choosing abstinence??

[bountifullyblessed]

Brief background on my situation:

I was raised in church all of my life, but I began to stray once I got to undergrad - mostly just because I started sleeping in on Sundays and it eventually became habit. Over the past 7 years of so, I have occasionally felt an almost tangible pull on my life. Each time, I have resisted and instead chose to live the way I wanted to. In just the past month or so, I've decided to stop running. I can't say for sure exactly what brought it on, but I am ready to really give in and work on becoming the woman I know God wants me to be. I have prayed with my pastor and with my mother, and I can honestly say that I don't even feel like the same person lately. I have a JOY that I've never had before, and I am really ready to make some necessary changes in my life.

That said, I am 24 and single. Sex is probably my greatest temptation, but I would really love to STOP and abstain until marriage. Has anyone else made the decision to STOP having sex? If so, how have you been doing so far? How do potential partners react to this? I find that people are far more receptive to the idea of virgins wanting to wait until marriage than they are to the idea of someone who has been sexually active suddenly deciding to abstain. Any thoughts / suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

 

[peanutbutter12]

Having sex is like opening Pandora's Box; once you have it, human instinct usually starts telling your body you want more. It's a hard thing to keep control of, but not impossible. Just learn to take control of you and you should be fine.

CJ

 

[Sketcher]

Hey, you stopped, good for you. You'll find yourself in very good company. Lots of people here, and a good number of people in many churches have made the decision to stop having sex and only to have it again within marriage.

 

[jency3]

I made the same choice when I was about your age. I have an eight year old son so sometimes men will throw that in my face when I tell them. I won't date those guys anymore. It is really hard and there are nights I just want to go find someone. I do feel that in order for God to honer my desire for a husband I must honer Him in that he doesn't want me having sex until I am married. Pray and keep friends around you who will support you in your choice.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

I made the decision to abstain right after I became a Christian in 2002. I quit cold turkey and have no intentions of having sex again unless I get married. I find that potential partners who are Christians are not bothered by my desire to remain abstinent until marriage. I don't even consider dating men who are not Christians, but I imagine that non-Christian men just wouldn't get it and wouldn't be supportive.

I've recently met someone who is a virgin and is OK with my past.

 

[Seeker of the Truth]

I've never had sex, so I can't say that I've made a decision to stop having sex. But, I have committed to God my sex life. If that makes sense.

 

[CaliforniaJosiah]

I'm a virgin, so I've never "stopped." I strongly suspect that not starting is a whole lot easier than stopping, if that's possible....


I'm a VERY healthly, VERY heterosexual 18 year old guy, in a VERY strong relationship for over two years now with THE most beautiful girl in the world. That's not my opinion, that's an undeniable FACT. And, even though all would consider it impossible, she's even more beautiful inside....

We met when I was 16 and she just a few weeks shy of 19. While I had been a strong advocate of "GO SLOW!!!" "BE FRIENDS FOR A LONG TIME FIRST!" I gotta admit, I had never been hit over the head with a ton load of bricks like I was when I met her. I could say much here - but hopefully you all know what I mean.

Now, all my hormones did their thing. At 120% of the human ability in that department. It was HARD putting the brakes on - and I'm not just talking about THAT.

We're both PK's (Pastor's Kids) and while the issue of sex only came up briefly (thank God - to quickly affirm our mutual belief that it belongs in marriage), obviously it was about 1 millionth of an inch under the surface all the time. I rejoice that it stayed (and stays) there. Because she is an AMAZING person. Not going there has forced me to see all the other aspects, all the other blessings to our relationship, to grow together emotionally and as friends that "click" and respect and admire and support and "get" each other. And here's the part I NEVER would have suspected. While I genuinely love her more - much more - now, and she's more beautiful now - it's actually gotten easier. That issue is at least as big as ever, but other issues have grown - even bigger than that one. Yeah, I won't lie (you'd all see through it anyway, LOL), I DO hope for that day, LOL. But for a lot more reasons than that. To ME, that's one of the best reasons - THAT doesn't need to grow, THAT doesn't need any work, LOL. By focusing on the other aspects, they can grow and mature and bless.


