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Child Support

HisW0rd

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If you had a very bad experience with someone and you know that if they come back into your life they will only cause confusion and pain...would you still sue them for child support and would you tell your child about the abusive father...but of course good things about him?

Would you give your first child his/her father last name?
 

Lucis

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If you had a very bad experience with someone and you know that if they come back into your life they will only cause confusion and pain...would you still sue them for child support and would you tell your child about the abusive father...but of course good things about him?
I guess it would be best to be truthfully, but in a good way. If you got children that needs child support and the father has money, then he should pay. Where I live it is illegal to not pay.

Would you give your first child his/her father last name?
I would say that would be a desiccation discussed with those involved
 
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white dove

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If you had a very bad experience with someone and you know that if they come back into your life they will only cause confusion and pain...would you still sue them for child support and would you tell your child about the abusive father...but of course good things about him?

Would you give your first child his/her father last name?

To the last one, [heck] no. Absolutely not. If you became married to the man and after a few years or so, after you see how he really is around your family (of course after careful consideration before the wedding), then that is up to you to change it (it's only about $1,000 to change a name this way).


If my baby's biological father was abusive, I would probably not tell him or her until an appropriate time. I would really investigate/seek support on when would be a good time. It depends on the circumstances though. If there is a restraining order involved or some really heavy violence toward you or the children, I would do anything to protect them. Moving might be involved. It really depends.

I don't think everyone should always get the benefit of the doubt, especially where abuse is concerned. Forgiveness can be granted (if that is something that can be done at this point), but that does not mean he deserves a spot in you and your children's lives. He'd had to prove that he's changed. And I'm talking years. YEARS of therapy. YEARS of holding down a steady job (anger issues can be felt at work). YEARS of taking things slow and not automatically wanting to fly into you and your children's lives.


When it comes to child support, is he listed as the father on each birth certificate? If so, depending on your state I would imagine, he might just have to pay child support. But, if he pays child support (again depending where you live), he might be legally allowed to see the children. I would see a lawyer about your rights.
 
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HisW0rd

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See the thing is, this is my first child and my last, I never wanted to have children but I thought because I couldnt conceive any. I don't want to see the father regardless if he became saved or not. There is nothing he could do to convince me that he has change. This man worships Satan and he told me this...(of course after I conceived.) If it were up to me I wouldnt give my son his last name or mention anything about him. Its just if or when that time comes, I wouldnt know what to say about him other than what he did or do for a living...that is pretty much it.
 
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Im_A

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If you had a very bad experience with someone and you know that if they come back into your life they will only cause confusion and pain...would you still sue them for child support and would you tell your child about the abusive father...but of course good things about him?

Would you give your first child his/her father last name?
The name part would depend on if the child already carries the legal surname already.

Yes, I think child support should be sought after. No matter what the man has done, that man should still be held responsible to pay child support to raise the child.
 
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Cute Tink

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Does he know about the child?

If he does, is he likely to sue you over custody at some point?

You should consult with a family law attorney soon to discuss your rights, his rights and the possible consequences of any action you might take.
 
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Keri

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If you had a very bad experience with someone and you know that if they come back into your life they will only cause confusion and pain...would you still sue them for child support and would you tell your child about the abusive father...but of course good things about him?

Would you give your first child his/her father last name?
Only if I was abandoned by him, and he was not a positive influence on the child's or I's life.... I would not list him as the father on the birth certficate and I would not demand child support.

I would try my best to surround my child with positive male influences, my father, brothers, etc. I would also raise my child so he/she would know that God is her/his Father first. :)
 
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white dove

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See the thing is, this is my first child and my last, I never wanted to have children but I thought because I couldnt conceive any. I don't want to see the father regardless if he became saved or not. There is nothing he could do to convince me that he has change. This man worships Satan and he told me this...(of course after I conceived.) If it were up to me I wouldnt give my son his last name or mention anything about him. Its just if or when that time comes, I wouldnt know what to say about him other than what he did or do for a living...that is pretty much it.

