Child undergoes plastic surgery to stop being bullied in school. Views?

[elephunky]

I think this is a horrible way to respond to the situation. The message it conveys...ugh. It ignores a bigger issue and is an extreme bandaid fix.

 

[1Feather]

I seen on the news some girl (like 13 I think?) was being bullied in school for being ugly. So with the doctors permission her parents let her get plastic surgery so the kids stop picking on her. Form what I understand this has actually been done a few times with other kids. What do you think of this?

My view is it won't change anything. The bullies will just have more ammo and tell the child she really was ugly if they had to give her surgery. And then they will simply pick on how the child looks now. Its only making a problem worse. Not to mention they are kids/teens. This is how it always is in school. Its hard to get around bullying in school.

And of course the doctor makes excuses like it will "Help your child!". He will say anything because it means money for him. Kids need to learn to grow a shell because those years of your life in school will be hard. Theres no real escape route.

Now I'd imagine there are exceptions like if you had a very visible cleft pallet or something. Although then you would still have two types of people. The ones that say having a something like that should be changed to better your life, then you would have the people that say don't worry about it and be strong! Not to mention it will start an expensive trend with kids wanting to fix problems. Which just leads to even more body issues and people will forget it was done for bullying issues. The anorexics will say "I need a tummy tuck then because I am fat!" So it only fuels the fire for those that have other issues.

On a side note parents who are doing this must have ALOT of money. If you got so much money maybe put your kid in a private school. Or better yet fund a "anti-bullying" campaign at their school. They (The kids) have to learn in life that they can't always avoid problems in life. There is not an escape route for everything.

It's a sign of the times.
Rather than prosecuting the bullies, cut up their victim so they fit in and aren't then a "worthy" target of bullying.

And after the surgery, the bullies know their target was so impacted by the abuse that they underwent the surgery so as to fit in with what is perceived to be an image that isn't worthy of bullying.

So what's next? "FRANKENSTEIN!" Is that it? Are the kids who have survived their surgeries going to be called that and worse? Are they going to be picked on because they went under the knife because they agreed they needed to and the bullying helped them realize how off they looked to others?

What's the message that's sent forth when a child is bullied, leaves school for an appointment, gets cut up so as to look better than what they looked before because a bunch of low life punks decided to target those particular features!

Schools need to teach children about bullying. By expelling bullies, having them arrested and prosecuted for the more heinous assaults or personal trespass, so that the schools can be made free of their kind.

Because right now, cutting up our kids so they are no longer found worthy of being assaulted due to their pre-op appearances, is like burning down your house because you have a cockroach problem!
No, you get rid of the roaches! And keep your house!

 

[MehGuy]

The problem is.. a lot of these bullies will be ugly later in life.

Do the bullied have some sadism credit? Are they allowed to bully the good looking people who turn ugly?

 

[Strathos]

Ideally it would be better if people weren't bullied for their looks in the first place.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

The one girl from the Dateline special did have some eye issues, you couldn't miss it. But I still seen her as beautiful. Its the bullies who are ugly. Surgery just lets the bullies know its ok to bully people because they ugly people do get surgery to fix what was never a problem to begin with.

I do remember back in the days we had this thing called parenting where parents would talk to a bullies parents. Or better yet parent so their kids wouldn't be bullies. Of course bulling has always existed, but I don't see schools doing anything about it really. in alot of the school shootings the kid was bullied. The schools response is to add security guards, metal detectors...etc. Forget about trying to fix the bullies apparently.

 

[Stone Butterfly]

The problem is.. a lot of these bullies will be ugly later in life....

Buillies are ugly right now. No matter how they look on the outside, the character flaw that causes them to be bullies is within and that makes them ugly beyond skin deep.

It's a tragedy that children are getting surgery just to change the appearance that they believe invites assault upon them.

It installs an idea that they're not good enough as is. And what then happens later in life when they suffer some sort of discrimination. Is their body dysmorphic disorder going to blossom so that they alter something else about themselves so as to get that job promotion they were denied before? Because they imagine the one who was promoted ahead of them looks better in some sort of way? And will they then have surgery so as to look like that in hopes of being promoted too?

This sets a terrible example for the level of failure in protecting public school students.
The bullies should be excised from the schools. Their victims shouldn't have to go under a knife just to make the bullies go away.

 

[Ana the Ist]

My son was getting beat up quick frequently at school for being ugly.

The wife and I had a talk and we decided to give him plastic surgery. It took a while to save up the funds, but in the end it was worth it.

My son is now accepted by his peers and is now helping them to beat up other ugly children. My wife and I couldn't be any prouder of him.

Best-post-ever!!!

 

[ValleyGal]

I think there are a lot of misunderstandings on this thread. The organization who does this has strict policies and acceptance procedures. They don't take just anyone; the patients they help actually have a medical issue or reason for their issue and they have to pass the psychological assessment as well. Unless the whole story is presented, I think it's really unfair to make these kinds of judgements against cosmetic procedures unless you've seen the whole story and understand the whole policy/procedure process.