I'm only 18 (for a couple of weeks) and many of my friends are Christians. Not a lot are virgins anymore. Some of those are friends once totally into the whole "promise" stuff and "I'm staying pure for my husband" stuff. And there are some, I suppose, who think I'm being stupid (yeah, opportunities are always everywhere). Frankly, I couldn't care less anymore. This is between me and me, her and her, and us.



My $0.01


- Josiah



.

 

[underthesouthercross]

Well by myself i couldnt stop, but god help me stop it, and its a true blessing...remember that all things are possible through Jesus Christ..
thats how i have overcame it in the end...through god..

 

[PilgrimChild]

I'm a virgin, so I've never "stopped." I strongly suspect that not starting is a whole lot easier than stopping, if that's possible....


I'm a VERY healthly, VERY heterosexual 18 year old guy, in a VERY strong relationship for over two years now with THE most beautiful girl in the world. That's not my opinion, that's an undeniable FACT. And, even though all would consider it impossible, she's even more beautiful inside....

We met when I was 16 and she just a few weeks shy of 19. While I had been a strong advocate of "GO SLOW!!!" "BE FRIENDS FOR A LONG TIME FIRST!" I gotta admit, I had never been hit over the head with a ton load of bricks like I was when I met her. I could say much here - but hopefully you all know what I mean.

Now, all my hormones did their thing. At 120% of the human ability in that department. It was HARD putting the brakes on - and I'm not just talking about THAT.

We're both PK's (Pastor's Kids) and while the issue of sex only came up briefly (thank God - to quickly affirm our mutual belief that it belongs in marriage), obviously it was about 1 millionth of an inch under the surface all the time. I rejoice that it stayed (and stays) there. Because she is an AMAZING person. Not going there has forced me to see all the other aspects, all the other blessings to our relationship, to grow together emotionally and as friends that "click" and respect and admire and support and "get" each other. And here's the part I NEVER would have suspected. While I genuinely love her more - much more - now, and she's more beautiful now - it's actually gotten easier. That issue is at least as big as ever, but other issues have grown - even bigger than that one. Yeah, I won't lie (you'd all see through it anyway, LOL), I DO hope for that day, LOL. But for a lot more reasons than that. To ME, that's one of the best reasons - THAT doesn't need to grow, THAT doesn't need any work, LOL. By focusing on the other aspects, they can grow and mature and bless.


I'm only 18 (for a couple of weeks) and many of my friends are Christians. Not a lot are virgins anymore. Some of those are friends once totally into the whole "promise" stuff and "I'm staying pure for my husband" stuff. And there are some, I suppose, who think I'm being stupid (yeah, opportunities are always everywhere). Frankly, I couldn't care less anymore. This is between me and me, her and her, and us.



My $0.01


- Josiah



.

My husband's a PK and when we were dating, his father hovered around like a hawk. Hubby and I never had any intention of premarital sex, but his father obviously didn't think we had self-control whenever I stayed over their place (in a separate room). Over-protective, I think.

 

[Kitten87]

i strongly admire anyone that waits until they're married and completely respect you. Sadly thats not the case for me. Ive tried stopping before but it didnt last long, only a few months, it was incredibly difficult to give up something u really enjoy with the person you love (Im with the same guy ive been with since i was 13 - no we didnt sleep together that young lol we waited til bout 17.)

 

[PilgrimChild]

i strongly admire anyone that waits until they're married and completely respect you. Sadly thats not the case for me. Ive tried stopping before but it didnt last long, only a few months, it was incredibly difficult to give up something u really enjoy with the person you love (Im with the same guy ive been with since i was 13 - no we didnt sleep together that young lol we waited til bout 17.)