How would it "not be up to you?" As the mother, it is your choice. Have you given birth, yet? When you give birth, the baby will automatically have your last name if you are a single mom. There are no bones about it. If YOU decide for the baby to carry his last name, that is your choice. (A choice I would not make, but this is YOURS, not mine)

I would seek out legal advice from a lawyer and support from single mothers who can help if they've been there or are in the same situation.
 
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Stravinsk

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See the thing is, this is my first child and my last, I never wanted to have children but I thought because I couldnt conceive any. I don't want to see the father regardless if he became saved or not. There is nothing he could do to convince me that he has change. This man worships Satan and he told me this...(of course after I conceived.) If it were up to me I wouldnt give my son his last name or mention anything about him. Its just if or when that time comes, I wouldnt know what to say about him other than what he did or do for a living...that is pretty much it.

Ugh ugh ugh.

I think that if you try to get $$ support from him on a regular basis - there is a very good chance he's going to be in your life in some way (or will try to be if he's not legally allowed to).
 
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ProAntiRevolution

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If you establish paternity he will be given visitation rights. Probably (depending on the age of the child) supervised visits at first, and then working up to the standard EOW and a few weeks during the summer/holiday visits. If you really believe there's an issue of not being safe then you should probably leave it alone. Because the reality is going to the family court for child support and thinking that claims of abuse are enough to prevent visitation will more than likely back fire on you.

It will also have other consequences: after the support/visitation orders are established you will not be able to relocate the minor child without the court's permission, dad will get joint legal custody meaning you are no longer allowed to make important deicisions regarding the minor on your own, and so on.
 
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Blank123

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Ugh ugh ugh.

I think that if you try to get $$ support from him on a regular basis - there is a very good chance he's going to be in your life in some way (or will try to be if he's not legally allowed to).


this was kinda my thought too. If he is not someone you want in your life or your child's life then I would try to find any other possible way to raise the baby without resorting to taking his money.

also I'm not sure why you think you have to give your child his last name? You're not married to him, right? The baby could just take your last name.
 
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HisW0rd

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Does he know about the child?

If he does, is he likely to sue you over custody at some point?

You should consult with a family law attorney soon to discuss your rights, his rights and the possible consequences of any action you might take.

He dont want the baby so I doubt this would happen and I am more suitable parent too...so if it ever happens he will lose custody. I know his lifestyle and the people he is around. I truly doubt it
 
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HisW0rd

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Only if I was abandoned by him, and he was not a positive influence on the child's or I's life.... I would not list him as the father on the birth certficate and I would not demand child support.

I would try my best to surround my child with positive male influences, my father, brothers, etc. I would also raise my child so he/she would know that God is her/his Father first. :)


Agreed...I do not want my son around people who kill, sell drugs, and hurt others. I do not want my son around people who do drugs and do many other things. I dont want him around gang members and etc.

I dont want my son's father name on the birth certificate either
 
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BRISH

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He dont want the baby so I doubt this would happen and I am more suitable parent too...so if it ever happens he will lose custody. I know his lifestyle and the people he is around. I truly doubt it

People change their minds when money is involved. Child support gets ordered, then custody/visitation is ordered on the same form at the same time. It would take time and money after that to go to court and then try to prove him unfit. GAL will evaluate both of you during this. All the while he will have visitation rights. The court will wonder why you were only then at that point, bringing up "these concerns". There is more involved in gaining/hindering custody then just accusations. You will have to prove it. I am not AT ALL saying that you are not telling the truth, but I'm one of those also that will not support someone in tanking the other parent when there is only one side heard. It's a fair thing, nothing to be taken personally. Truly. There are alot of reprocussions involved for almost every decision you make when it comes to a parent and their natural born right to their child. We haven't even delved into the child's rights to know the parent's family.

Consult a lawyer.

On a personal note:

Keep this about the child and their best interests...now and longterm... Whatever that may be. It's no longer about you nor his father.

