Child Support

[HisW0rd]

Ugh ugh ugh.

I think that if you try to get $$ support from him on a regular basis - there is a very good chance he's going to be in your life in some way (or will try to be if he's not legally allowed to).

He won't come back....

 

[HisW0rd]

The iron clad reality is once paternity is established dad has black letter parental rights. Even if he doesn't exercise them at first any time he wants it he can go to court and get a visitation order. He might have to deal with supervised visits for a while, but in the long term he will get at least the standard order. If he continues to exercise his rights there's no reason he couldn't expect to get even more custody time down the road.

Proving a parent unfit is VERY difficult to legaly do. More often than not you couldn't even start until something has actually happened to the minor child. What you think may happen in theory is legally meaningless.

He wouldnt do that because he doesnt want the responsibility...that is the least of my concerns...and if he tries to come back it wouldnt be for his son...it will be because of me so supervised visit will be a must. I believe once he realize he cant control me by using our son...he will leave.

If he does get custody all I can do is trust that God will be with him but I doubt the father would do that because he loves the party life and sleeping around with multiple women, getting high, robbing people, and etc. He can't do that with a child unless he would put him off on someone else.

 

[HisW0rd]

His - that was my exact situation when my son was born. My ex was someone I wanted nothing to do with, and I didn't want him around my son, either. Thankfully, he walked away and has never put forth any real effort to be in our lives again. As for the child support, it's my PERSONAL belief, that if someone is not in your lives, you don't have the ethical right to take their money. If the guy is helping raise his child, then he should be helping support the child. I went to court when my son was 4 years old and had the child support order, and the arrears, dismissed. I wanted nothing from my ex, I wanted no ties to him, and I didn't want HIM to have any claim over my son by saying "Well I paid the money, you owe me visitation", or something like that.

I know that not everyone feels that way, and that's fine, I'm not here to argue my stance. But I have been through it, and that's the conclusion I've come to. The way some women and some courts will just relentlessly pursue these absentee dads and suck all they can out of their bank accounts is nothing short of selfish greed, IMHO. I actually had the court mediator try to persuade me to keep chasing my ex, making it sound like it would be fun to take all his money and 'get back' at him; I was disgusted. And my brother, who is now married with a baby girl and living right, is in danger of losing his house and all he has because his ex is suing him for back support, even though he sends her money as often as he can.

I did NOT give my son my ex's last name, because I knew he wouldn't stick around, and I wasn't going to saddle him with that loser's name.

I've told my son about my ex a few times (never anything bad), but he's never been interested in talking about it, and he forgets about it soon after and doesn't bring it up again. His life is full of love and security and happiness, so he's not feeling any absence.

Revenge is never the right thing to do. God can take care of those of us who have been abandoned without us having to go that route.

Thank you because when I was 3 months pregnant I kept asking the Lord to show me if I should be in contact with him. I was trying to be his friend and etc but the way he acted, like he owned me and would try to take my body when I saw him and etc...I just didn't want to be in that hell again.

So when he finally realized I didn't want to be with him I haven't seen him since. The last time I saw him a friend of his called me and told me to leave him alone and explained to me why. I burst into tears because everything I kept feeling in the Spirit his friend said it.

One time I called my great uncle who is my best friend. As soon as he heard my voice he told me over and over again...do not take a dime from that man and he said if I did he would try to control me. I love my great unc, he is so filled with the Spirit, I barely told him anything about the father and he knew he wasn't right.

So I think I am just going to stop feeling sorry for the father and just move one and consider this my blessing. I am going to give him my last name and he wont be on the birth certificate and I will never ask him for anything.

I don't even want him to know when his son is born and his name.

One thing I definitely didn't like about him is when he told me he would kill Christians if the government paid him enough...with nothing in his eyes like it was normal for him to kill. After that I realized that God can only save this man and me loving him and trying to be there for him would destroy me and our child. Thanks for all the replies

I pray for him so that is all I know to do and I will love him always...just feel sad for his soul sometimes

 

[Inkachu]

I think you're doing the right thing, His. A lot of single parents seem to think they just can't make it if they don't have someone in their life, but they can. God is husband to the widow (or the abandoned single mom, IMHO) and father to the orphan (or the abandoned child). He knows all your needs and your child's needs, and He'll never leave you. He can provide loving friends and Christian support for you and your child, and with hard work and selfless determination, you can do it!

 

[ProAntiRevolution]

He wouldnt do that because he doesnt want the responsibility...that is the least of my concerns...and if he tries to come back it wouldnt be for his son...it will be because of me so supervised visit will be a must. I believe once he realize he cant control me by using our son...he will leave.

You're in for some sobbering realities once you get into the family court system. Dad very much will be able to use the child to control you, and to make your life difficult. If he's feeling vengeful he can file motion after motion with the court. If he bothers reading a few law books and some proceedure material he could cost you more in legal fees than you'll be getting in child support. Not to mention that very real reality that once in the FC system judges will dictate a huge part of your life to you. Life in the family court system is an experience in government intrusion into your life very much like people living in the USSR would have experienced. The courts will decide where you live, what kind of job you have to have through wage imputation, make medical decisions for your child, decide what school he/she can go to, what kinds of sports and activities he/she can or can't do, and a host of other things.
What people want changes, who really knows what dad is going to want in 3 years, in 5 year, in 10 years. Not to mention that if dad doesn't want to pay child support no one can make him. Enforcement actions will not secure payment if dad is committed to not paying. A court order is just paper after all. Whether it's child support, or other judgements, thousands of Americans have court awards against other people and end up collecting nothing, or very little.

 

[overit]

I mean...Hisword...how can you think of putting his name on the birth certificate...or csupport...or being his friend-or staying in touch..

Didn't this man kidnap and rape you for 3 days??? And if he kills people, a dope user, and a satan worshiper why would you want to be in touch w/him at all. Keep your kid safe...and please go to some counseling asap.