child support

[fulltime]

I have been paying my wife child support now for 6 months,making a van payment for her,my son and her auto insurance, and her club dues. After consulting an antorney I found out that I was paying her 70% of my income. That I should cut it back. So I did and she flipped out. I have 2 kids 16(son) and 13(daughter). My son now wants to move in the apartment that I am renting to get away from my wife.My wife home schools my son who is already taking 3 college courses and will graduate 1 year early. After my son wanted to move in with me, my wife said that she would no longer home school him if he does not live in the same house as her and my daughter. That I would have to finish home schooling him.After saying that then she said that she was going to file for a divorce. My son feels taken advantage of by her and tried to tell her that, but she will not listen to him and wants to be in control of him. Is it just me or is my trying control everything ?

 

[Gimpy]

I would agree with your cutting back on the support, I think. You do need to live also, and if the children are in need, you may always purchase food, clothes, etc seperately.
As far as you son though. Remember, he is a teenager, no matter how smart he may be. He may be thinking he will be able to do whatever he wants if he is living with you. People, children in particular tend to believe the grass is greener on the other side and while in this case, it may be, if you dont have the ability due to time to home school him, if that is your preference, let him know that, if it is your wish, he can move in with you when he finishes school.
Anyway, that would be my opinion from the outside.

 

[fulltime]

Thankyou for your opion on this matter. I will never let my son talk back about his mom. I also have decided for the best interest of my son, my wife will home school until he graduates highschool.Then he can move in with me. I will have rules and guildlines that he will have to abide by.

 

[tryingtobeagain]

I agree that you should follow the child support guidelines and thats it... 70% is too much. I also liked your idea of getting him to stay home with his mom until he graduates high school. She seems to be doing a great job at home schooling him. Pray about it and know that you are doing the right thing by securing yourself as well as paying the guidelines.

 

[fulltime]

My wife is trying not only by herself but, using close family friends to wear down my son to not spend time with me. Tonight requested him 4 days and I could have him three days.My wife is forgetting that I have not spent anytime with my daughter. My wife says that I should respect my daughters boundries and let her come to me.This is getting so frustrating.

 

[tryingtobeagain]

I agree that you should respect your daughter's boundaries but you should talk to her. Make sure she knows how much you want to see her and t hat yo love her and are there for her. If she dosen't want to come over then don't force because she's at an age that she'll hold more resentment for having to do something she dosen't want to. She should know that she will have to spend time with you and then she should be able to likk forward to doing special father-daughter activities with you. I'll pray for your situation.

 

[c1ners]

My wife is trying not only by herself but, using close family friends to wear down my son to not spend time with me. Tonight requested him 4 days and I could have him three days.My wife is forgetting that I have not spent anytime with my daughter. My wife says that I should respect my daughters boundries and let her come to me.This is getting so frustrating.

That's just not fair. You are her father, and she is the child. Since when do we allow children to make the rules? That makes me very angry. It's what people are doing with me and my daughter, and not fair. So what if she doesn't want to talk to you, You want to talk to her! Doesn't that count for anything? I just don't udnerstand.

 

[tryingtobeagain]

I can understand your frustration C1ners. I deal with a very different situation where my daughter's father was abusive and lacks the ability to form emotional bonds. Right now she is 3 and her needs are met (most of the time) but I understand that his wanting visitation with her is about having power over me. He pickes her up and drops her with his parents who are in their 70's and having difficulty getting around. My daughter expresses now that she dosen't wnat to go with him and due to the court system I have to force her to go. I can't wait until the day she is old enough to clearly tell the court why she dosen't want to go with him and at that time I will not force her to. I am raising her to be confident and honest in her reasoning and I know that she understands her instincts to stay with me. I believe in having a respectful understanding with my dd and if she has valid reasons for not wanting to go with her father I want her to feel validated, and respected. I don't believe in forcing her to have a relationship with someone who only wants a public relationship with her. This will only teach her that dating a man who abuses you in private is ok. I left her father because I wanted her to have a strong female role model and also because I want her to understand real love and that she deserves real love. Too often we ignore our children's wishes out of respect for someone other than our children. I refuse to do that.

Now, in regard to the OP, I do not know the family situation and if it is just that the mom is being unreasonable ( and sadly it is the case sometimes) then the daughter should understand that she will have to spend time with her dad. A gradual transition may work best.

I can only speak for my personal situation and what I want for my daughter. I am classified as a "hip-hop feminist" and I hope not to offend anyone with my views. I truly pray that all of us who are unfortunately in this position to deal with such things will get through it and that all of us have happy, healthy, loving relationships with our children.

 

[If Not For Grace]

Since when do we allow children to make the rules? That makes me very angry.

Really-Options in when I see my parents? There would be set visitation if you were divorced complete with pick up times, holiday rotations, etc. You are Still "married", and the daughter dictates her wants--the isolation will only drive you further apart. People tend not to work out their differences from apart, This includes your wife and children. Get a schedule--if wife is not co-operative get an attorney. Children need both parents.

 

[fulltime]

I just paid for my daughters braces today. She did call me and thank me. I do not talk to her very often and I try to respect her boundries. So I am just waiting for her to come to me. I could file a court order and require her to spend time with me. I do think that it is a very wise choice. I do not want to force myself on her. I am trying to be patient. It may take a little while, but I think that she will want to spend time with me in the future.

 

[tryingtobeagain]

Make sure you let her know that you want to spend time wiht her but you are respecting her boundaries so that she dosen't get the idea that you don't want to spend time with her. I pray things get better for you.

 

[Autumnleaf]

I have been paying my wife child support now for 6 months,making a van payment for her,my son and her auto insurance, and her club dues. After consulting an antorney I found out that I was paying her 70% of my income. That I should cut it back. So I did and she flipped out. I have 2 kids 16(son) and 13(daughter). My son now wants to move in the apartment that I am renting to get away from my wife.My wife home schools my son who is already taking 3 college courses and will graduate 1 year early. After my son wanted to move in with me, my wife said that she would no longer home school him if he does not live in the same house as her and my daughter. That I would have to finish home schooling him.After saying that then she said that she was going to file for a divorce. My son feels taken advantage of by her and tried to tell her that, but she will not listen to him and wants to be in control of him. Is it just me or is my trying control everything ?

I suspect you should have cut back a long time ago.