home, a constant source of discouragement and stress.

What? - Not all non-christians partners are "a constant source of discouragement and stress.", some are VERY understanding - Its not that difficult to support your loved one in something that you dont particularly belive in, but you understand that it is VERY important.

If you date someone because you have a characteristic
incommon, rather than both God fearing. Then essentially you're not fearing God at all. Your thinking, God in my life is not important therefore, I can date a non-Christian but hope that God will change him, and otherwise it's a good thing......
But don't use the stories of Christians coverting Non-Christians as a basis for you to date a Non-Christian. It's absurd....those are interesting yet unique cases, which I can thank God for...other than that...don't try it.

I agree about allof your comments regarding this, dont date someone because you think that you can convert him/her.

If you really fear God and Love God, why would you love someone else more than God?

Yes - but loving anyone christian or non-christian, u'll never love anyone more than God. you'll still love your children - even if they turn to Islam....

But let me say this one thing, HEAPS OF CHRISTIANS lose their faith after dating a non-Christian. Thats a fact in life...it's not muslim or buddhism conversion, it's DATING.

But again, its not SPECIFIC to Christians/non-christians, its a fact of relationships! - Take top olympic sportsmen - the support and understanding from their partners is HUGE, most of the top sportsmen I know are single for the fact that they are passionate about their sport!! Maybe married/dating top sportsmen & partners have more of a commitment to their sport than a lot of christians have to God????

I can fully see why, in many ways it is 'easier' to date a christian, but I still belive that with a bit of work, it is possible to date a non-christian and still maintain your faith and love to God and Jesus.

 

[mannmann]

Sorry, got my quote marks wrong on that post...

ManN

 

[Kira Faye]

There are some comments mannmann adressed I agree on, but really if ur partner is that uncaring about u why did u marry the *******? Wether he is jew, muslim athiest if he acts liek that then he doesn't care about u regardless of ur religion.... I actually start to feel sub human because of comments said about non-christians and how they can never compare... where has this superioty complex come from, doesn't ur bible teach u eveyone si equal and shoudl be loved equally and if so why can u not love a non christian that loves u....

 

[Icystwolf]

But again, its not SPECIFIC to Christians/non-christians, its a fact of relationships! - Take top olympic sportsmen - the support and understanding from their partners is HUGE, most of the top sportsmen I know are single for the fact that they are passionate about their sport!! Maybe married/dating top sportsmen & partners have more of a commitment to their sport than a lot of christians have to God????

If you take some time in explaining clearly what love really is...then you won't be perverting the definition of love.

If you read my post carefully, marriage is symbolism of Christ marrying the Church.

Worldly views on love is not the Christian view of love...

I can fully see why, in many ways it is 'easier' to date a christian, but I still belive that with a bit of work, it is possible to date a non-christian and still maintain your faith and love to God and Jesus.

Again, as I've stated, quite clearly...

"GOD FEARING"

If you fear God, and Fear Jesus' Judgement on all people...then you wouldn't take risks nor pervert the word of God by changing what God has given to you.

 

[mannmann]

If you take some time in explaining clearly what love really is...then you won't be perverting the definition of love.

Defining love is going to take too much time out of my work, but... as far as I can see, there are many differing forms of love - the love of your partner is different from the unconditional love of father/son.

If you read my post carefully, marriage is symbolism of Christ marrying the Church.

OK, crosswires - dating not marrying - non-christians getting married in a christian service is bad, but that deserves an entirely different thread.

Worldly views on love is not the Christian view of love...

true... As far as I'm aware, true christian love is of the unconditional Father/son love. please correct me if I'm wrong....

Again, as I've stated, quite clearly...

"GOD FEARING"

If you fear God, and Fear Jesus' Judgement on all people...then you wouldn't take risks nor pervert the word of God by changing what God has given to you.

OK, I see where you're coming from, but I'm sure I perform far greater sins that need fixing first before the one of loving a non-christian....

 

[Jaegang72]

OK, I see where you're coming from, but I'm sure I perform far greater sins that need fixing first before the one of loving a non-christian....

Everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial. You can marry the non christian but there will be consequences. Before marriage, most people think that all is well and love will conquer all. First and foremost is what is most important to you and spouse. You put Jesus 1st in all . I think most people will agree with me that women can very easy tell if the husband is putting someone or something above her.

The women's desire is for her husband. It is her natural inclination. She would surely want you not only to reciprocate that but she has to be #1. If she is not a christian, she cannot and will never understand why she cannot come 1st before Jesus. It's just a religion after all. People are suppose to go to church on Sundays and live a good life... she reasons. Soon , the wife will be using enticements , nagging, icy atmosphere to lure you away.

