Christian couples hanging out with non-believers

[AllyOK]

Hi!
I'm new to this...just decided to get on here to get opinions.

I'm 32 and have been dating my boyfriend for 8 months. We are both Christians, go to church every Sunday, read our Bibles together, pray, and are leading a Christian life-style.
My boyfriend has several friends who drink, cuss, cheat on their wives, and don't go to church.
His roommate is one of these guys. He is having a party at my boyfriend'se house this weekend and they want us to hang out there with them. I know there will be lots of drinking and cussing.
I don't want to be around this kind of stuff...I'd rather go to a movie, out to dinner, or something else...not be around them. My boyfriend wants to hang out with them because he's been friends with them since college.
My boyfriend will have a beer with them when they go out for a "Guys Dinner", but I wish he wouldn't even drink around them.

My boyfriend is also wanting to go with all of those guys to Las Vegas for a Bachelor party. They will be going to bars, clubs, strip clubs, and drinking a lot. I voiced my opinion and told my boyfriend that a Christian shouldn't even want to go there. He said he wouldn't drink or do anything.

He thinks I am choosing his friends and keeping him away from them. I just wish he wouldn't hang out with them. We are praying about being missionaries and I feel this is getting in the way. If you witness to someone and want them to accept Christ, then why would you want to even drink one beer with them, go to Las Vegas, or accept their crude behavior?

Confused and don't know what to do...
Thank you!

 

[ImperialPhantom]

You need to let him make the decision. You can't decide his friends for them. You can only choose your reaction to his decisions. Plus, it's hard hearing only one side of the story. I'm sure he wouldn't define his friends only as "people who drink, cuss and cheat on their wives" (how do you know that last one?).

 

[Dharma Wheel]

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience'' - Colossians 3:12

 

[AllyOK]

Thank you for your words...
Well, I do know that two of his friends cheated on their wives, because I have hung out with them before and they talked about it. They are nice guys, and even have children, but I don't want to be around people who do those things.
He only has one Christian friend...he's going to school to be preacher. He lives in another city, so he doesn't spend much time with him. He hangs out with these other guys because one is a roommate and the others live a few minutes away.
Just makes me sad of the choices he's making when he's wanting to go into the mission field.

 

[NiobiumTragedy]

Just because his friends are of a more alternative nature doesn't mean they will have that effect on him. Many of my friends are non-believers whom are of questionable moral, but they are still my friends. Even Jesus hung out with people who weren't what modern Christian standards would attempt to hold them to. Instead of thinking of it as his friends having a negative effect on him, think of the positive effect he may have on them. The problem here is that you're trying to hold your boyfriend to your own standards of what you think he should be. For all you know, his mission field may start with his friends and in honesty, the best witness you can give someone is the one where you keep your mouth shut and the one without pressure. It's where they can see him and how he is different so that they can see it might be the better path to take. Frankly, I find being a missionary in your own community a lot more admirable than witnessing in some foreign land, but that is a whole other rant.

Drinking and cussing is all subjective. There is nothing wrong with drinking in and of itself so long as you know your limits. Heck, I go out drinking with my pastor sometimes. By the sound of it, your boyfriend knows when to stop, and even if he goes a little overboard some night, it's not going to be a direct ticket to hell. There is way too much overreaction to this topic most of the time.

Swearing is another subjective thing that is more acceptable now as common language than it was 50 years ago. Most Christians say words on a daily basis that would have been taboo 100 years ago. Times are changing and people can not be afraid of words. They are not bad in and of themselves; but the context a word carries when spoken is what can make it bad.

As for Vegas, that is his decision to make and not yours. Maybe he is the type who can handle a night out with the guys without being led astray into the crazy things that can sometimes go on there. Only he really knows that. But you need to trust in him and believe that he will make the right decisions while he is there rather than freaking out on him while keeping in mind that he may have a difference of opinion on what is okay than you do.

 

[Dharma Wheel]

But, could it not be that your boyfriend is reaching out to them with compassion in his own way? I mean, I do not know the full story, but he could be.

Their behaviour, which doesn't quite have much to do with being non-Christians (I know much of the Bible, but I am not Christian, only a guest here, and I do not act like that), but it does have to do with their attitude. It is not right to cheat on your spouses, I agree, but maybe they need the compassion of your boyfriend more then fellow Christians at the moment. Who did Jesus become friends with? Who were his followers? Prostitutes, money-lenders, criminals, the infirm, the sick and all manner of people. They needed his compassion and guidance, so maybe you should not judge your boyfriend's motive too harshly, as you say they are nice people all things considered.

 

[proemad]

You could be an influence to them all by being true to who you are. It's hard to give up on friends just like that. Be patient with your boyfriend. As far as Vegas...idk sister. Just pray

 

[AllyOK]

Thank you for everyone's opinions. I've been talking to my pastor's wife and she said to keep praying...either God to lay on his heart to not go to Vegas at all, or that God will give him strength to stay away from all the bad stuff the guys try to get him to do in Vegas.

My boyfriend used to drink and go to parties with all of them in college, but he accepted Christ and now has a strong relationship with the Lord. He just says it's hard to leave his friends even though they don't even have anything in common now.

Yes, I know that actions speak louder than words...just by letting them see that I don't drink, cuss, etc...and I am always happy and lots of fun!
I will be patient and keep praying.

I'll keep you all posted on how it turns out! Thanks again to all of you.

 

[SionDS]

He thinks I am choosing his friends and keeping him away from them.

Is he wrong about this?

 

[AllyOK]

Maybe I am choosing his friends. It's only because they are a bad influence. His Chrisitian friend, his parents, and his brother all told me that they are happy that I started dating him 8 months ago...since then, he's been going to church every Sunday, we read our Bibles together, pray together, and he has even told me that he is a better person and now has a strong relationship with Christ.