When a deformity becomes such an issue that it causes anxiety disorders as a result of the teasing, it is having a significant impact on the one being bullied and teased. Imagine yourself or your own child in that situation. Would you not do everything you can to help that child learn how to cope and find ways to respond to the bullying? Truth is, there are always going to be bullies, and if surgery is one way to stop them bullying, it is beneficial for the recipient of the surgery. Remember...it's a medical issue, not a cosmetic one.

I agree that bullying must be dealt with so the bullies are held accountable; however, if surgery is going to provide a measure of self confidence, the victim may become more equipped to confront their bullies, etc.

In this kind of case, there will always be those who disagree with how it's handled. Ethics are not set in stone - except that love is always right. In a situation like this, who will you love, and what does that love look like?

 

[dies-l]

I think there are a lot of misunderstandings on this thread. The organization who does this has strict policies and acceptance procedures. They don't take just anyone; the patients they help actually have a medical issue or reason for their issue and they have to pass the psychological assessment as well. Unless the whole story is presented, I think it's really unfair to make these kinds of judgements against cosmetic procedures unless you've seen the whole story and understand the whole policy/procedure process.

When a deformity becomes such an issue that it causes anxiety disorders as a result of the teasing, it is having a significant impact on the one being bullied and teased. Imagine yourself or your own child in that situation. Would you not do everything you can to help that child learn how to cope and find ways to respond to the bullying? Truth is, there are always going to be bullies, and if surgery is one way to stop them bullying, it is beneficial for the recipient of the surgery. Remember...it's a medical issue, not a cosmetic one.

I agree that bullying must be dealt with so the bullies are held accountable; however, if surgery is going to provide a measure of self confidence, the victim may become more equipped to confront their bullies, etc.

In this kind of case, there will always be those who disagree with how it's handled. Ethics are not set in stone - except that love is always right. In a situation like this, who will you love, and what does that love look like?

I disagree. I think the idea that plastic surgery can fix a self esteem or bullying problem shows a fundamentally and spiritually flawed notion of self esteem. There might be times when plastic surgery is beneficial in helping to provide opportunities for people with certain deformities. But, the idea that plastic surgery will improve self esteem or stop bullying is just wrong.

 

[ValleyGal]

I disagree. I think the idea that plastic surgery can fix a self esteem or bullying problem shows a fundamentally and spiritually flawed notion of self esteem. There might be times when plastic surgery is beneficial in helping to provide opportunities for people with certain deformities. But, the idea that plastic surgery will improve self esteem or stop bullying is just wrong.

That is not what I said, though; I said when it is specifically applied to a physical deformity. And I never said it would stop the bullying, but would certainly have the potential to give the self confidence to stand up to bullying a little more.

People who just want cosmetic surgery for the sake of looking prettier because they don't like the lump on their nose....they are the ones who are likely to find more wrong with themselves that need more surgery. Imo, they would not make qualifying patients, and that aligns with the policies of the agency providing the surgeries. As already stated - it is for deformities and is medical and no one at all says it will stop bullying.

 

[quatona]

I´m not sure I understand the fundamental difference between adults getting plastic surgery (to better match the expectations of their peers) and children getting plastic surgery (for the same reason).
I do understand the idea "you´ve gotta learn to accept yourself as you are", but I don´t understand how this message can be gotten across to children in an enviroment that (or even by an adult who) doesn´t live that way.
I guess I just find it kind of obscene to ask children to have a sort of strength that even those who promote that position don´t have this strength themselves.

 

[~Anastasia~]

I think ValleyGal made an important distinction between deformity and cosmetic improvement.

If we're talking an actual deformity, then I think it's best it be addressed.

If we're talking cosmetic improvement, then I would hope (as an adult) that if I ever WERE to consider it, it would be for the reason that I myself want to look better. NOT because someone else out there among my peer group is going to pick on me and I'm getting surgery to make myself fit their expectations.

Really then it's no different between adults and children. As an adult, I simply wouldn't subject myself to it in order to meet the approval of my peers. A child (especially a teen) is usually under more pressure to conform, but is it wise to teach them it's alright to do something we wouldn't do as adults, just to fit in with peers?

That kind of mindset could open the door to all kinds of problems.

(I'm speaking in generalities now, and not regarding any particular person.)