Scripture says... Love the Lord ... with ALL your heart , soul , mind and strength. There is a totality in the ALL there. If people do not resile from this and let their hearts be examined by the Spirit, it will become clear that choosing a life partner which will inevitably impact in most aspects of our lives must come under God's plan.

To say that one has other sins to grind before looking at the issue of marrying someone for life is unacceptable. The wife will become one flesh with the husband and to think that the non believer won't really affect me much is blinded by emotion.

Finally , consider Solomon, who was given incredible wisdom yet he failed when women of other gods led him astray. All the wisdom of God could not stop him from straying. Yesterday it was women of other gods... today it will be women whose god/idol could be wealth... atheism ... living for the holiday trips ... and all manner of modern idolatory.

It is clear to me that we must choose carefully. We all only got one shot.....

 

[mannmann]

Everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial.

I like

You can marry the non christian but there will be consequences. Before marriage, most people think that all is well and love will conquer all. First and foremost is what is most important to you and spouse. You put Jesus 1st in all . I think most people will agree with me that women can very easy tell if the husband is putting someone or something above her.

The women's desire is for her husband. It is her natural inclination. She would surely want you not only to reciprocate that but she has to be #1. If she is not a christian, she cannot and will never understand why she cannot come 1st before Jesus. It's just a religion after all. People are suppose to go to church on Sundays and live a good life... she reasons. Soon , the wife will be using enticements , nagging, icy atmosphere to lure you away.

I do see what you mean,but again, I still don't think that it is a Christian issue, but it is a more generic relationship issue... as Kira Faye rightly points out... (though I'd replace marry with date for this discussion.)

if ur partner is that uncaring about u why did u marry the *******? Wether he is jew, muslim athiest if he acts liek that then he doesn't care about u regardless of ur religion....

As far as I can see, you are saying that if there is anything that the partner sees as being 'not me first' then she will

be using enticements , nagging, icy atmosphere to lure you away.

- like the football on tv? - being serious, it is! - also see my example of a top olympic sportsman.

I still think that if your partner knows that you are a christian from the start, and is willing to learn, understand and can be sympathetic for what it entains for you, then there is every reason that the relationship can work.OK, its an added 'difficulty' for the relastionship, but probably less than two christians from different denominations!!


ManN

 

[Rosa Mystica]

I still think that if your partner knows that you are a christian from the start, and is willing to learn, understand and can be sympathetic for what it entains for you, then there is every reason that the relationship can work.OK, its an added 'difficulty' for the relastionship, but probably less than two christians from different denominations!!

True...although marriages b/w Christians of different denominations can work as long as both partners are not extremely devout in their own faith. If they are, however, there will be problems.

 

[Icystwolf]

Everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial.

Ummm...I disagree that Everything is permissible. I don't believe insulting the Holy Spirit is at all permissible....don't you recon?

But yeh I get what you mean!

nagging, icy atmosphere to lure you away.

HEY...whats wrong with an ICY Atmosphere?....kiddin

OK, crosswires - dating not marrying - non-christians getting married in a christian service is bad, but that deserves an entirely different thread.

Umm....well...what can I say. Don't you think that Dating without the goal of getting married is nothing more than the Devil's tool to maximise Temptation of Sexual Impurity?

If I were to date, I would date someone I would marry, and that has been the Christian goal for Dating ...

Therefore you can't seperate Dating and Marriage, because Dating is like a Bud of a Flower...Marriage is when the Flower opens and when it becomes a seedpod, it will be the fruit. Like Oranges, Apples and esspecially Vanilla.

If you Seperate Dating and Marriage, you would have a lot of problems. A Christian-wanna be can't tell the difference between masturbation and sex, he still thinks this way.

 

[mannmann]

Umm....well...what can I say. Don't you think that Dating without the goal of getting married is nothing more than the Devil's tool to maximise Temptation of Sexual Impurity?

If I were to date, I would date someone I would marry, and that has been the Christian goal for Dating ...

Therefore you can't seperate Dating and Marriage, because Dating is like a Bud of a Flower...Marriage is when the Flower opens and when it becomes a seedpod, it will be the fruit. Like Oranges, Apples and esspecially Vanilla.

If you Seperate Dating and Marriage, you would have a lot of problems. A Christian-wanna be can't tell the difference between masturbation and sex, he still thinks this way.

Taken a bit out of context, but... I see where you are coming from - it is the 'hard line' bible approach, but it is this attitude that I think is very difficult to justify. - So you would only date someone if you think you would like to marry them? - basically, 'love at first sight'. I feel that you dont love someone until you have got to know that person, that=dating. I'm not saying that the bible is wrong, it is a very difficult subject. I belive it is due to this hard line approach that there are so many divorces in marrage. People are forced to get married before they really know and love each other because marrage is the 'ultimate christian goal of dating' .