His roommate, the one who is having a bachelor party, is having people over tonight to drink and play poker. My boyfriend said we could go shopping or to a movie instead of staying there with them. He said he doesn't even want to be around cussing and drinking. Praise God!

Prayer is a powerful thing. I'll keep all of you posted on Vegas!

 

[mina]

You may not like it, but he's a big boy and it's up to him to choose to interact with whomever he wants. Perhaps he sees this as a part of his "misson field". You can't be effective salt and light if you stay with other Christians all the time.

 

[SionDS]

Maybe I am choosing his friends.

Is it ok for you to choose his friends? Really, do you feel you have a right to choose his friends?

Really, you sound controlling. Either you trust him or you do not. I had friends that would cuss when I was 5 years old and I dont cuss. I've had friends who have cheated and I have never cheated. What do you want from him?

 

[Luther073082]

Hi!
I'm new to this...just decided to get on here to get opinions.

I'm 32 and have been dating my boyfriend for 8 months. We are both Christians, go to church every Sunday, read our Bibles together, pray, and are leading a Christian life-style.
My boyfriend has several friends who drink, cuss, cheat on their wives, and don't go to church.
His roommate is one of these guys. He is having a party at my boyfriend'se house this weekend and they want us to hang out there with them. I know there will be lots of drinking and cussing.
I don't want to be around this kind of stuff...I'd rather go to a movie, out to dinner, or something else...not be around them. My boyfriend wants to hang out with them because he's been friends with them since college.
My boyfriend will have a beer with them when they go out for a "Guys Dinner", but I wish he wouldn't even drink around them.

My boyfriend is also wanting to go with all of those guys to Las Vegas for a Bachelor party. They will be going to bars, clubs, strip clubs, and drinking a lot. I voiced my opinion and told my boyfriend that a Christian shouldn't even want to go there. He said he wouldn't drink or do anything.

He thinks I am choosing his friends and keeping him away from them. I just wish he wouldn't hang out with them. We are praying about being missionaries and I feel this is getting in the way. If you witness to someone and want them to accept Christ, then why would you want to even drink one beer with them, go to Las Vegas, or accept their crude behavior?

Confused and don't know what to do...
Thank you!

Who did Jesus spend more time with? Prostitutes or the holiest jews he could find?

Be careful that you don't turn Christianity into a set of moral behaviors.

Our faith is about grace and forgiveness. Morality comes with realizing the great gift of that grace and forgiveness and desiring to do God's will on earth.

Christianity is also about changed lives. Maybe your boyfriend being friends with some of these guys can change some of their lives for the better.

Thats not to mean that the two of you should spend every moment trying to convert them. That never ends well. But when you are a consitant friend and are there for someone, when things start to go south they start to look towards the people that where there for them.

Eventually, things are going to go south for these guys, probably due to their own behavior. Your boyfriend may very well be that guy that they look towards when it all goes downhill for them.

Adhearence to our faith should not be a pre-requisite for friendship.

The only thing I agree with you on is that he probably shouldn't be in a strip club. But drinking, if he does it in moderation, he's testifying to Christ, even if all his friends are getting wasted.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

Honestly, he is probably skipping the poker party to win brownie points with you, not because he doesn't want to be around drinking and cussing. He knows what your reaction is to his friends, whether you verbalize it or not (body language can be key) and he doesn't want to deal with it. Maybe he told you it was cuz he was sick of drinking and cussing, but he's not going to tell you the real reason, if indeed I am right about it.

Not to mention, since when did not drinking and not cussing make someone more of a Christian? Cuss words are a cultural phenomenon - folks from England or Australia or India would have far different swearing filters than we do. The Bible never addresses it either, nor is there ever a command not to drink. Not drinking doesn't make you more of a Christian.

 

[Luther073082]

Honestly, he is probably skipping the poker party to win brownie points with you, not because he doesn't want to be around drinking and cussing. He knows what your reaction is to his friends, whether you verbalize it or not (body language can be key) and he doesn't want to deal with it. Maybe he told you it was cuz he was sick of drinking and cussing, but he's not going to tell you the real reason, if indeed I am right about it.

Not to mention, since when did not drinking and not cussing make someone more of a Christian? Cuss words are a cultural phenomenon - folks from England or Australia or India would have far different swearing filters than we do. The Bible never addresses it either, nor is there ever a command not to drink. Not drinking doesn't make you more of a Christian.

Very true, . . . word has it, Jesus drank wine quite a bit. Everyone at his time did.

The bible only tells us that drunkeness is bad. It does not have anything to say against moderated drinking.

 

[samiam1272]

You need to let him be himself and make that call alone. But Vegas, no. Bach party in Vegas with worldly friends, it may be ok, but its still an opportunity for all kinds of temptation and problems between the two of you, lets be real here. We are to keep ourselves unspotted from the world. Jesus may have hung out with all kinds of people, but he was the only man in history that has ever been able to stand in the door of temptation and never sin once. Think about that. And he surely didn't get drunk, neither would he hang out in strip clubs.
Someone said you sound controlling. That may be a tad true, but at the same time your concerns are legitimate. The only option you have (unless your married, you would have the authority to tell him your not comfortable with him going), is to just wait and see.
Let time, and God, and circumstances reveal his character and his strengths. And YES he will make some mistakes on that path, but you have to wait it out.
The best you can do is put your thoughts across, but you don't want to manipulate or try to control him because you will only end up with a false indication.
At the end of the day, if you want a man more after Gods heart, and he is not it, then that is between you and God. But don't whatever you do try to mold him into what you know God wants for you if he's not.