Have you considered marrying him? (Of course, only if it's a long-term, permanent relationship.) What does he think of the idea?

(Sorry if that's too personal)

 

[Kitten87]

lol aww na thts ok i dont mind u asking. Yeah we have talked about it and we plan to get married but first we're going to uni this year (we're going to the same one) then after we wanna settle down. We're very happy together

 

[Sketcher]

lol aww na thts ok i dont mind u asking. Yeah we have talked about it and we plan to get married but first we're going to uni this year (we're going to the same one) then after we wanna settle down. We're very happy together

OK. You CAN be married and still do university. My parents did.

 

[icedtea]

I was celibate til age 26 only because no one wanted me. I didn't get asked out til 23.
All I've known is being used for se. It used to mean love to me, but the 6 guys I was with never loved me.
I went 12 years celibate, til this summer when I gave in because I was desparate for a guy, any guy, even though he wa a total jerk.
I dislike sex and don't ever want it again.

 

[Rebekka]

I can't give you advice because I saved myself for my husband. Now I realise how lucky I was, how easy it has been for me to keep my virginity, because I was never tempted as I didn't have a boyfriend and didn't date until I met my husband. I met him at the age of 27, got married at 28. Sure, I have been lonely (the last years before meeting my husband extremely lonely), but I wanted companionship, not sex. Just someone to talk to, someone who loved me.

I think it's easier to stay a virgin that to stop having sex, but I can only speak for myself: for me it was not difficult, but then again I never dated. (Also because dating is not a Dutch thing - over here you're either in a relationship or you're not.) So I was never tempted.

Most of my friends, who aren't christian, didn't/don't abstain, and that's what made me stand out in my circle of friends - I couldn't relate to many things they talked about. But in the end, it was all worth it. I'm so happy that I saved myself.

And purity (in case you have lost your virginity) is a wonderful thing too, I highly recommend abstinence if you can do it (I hope you can, but I can imagine that it will be extremely difficult). My husband wasn't a virgin but he had been celibate for eight years when he met me, and I appreciate that very much. Also because I know he was tempted quite often.

Good luck and God bless you.

 

[Kitten87]

OK. You CAN be married and still do university. My parents did.

aye i know we just wanna settle down after uni thts all. Save up abit more and have a nice wedding.

 

[rppearso]

I managed to stay a virgin until 22 and I caved to the internal human desire. I disagree that its easier to stay a virgin than to stop, they are both equally difficult. I had to really work at getting laid too, I guess it was just eating me up. I found my wife at 23, we had constant sex for 6 months before we got married. We were going to do the whole planned wedding etc etc but we talked to the pastor and he said we needed to get married sooner rather than later, so we pushed the date up.

If you get married while you are still in school your grades will likely go up, there was some study done that stated sex increased brain function and made you less stressed out.

 

[rppearso]

That is unfortunate, I dont think you should give up, because you are giving up on a chance at great richness in your life. I had girlfriends that straight up disappeared on me, you just gotta keep on keepin on.

 

[sunshineray]

I wasn't a Chrisitan until this time last year.... and my boyfriend and kept having sex. Finally, in October, we decided not to have sex anymore. It's been 3 months. And it's most definitely been a challenge... but the longer we have gone without it, the less we long for it. Lately it has been a lot easier to put on the breaks.

I really admire your decision... it's not easy, but I wish you good luck! I hope you are successful in keeping it up!

 

[akgirl1]

I am working on this problem now. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 5 years (we met at 18) and we have recently decided to discontinue our sexual relationship. We have done this in the past, but always gave in to temptation. We want to follow God's word to make our individual relationships' with Him stronger as well as make our realtionship together stronger. We have talked about marriage but he does not want to get married until his career is on track. Does anyone have any advice on how to create and maintain a celibate relationship when it has been the opposite for so long? I have prayed about this and asked God for his help and guidance and I want to know what else I should be doing. Thank you for any help!