Christian Marriage Counseling - What to Expect?

[DivineFiliation]

Hi all. I have been married for a little over 3 years. Both of us want the marriage to work out, but I fear that my husband is pointing his fingers in my direction as the one who needs changing to make this marriage work out. I do believe that my husband has some issues from his childhood that needs to be addressed because I see his acting out on them continuously. He has had a very controlling personallity for some time, although recently it is slowly getting better. However, after 3 years of suffering emotional and verbal abuse, it is hard for me to move past things.
There have been moments on both our parts where we have wanted out of this marriage but both feel that God has put us together for a reason. It's weird but that happy moments are actually happier but the bad moments are worse.
A couple weeks ago I had had just about enough and decided to sign us up for marriage counseling, after discussion with my husband. Lately, however, he has been making digs at the appointment that I made for us... sometimes I think that maybe he shouldn't go if his heart isn't in it to go.
At any rate, our appt is this evening and I was sorta wondering what to expect? How shall I conduct myself? How will the counselor roadmap our session?
Any input is greatly appreciated. Thanks. God Bless.

 

[bkg]

No one can say for sure how the session will be handled by your counselor - each counselor is different. Just be 100% honest at all times, and more importantly, be attentive and willing to listen. Don't try to point out issues in your husband, unless asked, as your counselor will handle that.

One word of advice - since this is the first session, it's an opportune time for you and your husband to interview the counselor. Make sure that you are both comfortable with his/her style, his/her beliefs, and his/her goals for your sessions. IF you are not, run away fast.

Do NOT see a counselor who "checks his beliefs at the door"... That's a very big red flag - been there, done that... If he/she is really a Christian, that will be at the forefront of the counseling sessions... if it's absent, find a new counselor.

GOOD LUCK!

 

[selune]

Not speaking from experience here, but I still would recommend you speak with all honesty, talk in "I feel statements" not accusations, pray before you go. Your husband may be making digs because he's afraid or embarrassed about going. When there, if asked, talk about the times when you felt hurt, but don't constantly rehash old fights, that can become nursing old wounds instead of working toward healing. Make sure you tell your husband when things are going better. Point out when he is improving his behavior. Try not to react with emotions immediately, listen first with all your heart. Too often we have knee jerk reactions and don't listen to the other's side. I'm praying for things to go well for you.

 

[bliz]

If you husband will not go to this session, or will not go after tonight's session, continue to go on your own. Even if only one person in a marriage is getting counseling, it can still help improve the marriage.

 

[kayanne]

be sure that statements/opinions from the counselor can be backed up with scripture. sadly, many "christian counselors" don't really use biblical principlies at all, but rather godless, modern psychology methods. i have a friend who went to a "christian counselor" with her husband--never did the counselor open a bible, never did they pray together; the counselor asked a lot of questions based on feelings ("what do you feel like doing?") Well, the husband felt like leaving my friend for another woman, and the counselor actually agreed that he should do this.

(all based on my friend's version of the story, of course, but serves as a warning that "christian counseling" is not the same thing as "biblical counseling")

 

[DivineFiliation]

Thanks for the input. Our session was pretty much a "get to know you" kind of thing. She learned about us and the problems at the surface and we learned a little bit about her. We will keep going for a little while, as it is free... I hope it helps us to have a better marriage. I think the both of us are committed to making the marriage work, it's just a matter of moving past some big life issues, I think.

 

[kayanne]

Thanks for the input. Our session was pretty much a "get to know you" kind of thing. She learned about us and the problems at the surface and we learned a little bit about her. We will keep going for a little while, as it is free... I hope it helps us to have a better marriage. I think the both of us are committed to making the marriage work, it's just a matter of moving past some big life issues, I think.

shakkai, i do hope she is able to be a tremendous help to the two of you. keep us posted, and i will be praying for you. kayanne