 

[StudentOfTheScriptures]

This is an interesting discussion. But I feel that in one of the post someone makes mentions that there is no escape route for anything. In school kids will bully anyone for anything.
Let's say this girl was ugly and gets plastic survey to fix her face . Then kids will bully her and says she has small breasts then the parents yet again go get a breast implant done . Then kids will say that she is fat then parents again will go and get liposuction. Kids will always find something to pick in because majority of them have low self esteem and has problems in life to where they resort to bullying.
I myself was bullied in school. I then too Kenpo Karate. Kids bullied me then I gave them 3 warnings to stop and if they didn't I physically fought them. Then went directly to the principles office and reported myself and explained that a kid was bullying me and I warned him. The principal lets me go. Then kids stopped bullying me and I actually became friends with some of them. I helped create an anti- bullying club where kids who were bullied can come to socialize and those who supported not bullying came to offer support. I even taught some Kenpo to the students. Within 2 years of High School bullying dropped 75%. But again kids will always find something to pick on. Unless you stand up for yourself. You know what people are called if they get plastic survey ? Barbie Dolls..that's a new ammo those kids will now use.

 

[kevinmaynard]

I find it interesting that it seems most of the people who think the parents were wrong to let the girl get surgery all seem to be the ones who think that violence is the answer.

I also find it interesting that very few think bullying is even a problem that needs to be addressed. Almost like bullying is a good thing.

Perhaps that is why bullying is such a problem. So many people not only tacitly allow it, but approve an encourage it.

 

[dies-l]

I find it interesting that it seems most of the people who think the parents were wrong to let the girl get surgery all seem to be the ones who think that violence is the answer.

I also find it interesting that very few think bullying is even a problem that needs to be addressed. Almost like bullying is a good thing.

Perhaps that is why bullying is such a problem. So many people not only tacitly allow it, but approve an encourage it.

I don't think violence is the answer. I also don't think plastic surgery us the answer. I think a healthy sense of self goes a long way in dealing with bullying. Bullies tend to have a very poor self image and tend to prey on other physically weaker people with poor self image. Thus helping kids to develop a healthy self image addresses bullying on both fronts. Cosmetic changes do not improve self image.

 

[keith99]

I don't think violence is the answer. I also don't think plastic surgery us the answer. I think a healthy sense of self goes a long way in dealing with bullying. Bullies tend to have a very poor self image and tend to prey on other physically weaker people with poor self image. Thus helping kids to develop a healthy self image addresses bullying on both fronts. Cosmetic changes do not improve self image.

My experience was the it was physically weaker and mentally better people who got bullied.

Weaker is almost a given as there are problems really bullying someone who can tear you head off. Though there are exceptions. Numbers can make a difference.

I find it disturbing that people confuse bullying with teasing, there are very different things. One can ignore teasing, it is far more difficult to ignore getting punched in the face.

 

[ValleyGal]

Keith, bullying is about more than getting punched in the face, too. It's becoming a well-known reality that there is cyber-bullying. Teasing is often about provoking with petty and persistent distractions, where bullying conveys contempt by an over-bearing person or group who badger and intimidate the powerless, smaller, weaker, etc. While teasing is an annoyance, it does not rise to the level of power imbalance. Teasing can lead to low self esteem and high self consciousness; bullying can lead to the more extreme anxiety disorders or depression, and even to suicide. Imo, if teasing is not addressed, it can (but not always) turn into bullying. Bullying can include psychological methods as well as physical.

 

[kevinmaynard]

I don't think violence is the answer. I also don't think plastic surgery us the answer. I think a healthy sense of self goes a long way in dealing with bullying. Bullies tend to have a very poor self image and tend to prey on other physically weaker people with poor self image. Thus helping kids to develop a healthy self image addresses bullying on both fronts. Cosmetic changes do not improve self image.

Sure cosmetic changes improve self image. That is why they are so popular. There are other ways to deal with self image as well, but just saying to someone just feel better about yourself isn't much of a real help to someone getting bullied.

 

[kevinmaynard]

My experience was the it was physically weaker and mentally better people who got bullied.

Weaker is almost a given as there are problems really bullying someone who can tear you head off. Though there are exceptions. Numbers can make a difference.

I find it disturbing that people confuse bullying with teasing, there are very different things. One can ignore teasing, it is far more difficult to ignore getting punched in the face.

Teasing is a form of bullying.

 

[keith99]

Keith, bullying is about more than getting punched in the face, too. It's becoming a well-known reality that there is cyber-bullying. Teasing is often about provoking with petty and persistent distractions, where bullying conveys contempt by an over-bearing person or group who badger and intimidate the powerless, smaller, weaker, etc. While teasing is an annoyance, it does not rise to the level of power imbalance. Teasing can lead to low self esteem and high self consciousness; bullying can lead to the more extreme anxiety disorders or depression, and even to suicide. Imo, if teasing is not addressed, it can (but not always) turn into bullying. Bullying can include psychological methods as well as physical.

Excellent point related to the power imbalance. And I agree things that get dismissed as teasing can rise to the level of bullying. But it seems ot me that much of the time it is the compliment of this that happens. Simple teasing is treated as bullying and thereby dilutes the meaning and causes real bullying to get ignored or minimized.