Also, just because you are dating 'correctly' by the bible, does not mean that the relationship is correct - All of the problems that have been discussed here can easily come about from two christians from different denominations 'dating' and marrying, but it seems that no-one is bothered by that....

 

[shout2thelord]

you can get to know someone through friendship so your intentions arent to start a sexual relationship but to get to know them better as with other friends you might have and then from that you may fall in love.
Also i think that God will let us know when we meet the person were going to marry and i dont want to go thru heaps of people when i know there is only one person out there im going to marry.

 

[Kira Faye]

My feeling of datign a person is its a way of gettign to know them better. Not everyone I date I want to marry cause once I start datign I realise we are in-compatable in a loving way and can't be more then just friends. Being friends and datign bring out different people from the one person. Ok I'll sit int the context of no sex before marriage, but I feel u can get to knwo them to the brink of sex without beign a sinner, and if that doesn't work out it woudl be betetr to break up then to have an un happy marriage. Datign can also be fun generally cause u have a close spiritual person. I date and its never really crossed my mind that since I date I have to marry, I kinda find that scary. I believe there is one kindred spirit for everyone, but u can still love other people enough to date, and even have sex with, and still love them without them being ur soul mate. Datign is good for experiance, knowledge and gettign to know a person better then any friendship.

As for dating a non-christian, I still don't see the problem, if they love u enough they will respect your beliefs and everything. I know I'm in that situation and if my bf asked em to go to church with him, I would happily go if it makes him happy, so I can share in his happiness and he woudl probably be happy to go to my festivals. We can share in our partners happiness in their beliefs with out changing them. I woudl be sligtly more concerend about people 'becoming' christians just to get with u, If they trully want it then great but alot of people can go to church and all that other stuff without a thought in their heart.

 

[Jaegang72]

Guys I think Icyswolf does not mean whoever you date must be married.

I believe he meant that when you date someone, you should consider it all the way to the end point of marriage when you begin to date someone. Therefore the dating step nor the dating should not be considered as ... testing of many waters to get the right one.

The reason why icyswolf was debating your point mannmann
"
OK, crosswires - dating not marrying - non-christians getting married in a christian service is bad, but that deserves an entirely different thread.
"

Icyswolf is trying to point out that all the criteria that leads to marriage also must apply to dating.
To say that because it just dating and not marriage so maybe dating a non christian is ok or the standard need not be as severe because it's just dating is what icyswolf is trying to point out.

Also Kira, suggesting that being able to be intimate except to the point of sex is just asking for trouble.

cheerio

dave!

 

[Kira Faye]

depends on the guy........and the girl, but I was more meaning the up the the spiritual climax of sex.......I personnally find sex a spiritual thing. U can be intimate without touching....I was putting it to knowing the spiritual feelings and connection without the act....u can add then when u married if thats ur view.

 

[Icystwolf]

Taken a bit out of context, but... I see where you are coming from - it is the 'hard line' bible approach, but it is this attitude that I think is very difficult to justify. - So you would only date someone if you think you would like to marry them? - basically, 'love at first sight'. I feel that you dont love someone until you have got to know that person, that=dating. I'm not saying that the bible is wrong, it is a very difficult subject. I belive it is due to this hard line approach that there are so many divorces in marrage. People are forced to get married before they really know and love each other because marrage is the 'ultimate christian goal of dating' .

Have you ever heard of deep Friendship before relationship?

Dave has hit the hammer to the argument, and he says it quite well...better than me...lol.....

It is the most basic and most ridiculous excuse for ANY Christians to say, that when they date, they do it to get to know each other.
You don't need to date to know about each other.

Like I mean, a 7yr old child doesn't have to date his Sister who's 10yrs old just to know each other.....

People don't have to date each other to know each other.....

Fine i conceed that I have a high intuition, which is why I can know the person more, which means I don't have to spend so much time talking to know a lot about that person.

But other than that, my experience with people is that that is an excuse...so it's not plausable to use it as an argument to support dating without the intent of marriage.

Also, just because you are dating 'correctly' by the bible, does not mean that the relationship is correct - All of the problems that have been discussed here can easily come about from two christians from different denominations 'dating' and marrying, but it seems that no-one is bothered by that....

Well... it seems you and I have a different definition of what is correct and what is incorrect.

Ok, just explain what you mean by correct...because I can't really follow your logic until I hear your context....

 

[Icystwolf]

I question how much of love is confused with lust?

If you date a person and like them for looks and personality....I think thats lust.

If you date a person, and you get married and when you near death and you're still holding hands...I think thats love!