Praying for all involved
 
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Inkachu

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His - that was my exact situation when my son was born. My ex was someone I wanted nothing to do with, and I didn't want him around my son, either. Thankfully, he walked away and has never put forth any real effort to be in our lives again. As for the child support, it's my PERSONAL belief, that if someone is not in your lives, you don't have the ethical right to take their money. If the guy is helping raise his child, then he should be helping support the child. I went to court when my son was 4 years old and had the child support order, and the arrears, dismissed. I wanted nothing from my ex, I wanted no ties to him, and I didn't want HIM to have any claim over my son by saying "Well I paid the money, you owe me visitation", or something like that.

I know that not everyone feels that way, and that's fine, I'm not here to argue my stance. But I have been through it, and that's the conclusion I've come to. The way some women and some courts will just relentlessly pursue these absentee dads and suck all they can out of their bank accounts is nothing short of selfish greed, IMHO. I actually had the court mediator try to persuade me to keep chasing my ex, making it sound like it would be fun to take all his money and 'get back' at him; I was disgusted. And my brother, who is now married with a baby girl and living right, is in danger of losing his house and all he has because his ex is suing him for back support, even though he sends her money as often as he can.

I did NOT give my son my ex's last name, because I knew he wouldn't stick around, and I wasn't going to saddle him with that loser's name.

I've told my son about my ex a few times (never anything bad), but he's never been interested in talking about it, and he forgets about it soon after and doesn't bring it up again. His life is full of love and security and happiness, so he's not feeling any absence.

Revenge is never the right thing to do. God can take care of those of us who have been abandoned without us having to go that route.
 
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Stravinsk

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His - that was my exact situation when my son was born. My ex was someone I wanted nothing to do with, and I didn't want him around my son, either. Thankfully, he walked away and has never put forth any real effort to be in our lives again. As for the child support, it's my PERSONAL belief, that if someone is not in your lives, you don't have the ethical right to take their money. If the guy is helping raise his child, then he should be helping support the child. I went to court when my son was 4 years old and had the child support order, and the arrears, dismissed. I wanted nothing from my ex, I wanted no ties to him, and I didn't want HIM to have any claim over my son by saying "Well I paid the money, you owe me visitation", or something like that.

I know that not everyone feels that way, and that's fine, I'm not here to argue my stance. But I have been through it, and that's the conclusion I've come to. The way some women and some courts will just relentlessly pursue these absentee dads and suck all they can out of their bank accounts is nothing short of selfish greed, IMHO. I actually had the court mediator try to persuade me to keep chasing my ex, making it sound like it would be fun to take all his money and 'get back' at him; I was disgusted. And my brother, who is now married with a baby girl and living right, is in danger of losing his house and all he has because his ex is suing him for back support, even though he sends her money as often as he can.

...
(snipped)
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Revenge is never the right thing to do. God can take care of those of us who have been abandoned without us having to go that route.

Your respect bank has just received a deposit. Nice post.
 
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BRISH

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I know that not everyone feels that way, and that's fine, I'm not here to argue my stance. But I have been through it, and that's the conclusion I've come to. The way some women and some courts will just relentlessly pursue these absentee dads and suck all they can out of their bank accounts is nothing short of selfish greed, IMHO. I actually had the court mediator try to persuade me to keep chasing my ex, making it sound like it would be fun to take all his money and 'get back' at him; I was disgusted. And my brother, who is now married with a baby girl and living right, is in danger of losing his house and all he has because his ex is suing him for back support, even though he sends her money as often as he can.

His life is full of love and security and happiness, so he's not feeling any absence.

Revenge is never the right thing to do. God can take care of those of us who have been abandoned without us having to go that route.

My father was in your brother's shoes. My ex, like yours. I've experienced both sides of this, and I could not agree with you more other than....WELL SAID, and thank you for standing up for what's right.
 
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ProAntiRevolution

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The iron clad reality is once paternity is established dad has black letter parental rights. Even if he doesn't exercise them at first any time he wants it he can go to court and get a visitation order. He might have to deal with supervised visits for a while, but in the long term he will get at least the standard order. If he continues to exercise his rights there's no reason he couldn't expect to get even more custody time down the road.

Proving a parent unfit is VERY difficult to legaly do. More often than not you couldn't even start until something has actually happened to the minor child. What you think may happen in theory is legally meaningless.
 
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